


Unlearning the Past

by LazyPerfectionist



Category: Hunter X Hunter
Genre: Character Study, Control Issues, Denial of Feelings, Drama, Dubious Consent, Dysfunctional Relationships, F/M, Family Drama, Implied/Referenced Abuse, Love Triangles, Marriage of Convenience, Sexual Content, Slow Build, Slow Romance, Soft illumi?, Spoilers
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-14
Updated: 2020-11-08
Packaged: 2021-03-01 16:53:43
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 45
Words: 90,189
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23640382
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LazyPerfectionist/pseuds/LazyPerfectionist
Summary: Illumi Zoldyck has feelings for others that are very few and far between. However, a routine mission goes awry and for once in his life, he might have made the deadly mistake of letting his target get into his head. This is the story of how a chance encounter leads Illumi Zoldyck, once the heir presumptive of the Zoldyck line of assassins, to question the value of emotions, relationships and whether or not the pain of companionship is worth it.
Relationships: Hisoka (Hunter x Hunter)/Original Female Character(s), Hisoka (Hunter x Hunter)/Reader, Illumi Zoldyck/Original Female Character(s), Illumi Zoldyck/Reader
Comments: 611
Kudos: 648





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I don't own HunterxHunter or any characters, obv but I wish I could even compare to Togashi's mind (!!!) We stan!!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi everyone!! I just started watching HxH this weekend and I have aggressively fallen in love with Illumi and the Zoldyck family, so here is this fic about our favorite psychopath! Please comment and like if you enjoy!!

The shrill whistle of a kettle pierces the still air.

A young woman rises from a rickety wooden chair that squeaks as she pushes her seat back, and pours hot water into a chipped mug to make tea. She takes a sip, then adds a couple drops of honey before returning to her seat.

The kitchen she sits in is small and dimly lit by a bare light bulb hanging overhead, under which she reads a time-worn paperback novel. Ironically, it is a romance novel, as if she forgot how her very own romance ended.

She tucks her bare feet under her and continues to sip tea. In her novel, the lovers have just met, unaware of who they will become to each other. She flips page after page, her eyes consuming the book ravenously. It’s not like she has much else to do except read these days, now that she is in hiding after running from Yorknew City. She’s used to the quiet loneliness by now; it’s better than the alternative.

She hears the rumbling of thunder and the crack of lightning, and in almost an instant it sounds like it has started pouring outside. The roof of her upstairs apartment is faulty and subject to leaks, and so she sets her rusty buckets under the cracks in the ceiling that will drip come morning. It is now late and she decides to retire for the night, and carries her tea and her novel to her room.

She pushes open the door with a strike of her hip but as she stumbles forward, her body slams into what feels like a brick wall and she is thrown back to the floor. Her mug crashes to the ground and shatters.

“What the fuck just happened?” She mutters to herself out loud before she looks up in confusion, then shock, at the man who looks every bit like a ghost standing before her.

He is tall and wiry, with impossibly dark and sleek hair that hangs like a curtain around his face. His face is pale with impeccably smooth-appearing skin, but the most striking and terrifying thing about him are his completely black, large, expressionless eyes. He resembles something otherworldly as he stands there, motionless, his eyes fixated on the young woman before him. 

Her mouth hangs open and begins to quiver as a feeling of pure terror begins to enter the pit of her stomach. She cannot find the words to speak, but she is terrified.

He continues to stare intensely, then hunches down to face her eye-to-eye. Tears are running down her cheeks and she is shaking. His gaze is so heavy, and something emanating from him feels like dread, pure dread. As he watches her, to the woman quaking in fear, it appears that even the whites of his incredibly dark eyes are beginning to disappear. Looking into his eyes is like staring directly into the abyss. She lets out a faint whimper. 

The young woman decides nothing could be worse than this very moment. No matter how many times she had endured unpredictable violence from the hands of a man who claimed to love her, she still had never felt a true, genuine fear like she felt right now.

The man-ghost’s voice is neutral, almost soft as he finally speaks.

“What exactly did you do to get such a heavy ransom on your head?”

* * *

_ A ransom? A ransom on my head? _

Her blood began to run as cold as ice in her veins, but she suddenly had a voice. She immediately understood what was going on, and her anger at the whole ordeal finally emboldened her enough to find her voice.

“He sent you, didn’t he?” She said, her voice still quivering more than she expected as it came out. 

The man tilted his head to the side and crossed his arms, resting them on his knees. This was longer than he usually let his targets speak before he killed them but for once, he was actually quite curious. It wasn’t often that people paid such an exorbitant price to take out a single person, and this woman looked somehow even more than harmless. He would even venture to say she looked even more innocent than the average person he encountered in his daily life.

He scanned her up and down and noticed nothing of interest, just an aura that was completely unremarkable. While some seasoned and particularly dangerous Nen users could conceal their auras, he was a professional, and he knew for sure that this particular woman was not hiding any dangerous ability. 

He didn’t understand. From the looks of their surroundings, this woman was unlikely to have any money or connections. He could admit that she was striking, with a complexion the color of milk chocolate, a small mouth with full, red lips, large brown eyes and dark curly hair spilling from atop of the scarf wrapped around her head. Regardless, he didn’t particularly care for beautiful women and in this business, such women were kidnapped for the pleasure of the client and tortured by the client themselves. In this case, he had gotten clear instructions instead to kill her as slowly and painfully as humanly possible, which he initially thought of as a waste of his time in all honesty. However, given the exorbitant sum he had received for the extra trouble, he begrudgingly accepted the job.

He still felt that sending a Zoldyck, Illumi Zoldyck of all people, to torture this woman was a bit of overkill. This would be boring.

“How long did it take you to find me?” She asked again. Illumi showed two fingers wordlessly.

“Two days?” she repeated, incredulously.

“Two hours.”

She felt as if she were being pierced in the stomach, although this man, who was clearly an assassin, had barely touched her yet. It was that easy for her to be hunted down, she realized. She sat up and grit her teeth, her tears hitting the cold, wooden floor.

Illumi was starting to get bored again, and reached for one of the many needles on his green jacket.

She looked up at him again and this time, held her gaze hard and firmly. Illumi had an air of indifference, but inside something stirred. This woman was bold. 

“Your client is a violent piece of shit,” she said.

Illumi shrugged. “Most of my clients are. It appears that so am I.”

“Your client beat me every single day the moment I moved in with him.” She stifled a sob. “All I did was run away to protect myself, he’s the one who deserves to die.”

“I don’t care.” Illumi responded flatly, as he stood up, finally deciding that he would pass on getting the background story. He looked around the room to find an appropriate location to begin the torture session. He eyed the rickety bed she slept in then looked back at her.

Her eyes widened and she attempted to make a run for it as a last ditch effort but before she could make it even upright, he had already flung her over his shoulder and slammed her down onto her own bed so hard that she bounced once on the metal slats. 

She cried out in pain as she felt the impact sear through her body. 

_ It’s just getting started,  _ Illumi thought. Something stirred inside him again, but he kept it deep down.

He straddled her so that she couldn’t move and stuck a Nen needle in between her clavicles, and she felt the rest of her body go limp but her mind remained as active as ever.

“Please.. Please!!! Let me go!!” She screamed, her head moving wildly in contrast to the rest of her body that lay completely still. 

“Stop screaming.” He said, calmly. “The specific request was to have to torture you as slowly as possible. I’ve instead decided to be benevolent and give you terror without pain. If you keep screaming, you’ll annoy me and I might resort to some more drastic methods.”

She only began to scream louder. Illumi, in response, pulled out another Nen needle.

“If you are not quiet, I’ll have to paralyze your facial muscles too, and I am trying very hard already to be kind.”

She bit her own lip and closed her eyes, letting out soft sobs.

“All I did was run.”

Illumi’s first needle went into her right foot and she screamed in pain as a searing, burning pain replaced the numb sensation and traveled up her entire right leg.

“All I did was refuse to be treated like garbage.”

A second needle was inserted into her left foot and she reeled, tears streaming faster and faster.

“Do you even know what it’s like to be trapped by your family’s expectations of you?! To never have your own say?! To be severely punished by those who are meant to protect you any time you think for yourself?!”

She was now delirious from pain, her words almost garbled as she spoke. Illumi paused. This monologue felt surprisingly familiar to him, but he couldn’t put his finger on why. He continued to fix her eyes on her, blankly. While all her blithering and crying was annoying and he wished he could just rip her heart out and be done with it, her conviction was impressive.

“What’s your name?” He inquired.

“Will you let me go if I tell you?”

“No.”

A short pause ensued before she spoke. She remembered reading sometime in her youth that if you ever ran into a murderer, to offer as much humanizing info as possible. It didn’t hurt to try.

“Mya... Mya Kuracanto.”

That name didn’t ring familiar to Illumi. He stuck yet another needle into her right palm and she bit her lip so hard she drew blood.

“W-What is your name?” She asked, breathlessly, through gritted teeth.

_ An interesting time to try to hold a conversation,  _ he thought, with amusement. Her brown skin was so ashen right now that he thought she was going to pass out any time soon.

“Illumi Zoldyck.”

Her eyes grew wide and he jammed another needle in her left palm. She winced again, but did not cry out this time. Instead, she let out a strained chuckle.

Illumi was oddly unsettled by her laughter. “What amuses you?” He asked.

“It’s just that… He always said he’d hire one of you guys to kill me if I ever crossed him.”

“Interesting.”

Mya turned her head and let out a cough before smiling weakly into the face of her attacker.

“He told me he could buy any person or any service with his money.” 

“Is that so?” 

Something inside Illumi snapped, and he suddenly recalled all five needles through Mya’s body and caught them in his hand. Mya felt the strength come back into her limbs but she was too afraid to move. After the leaden feeling dissipated, the sharp, stabbing pain of the needles at all five points returned and she felt sick to her stomach. Illumi rolled off the bed and patted himself down. 

“You get to live.”

With that, Illumi Zoldyck then vanished into thin air. Mya threw herself over the edge of the bed to vomit profusely. The second she was done, sheer emotional exhaustion won out against pain and she fell asleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And we're off!


	2. Chapter 2

Illumi Zoldyck, the eldest of a family of elite assassins, ran his hands through his jet-black hair as he contemplated his next move, now a couple miles away from where he left his target shaken to her very core. He had never left a target alive before; most people he had met in his lifetime had not seen his face and lived to tell the story. But she… Somehow, she had struck a nerve, both with the talk of unbearable obligation to family and the idea that he was someone to be bought and sold. 

He made others do his bidding, not the other way around. He’d do her a favor, not for her own sake but for his own satisfaction.

He took a deep breath and burst off running, full speed into the night.

* * *

“Mimi! Mimi, wait up!”

Mya overheard the voice of her only friend Karie through the sounds of the bustling marketplace and turned with a small smile. Karie sped up and interlocked fingers with her. Her cheeks were flushed from running, making the petite blonde look even more doll-like than usual. 

“You missed my call this morning! I was so worried!” Karie exclaimed as the two began to walk through the open market, elbows linked.

“Sorry, I must have still been sleeping,” Mya lied. She, of course, had not slept a wink since that fateful night about a week ago. She’d deadbolted all the doors in her apartment and quickly boarded up her bedroom window in a paranoia. In fact, ths was the first time she’d ventured into the sun in several days, but she’d finally run out of food. She wondered if the cheap foundation she’d hastily smeared on her face was enough to cover up the dark circles she was developing. 

“I know you haven’t been feeling well lately, are you okay?” Karie said, resting her head on her friend’s shoulder.

_ As okay as someone who has looked actual death in the face can be _ … she thought. Mya still had no idea why the Zoldyck had spared her, and if he would ever come back. She didn’t think he would, but she also didn’t think she could stop him if he did return to finish the job. All of these extra precautions she was taking were for nothing more than her own peace of mind. Even the act of glancing over her shoulder in case she was being followed was meaningless. 

Mya and Karie arrived at a modest fruit stand, tended by an old lady. 

“Good afternoon, obachan!” Karie said, cheerily. 

“Oh, welcome!” The old lady replied, matching Karie’s energy as she turned around from where she was transferring the most presentable produce from a supply crate to the display. She looked up with a smile until her gaze lowered on Mya’s face and her mouth opened wide with shock and then excitement.

“Miss! Oh goodness!” She turned and nudged the younger, but still approximately middle-aged man in the stall beside her fanning a flame over which he was roasting skewered meat.

“Satoshi, doesn’t she look just like that lady in the newspaper?” she said, pointing straight to Mya. “Aiyaaa, go find it!” The old lady clasped her hands together, as Karie and Mya exchanged looks. Karie went ahead to select a few persimmons to place in her grocery bag while Mya continued to watch the woman rummage through her things.

“This one!” she said, thrusting it in her face. Mya backed up a couple of steps, then grabbed the newspaper. To her surprise, there _ was _ actually a picture of her, in her wedding dress, in the lower right corner of the front page of the newspaper, but what drew Mya’s attention even more was the newspaper headline in large print.

‘32-YEAR-OLD HEIR TO MILIARD FORTUNE FOUND DEAD IN $30 MILLION JENNY HOME’

_ He’s… he’s dead.  _ The blood seemed to drain from Mya’s face as the realization set in, and she suddenly felt an intense pain in her chest and sank to the ground. In mere moments, the whole world seemed to fade to black.

* * *

_ Illumi Zoldyck did this. He ended his life in exchange for yours. You wanted him dead, didn’t you? You got your wish. _

_ You murdered your dear husband, and didn’t even bother to get your hands dirty... _

“I didn’t ask him to kill him!” Mya screamed at the top of her lungs as she came to, before she shot straight up like a board.

“Mimi, please calm down, it’s okay!” Karie said, her eyes filling with nervous tears. Mya was breathing heavily, in a cold sweat, and hugged her knees to her chest. Mya was now in Karie’s home, sitting on Karie’s plush sofa, with her friend kneeling beside her. Another young man she did not quite recognize, was standing in the room with her, peering over small tea-frame glasses, a frown on his face.

“I didn’t send him there!” Mya said, sobbing. “I just… all I wanted was for the abuse to stop, I just wanted to be free!”

Karie looked at her friend in concern, unsure of what to do next. She shot a glance at the young man observing as if for help. Understanding her cue, the young man stepped forward and took a seat on the ground beside you.

“Hi, my name is Leorio. I was also at the market, and I helped Karie carry you back here. I’m a soon-to-be medical doctor and a professional Hunter.”

“Hunter?” Mya said, incredulously, wiping tears from her eyes. Leorio grinned in response. 

“You bet! Tell me what’s going on. I’m here to help!”

Karie gave Mya a meaningful look. She knew of her Mimi’s past but she did not understand why she would have such a strong reaction to her abuser’s death.

Mya, on the other hand, did not know exactly what to say. Did she want to spill out her secrets to this stranger? How did she know that this Leorio wasn’t another assassin sent to complete the job the Zoldyck assassin had failed to accomplish?

“Do you have the newspaper still?” She asked. Leorio pulled the newspaper out of his back pocket, and hesitating just for a moment, decided to hand it to her.

“You’re not allowed to pass out again.” Karie said, indignantly. Mya smiled weakly. 

“I won’t.”

She scanned the newspaper in silence, the two waiting patiently on her. Teiki Miliard, her husband of less than a year, had been found dead in his bedroom, his face deformed beyond recognition. A single, solitary needle, was found at the scene of the crime. She lightly grazed the picture of herself with her fingertips. The photo was from a time prior, the time where she had thought she’d be happier. 

23 years old... She had been sad on her wedding day, but knew if she acquiesced to Teiki’s demands, her family would be able to live comfortably and most importantly, safely. Now almost a year later, she was stretching an emergency fund after fleeing in the dead of night. She hadn’t been able to go back home for fear that they would send her back to her husband. She missed her family. 

“That really is you, isn’t it?” Leorio inquired.

“Yes.”

“And they think you died tragically in a car accident several weeks ago, before this happened.”

“Yes.”

“What’s the story behind that?” Leorio pressed.

Mya hugged her knees tighter. “It’s very complicated, but his goal was to make that story true as soon as possible after I disappeared.”

Karie let out an audible gasp. “Is that why you’ve been so… Oh, Mya!” She threw her hands around Mya.

“Karie, I know who killed him.” She looked up at Leorio, who was still listening intently, arms crossed.

“You’re a Hunter, right? Have you heard of the Zoldyck family?”   


Leorio gave her an exaggeratedly flustered look. Of course, he knew about them. He’d just been at Kukuroo Mountain and would rather not cross paths with any members of that family save for Killua. In fact, right now he should be hitting the premedical books. He nodded, warily. 

“Teiki-” She paused. Pronouncing his name after his death felt wrong, but she continued. “Teiki sent one of their assassins after me, Illumi Zoldyck. I met him last week.”

“And you lived?!”

“He spared me. I don’t know why.” She said, clenching her fists. “In fact, I don’t even know why I’m telling you all of this.”

_ How could he? _

“I told him Teiki is the one he should go after… and he just left. And now Teiki’s dead and it’s my fault!” Mya bawled.

Leorio looked at her in confusion.

“So let me understand this… You run away from your husband. He covers it up immediately, then sends an assassin after you, the best assassin he could afford, and once he arrives, you tell him to go kill his client, and he just leaves to do just that?”   


“I know it sounds ridiculous, but that is what happened.”

Leorio collapsed dramatically into a seat and crossed his arms. He let out a deep sigh.

“Well, if it’s truly Illumi Zoldyck who came after you, I don’t think I can help, unfortunately.” 

“What do you mean you can’t help? Aren’t you a Hunter?!” Karie said, furiously. Mya squeezed Karie’s hand to calm her down.

“I understand, Mr. Leorio.”

“But I don’t think you’re in danger anymore.” Leorio continued.  _ From what I’ve seen so far anyway… _

“How do you know?” Karie asked.

Leorio rose to his feet. “I’ve met up to two Zoldycks so far, including Illumi. If you’re alive now, I don’t expect you to see him again.”

“You look better now, miss.” He said. He rummaged into his pocket for a business card and handed it to her, grinning.

Mya looked down at the card.  _ Leorio Paladiknight.  _ A phone number was also noted.

“Later, ladies!” He stated, waving himself out. The door let a soft thud behind him.

“You can stay here tonight if you’re afraid to go home.” Karie said, in an abundance of concern. “I just wish you had told me about the assassination attempt.”

_ What is the best way to tell your friend that your ex-husband hired a hitman? _

“I’m sorry for not telling you.” Mya apologized. “Thank you for caring for me.”

* * *

Mya made her way home during dusk despite her fear, just because she did not want to impose on Karie’s kindness. The words Leorio Paladiknight had told her rang through her head again.

_ If you’re alive now, I don’t expect you to see him again.  _

Mya hoped he was right.

She pulled out her new ring of keys, given the newly exchanged locks she’d purchased at a hefty price, and walked into her home, deadbolting the door immediately from the inside.

Leorio was dead wrong.

“Okaeri.” Illumi Zoldyck said from where he sat, legs crossed, at the wooden kitchen table, his voice cheerful to contrast his expressionless face.

Mya’s legs seemed to turn into gelatin immediately, and she scrambled to undo the locks to run away but he had already swept her off her feet in seconds, holding her tightly in his arms.

“You’re not going to say thank you?” He said, flatly. Tightening one arm around her body with incredible strength, he tapped his chin absent-mindedly. 

“Hmm, I thought you’d be excited to see me.”

Mya was screaming internally but too petrified to say a word. She thought of the pain he had inflicted on her with his needles the last time they met and wished she could pass out for the second time today to not deal with this monster with the voidless eyes.

“Cat got your tongue?” Illumi asked, pacing the apartment with her still in his arms, while Mya remained paralyzed, much like a prey animal. “You were really chatty the other night and I was already in a bad mood.”

Her mouth opened and shut without a single utterance, and he looked down at her in his arms. Mya felt like she was falling into the empty void that was his gaze. Words continued to escape her.

“That’s upsetting. I actually wanted to talk today.”

He set her down gently and she immediately fell to the ground, like a horse finding its footing right after birth. 

“Calm down, I won’t kill you.” He said, taking a seat again at the wooden table as before. Mya looked up at him with incredulous eyes. She couldn’t trust him. If not to kill her, why was he here?

“Get up or I’ll change my mind.” Illumi said, a modicum of irritation tinting his voice. He was already regretting his decision to come back to meet this young woman. What did he expect anyway? He couldn’t explain what had drawn him here yet again.

Mya made it shakily to her feet holding onto the table for support and made her way into the chair. Illumi looked at her from across the table.

“I paid your ex a visit.” He said.

“I know.” She choked out, her voice immediately hoarse.

“I left a needle so you would know it was me and not just an accident.”

“I figured as much.” Mya said, not looking at him in the eyes. Illumi was getting annoyed, while his affect remained flat as ever.

“You seem to be upset about this news.”

Mya didn’t answer, and Illumi reached across the table to grab her roughly by the chin. 

He tilted his head to one side. “Your enemy is dead and somehow you appear worse. I don’t understand. You’re free now, you should be glad. He would have kept sending more and more assassins until you were dead for real.”

_ You kill people for a living, how could you understand? _

Illumi let go of Mya’s face, knowing she wasn’t going to give him any information, and got up to his feet to leave. But then he was stopped in his tracks when Mya spoke up.

“Why did you kill him?”

“You wanted him dead, and he annoyed me.”

“I didn’t want him to die.”

“You said so that night, do you not remember?”

“Taking a life isn’t a trivial matter!” Mya screamed indignantly, loud enough to the point that Illumi turned around to face her. She recoiled in fear as he approached.

“Ah, there it is. That feistiness from the other day. I missed it.”

_ I’m speaking to someone who kills for a living. Of course to him, nothing matters. _

“I’d like to argue that life is trivial.” He said, leaving over her.

“Is your life trivial?” Mya retorted.

“Somewhat.” He shrugged.

“Is it really, or do you need to tell yourself that to justify the killing?” Mya said, boldly. As soon as it came out, she wished she hadn’t as Illumi had a flash of a deadly look across his blank face that left as soon as it came. She looked down at her feet to avoid his gaze. She still remembered how it felt to not be able to move her body, and touched the pinpoint scar the needle Illumi put in her chest had left.

Illumi gave her a muted smile.

“I’ll see you later.” And again, he vanished into thin air. 


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's hard to write a story like this and keep Illumi in character! But anyway that's what fanfic is for! Let me know how you feel about this chapter :)

Incomprehensibly, Mya slept comfortably for the first time in a week.

The moment Illumi left, she sat up, brushed her teeth, pineappled her hair and washed her face, not worrying if the assassin would reappear behind her as she looked into the mirror. She curled up into her lumpy mattress and slept a heavy, dreamless sleep, like someone who had not a single worry in the world.

Maybe it was defeatism, or some sort of learned helplessness that brought on this extreme calm. It was painfully obvious now that there was nothing she could possibly do to prevent Illumi from coming and going as he pleased. But he had appeared before her a second time, and had not harmed her. It was oddly reassuring. Illumi could snap her like a twig, and had even been paid to, and decided not to. 

She didn’t really understand his intentions but she decided she wouldn’t rack her brains over it at this time. Men like Illumi and Teiki did what they wanted, when they wanted, because they could. Their actions did not have to make sense. 

Maybe out of curiosity she would ask the next time she saw him. He had said he’d see her later, and she knew he meant it. It could be anytime and anywhere. She just had to expect that it would be anytime.

So what was the worth of worrying about it?

* * *

_ It didn’t take Illumi very long to find the exact spot in Yorknew City he was looking for, thanks to the tracking skills of his usually otherwise quite maladroit younger brother. He made a mental note to thank him later to encourage the good behavior. _

_ He had just finished a couple jobs in the city, and decided he had time to stop by to deal with this final task today before he called in for the night. A lick of a needle, a flick of the wrist, and he was being led by an employee-turned-Needleman into the lobby of the skyscraper apartment and up to the penthouse suite where his bonus target lived. _

_ The elevator dinged as it arrived, and Illumi stepped out confidently, flinging a needle to destroy each of the cameras at the four ceiling corners positioned toward the entrance. _

_ He expected to have to force the front door down but to his surprise the door handle turned effortlessly, and the door swung open. Somehow this annoyed Illumi, the idea that this man was arrogant enough to not even bother to lock his doors when he had hired an assassin to kill someone else. _

_ There was no one apparent from where he stood in the alleyway, but he could hear a group of women giggling and, regrettably, the sounds of flesh slapping flesh. A man with a deep, self-assured voice was quite loudly enjoying the women’s company. _

_ “Yeah baby, spread those legs wide for me! Kara, you’re next, there’s plenty of me to go around.” _

_ Illumi turned the corner into the room, ignoring the shrieks from the two fleeing women as the third unfortunate one directly on top of Mya’s husband slumped forward and collapsed onto him, the back of her head pierced by multiple shiny yellow needles.  _

_ “What the fuck is going on?” Teiki spat, shoving the newly dead woman off of him as he rose. Her lifeless body fell to the ground with a heavy thud. Naked and still semi-erect, Teiki wrapped a towel around his lower half before approaching Illumi head on.  _

_ Teiki was 6 and three-quarter feet tall, sturdily built and used to intimidating others by size alone, but Illumi stood his ground comfortably as Teiki approached. _

_ “Aren’t you married?” Illumi asked, arms crossed and stance open, leaning against the doorframe. _

_ “The fuck are you?! Get the hell out of my house!” He said, swinging a heavy fist that Illumi caught with one hand, the rest of his body not moving an inch. _

_ “Hm, that’s not a way to treat one of your ‘employees’, especially after asking me to do something so intimate, like take care of your wife.” Illumi said, his grip steady on his fist. In a swift, coordinated movement, Illumi twisted his arm into his back and pinned him on the ground with his knee. _

_ “Shit, are you the bastard I hired?” _

_ “Yes.” Illumi dug his knee deeper into his back and the larger man let out a cry of pain. _

_ “You fucking asshole, you work for me!” _

_ Illumi dug his knee even harder into the man’s back, now pulling both of Teiki’s arms behind him as he applied pressure to his spine. _

_ “How much of my money did that stupid bitch promise you to betray me?” _

_ “None.” He replied flatly, still slowly applying pressure. Teiki let out an anguished cry. In the next few seconds, bones would start to break, but Illumi wanted this to be painful and drawn out.  _

_ “That whore promised you sex, didn’t she?” He spat. _

_ “Not at all.” _

_ “You fucking dogshit piece of-” _

_ Illumi lost his patience, and a sickening crack sound split the air. Teiki would be silenced forever, and his body dropped with a thud to the ground, just like one of his girls had before.  _

_ As Illumi made his way out of the apartment building, he made a single vow:  _

_ He would never buy a penthouse. They were way too tacky. _

* * *

“You didn’t change the locks this time.” 

A week had gone by quickly, where Mya passed the time working her two jobs, one as a preschool classroom helper and the other as a part-timer at a bookstore, supplementing her slowly dwindling nest egg. It was 7pm now, and she was tired from running around with the small children in the AM and organizing books by genre, author, and title into shelves in the PM. Her employer had found some extra old paperbacks in the storage room and decided to give them to her, and the box was almost too heavy to carry home and obstructed her view as she made her way in. Even without seeing who spoke, she knew by voice that it was him.

Mya’s stomach did a backflip, but she instead took a deep breath in and out to calm her breathing. Illumi Zoldyck hadn’t killed her before when he was promised a hefty sum to do so, and he had no good reason to kill her now. Steeling herself with these facts in mind, she slowly set her books down by the door and mustered up enough courage to walk closer to him.

He had taken the same spot at the table that he had the week prior, legs crossed again, his head rested on the knuckles of his left hand. If he had been waiting long or a short time, she would never know by the unreadable expression on his face.

“The locks wouldn’t have kept you out, would they?” Mya answered, impassively. She was attempting to act tough and unfazed but the closer she got to Illumi, the more her body started to tremble uncontrollably. She remembered the searing pain in her back when he had thrown her, the feeling of losing all control of her arms and legs.

She stepped around him, and washed her hands at the sink. She could feel his eyes on her, quietly observing her as she filled her kettle with tap water and placed it on the stove.

“Would you like some tea, Mr. Zoldyck?” She said, forcing a smile.

“Sure.” He said, comfortably assuming the role of guest, as if he hadn’t just forced his way into a young woman’s house for the third time in two weeks. 

Mya set down a pair of mismatched mugs filled with loose tea leaves, making a mental note to throw away the one he drank out of later, as well as a plate of biscuits. If he was going to be here, she might as well be a good host. She had the feeling that he thrived on intimidation, and if she didn’t give him his fill, he would grow bored and leave. She just had to strike the careful balance of standing up to him without challenging him, she thought. 

She poured hot water for him first carefully, more shakily than she had intended, and then poured some for herself. For her own tea, she added two drops of honey as usual.

“What drew you to your husband?” He said abruptly, once she had settled into a seat across from him at the table. 

She almost spat out her warm tea, covering her mouth as soon as possible because she wanted to stay alive. Was he serious? Was he really asking about her relationship? This was entirely too strange. She looked at Illumi to read his facial expression, and his face was as stoic as usual. 

Mya took another sip quietly, trying to avoid Illumi’s oppressive gaze. 

“Why do you ask?”

“Despite everything, you were upset that he died.” Illumi responded. Even as he raised the tea cup to his lips, he kept his eyes on her. She wished he would stop staring.

She didn’t answer.

“Do you know what he was doing when I found him?” He pressed. “He- ”

“Please don’t tell me.” Mya said, sharply.

While Illumi was neither particularly empathetic nor emotionally intelligent, even he knew that the next few minutes would be uncomfortable if the quivering girl in front of him heard the truth. But from her physical reaction, he could tell she already could guess the circumstances of their meeting.

The two of them sat in silence. Mya’s heart felt as if it was being chewed through by some kind of ground animal, but she only had the misfortune to be sitting in the company of her would-be murderer instead of a family member, a friend or even the husband she wished would have put forth the same effort to love her as she had.

After a few more minutes of stillness, Mya had held it in enough. She stood up and cleared the table.

“Please leave.” She said, softly. Illumi looked at her and tilted his head in confusion.

“Please.” She pleaded, her voice cracking. Tears were forming in her eyes again and she didn’t want to turn on the waterworks in front of such an apathetic stranger.

Illumi stood up before the girl who trembled like a sheet of paper, like she might crumble at any moment. What did he want to do at this time? He wanted this feeling of despair that was oozing out of her to stop. The appropriate thing would be to put his arms around her, wouldn’t it? A hug, right? But he had only put his arms around her to hurt or restrain her before. A gesture like that would kill her of fright. His arms stayed at his side. 

“Thank you for letting me live. Thank you for helping me in your own way. Thank you for your company.” Mya said, head lowered, through a strained voice. “But please…. Please do not come back.”

Illumi opened his mouth to say something, and then decided against it. He turned to leave instead, with Mya’s face still dark, covered by the mess of dark curls that were her hair.

Mya did not wait to see him walk out the front door, and retired to her room instead.


	4. Chapter 4

The journey back home to Kukuroo Mountain was quiet and uneventful, and Illumi took time to revel in the silence as he rode in the back of an armored limousine.

“Welcome back, Master Illumi.” The youngest apprentice butler said reverently, bowing carefully as Illumi approached on the path through the forest shrouding the Zoldyck family home. 

Illumi normally afforded minimal attention to the servants, but as Canary rose from her bow, his gaze hovered on her for just a second longer than usual.  _ The shape of Canary’s eyes are quite similar to hers, _ he remarked but the resemblance ended there. Illumi, saying nothing, trudged ahead to his quarters until he heard his phone ring.

“Father wants to see you.” Milluki said, gleefully from the other end of the line. He had likely been stalking the security cameras around the grounds, waiting for the very second his older brother made it home. “Aniki, you are  _ so _ fucked.” He could barely hold back his snickers. Illumi shut the phone off and headed straight to his father’s den. He had an inkling of what this was about already.

When he entered the room, he was surprised to find his mother Kikyo standing there, clothed in one of her extravagantly ornate dresses, agitated as usual. His father and mother were rarely in the same quarters, and especially not together in his father’s private space unless they were arguing. 

“I’m home,” Illumi announced himself. Kikyo’s grip on her fan tightened before she lunged at him and landed a fierce, resounding slap to his face.

“WHERE”  **_SLAP._ ** “HAVE”  **_SLAP._ ** “YOU”  **_SLAP._ ** “BEEN”  **_SLAP._ ** “ALL”  **_SLAP._ ** “THIS”  **_SLAP_ ** “TIME!” She screamed hysterically between every hit.

“Mother, your hand will hurt if you keep this up.” Illumi said, gently stopping her hand once she reached the end of her sentence. Kikyo made an audible cry of frustration but stopped her onslaught, holding her paper fan so tightly it snapped in half in her hand. Silva frowned in displeasure but remained seated.

“You’ve been gone from home so long without notice. And it looks like one of the clients we sent you to task for died in a not so mysterious way. Care to explain?” He said, gruffly, crossing his massive arms as he waited for a response.

Illumi was 24 years of age but had never once rebelled or disappointed his parents. It felt odd being at the end of Silva’s disapproval for once. Usually the most he got was indifference as all attention was placed on Killua. If anything, he was often aligned with his father in coming up with ways to better discipline his younger brother. 

“He deserved to die.”

Silva raised an eyebrow.

“How so?”

Illumi was in a bind. If he referenced the conversation he had with Mya, it would lead to more questions of why he allowed her to speak that long, why he had allowed his target to live, why he had chosen a side in a conflict; all fundamental mistakes that he had been trained to avoid his entire life. To explain himself would be to demonstrate to his father that all his lessons had been in vain. 

“Speak!” Silva growled, his closed fist slamming into the coffee table before him, shattering it to pieces. Illumi continued to stare dispassionately for a moment, then bowed his head.

“It was a misstep. It will not happen again.”

Kikyo threw the remains of her broken fan to the ground, and haughtily gathered her dress skirt before storming out of the room. Illumi took that as a cue to make his leave as well.

“Illumi.” Silva repeated his name.

He looked back at his father, who stared at him with cold, piercing blue eyes.

“This is our family’s reputation we’re talking about. Do not make any more mistakes.”

“Understood.” Illumi replied, before turning his back on his angry father. As he walked back to his bedroom, Illumi made a mental note to beat the daylights out of Milluki for laughing at his expense when he found the time. While he was not allowed to kill family, it wasn’t against the rules to make them wish they were dead.

As soon as he closed his bedroom door behind him, he stripped down to the nude and stepped into the shower. As the scalding hot water ran through his hair and skin, he tried to clear his head of his thoughts from his last excursion from home. In just two weeks, he’d displayed a lot of odd behavior, and now he returned home just to face his parent’s discontentment. This was a lot to go through on behalf of just one person, who wasn’t even grateful for his kindness. 

But he hadn’t performed any of these actions for her, had he? It was for his personal pride. He was not a pawn. He was a bringer of death, entirely willingly so and he profited off of it. Anyone who thought otherwise deserved a swift correction. Otherwise, who was he to interfere in his clients’ personal vendettas? It was not his job to worry about the morality of who he was killing, just to provide his services to the highest bidder. If a man could afford to off his pretty wife, and then spend the night fucking other women without a care in the world, than so be it. It was her own fault for having such an awful taste in men.

He stepped out of the shower and changed into a comfortable pair of sweatpants and a long-sleeved shirt, then fell backwards onto his oversized bed.

A momentary lapse in judgement, he would call these past couple of weeks. He’d never allow a target psych him out like that again. And whatever this feeling of unease was that he had right now, it would pass. It had to. 

After all, he would never see that face again. 

* * *

“Oh wow, this is huge.” Mya whispered, in awe, as she and Karie arrived at the entrance to Heavens Arena. Despite her time in and out of Yorknew City skyscrapers, she had yet to see a building as large as the one where she and Karie would be working for the next three months. Karie’s father had an organizational hand in the competition, and had heard about some employment opportunities over the summer. Karie had nothing better to do, and Mya needed a change in scene, after her unfortunate run-ins approximately two months ago, so they were excited to board a plane and make it to the Republic of Padokea for the summer. Mya had been particularly drawn-in by the fact that they paid employees particularly well on the higher floors, as she wanted nothing more than to move out of her dinky apartment.

After a long day of orientation, Mya and Karie made their way to their two-bedroom suite. Mya belly-flopped onto the large couch as soon as they dropped their luggage and let out a huge sigh. She finally felt free, now that she was far from home. It had started to feel less and less safe there, particularly in the past several weeks. Karie jumped beside her and grinned, pulling out their printed schedules to read together.

“Oh, looks like we’re both going to be receptionists for the first week, starting tomorrow!” Karie said. “But boo, it looks like we won’t be on the same floors.”

Mya took a look. She was assigned to Floor 199, which was pretty high up, so she expected to see some pretty strong fighters up there. 

“Ahhh, no fair!! Let’s switch places!” Karie moped. “The ratio of sexy martial artists is probably like 10:1 between yours and my floor.”

“You can if you want to.” Mya smiled. She, unlike Karie, had had her fill of strong men, and just wanted to make some quick money. 

“Nah, the card keys are linked to biometric data, so we probably won’t be able to get away with a switch.” She sighed. Then a moment passed, and she jumped up in excitement. 

“Let’s go to the bars tonight! I’m trying to get  _ smashed _ ~!” Karie’s eyes were starry at the thought, and she immediately ran into her room and started rummaging through luggage to find an outfit. Mya rolled her eyes and went to go search for an outfit as well. 

By the late evening, the two girls had gotten completely dolled up and ready. Karie’s petite frame was adorned in a form-fitting red slinky dress, while Mya had opted for a more conservative, but still alluring high-cut white bodysuit and tight leather pants. 

Mya sat at the bar countertop, sipping a mixed drink quietly as she watched Karie whirl around the dance floor, heavily but still attractively intoxicated. She loved how carefree Karie was as she danced through the crowd, and hated that she had essentially forgotten how to be that carefree in the short time that she had been married. Karie was what she could have been before Teiki came into her life and promised to lift her family out of poverty in exchange for her hand. Now, she felt like most of her internal flame had been put out in such a small time. A small part of her wished that Illumi hadn’t spared her. Dying by his hand could have been a spectacular end to a not so fantastic life.

And when that last thought came to mind, she realized she was far too drunk, and would probably start crying unnecessarily in the next few minutes. She was definitely a moody drunk.

“Karie~” Mya called out, as she stepped off the bar stool towards her, but she stumbled and almost fell backwards into a man she hadn’t noticed sitting beside her. She steadied herself, clumsily using the man’s back as support, and mumbled a word of apology. 

“I-”  _ hic _ , “am so sorry!” She murmured. The man in question turned to face her and his golden eyes narrowed into a mischievous look as he took her in. Mya almost stumbled and fell again, so startled she was by his jarring appearance. His hair was as flaming red as Karie’s dress, and even in the dark ambiance of the bar lounge, in the neon lights, she could see a teardrop painted under one eye and a star painted under the other. 

“Oh, you better be careful there~” He essentially crooned as he steadied her again on her stilettos with a hand in the small of her back. While this man was certainly handsome, something about him set her uneasy enough to sober her up just enough to say sorry and thank you again, and move away from him as fast as possible. It was time for her and Karie to head back.

As she dragged Karie along with her, she could still feel the golden eyes watching her leave.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enter some movement and a new challenger! Let me know what you think.
> 
> Illumi's doing a lot of thinking. For the first time in his life, he might have done the wrong thing, but is it the right thing? What is right and what is wrong to a Zoldyck? Questions, questions... (jk kekeke)


	5. Chapter 5

“Congratulations on reaching the 199th floor!” Mya said cheerfully in her new uniform, as the next competitors reached the registration desk. “Please make sure to fill out these forms, and we’ll provide you with your lodging information as soon as possible.”

_ These kids look so young,  _ she thought in awe, observing the three boys before her. Not one of them looked over the age of thirteen years old. When they returned their forms, she realized her guess was right. Then she noticed something else on their forms.

_ Zoldyck, Killua. _

Her heart rate started to quicken as she looked back at the young boy with a full head of ruffled white hair and electric blue eyes. Could they be related? Or the boy just going by whatever scary alias he could come up with? He looked nothing like Illumi, aside from skin approximately the same shade. Killua noticed her staring and gave her a quizzical look. He whispered to the dark-haired boy, named Gon Freecs according to his paperwork to the side, looking in her direction.

“Lady, why do you look like you’ve seen a ghost?” Gon blurted out. 

“Ah! Hahaha, nothing!” Mya said sheepishly, snapping out of her panic. She pulled out three sets of manila envelopes and handed one each to the three young boys standing before her. She let out a deep sigh once the boys were off.

She wasn’t going to let herself be haunted by that name anymore. In keeping with Karie’s carefree spirit, she decided to play a little game. She was no longer a married woman, so why not capitalize on that? Mya spent the rest of the day upping her charm once the adult competitors started arriving, engaging in cute banter, even leaning forward and twirling her curls seductively with some of the more gullible customers. She grinned as her tip jar slowly but surely began to fill up.

If she could just make a little bit more money, she’d be able to show her face in her hometown. Maybe.

Soon her shift was reaching a close. She glanced at her digital watch,  _ 22:32 _ . Only one more hour and 28 minutes to go, and it didn’t look like anyone else would be registering anytime soon. She’d already forgotten the details of how to close up the lobby and messaged one of her coworkers to help her find the correct keys. As Mya waited on the reply, she watched the two boys from earlier hurry up the elevator to the 200th floor. 

_ That was fast _ , she thought. Out of curiosity, she went to the back room and checked the security cameras that spanned the floor above hers and the floor below. She wondered if they had really managed to clear floor 199 in such a short time and would be accepted to the 200th. At least from what she’d heard, the 200th floor was leagues different from the others.

That’s when she saw him again, sitting at the T-shaped intersection of a hallway on the 200th floor. The man from yesterday, with the flaming red hair, now sporting a less-than-friendly expression as he gazed at nothing in particular down the hallway. Somehow just looking at him through the intercom filled her with dread, but she also was mildly concerned that he was inebriated. Something about his face wasn’t quite right… but she couldn’t tell what.

His hand was outstretched as though he was forcing back, by the sheer force of will, the two boys who were stepping confidently towards him. 

_ Are these kids challenging him to a fight? _

Nothing came out of this confrontation except a set of unintelligible words being exchanged and the young man walking away from the kids nonchalantly, hands in his pocket. Mya let out the breath she didn’t realize she was holding and decided to get ready to leave. Yet, one more bell seemed to ring for her and she ran over to the desk. The final contestant of the night.

“Ah, yes, sir! Welcome to the 199th floor!” Mya said, bowing. “Please fill out these forms, right here.” 

The man before her creaked as he moved, his entire aesthetic that of a cross between a pincushion, a punk-rocker and a puppet. Needles dotted his face, and his features were gruesome, his skin a somewhat sickly gray tinge.

_ Gittarackur _ is what he wrote at the top of his entry sheet. Mya avoided direct eye contact as his lips curled into a disingenuous, frozen smile when she handed him his packet with both hands. His hands lingered on the packet before taking it from her.

“E-Enjoy your stay.”

He creaked like a rusty robot as he walked away from her. Then he turned back, looked at her for a full second, and then continued walking. 

“I will.” He said, not looking back.

Mya’s body froze in place until he left her line of sight. His voice sounded exactly like Illumi’s.

* * *

Illumi’s face was already morphing into its familiar, slightly feminine features from the Gittarackur disguise as he met up with his friend of convenience, Hisoka Morow, in the latter’s hotel room. 

Hisoka flashed a mischievous grin of glee as Illumi’s transformation while walking, his amber eyes almost twinkling with amusement as Illumi sat, without saying a word, onto the couch, crossing his arms.

“Wow~, I didn’t think you’d actually come, Illumi dear~” Hisoka sang. He placed a hand over his mouth in mock excitement. “Are we having a sleepover? That’s a big step, isn’t it?” He crooned.

Illumi raised an eyebrow at him, then continued to stare straight ahead. A moment passed and he tapped his foot once impatiently, then turned abruptly to face Hisoka, who at this point was laid across the couch from him on his belly, his torso propped up by his elbows.

“How do you do that?” Illumi asked.

Hisoka tilted his head in a dramatic movement.

“Whatever do you mean~?”

“That.” Illumi said, motioning vaguely in his direction. The ease in which he did or said things or even carried himself, Illumi meant, but didn’t have the words to say. It wasn’t that Illumi wasn’t already incredibly confident in his power but there was a sort of trained restraint Illumi had at baseline, while Hisoka just… was.

Hisoka rearranged himself into a cross-legged position, tapping his chin. “I have to say Illumi, I truly don’t understand~” 

Illumi looked away blankly from Hisoka, just to find Hisoka standing right in front of him, leaning inches away from his face.

“What is this…  _ unease _ I sense from you~?” Hisoka prodded, amused.

This very behavior was just one of those things about Hisoka that Illumi cared less for. While Illumi was often careful about his words, Hisoka was extremely careless and enjoyed taunting anyone he was in conversation with. Everything was a battle to him, whether physical or a battle of wits. 

Illumi himself did not know what he wanted to ask. What was he going to say? A girl he was supposed to kill somehow convinced him to go back and kill his client, and now his parents are mad at him, and so he’d come to Heavens Arena maybe to crush a few opponents and release some frustration before his next assignment, but the same girl he couldn’t stop thinking about happened to just appear before him hundreds of miles away from where they initially met and he was trying really hard to be rational but one part of him told him to slit her throat and be done with it, but the other part of him wanted to see her look at him with something other than terror in her eyes?

Hisoka would never stop laughing, and Illumi would have to kill him. He sounded ridiculous even thinking of how it would come out.

Hisoka furrowed his eyebrows, placing his hands on his hips.

“Even for you, you’re more sulky than usual~” Hisoka whined, poking him in the shoulder. Illumi narrowed his eyes at him, but welcomed the physical contact. At least with Hisoka, he would never have to explain himself and could just be, even though this “friendship” would eventually, like all other non-familial relationships, have to end.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Maybe some hisoillu? Who knows?


	6. Chapter 6

“And he is down for the count!” The announcer exclaimed from the flat-screen TV mounted overhead in the employee lounge. High-pitched cheers and squeals followed, coming almost exclusively from the table where Mya and Karie were sharing lunch with a couple of their female coworkers. The most recent Heavens Arena match was being broadcast live and flame-haired Hisoka was just turning his back on his opponent with a bored expression on his face, now frozen as a snapshot on live TV. 

“Ugh, isn’t he so hot?” Karie swooned. The two girls she and Mya were sitting with agreed in unison. Mya instead focused on stuffing her face with a cheeseburger, her brief encounter in the club with Hisoka now on her mind. She recalled how he had given off almost the same anxiety-provoking energy she had felt around her assassin. 

Karie rolled her eyes noting Mya’s non-response and shook her by the shoulder in frustration. “Ugh, you have such odd taste, Mya!” Then she looked up at the screen again as the announcer’s attention quickly switched over to the next match-up.

“Oh wow it’s that creepy dude Gittarackur again,” the particularly mousy-looking one of their new friends, named Desra, exclaimed. “He’s pretty strong, but every time he’s on the screen I just feel so uncomfortable.” The girl sitting right next to her, Lara, who ironically had catlike eyes agreed. 

“It’s probably all the piercings,” she added.

“You can’t always judge by appearances,” Mya responded, flatly. “He might be a really nice guy.” After all, Teiki had been conventionally attractive and turned out to be a monster. _Plus he isn’t the weirdest looking person we’ve seen compete so far,_ she thought. Heavens Arena attracted all sorts of interesting characters.

Lara and Desra looked at each other for a moment with wide eyes for a moment, then burst out laughing. 

“Is this the bad taste you were talking about, Karie?” Lara said. Karie sighed and placed her forehead on the desk. Mya felt a little more annoyed than she could justify by that comment but she decided not to make a big fuss about it. Instead, she continued to minimally engage in the idle chatter until their lunch hour was up.

Back to the registration desk she went for the afternoon into the late evening. To her misfortune, this job was a lot less exciting than it had been sold to her when she accepted, but she did prefer this to working closer to the arena with the constant noise. The only thing that was different about working here versus working at the bookstore at home was that it looked worse if she pulled out a book to read to pass the time. Hours passed with minimal activity and she had to shake herself awake to get past the 3pm slump.

 _Karie, I’m losing my mind from boredom,_ she texted her friend, staring out at an empty lobby.

 _Same, sis, same. Let’s think of plans for me to conveniently bump into Hisoka <3, _her friend replied back. 

Mya smiled at her phone and shook her head, before looking up to see that Gittarackur had made his way into the lobby. While she was reassured by the fact that he didn’t look like he was coming towards her direction, she noticed that his arm was held by his side at an odd angle, with an unnatural kink in the limb. His arm was broken.

“Sir! Sir!!” Mya called out from behind the desk but he did not so much as turn to look at her and continued to amble along, seeming to rattle and shake with every step. 

“Mr. Gittarackur!” She yelled, running after him. He stopped in his tracks, and then turned to look at her, his frozen smile making her stomach turn. While she was unsettled by the way he moved, he was most likely injured and while he probably would be fine given this calm presentation, she felt that it was her duty to help. Maybe she was proving herself to not be a hypocrite after the subject came up at lunch, who knew? Or maybe she was just bored?

Gittarackur looked at her blankly.

“Sir, do you not know where the infirmary is? You’re going the opposite way.” She pointed behind her.

“...” He blinked once then disregarded her, continuing to walk in the same original direction.

Mya frowned. She knew these fighters were extremely prideful and would not want to have their faces seen in any way, shape or form seeking medical attention. She decided to throw this man a bone to protect his pride.

“If you don’t want to go to the infirmary now, I actually can help you.” Mya insisted, and he stopped again in his tracks. This time, intrigued, Gittarackur turned, setting his eyes on her and giving her his full attention. Mya took a quick look around to make sure no one could see her, pushed up her sleeves and then reached out for his arm, placing a hand below and above his forearm. She closed her eyes to concentrate, then let a faint purple glow overtake her hands to numb the pain in his arm. Soon that purple glow faded into a soft white, setting the bones in place. Once the glow faded, she ensured the broken ends were realigned by running her hand gently across his forearm, along the fracture line, then looked up at him with a proud smile.

“You’ll still need some time to heal properly but at least it won’t hurt anymore. I know you fighters have such a great pain tolerance but there really is no need to suffer for no reason.”

With that, Mya let go of his arm and it fell to the side roughly. Without a word of thanks, Gittarackur turned and walked away from her, rattling away like a poorly oiled robot. Mya smiled weakly and shrugged to herself, then walked back to her post.

 _It’s been a long time since I’ve done that for someone,_ she thought as she sat idly. Her whole life she had been told repetitively that her healing abilities were subpar, which was especially egregious as her whole family business was that of Nen-based medical care. Her other abilities had only gotten her in more trouble than they were worth. 

Even if the man she just encountered was indifferent about her help, she still had some small satisfaction from that action. Maybe she’d go to medical school and learn to be a proper healer before she returned to her hometown. The world was her oyster, after all. 

* * *

“You’re getting quite sloppy, Illumi-san~” Hisoka said, peering down at the arm Illumi was wrapping in bandages. “First you let a little boy break your arm, now you’re letting opponents land hits like this…” He shook his head. “Are you even worth dueling anymore?”

Illumi blinked at him slowly, then wiggled the fingers of his left arm. While he was incredibly tolerant to pain, it’s not like he was immune to it. However, now his arm felt incredibly light and painless. But even more so, Illumi thought about the soft feel of Mya’s palm running over his arm and the way she had smiled so brightly at him despite the deliberately terrifying disguise he wore. _So that is what she looks like when she isn’t frozen with terror,_ he thought.

Illumi had attempted to pass by quickly, hoping to avoid looking at her so that he wouldn’t have to make a decision whether or not to kill her. Illumi valued consistency overall, and killing her after having already granted her mercy because she - and yes, he would admit it - made him _uncomfortable_ was inconsistent with his character. Illumi was in control.

Yes, he was in control of the situation and had always been. 

“If I recall correctly, you just paid a hefty sum to have both of your arms reattached.” Illumi retorted flatly to Hisoka, and rose to stand, walking towards the door. “Oh, were you successful this time with Machi?” 

Hisoka’s face turned the faintest glow of red.

“If you want to stay here tonight, you can, no need to taunt.” Hisoka said, with a forced exhale. “Mi casa es su casa.”

The corners of Illumi’s lips rose very slightly, almost imperceptibly into a smile.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just working in a little backstory in here, don't mind me!


	7. Chapter 7

While sitting at an overcrowded dive bar, side by side with Hisoka, it suddenly dawned on Illumi that he was no longer in control of his emotions. Even more concerning was the fact that his magician friend had started to pick up on the odd behavior as well. 

For starters, Illumi had punctuated the short walk to the bar with the swift execution of two other patrons of the Heavens Arena, who had for all intents and purposes been minding their own business. Hisoka wondered what Illumi had overheard to provoke him enough to promptly throw needles into the vital flesh of their necks, causing the two strangers to collapse mid-conversation. Illumi hadn’t even looked in their direction the entire time, his free hand still in his pocket as he walked, not a single step out of pace.

Hisoka especially wanted to know why he had oozed bloodlust for just a split second before deciding to straight up murder those two people, but from the way Illumi seemed to still be aggressively swirling his glass, he decided he would fare better not to ask specifically.

“You okay there man?” Hisoka even dropped the honeyed voice he loved to tease his acquaintances with, a bit wary about the situation. Illumi said nothing then threw back his drink. The agitated nature of his actions paired with his nerveless expression would normally be comical to watch but for someone who was deadly and unpredictable as Illumi, it veered into terrifying.

Illumi waved the bartender for another round of drinks. Hisoka, used to Illumi’s normally restrained and calm energy, was getting more and more uneasy, and finally stood up to stretch dramatically. 

“Well, I” - and Hisoka spun to accentuate these words - “am going to go ahead and mingle~” Illumi waved him off, ordering yet another drink. Maybe some space would do Illumi some good.

For the first time in a while, Illumi was a little miffed that his training had rendered him invulnerable to sedatives or poisons. He was wound up tightly, all over an overhead conversation that qualified as “locker room talk.” 

_ You saw how that bitch at the front desk was talking to me? She was all over this. _

_ I bet she’s an awful lay. Girls who act like that usually are. _

_ We’ll find out when I take her home tonight, whether she likes it or not. _

Illumi shook his head, as if to dissipate the thoughts swirling in his head, and turned on the barstool to survey the crowds of people behind him, leaning his back against the bartop. From afar, he watched Hisoka get quite up close and personal with a petite blonde, or maybe she was getting up close and personal with him on further evaluation. He sat up when he noticed Mya, hair in a tumbling updo and in a barely there strappy black dress, standing just a few feet behind the petite blonde girl bouncing around Hisoka. She looked mildly concerned for her friend and as her hand hovered in her direction, she wobbled once inelegantly on a tall pair of platform heels.

As Illumi watched her, the word that came to mind for him was vulnerable - she looked obviously and unmistakably vulnerable.

No wonder those men had discussed her as a target.

Illumi suddenly felt a wave of irritation rise in the pit of his stomach and in seconds, disregarding the fact that he was no longer in disguise, he pushed past the crowds of people and grabbed her by the wrist from the back. Mya’s eyes grew wide in realization the moment she spun around but before she could even manage a yelp, he pulled her close at the head, whispering directly into her ear.

“If you scream, I will clear out this entire room in seconds.”

A chill ran down Mya’s spine. It wasn’t a threat, it was a guarantee. Her mouth clamped shut.

“Follow me. Do not resist.” As if the fight had been drained out of her, Mya dutifully walked behind him. Karie was too inebriated to notice, all eyes on her redheaded target but Hisoka’s eyes followed the two out, a twinkle in his amber eyes.

_ Interesting… _

* * *

Despite it being summertime, there was a chill in the night air that made the hairs on Mya’s neck stand on end now that she was out of the hot, sticky club atmosphere. Or maybe it was the fact that a familiar assassin had found her again and forced her outside that made her shiver.

“Why are you stalking me?” She all but whimpered in a soft, unsteady voice.

Illumi looked at her now that they were in the moonlight and loosened his grip but did not let her go. She was more beautiful than he remembered, he remarked, especially seeing the way the pale glow cast shadows on her dark skin. She’d put something on the apples of her cheeks that shimmered especially bright, mimicking the way her eyes did right now. Then he realized she was crying. Again. At the sight of him.

He let out a sigh and loosened the grip on her wrist. She cradled it in her other arm, wincing in pain.

“If you try to run, I’ll catch you,” he warned, his tone still even and light.

“I know.” Mya responded. She knew she didn’t have a chance to escape him, especially with the way she was dressed. “Are you planning to-” she started, but Illumi cut in, abruptly.

“I spared your life, did I not?” Mya furrowed her eyebrows as she looked at him in confusion.

“Did I?” Illumi repeated, his eyes unblinking, unwavering. Mya nodded, slowly, her eyebrows still knit in a line of distress.

“Do you not appreciate the opportunity that I gave you to continue living?” Illumi’s voice stayed even-kilter despite all this and Mya looked away, unable to withstand the pressure of his heavy, heavy gaze. With his thumb and forefinger, he grabbed her by the chin, as gently as a such a dominant gesture could be, and tilted her face up to look him directly in the eyes.

“I-I don’t... understand what you want from me, I-Illumi.” Mya all but whimpered out, her face now shiny from tears. His name tumbling out of her mouth was more inebriating to Illumi than any alcohol he’d drank tonight. He wanted her to say it again. 

That’s what he wanted right now. For her to say his name again.

“Your life belongs to me now, do you understand?” 

A clear message for her to do as he said. Maybe if he controlled her, like he did everything else in his life, this sense of unrest would leave him. She was such a weak, ineffectual person. She had no power, no right to rile him up this way. 

Mya said nothing for a moment, considering what he had just said and then, staring straight into his eyes with a renewed fire, as if she had sobered up instantly.

“No, it doesn’t.” She said, coolly.

Illumi was taken aback by this statement, enough to drop his hand. Mya rubbed her chin which had started to feel sore from Illumi’s hold, then rubbed both her eyes and sniffled once, but then balled her fists by her side with renewed resolve.

“Oh?” Illumi responded, with a head tilt.

“My life doesn’t belong to you.” Mya repeated. Maybe it was the alcohol giving her some undue courage and maybe for a split second, she had momentarily forgotten who she was talking to, but she had had this conversation before with a man before, and she would not have it again. She didn’t care that she looked ridiculous, shivering in the cold and wobbling on too-high heels but with a defensive posture as if she had the wherewithal to protect herself.

Illumi crossed his arms before him, waiting patiently for her to go on explaining her defiance.. His expression was blank on the surface as usual, but inside his core was going into a frenzy of emotion. Was he angry? Was he impressed? Was he intrigued? Was he amused? Was he aroused?

Would he have to correct his one and only mistake by ending her life?

“GET AWAY FROM MY FRIEND, BASTARD!” 

Mya’s eyes darted to the source of the sound. With that yell, a pair of stiletto heels went flying through the air which Illumi calmly sidestepped. Karie was charging now, barefoot and furious, towards Mya and Illumi after having launched her battle cry. Mya’s heart skipped a beat, realizing the worst was about to happen.

Karie was going to die trying to defend her from a creepy dude in a club, unless Mya did something. She had to act and act quickly before Illumi did. 

Mya lunged at Illumi, arms open, letting a purple glow overtake her in an instant. Illumi was caught off guard and caught her, then realized every part of his body that made contact with her bare skin had momentarily gone numb. His arms hung uselessly by his side while she wrapped her arms as tight as she could around him.

Karie stopped in her tracks, confused, her small fist still up in the air.

“Karie, it’s okay!” Mya screamed, frantically. “Back off, I’m okay!”

Unfortunately, her talking broke her concentration and she lost control of her sedative ability. His arms moved under hers, hoisting her legs up so that they wrapped around his waist.

“Oh,” was the only sound Mya could let out. She looked up into his eyes which remained focused on her, as if Karie hadn’t attacked him with a pair of high-heeled shoes. She couldn’t read his expression but she may have thought for a second that his pale, pale skin had the hint of a soft, pink glow.

“I’m going to take you with me.” Illumi whispered, decisively. 

With that, Mya could feel Illumi’s chin find a place to nestle into the curve of her neck and his arms secure her tightly before he took off running into the night. Pressed this close to his chest, she could feel her heart pounding into a frenzy, and in a mix of surprise and confusion, it quickened as she realized his heart was pounding almost as fast, if not faster. So fast and loud it was, that she couldn’t hear Karie scream her name as she was spirited away.

When Mya had held him meaning to stun him into submission, she could feel the tension in his muscles slip away before she even started to force her aura into him. 

He had wanted to be held by her. Under that mask void of emotion, there was something more.

Suddenly the cool night wind whipping past her as they traveled at inhumanly fast speeds nipped at her skin a little less, and Mya was a little, just a little less afraid of the man who held her in his arms.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Illumi's finally made a decision to ease his psychological turmoil and it looks like Mya's started to understand his intentions too. Will she be able to accept this brand of oppressive attention, especially given her horrible past with men? We'll see!
> 
> Please comment and kudos if you like! Stay safe from coronavirus!


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Cranked this one out before my 28hr call shift, kill me x_x.  
> Lots of stream of consciousness type stuff here, but I had fun writing this chapter~ I hope you guys enjoy!! Please comment and kudos if possible :)

_ I’m going to take you with me... _

Mya awoke to a splitting headache, a dry mouth and the smell of warm eggs and bacon wafting through her cracked bedroom door. 

Her bedroom.

She inhaled sharply and jolted up like a board, but in trying to frantically jump out of bed, she tangled herself enough in her blankets to fall headfirst on the ground with a loud thud.

“Mya!” Light footsteps made their way towards her as Mya rubbed her head with a groan. By the time she got up into a sitting position on the ground, Karie had rushed into the room, clad in an apron and holding a spatula, dripping with what looked like pancake batter. Mya looked at her incredulously, unable to make sense of what she’d experienced prior to having woken up, safe and sound in her own home.

What had happened last night? Was it all a dream?

“So you’re finally awake?!” Karie scanned her over quickly for any injuries then immediately started to fuss before letting Mya speak.

“Don’t you EVER, and I mean, EVER, scare me like that again, and actually, you know what? We’re done! We’re never going out again! You absolutely cannot hold your liquor! And you got freaking KIDNAPPED by some weird dude that you were protecting? From me? What the hell was up with that?!”

As she went on and on, Mya’s mind was working wildly, trying to recap what had happened in the last 24 hours. 

She couldn’t have possibly just  _ imagined _ her would-be assassin finding her in a club literally hundreds of miles away from where he’d initially attempted to kill her. But she also couldn’t explain why she had ended up safe and sound.

“Hello?! Are you fucking listening?” Karie yelled, waving both hands in front of Mya’s face. Mya looked at her, still dumbfounded, and stood up unsteadily. Her knees still felt weak for all the time she had spent on stilettos and the rest of her body sported a heavy, steady ache.

She couldn’t have been drugged or raped, could she?

She was still clothed in yesterday’s dress and she slipped it off promptly, stepping around Karie to check herself for bruises in the full length mirror leaning against her wall. Her mascara had run a bit from tears but she didn’t look the type of disheveled she’d expect for a rape. Not that she had been raped before and knew what it was like. Her husband had never resorted to rape despite all his physical abuse, not out of his own human decency but out of self-preservation.

She had no scratches or bruises on her body except for a small dark spot blooming where Illumi had dragged her by the wrist out of the bar/night-club. Mya rubbed that spot, almost absentmindedly, staring into the mirror. Then she spun around abruptly to look at Karie who was now furious at having her rant ignored.

“What happened last night?” Mya asked.

In response, Karie let out an exasperated shriek, flinging her hands in the air and stormed out of the room, slamming Mya’s door shut behind her. Mya counted exactly ten seconds before Karie kicked the door back open and sat down on the edge of her bed, crossing her arms.

“I just said you got fucking kidnapped! Can you please fucking listen to me?”

“How’d I get back here?”

“I don’t know.” Karie admitted in a low murmur, twisting and retwisting her hair with both hands, unable to meet her friend’s eyes. “I couldn’t catch up with you guys, and plus… you kind of told me to back off, so I ended up waiting there for an hour… And then, I called but you didn’t answer… so then I called the police and went home alone, hoping you were okay. But then a couple hours later, I heard a knock on the door and there you were just asleep on the ground outside the suite.”

Mya’s eyes grew wide.

“You didn’t see who brought me back?”

Karie shook her head. Her lower lip began to quiver.

“I’m sorry! I didn’t know how to protect you so I just had to hope that everything was okay!” Karie burst into tears and Mya frowned, sitting beside her friend in just bra and underwear, enveloping her in a hug.

“Nothing happened,” Mya reassured her. Saying it out loud made it true for her too.

“You don’t know that!” Karie protested. “And I was so powerless to help!”

“I promise you nothing happened.” Mya insisted, now feeling awful at how traumatized her friend was now, just by proxy of being friends with someone who had once been hunted and probably still was being hunted. “I’m home safe.”

“We’re never going out again.” Karie said, letting out a final sniffle. Mya smiled and held her friend just a little bit tighter.

“Or.. we can once we get strong enough to be floor masters.” Mya joked, getting to her feet. They were at Heavens Arena, after all. Maybe they’d develop some talent through osmosis.

Karie replied to her jest with a small smile. Mya decided it was time to change the subject for her poor friend’s sake.

“So what’d you make for breakfast? It smells AH-mazing!” 

“Once you shower and get all of that alcohol and sin off of you, you can have breakfast, Mimi.” Karie teased, now in better spirits, sauntering out of the room and back into the kitchen.

Mya smiled back out at her but her smile quickly faded as she headed to the bathroom. She could hear Illumi’s voice in her head still.

_ If you try to run, I’ll catch you. _

She wasn’t trying to run from him. She was just trying to exist and thrive, and he was preventing that.

_ Your life belongs to me now, do you understand? _

Why was her life never her own? Between her father, her husband and now the man who had been contracted to kill her, she was tired of always having someone trying to exert control over her.

_ Do you not appreciate the opportunity that I gave you to continue living? _

She could live her life out in quiet fulfillment if he would just stop showing up.

Mya let out a sigh, feeling almost suffocated by the steam generated from her searingly hot shower. With the long exhale, fatigue and frustration left her and was only replaced by anger. 

Fury.

She was tired of whatever game Illumi Zoldyck was playing with her. Like a game of cat and mouse, he appeared again and again to remind her how weak and powerless she was.

_ I’m going to take you with me. _

But yet he changed his mind on a whim and dumped her back to her regular life, as if to remind her how easy it was to uproot her and plant her right back where she started. She’d always be there waiting for whenever he decided to pluck her again, wouldn’t she?

But his heartbeat had quickened when he held her, hadn’t it? 

No, it was the excitement of total power and control that excited him. Nothing else.

But when she’d try to stun him, beneath that emotionless existence, her Nen had picked up something repressed deep, deep inside, hadn’t it?

Nope, he was just a piece of shit that deserved to die, just like the bastard he’d killed in her stead. They were one and the same, just trash taking out trash.

As she dried herself off, she made one promise to herself. If Illumi Zoldyck showed up before her again, she would have to kill him or die trying. She was not a toy to be passed around.

* * *

I’m going to take you with me.

_ The words had just come out of Illumi’s mouth, borne out of an unprecedented surge of emotion that he’d felt when she’d thrown herself onto him to save her friend with that weak Nen ability of hers. But now that that single flame was slipping back into the same chasm where he had buried his other emotions, he was thinking rationally again. _

_ What was he doing this very second? _

_ He was running off with a woman in his arms that was not only useless in battle, she was defiant and careless and…  _

_ Asleep? _

_ A loud, rumbling snore broke his train of thought, and Illumi skidded to a stop mid-run. The force would have sent Mya’s body flying if not for Illumi’s secure hold on her legs wrapped around his waist. He lowered her body into a leaning position next to a tree, clarifying that she was more than asleep just from intoxication but physically drained, possibly from her attempt to protect her friend. It had taken more from her than she probably anticipated.  _

_ “Mya.” He pronounced her name for the first time, and she failed to arouse. Nothing would wake her up at this time and Illumi continued to watch the young woman doze peacefully for the next few moments before he grew disinterested. That solitary flame inside had extinguished. _

_ This ridiculous development only confirmed Illumi’s suspicions that she wasn’t worth his time. She was incredibly unreasonable, as this entire ordeal had been.  _

_ He had to focus on his priorities again: number one was Killua who he had to groom into the perfect assassin, even better than him to ensure the success of his number two and three priorities, the Zoldyck family and the Zoldyck family assassin business. _

_ There was no time for anything else, whatever  _ this _ was. He’d leave Mya here and let nature take its course.  _

_ He’d had enough fun in Heavens Arena. It was time to get back to work, and he turned on his heels and left. _

* * *

Hisoka lay on his bed between matches, swiping through his cell phone until he settled on his most recent photo, a mischievous grin spreading across his face. Here, he was crouched besides Mya whose consciousness lay somewhere between unconscious and asleep in the forest like a fairytale princess, throwing deuces at the camera.

_ Illumi, you really should take better care of your toys, especially when you have so very few of them,  _ he thought, throwing a card straight up into the air that firmly lodged in the ceiling. He continued to watch it for a few moments, and the card succumbed to gravity and fell back into his hand.

_ What goes up must come down. _


	9. Chapter 9

“You dragged me here to watch a grown man fight a child?!” Mya complained, exasperatedly, as she reached for the popcorn. Karie had finagled some highly coveted seats through her ever-present connections and of course had chosen to see her current infatuation Hisoka’s next match. Mya couldn’t argue that she had much better to do in the meantime so had agreed to come with, but now was regretting it more and more by the second. At least she had snacks.

“Shh!!” Karie waved frantically after her to be quiet, her eyes not leaving Hisoka who faced off against Gon. Mya looked up from her food to watch the poor boy get thrown around the arena, evading the occasional hit.

_ Gon Freecs. _ Mya was admittedly impressed by him - the child had heart but right this very moment, he was terribly outclassed. She hoped this match would end soon for his own good, and thankfully it appeared that the referee was thinking the same, hurrying things along by awarding points faster than usual. Mya noticed the white-haired boy named Killua Zoldyck that had first shown up with Gon across the arena. His catlike sapphire eyes betrayed the same look of concern Karie had for Mya far too often these days as he watched his friend.

They couldn’t possibly be related. She could never imagine such a human expression on Illumi’s mask-like, deceptively delicate-looking face. For a split second, it occurred to her that maybe she could just ask to quell her curiosity but dispelled that ridiculous thought immediately. What would she say?  _ Hey, do you happen to know this murderer who has the same name as you? _

Karie let out a sharp, loud inhale, jolting Mya’s attention back to the fight. It suddenly looked like Gon was getting the upper hand, landing hit after hit on Hisoka who seemed to be delighted at this turn of events. That soon came to an end by technical knockout after Hisoka, through the use of some unseen force, ended up knocking Gon down with a large slab of arena tile to the face.

The match ended suddenly to what seemed like the displeasure of the crowd. Gon appeared frustrated and angry at the loss while his friend, Killua let out what looked like a sigh of relief. Hisoka, again appearing bored with his opponent as he usually did at the conclusion of fights, calmly walked off the stage. But before he did, he looked up at the bleachers in their direction, and Mya could have sworn that his sharp eyes lingered just a little too long, as if he was looking straight at them, beckoning them to follow him.

Maybe Karie had managed to really catch his attention the other night, Mya considered. Karie beside her had not seemed to notice and was instead picking up her things to get ready to leave. As they made their way back to their suite, they were stopped by the magician’s low, seductive voice, echoing slightly from the hallway.

“Excuse me, misses~”

Mya and Karie stopped in their tracks and turned around. Hisoka all but swaggered towards them, looking like a mannequin with such a small waist offsetting broad, wide shoulders. Karie’s face flushed a deep red before deciding to play it cool, and Mya decided to push her friend slightly forward. Maybe this was her chance to make her fantasies a reality.

“Oh, hi! I really enjoyed your fight and uh-” Karie was at a loss of words, but Hisoka’s eyes traveled away from her and set themselves on Mya. She reflexively frowned, and Hisoka’s smirk widened in response.

“I just wanted to make sure you -” - he dramatically pointed a long, slender finger at her - “got home safely the other day, given the  _ circumstances _ ~”

“What do you mean?” Karie said, on Mya’s behalf, her eyes narrowing. Karie was a whole head shorter than her, but reflexively put herself before her friend in defense.

“It took me quite some time to figure out where you lived, but you seemed kind of familiar so I was able to bring you back.”

_ Had he stopped Illumi from whatever he was planning on doing?  _ Mya thought with shock.

Judging by the look on her face, while he didn’t know her exact thoughts, Hisoka realized he had successfully seeded the right amount of confusion to have a little fun. Plus, Mya had confirmed a few things to him just with that reaction: (1) Illumi’s “affections” if you could call it that were at best, unclear to her, and at worst, unrequited, and (2) She did not actually remember what happened that night.

The trickster spirit in him was gleeful at the chance to sow some discord. He walked closer in long, almost swaggering strides and Karie seemed to tense in place, but did not move out of the way. 

“T-Thank you.” Mya said, softly. Hisoka gave her a devious smile, shrugging his shoulders. 

“I do the best I can~” He almost purred, as he towered over them. Somehow, despite the fact that Hisoka had most likely saved her life, she was intimidated by this large man with radiant makeup that somehow only accentuated the dark aura that seeped out of him.

“Anyway!” He suddenly made an about face, and walked away from the dumbstruck women. However, before he was out of view, he called out at the two of them.

“If you really want to thank me, allow me to take you out to dinner.”

Mya felt an electric shock go through her body at those words, and she panicked, frantically glancing over at Karie, who looked positively crestfallen, then back at Hisoka.   


“Wait, um-” Mya started but Karie had already taken to her heels. Mya watched, frozen in place, as Karie turned the corner into their room and slammed the door shut behind her.

Hisoka walked up to Mya, now dumbstruck, and placed a heavy, warm hand on her shoulder. She hadn’t even realized how stunned she was until she felt his touch, and she turned to him with an irritated look. 

Somehow, he disarmed her with a warm, almost pleading look.

“Tomorrow at 7?”

“I-I can’t.” Mya responded simply and rushed back to explain herself to her friend. Hisoka watched her figure grow smaller as she made distance, a devilish smile curling onto his lips. Then he turned and left.

He had a date to plan out.

* * *

_ A kill a day. _

Illumi focused on his grandfather’s motto, repeating it like a mantra in his head, as he danced through the shadows, slaughtering everyone in sight. 

Collect lives, then collect money. Build his skills, then build his family’s reputation. Protect Killua. Preserve the Zoldyck family. Protect himself. 

He’d been hired to destroy a safehouse from an opposing rival gang. It took all of twenty minutes to clear every member despite him opting for hand to hand combat over using his needles. He wanted to drag this out, this feeling of absolute dominance and superiority.

His clawed hand thrust through the chest of the last of the men and he retracted his blood-covered hand quickly, letting his hand phase back to normal as the body fell to the ground. Illumi, now in a squat, curiously watched the young man sputter and choke out his last breath. Now on closer inspection, he looked more like a young boy, fifteen, sixteen years of age at the most. 

Unfortunate. He wondered if he, too, was only taking part in the family business and had just been too poorly trained to fend off an attack like this. This is exactly why Illumi had trained and molded Killua so carefully, to not end up like this miserable adolescent, gasping for air on the ground.

Illumi’s phone suddenly buzzed in his pocket, and he rose to his feet, wiping his bloody hand off the side of his pant leg before reading the message.

**_You left your toy behind, Illumi-chan~ <3_ **

He didn’t know what Hisoka was talking about. He had left nothing at Heavens Arena and would especially never make the mistake to leave anything important at Hisoka’s place. He thought nothing of the message, and placed the phone back into his pocket, walking out of the warehouse. He needed to plan his approach for his next hit.

His phone buzzed again.

**_She is quite cute to look at even if she’s a bit on the fragile side, like a glass doll..._ **

_ Hisoka. _

His phone buzzed a third time.

**_Don’t worry, I’ll have some fun with her instead ;)_ **

As Illumi read the words on his phone, cracks started to slowly form in the fragile glass of the screen until the entire phone lay crushed in his grip. He realized what he was doing and composed himself, running his hand through his silky, black hair.

He didn’t care. Hisoka could have his way with her for all he cared. He had his priorities straight.

After all, assassins didn’t need friends. Or lovers.

* * *

“Just go. He’s not gonna leave,” Karie said, softly, leaning against the frame of Mya’s doorway, hugging herself with her arms.

Mya was struggling through a plank, sweat dripping down her forehead as she attempted to hold the position. Looking up at her friend, she finally lowered her shaky body onto the yoga mat, and then rolled up into a sitting position. Mya stared carefully at Karie’s face, trying to gauge the amount of hurt and disappointment on her face before responding.

“He’s still out there?”

Karie nodded. Mya had checked through the peephole an hour earlier and Hisoka had been standing there, dressed in the most normal outfit she had seen him in yet - a sleeveless, pink and white plaid-checkered shirt that showed off his sculpted arms and a pair of crisp, clean looking chinos. He looked almost unrecognizable, like a normal person.

“I mean, it’s only been an hour. Another two and he’ll probably leave.” Mya insisted, rolling up her mat.

“Just go.” Karie insisted.

“You sure?”

“If you’re worried about me, don’t be. I don’t care.” Karie smiled. “He’s not the only man on earth. And he did save your life. It’s one date, you can do it to be polite.”

Mya sighed and looked at her watch. It was past 8pm. 

“The least you can do is enjoy the date if you really want to not hurt my feelings.” Karie joked, punching her lightly on the shoulder.

Mya smiled, knowing that Karie actually meant it and proceeded to get ready.

_ One date. Out of gratitude. Not a big deal. _

45 minutes later, she stepped out of her apartment, in an outfit matching Hisoka’s dressed-down mood - a pair of jeans and an off-the-shoulder long-sleeved top. She and Karie had gone over the contingency plans they had developed after the disastrous night out just a few nights ago, and she wore a pair of clean, dressed-up sneakers instead of unwieldy stiletto heels.

Hisoka was nowhere to be found.

_ Oh wow, he actually left,  _ she thought, looking around and then shrugged. But when she turned around to reopen the door to her apartment, she felt someone tap on her shoulder.

When she turned around, she was looking straight into Hisoka’s face, leaned over just a few inches from hers. His lips formed a smirk, and in a sleight of hand, a single rose appeared in his hand.

“I’m glad you decided to finally join~” He said, in a sweet, sultry voice. Mya’s face grew hot, hot, hot, before she shakily took the rose out of his hand. He was so far into her personal space that Mya involuntarily took a step back and found her back against her front door. From here, she could trace out the handsome, masculine features of his face, more clearly than she had ever seen on the television screen, far away in the arena bleachers, or even when she had drunkenly stumbled into him at the bar. His hair was no longer slicked by gel, and he sported only one tattoo beneath his right eye, one of a small, yellow heart. 

_ Oh shit, he’s hot,  _ she thought, swallowing hard. This was a bad, bad turn of events.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I envision Hisoka as an asshole but also as a lady's man, while Illumi is so emotionally constipated that he's still stuck in 'what is a feeling' mode. Anyway, I had fun writing this, and I hope to hear from you guys if you're still reading the story!


	10. Chapter 10

Mya walked side-by-side with Hisoka Morow, keeping a comfortable distance of a couple feet apart, trying to conjure up something to say to dispel the awkward silence. It had been a long time since she’d been on an actual  _ date  _ (he had called it a date, hadn’t he?) and she wasn’t exactly sure of the etiquette. Especially with someone so forward and eclectic as him.

Compliment his appearance, that was a good first step.

“You look so…  _ normal  _ today.” Mya blurted out.

God, is that really all she could come up with? 

It was a true statement, nonetheless. In his classic dramatic costume and heavy make-up, the magician looked like he was performing a role on stage, and now he seemed more like an actor on a day off. 

“Normal, huh~?” Hisoka mused, continuing to look straight ahead as he walked.

“At least compared to what you looked like yesterday or during any of your arena fights,” Mya decided to double-down on her statement.

“You like?” Hisoka asked, raising an eyebrow as he looked in her direction. Mya’s eyes quickly went to her feet instead, and he laughed that breathy laugh of his, running his hands through his hair. He couldn’t stop the theatrics if he tried. “Too bad, darling, I’ll be back to regular clothes shortly. I just thought we’d attract less attention this way.”

He smelled like something artificially sweet, like strawberries and cream, and he still moved dramatically and confidently like someone indestructible. He could never not attract attention. Even when he sat down across from her for dinner at a casual restaurant by the water, he took up a surprisingly large amount of space as he leaned into his seat, crossing his arms before him. 

Hisoka always looked like he owned the place but at this very moment, it was more charming than arrogant to Mya.

“You kept the tattoos though,” She piped up, now that they had both settled at the table. “At least half of them, anyway.”

“Gotta stay true to myself, don’t you think~? I wouldn’t be me without my signatures~.” Hisoka then leaned forward to rest his elbows on the table, eyes twinkling. “So what’s your thing?”

“My thing?” Mya paused for a second, then laughed. “I think we normally start introductions by asking for names.”

Hisoka furrowed his eyebrows and then made a childish look of frustration when he realized she was right. He had never asked her name.

“Mya,” she offered. 

“My apologies, Mya.” He said, as a waitress set down a basket of warm, fresh bread. They put in orders to the kitchen: for him, a large, rare steak, and for her, a salmon entree with fresh veggies and rice.

“You still haven’t answered my question.” Hisoka asked, as the waiter left their table. “I’ve been a floor master for quite a while, and I hadn’t seen you around until recently.”

“I’m just here for the summer. I’ll be leaving in a couple weeks since I’m not local.” 

“Oh.” He looked genuinely surprised for a moment. “Where to?”

Mya decided that maybe she wouldn’t divulge information to this stranger, at least just yet. She intuited that Hisoka was too confident to resort to stalking but given her prior circumstances, she figured she couldn’t be too careful. 

She took a long sip of water instead, then changed the subject.   


“What got you into magic tricks?” She had not seen every match he’d been a part of, but from Karie, she had heard that he often performed feats from fascinating to the macabre during his fights.

Calmly deflecting, he said “That’s a question for the next time I see you. Next question.”

_Touché._

But then a deep warmth spread across from her face when she realized what he was implying. A second date.

“I’m not going to be here long, remember?”

“I could make you want to stay.”

The warmth spreading across her face started to travel down her neck down into her trunk and she fidgeted a little in her seat.

_ I’m a married woman, I can’t be behaving like this,  _ she thought. Then again, she was only 24 years old and married to a dead man. Who had paid someone to kill her. Who had never touched her once.

Oh, did she want to be touched?

She looked up at Hisoka who continued to watch her with a rather amused look on his face, chin resting on one of his hands. From his vantage point, watching her squirm was entertaining but he still had trouble figuring out what exactly had caught Illumi’s interest aside from a pretty face. She was neither strong nor did she have a very remarkable aura. But Hisoka could tell, looking closely with Gyo, that something was different about her Nen. It ebbed and flowed effortlessly with her emotions, a warm glow when she was calm and a blazing flame whenever she got embarrassed. He wondered if she actually knew how to use it, but he would save the questions for later.

“Okay, how about this: what got you interested in combat?” Mya asked.

“The ability to tear apart my opponents, of course~” He said, clasping his hands to the side in a single action of pure unadulterated bliss. Mya involuntarily made a grimace, but decided to wave it off with the fact that their meals had just made it to the table.

“Dig in~” Hisoka said with glee, while first reaching for a piece of broccoli on her plate.

* * *

Mya walked back into her suite and fell onto her bed, heart aflutter, her arms wrapped tightly around an oversized plush toy bear. Her friend seemed to have gone to bed earlier than usual so Mya, to her dismay, had no one to recount the night to. Then again, the way she was behaving right now was unbecoming, especially since she knew Karie had feelings for Hisoka. 

Mya rolled over in bed onto her side, and curled up into fetal position. She felt warm and girlish, especially having spent the couple of hours after dinner playing arcade games like a teenager. Knowing that someone who spent their free time in nothing short of deathmatches had a sweet, childlike side to him was so endearing she thought her heart would burst.

It only took just a few hours, but she was head over heels.

_ Hisoka _ ...

With him, she could feel safe. He had already proven it to her by saving her from Illumi Zoldyck and making sure she got home safely. Maybe he could teach her to defend himself. She had kind of broached the subject during a short round of skeeball.

_ “Can you teach me how to be as strong as you?” She hadn’t meant it to come out as flirting. In earnest, she wanted to be able to protect herself. _

_ He threw a straight shot into one of the 100-point holes, then leaned onto the alley to face her. _

_ “No one is as strong as me dear, so you’re out of luck unfortunately~” He said the words lightly, but she could tell he meant every word. “Plus, I’m an awful teacher. I get distracted easily…” _

_ Mya must have unintentionally let a frown spread over her face, because he raised a finger in compromise. _

_ “How about I just focus on making sure that no harm comes to you instead and then we’ll see if I can teach you one or two things about protecting yourself? How does that sound~?” _

_ That was kind of a yes, _ Mya figured. She rolled over to her other side, clutching the bear even tighter.

_ Hisoka… _

She liked him because despite coming on so strongly in every way possible, he had only touched her gently, and frequently enough that she now craved a rougher, more indecent touch. Teiki had refused to touch her after she denied him on her wedding night. She had just been afraid and unsure. She didn’t want to hurt him. She wasn’t able to control her powers and with all her skin exposed… She didn’t want to knock him unconscious and ruin their special day. Or worse.

Her husband had responded to her concerns instead by slapping her across the face with enough force to make her nose gush blood and deciding that she would never, ever had sex again for the rest of her married life with him. It would be him or no one. She was a virgin to this day.

The phone besides her buzzed and she grabbed for it.

_ Hisoka… _

**_Good night, bunny. ;)_ **

That night, she slept a fitful, flustered sleep.

* * *

It was a quarter to midnight and Illumi was finishing his third hit that day. He needed to keep busy or his thoughts would yet again drift to soft skin on his or bright brown eyes swimming with tears or heaps of curls or cherry-red lips or…

He was getting distracted again. He had to focus on the job at hand.

Illumi made sure to continue to blend into the shadows as he infiltrated a locked office building. A single lit room from one of the highest floors had betrayed the presence of his target, a government official who was working late to draft up a mutinous congressional bill. Given the high security of the place, this place would be teeming with video-cameras so this was a mission that truly required a bit of stealth. 

Illumi was able to conceal his presence effortlessly, to the point that he was able to make his way into his target’s office and lurk behind the man who was typing furiously on his desk, attempting to meet some impending deadline. 

The middle-aged man stank profusely of sweat and stress as he continued to pound on the keyboard in a frenzy and Illumi could tell that the man had not bathed in at least the past 48 hours. He almost pitied him for working so hard, all for naught.

But not enough to cross his arms around the target’s neck and draw his needles back through the doughy skin, allowing blood to spray forward onto his computer monitor while gurgles and gasps came forth from the slit throat he clutched at helplessly. In seconds, the man lurched forward, lifeless, with his head hitting the keyboard with a heavy thud.

_ Well, that’s that. _

The glint of a gold framed photo caught his eye. A graceful, mature-looking woman, stared directly at the camera with a small, knowing grin as she sat on the porch of what appeared to be a modest home.

Brown eyes, like his Mya.

_ Shit.  _ What did he mean,  _ his _ Mya?

Illumi pulled out his newly replaced phone which he had placed on silent for work and checked his inbox. No messages from Hisoka. More importantly, no new messages from Hisoka taunting him about his new “toy.” He released a breath that he didn’t realize he was holding, and left the bloody scene. 

Illumi made it back to his hotel room, his lodgings for the night, without incident. His phone buzzed while he was in the shower and he much too eagerly went to check the message. His family members called, rather than texted, aside from Milluki and Milluki would never message him this late (these were his “tending to self” hours). It could only be from Hisoka.

It was a picture message with a caption:  **_You really do have wonderful taste, Illumi dear~ We had a lovely time today and plan to see each other again soon~._ **

And in the picture was  _ his _ Mya, in the skimpy black dress she’d worn the day he had briefly kidnapped her and then changed his mind, fast asleep against the tree he’d lain her on. This time, he put his phone down immediately, having learned his lesson last time. He didn’t have the time to keep replacing his cellphones, despite it being of no significant cost to him if he decided to shatter one every day for fun. 

If Hisoka had wanted to irritate him - and his trickster friend never resisted an opportunity to get under his skin - this time, he was extremely successful.

For the first time in his entire life as an assassin, Illumi Zoldyck slept a fitful, restless sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ooof, I'm trying really hard to make this stay in character but also have something to work with? I hope I captured Hisoka well~ Anyway, thanks as always for reading thus far, and please comment and kudos! <3


	11. Chapter 11

Hisoka checked his phone only to be disappointed at his empty inbox despite the taunting messages he had sent Illumi just several days ago. Maybe he had judged him incorrectly. Maybe he truly didn’t care about the girl seated besides him, sending furtive glances in his direction under the dim glow of a movie theater screen. He and Mya were on their third outing, and given how incredibly territorial Illumi was, he couldn’t imagine getting this far if Illumi had already staked his claim.

_Well, this is suboptimal but acceptable,_ Hisoka thought. While Mya wasn’t exactly his type given her lack of appreciable power, something about her was pet-like and cute, and this was particularly accentuated today by the way she had twisted her hair into two oversized puffy buns. Hisoka had to suppress the urge to pull on one of them like a schoolboy, knowing that given how poorly he controlled his strength when he was playing around, he’d likely end up popping her head cleanly off her shoulders. That would be a shame.

To his left, Mya stifled a laugh at something that happened in the movie that Hisoka was no longer paying attention to. Hisoka was busy thinking of his next course of action. He was itching for a fight with someone, anyone, and Illumi was not indulging him. His other fruits were still maturing. He was at a loss.

Oh well, a good lay never hurt anybody. He’d just have to be gentle with her when he took her back to his place tonight. Hisoka frowned at the thought of having to hold back in any circumstance. What an awful prospect.

All of a sudden, Hisoka noticed Mya begin to shiver out of nowhere, seconds before he started to feel it too: an immense pressure, also known as bloodlust.

Illumi’s bloodlust.

Hisoka’s lips curled into a terrifying look of malicious pleasure, obscured by the darkness of the theater.

_ At last, some excitement~!  _ Hisoka remained planted in his seat, almost trembling in glee as he anticipated whatever terror Illumi would be willing to unleash in this crowd full of people.

“It doesn’t feel right in here all of a sudden.” Mya whispered to Hisoka, rubbing herself warm, her arms bare in a sleeveless sundress. Hisoka neglected to respond, only turning to look behind his seat with the excitement of a child waiting to open Christmas presents. Mya turned to look back as well, and saw nothing familiar, deciding to renew her focus on the feature they’d paid to see. Around them, it seemed like the other moviegoers had started to notice the immense sense of pressure suffocating the room and the low rumble of disquieting whispers only started to get louder. A few couples and singles left, not able to withstand the uncomfortable tension in the theater. Mya too started to get anxious.

“Uh Hisoka, I think we should leave,” she insisted but as she turned to him, she was startled by the haunting expression Hisoka now had spread over his face. He was literally drooling with anticipation of what was to come.

“Hisoka?” She nudged him gently; he was lost in thought.

_ What the hell is going on? _

Abruptly, she could feel a set of eyes bore holes through the back of her head. Mya should not have turned around.

But she did, and she saw  _ him _ at a distance, yet again, standing at the entryway looking every bit like a spectre. His dark eyes were impassive as always, but his lips were pressed tightly into a thin line. She blinked, unable to react quickly enough and then he was beside her, grabbing her firmly by the wrist as he stared daggers right at Hisoka.

“What exactly are you doing, Hisoka?” Illumi demanded to know, his voice low and controlled, ignoring Mya who was desperately trying to pull her arm from his iron grip.

Hisoka grinned and stretched out in his seat, resting his hands on the back of his head. “Just playing around, Illumi-chan~ Do you feel left out?”

Mya gawked at Hisoka, stunned, her face the picture of betrayal. Then she glared back at Illumi, who still held her wrist in a vice-like grip while holding his glare steady at the red-haired magician.

“Get off of me!!” She shrieked in the now half-empty movie theater, using her free hand to deal blows at his firm body as hard and fast as she could. Illumi continued to remain locked in his staring contest with Hisoka, paying her no mind.

“Now Illumi, careful, no need to be such a brute~” Hisoka let out an amused chuckle. A muscle in Illumi’s jaw tensed then relaxed. Mya, on the other hand, became enraged.

“HISOKA!” Mya screamed in anger and frustration. “HELP me!”

Illumi closed his eyes once, as if he was counting to three to reorganize his thoughts then dragged Mya up the steps behind him despite her fervent protest, despite the way she dug in her heels and pulled away from him.

“Don’t worry, Illumi won’t hurt you, bunny~” Hisoka called out behind them with a wave, ducking as a needle went hurtling straight into his direction. “Tsk tsk, so irritable~” He teased, expecting another attack, but he realized Illumi was walking away.

Where was the fight? Hisoka’s gleeful expression faded and he sank further in his seat, disappointed.

“Are you guys going to get a fucking room?!” A young man piped up from across the room as Illumi forced Mya up the stairs. In response, Illumi used his free hand to throw his needles in one swift motion, a dozen of which landed in a spiral in the flesh of the young man’s face, shriveling it into a husk before he dropped to the ground. 

There was a moment of pause before the collective horror set in and soon the theater filled with screams with people scrambling over each other to escape from the alternate exits. Mya’s mind went blank as she watched the mess unravel.

_ I’m never going to live peacefully again,  _ she realized. _ It’s over.  _

She felt like she was underwater, so far away the noise was around her. All she could hear was the rushing of blood in her head. She couldn’t hear Illumi address her until he finally let go of her wrist, now that they were in the lobby of the cinema. She searched desperately for Hisoka, who was nowhere to be found. The magician's final trick was a disappearing act.

Alone and abandoned, she was face to face again with Illumi Zoldyck. A face that was blank but with so much evil below the surface. She hated him. She hated him so much, and she hated Hisoka now too for not defending her. They even sounded like they knew each other. Had he set her up? It was a game, just another game. She was being played with yet again. She was so stupid, so, so stupid.

“Don’t-” Illumi started to speak, but Mya had landed a swift, resounding slap on his face. 

Illumi’s eyebrows furrowed. It didn’t hurt of course, but he was surprised at the audacity. They both knew he could end her life in seconds on a whim.

“Just kill me and get it over with, you fucking bastard,” Mya spat, fists clenched and shaking by her side. The hand that she had slapped with him stung, the wrist that he had almost crushed still throbbed. “Just-” She raised her hand to slap him again, but he blocked it, lowering her hand down gently by her side.

“Stop. You’ll hurt yourself.” He warned with no corresponding edge to his voice. “Listen to me: Hisoka’s dangerous. Stay away from him.” His voice was matter-of-fact and passionless. He might as well have been reading off instructions out of a cookbook.

“And you’re not?!” Mya retorted, incredulously.

Illumi had nothing to say in response. She was right, he was incredibly dangerous. Even this very moment, as they spoke, there were still people running in and out of the theater hall, trying to figure out what to do with the man who lay dead and disfigured. 

“Why won’t you just stay away, huh? Why are you stalking me still?” She tried yet again to raise her hand against him, and he lowered her hand one more time.

“If you do that again, I’ll be forced to defend myself.” Illumi had let her get enough hits in, but he could only tolerate it for so long.

“You? Defend yourself?” Mya let out an uncharacteristically high cackle, revealing how close she was to snapping, if she hadn’t already. She was truly becoming unstable the longer she stayed near this man. “From me? Am I the assassin? Am I the stalker?”

He didn’t say anything so she pressed on.

“Go ahead, defend yourself from me!” She tried ineffectively to shove him and ended up only pushing herself back, him not moving an inch. It was laughable how powerless she was. Mya gave up, sinking to the ground, a trembling mess. 

“Please leave me alone.”

_ Such a stubborn creature, _ he thought. She didn’t seem to realize how hard she was pushing her luck and trying his patience. She didn’t know how lucky she was that he’d given her so many chances.

But something had to be done. Illumi realized that in some way, shape or form, he wanted her. If he didn’t confront what he was, dare he say it, feeling, he’d continue to make impulsive and unreasonable decisions. Like pulling her out of a club and running away with her, telling her he would take her with him. Like barging into a movie theater, threatening Hisoka, and killing a bystander for speaking up. Like standing before her now and hoping she would understand him when he didn’t really understand himself.

He needed her to accept him, to stop fighting him. The easiest way would be through a needle, but if he were to use a needle to this effect, she’d more than likely perish. He’d have to make her  _ want  _ to be around him somehow, and only then could he rid himself of this need to see her, to touch her. And then maybe, once these pesky feelings were out of his system, he could focus on his life purpose: ensuring the prosperity of the Zoldyck family.

Illumi squatted down to meet Mya eye to eye, but she was bent over, burying her face into her knees. He watched her for a few moments, then spoke.

“How can I make you less afraid of me?” His voice was soft, like he was talking to a child.

Mya, a quivering heap, froze in place at his words.

_ Less afraid? Impossible. _

She felt fingers gently tread through her hair, unraveling the two now distressed hair buns she’d styled her hair in this morning. She felt her curls fall around her blanketing her.

_ Why... _

Mya looked up at Illumi, still sitting on his haunches before her, watching her carefully. There was no softening of his facial expression to match the abrupt shift in tone of his voice or the tenderness of the action. But she could feel it, a softening of his edges.

“Your hair looks better down,” he remarked in response to her questioning look.

“Don’t touch me,” she murmured under her breath. Ignoring her, he tucked her hair behind both ears in two slow, deliberate motions. His fingers were cold but soft as they grazed her face lightly. She swatted his hands away but regrettably, she was softening too. She didn’t like this feeling, it was too easy. Was she being manipulated?

Her mind flashed to the night he had “kidnapped” her and the way she had felt his warm breath tickle her ear as he held her so tight against him she could feel his racing heart. No, no, no.

“Murderer,” she spat, almost to remind herself.

“I prefer assassin,” Illumi corrected. He rose to his feet and offered a hand out to her. When she didn’t immediately take it, he took hers instead and brought her to her feet. She snatched her hand away, but she could already feel the mood was different. She hated this, too. 

“If I pay you the price for my head, will you stop coming?” Mya asked, meaning to cut.  _ Cut who? He was proud of what he did for a living, _ she thought as soon as the words came out of her mouth. 

“No.” He said, simply. Illumi noticed she had stopped crying and her anger had cooled to a steady irritation. That was a good start. “Get used to seeing me more and more frequently.”

Mya couldn’t come up with anything else to say. She had also just remembered Hisoka was still nowhere to be found. Some date.

“Oh, one more thing.” He reached his hand out at her as if to demand something from her. Mya looked at his outstretched palm, then looked back at him, unsure of what was going on.

“Hand me your phone,” he ordered. 

“No,” Mya retorted, impulsively but once he raised an eyebrow at her, she immediately reconsidered it now that she was no longer hysterical. She handed him her phone, unlocked.

Illumi scrolled through the contacts for a moment. She somehow had fewer contacts than him, he noticed. He got to Hisoka’s name and deleted the phone number, then added himself as a contact.

“Stay away from Hisoka,” he repeated, handing her her phone back. “I deleted all your correspondence.”

She didn’t need to be told to stay away from Hisoka. He hadn’t helped her at all, and now she was suspicious about whether or not he ever liked her to begin with. And to think she wanted to… She now cringed at the thought.

“You can’t tell me what to do.”

The smallest of smiles appeared on Illumi’s face. “I just did.”

She would submit to him. It was only a matter of time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So in all honestly, I'm not super happy about this chapter but I'll post it anyway and maybe if it irks me enough I'll rewrite it kekeke  
> I hope everyone is doing well, and I hope to hear from some of yall~


	12. Chapter 12

Mya’s gaze trailed out the airplane window, zoning out as she chewed gum to keep her ears from popping. Karie had fallen asleep despite the short plane ride and was snoring lightly as she leaned her head against her friend’s shoulder. 

Their time at Heavens Arena had come to an end, and the last two weeks had thankfully been uneventful. After the movie theater ordeal, Mya had not heard or seen from Hisoka, and she was thankful for this as somehow she was more furious at him than Illumi. At least Illumi had not feigned any form of kindness to lower her defenses. She felt like a pawn; she didn’t want to think about it anymore. She was just glad that Karie was reassured to learn that Hisoka was, in fact, a bastard, leaving out other unnecessary details. Their friendship would remain unstrained.

While Mya now had her hitman’s number in her phone, Illumi had not attempted to contact her in any way which was somewhat relieving. She had thought about deleting the name from her phone, disconcerted every time she saw the name  _ Illumi Zoldyck _ pop up at the end of her short contact list, but she couldn’t come up with the courage to press the button. She felt that he’d materialize the second she did, like summoning a demon. 

Once she had parted with her friend with a hug and extended goodbye, Mya was once again faced with the loneliness of her rundown apartment. She’d been spoiled for far too many weeks and the return to reality was harsh and swift. She was alone without a clear plan for the next decades of her life now that her time as a desperate housewife had come to an end. She was supposed to be dead.

_ What am I going to do now? _

She opened her suitcase with the intention to unpack and was immediately staring at the stuffed animal Hisoka had won for her. Why had she even packed this? She flung it behind her in irritation and spent the next half hour sorting through clean and dirty clothing for laundry the next morning. Once finally unpacked, she bathed under low shower pressure, changed into comfortable clothing and jumped into her lumpy mattress, staring at the ceiling.

The first thing she’d do is buy herself a nice bed. She couldn’t keep breaking her back like this.

She tallied up all the money in her nest egg and her earnings from the past few months in her head. She realized now that she had saved enough to do what she’d been meaning to do but afraid to do ever since she’d run away: see her parents.

By now, the payments Teiki wired to her father every month to keep her parents out of debt had either been canceled out of retaliation when she’d disappeared or annulled when his body had been discovered. Those payments were part of the reason why she hadn’t left him immediately once he’d started mistreating her. She had never been there out of love to begin with, despite the fact that she had wanted so desperately to fall in love with him. Maybe that way, it would have hurt less to have been given away.

Mya finally made a decision: she would return to her hometown this coming weekend and see her parents. She was able to move freely, and now she wouldn’t be empty-handed. Her parents would be happy to know that she was alive and well.

And another thing…

She sat up, crossing her legs and let her hands glow, infusing her hands with healing aura. She decided she would become a doctor. Even if she couldn’t participate in her father’s method of healing, she could be the first one to be formally trained in medicine. She wouldn’t have to be part of the underground trade that got her father in so much trouble in the first place. She could practice medicine, earn money legally and clear her father’s debts.

Mya jumped out of bed feeling self-actualized for the first time in weeks. She knew exactly who to call next. Atop her dresser was a partially crumpled business card that she had thought was silly just a short while ago but she was now grateful for. With a small smile, she made a quick phone call to Leorio Paladiknight, professional Hunter.

* * *

**_You finally let me get a taste of that bloodlust of yours… just to leave me hanging??? >:(_ ** **,** Illumi could practically hear Hisoka’s voice over the phone and it exasperated him.

**_Get over it, it’s been weeks,_ ** he typed back.

**_Oh, you are simply so cruel, Illumi Zoldyck~_ **

Illumi set his phone back on the patio table and returned to the task at hand, armed with a pair of bonsai clippers. He was back at the Zoldyck estate to relax, having decided to slow his work pace for a little while now that he had fewer distractions, and aimed to spend the next hour focusing on tending his bonsai tree. This particular tree had survived longer than expected despite him traveling so often for missions; it was a couple of years older than Milluki and had been gifted to him at the age of six by his grandfather Zeno.  _ To learn patience, _ he’d said. 

At the time, it seemed like another chore, another form of his brutal training disguised as a hobby but he’d come to actually like the activity. Every butler in the estate had been trained to do the tedious work of checking the soil and watering it, but he reserved the work of shaping and pruning the plant to himself. The tree would only take form as he desired it to, and that simple fact was calming for him.

He’d spent all this time shaping Killua the same way he shaped this tree and look at how he had been repaid! All his hard work now paled in the light of a simple friendship among boys. It didn’t matter, Killua was temporarily misdirected but he’d soon be bent back into place. It was only a matter of time.

_ Snip _ . Alas, he had cut a branch that was a smidge too thick forming a hollow wound. He dabbed a little bit of wound paste to the tree with a toothpick, but he had to expect an ugly scar. For a split second, Illumi thought about discarding the entire tree, but he changed his mind. He’d do the best he could, he had put so much effort into already. This was a labor of tremendous love, as much love as he could muster towards any single living thing. 

Aside from his dear younger brothers, of course.

* * *

For the first time in months, Mya was heading towards and not away from Yorknew City. Something deep in her belly fluttered as she waited patiently in the rickety bus that would take her right to the edge of the city where she had grown up, just far enough on the outskirts that she was aware of the glamour of the center city but unable to get a taste. That was, until she had been plucked out that fateful day.

Mya hadn’t seen her parents in almost a year. She had been afraid to reach out to them when she ran, for fear that somehow she would implicate them and get them in trouble. She knew her husband would have searched for her there first and her mother, whose emotions a blind person could read from miles away, would have somehow been implicated. She wondered how much her parents would have cried at the news that she was dead and if they would have regretted sending her off so soon against her will. 

She wondered and wandered all the way up until she finally ended up on the doorstep of her childhood home, a modest two-story, three bedroom home in the pseudo-suburbs, standing still, not saying a word, willing herself to knock confidently. To say, ‘I am here’, ‘I’m alive’, ‘I miss you’ and ‘I’ll take care of you.’

Mya finally knocked, and in a few painstakingly slow moments, she could hear heavy footsteps shuffle across the wooden floor to the front door and knew immediately it was her father who would set eyes on her first. Her father never picked up his feet when he walked, ruining shoes and ruining flooring. It drove her and her mother crazy.

The door swung open, and the tall, balding, exhausted-appearing man in a stained white undershirt and sweatpants who was her father peered down at her with an expression that was incomprehensible. Somewhere between shock, shame, confusion and relief? Mya didn’t pay attention, instead welling up with emotion and throwing her hands around him. He smelled like an acrid mix of cheap beer and stale cigarettes but Mya only remembered his constant scent of coffee grounds and expensive cologne from back when their lives had been better, before he had been brought to ruin.

Her father slowly and hesitantly returned the hug, just a little less tight than she had remembered from childhood.

“I missed you so much, Daddy,” Mya choked out through sobs.

“We… we thought you were killed.” He replied in a soft, slightly wavering voice. Before anything else could be said, they heard a woman’s voice ring out from a side room, the kitchen.

“Honey, who is it?”

Mya quickly slipped past her father, who had still been standing in the doorway partially blocking her entrance and ran towards her mother, almost toppling her over before the older woman could realize what was happening.

“M-Mya?! Mya!! My baby!!” Her mother started to wail, her knees buckling so that only Mya’s quick movements prevented her from hitting the ground. Mya held her mother to cushion her fall as they slowly lowered to the ground, gradually ending up on their knees facing each other. Now they both wept and held each other close.

“Is it really you, my daughter, my baby?!” Her mother cupped her daughter’s face, stroking it gently as if to smooth out every bruise or stress-induced wrinkle she’d received over the past year.

“Yes, Mommy, it is, it is,” Mya said, nodding, as she pressed her own hand atop her mother’s hand, reveling in her touch.

“We didn’t even get to see you at your wedding and then these men come here and say that you’ve run away and then start destroying the place-“

“Naya!” Her father interjected suddenly with the roaring voice she remembered from the not-so-savory parts of her childhood. The two women froze, then turned to him. Mya let out a soft sniffle, then got to her feet, pulling her mother up with her.

“Mommy, tell me what happened,” she said, wiping her tears away, her tone now serious.

“These men came-“

“Naya, you have nothing to say any longer.”

Naya Kuracanto had been dealing with her husband’s behavior for so many years but this… this was too much. 

“Let me speak.” She insisted, her expression now fierce. “I lost my daughter once already, I’m not going to deal with making these same mistakes again.”

Mya stood protectively between her father and mother, and faced her much smaller mother. Naya seemed to have aged so much in just a short time, and Mya swore most of the streaks of gray in her hair, along with the new permanent crease in her forward. It had only been a year! Regardless, Naya would always remain the most beautiful woman Mya had ever laid eyes on.

“Tell me what happened, Mommy,” she coaxed.

“Did you run from your husband?” Her father interjected before Naya could say a word. “How did he suddenly die?”

“Sam!” It was Naya’s turn to interject. Mya whipped around, set ablaze by the combination of his refusal to let her mother speak and the accusatory tone in his voice.

“Did you sell me to a stranger to pay off your debts?!” Mya spewed her venom before she realized what she was saying. She covered her mouth, appalled at her own outburst. This was not what she came here for. She had come here to tell her parents she loved them and forgave them.

But the damage was swiftly dealt. Sam Kuracanto was an incredibly proud man at baseline, and nothing would ever change that. He would especially not yield to his daughter reminding him of two of the biggest failures of his lifetime.

One, losing face both in the medical community and to the same network of underground criminals he provided both ethical and unethical medical care after he was publically disgraced.

Two, giving up his only daughter in order to recoup financial losses and avoid jail time, thus making him a disgrace to his wife and to himself.

“Get out of my house.” 

Mya’s heart sank in her chest.

“You will not disrespect me in my own house.”

Mya turned to her mother, whose face was downcast but she said nothing, staring at the ground. She turned back to her father.

Mya wanted to say that her blood and tears allowed them to keep this house, and allowed him specifically to keep his freedom. She wanted to say that she was going to be the one to protect them from debt collectors and authorities from now on, and she wouldn’t have to depend on a family so disgusting as the Miliards to do it. She wanted to say that she had almost been murdered without their knowledge and had just wanted them to know that she had survived despite the circumstances.

Sam could read it all in the burning gaze of his daughter, who he had called useless behind closed doors, who he had implied only had her mother’s beauty as her saving grace. His daughter didn’t have half his talent at the usage or his precision at using nen, no matter how hard he had tried to teach her. She couldn’t be the  protégé he wanted, and sending her to a regular medical school with his legacy would be an absolute disaster. She might as well have just gotten married and let a man take care of her. 

It’s not like he could have known that this man would turned out to be an absolute monster. No, he did know, he had just decided he would turn a blind eye despite his poor wife’s protests. She’d turn out okay, no matter what, wouldn’t she?

Mya finally broke eye contact for just a moment and reached into her purse, pulling out a banded stack of crisp bills. She slammed the stack down forcefully on the kitchen counter. Looking straight at her father again, she addressed her shaking mother behind her.

“This is for the last two months. Sorry it’s late, Mom. My husband died.”

With that, she turned her back on her father, gave her mother one last hug and a kiss on the forehead, before walking out the door. She didn’t know when she’d be back, but at least she knew it wouldn’t be soon.

* * *

Mya’s righteous anger unfortunately did not last her the entire trip home, and by the time she made it to her front door, she was shaking from a profound sadness that sprang deep from her core.

She’d held it in for hours, not wanting to be the girl who sobs incomprehensibly on the train, but by the time she had fumbled her key into the lock and stumbled into her home, she couldn’t keep in the waterfall of tears. All she did was cry these days, and even thinking about the fact that all she did was cry made her want to cry.

Mya made it a few steps, then curled into a heap in the center of the bare excuse of a living room she had, wondering if it was worth even making it into a warm bed to sob. Time seemed to pass imperceptibly to her as she lay on the cold floor of her apartment, catatonic, for what seemed like hours. At some point, she must have fallen asleep and started to dream, because she slipped into an awareness just briefly enough to recognize that she was being scooped off of the floor into a pair of strong arms. Soft hair like silk stroked her face briefly as she floated through air for seconds before being lowered onto a soft, cloud-like surface. Was this her bed? It didn’t have the usual peaks and valleys from the unevenly worn foam she was used to, it couldn’t be. She spread her arms out, eyes closed, and her hands touched nothing familiar but the air before her. She rolled over, assuming fetal position, hoping she wouldn’t wake up just yet. She suddenly felt safe and warm.

What a strange, strange dream.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Longer than usual with a lot more thinking and backstory. I hope you enjoy! <3


	13. Chapter 13

Mya arose to the sound of her phone ringing. 

Eyes still shut and laying on her belly, she groaned and reached over the edge of her bed, feeling for the cellphone she usually left to charge on the floor beside her. Odd, her fingers didn’t seem to touch the ground. 

Her phone continued to ring with urgency. She begrudgingly creaked open her eyes and that’s when she realized something was off. Mya sat bolt upright and looked around her.

Her thin, full-size mattress and creaky bed frame had been swapped for a king-size bed that took up a silly amount of space in her small bedroom. Attached was a heavily padded headboard whose intricate design clashed with the peeling, off-white wall paint and the unreachable cobwebs in the right hand corner of the ceiling - two things that confirmed that this was, in fact, still her room. Even the bedsheets on which she lay were of a softer, finer quality, like those of luxury hotels.

Confused, Mya got out of bed and walked to her bathroom, relieved to see her familiar streaky mirror before she noticed her eyes were still puffy from crying herself to sleep last night.

Mya was pretty sure even if she blacked out and upgraded her things, someone would have to set them up. Was this a surprise gift from Karie? She had money, but not that much to spare. Plus, she didn’t have the key to her apartment. Only one person came to mind that could slip in and out of her apartment without her knowledge.

As she connected the dots, her phone continued to ring and she hurried to pick it up, finally locating it at the top of her dresser. Illumi Zoldyck’s name flashed across her screen.

_ Fuck,  _ she cursed in her head, before picking it up, her hand shaking as she put the phone to her ear.

“H-Hello?” Her voice came out smaller than she expected. There was a small pause on the phone before Illumi spoke in that inflection-less voice of his.

“In the future, I expect you to pick up the phone by the third ring at the very least. And that’s being generous.”

His word choice conveyed annoyance, but she couldn’t hear it in his tone through the phone. Mya remarked that he was somehow less terrifying on the phone than in person. Maybe because of the distance, or maybe because there was not as much of an obvious disconnect between the words coming out of his mouth and the complete lack of facial expressions to match. Nevertheless, she swallowed hard at the implied  _ or else _ . Illumi continued to speak to fill the resulting silence.

“For text messages, I’ll give you two, maybe three hours before expecting a response. Do you understand?”

She steeled herself before cutting him off. “Were you in my home last night?” 

Without missing a beat, Illumi responded naturally, “Yes.”

Mya was taken aback by how quickly he admitted to it, then remembered that he didn’t have to be ashamed or fear any consequence. What was she going to do? Call the police?

“I had stopped by earlier but it seems like you were gone most of the day. I got bored and decided to make some upgrades for my own comfort. I had some help deliver some amenities.”

“You can’t just have things delivered into other people’s houses!” She protested.  _ An entire bed is not an amenity! _

“Then stop me,” was his simple reply, and then she heard a click on the other end of the phone. He’d hung up. Mya faltered, and let out a long sigh. Then it occurred to her.

**_Wait, do you intend to sleep here?!_ ** She texted frantically.

**_I did last night._ **

Mya’s face started to burn as the implication set in. He’d slept in her bed. Or rather, his bed? With her in it? 

Oh no, he’d seen her laying on the ground? Her embarrassment intensified. Did he bring her to bed with him? She remembered the arms she’d felt carrying her in her dream, and her stomach started to do backflips. Did he..? Did they..?

She was spiraling.

Mya suddenly felt very, very dirty and rushed back into her bathroom. She hadn’t been touched, she didn’t think, inspecting herself again in the mirror. She was still wearing yesterday’s clothes. Mya still decided she needed a shower to wash any traces of him on her. Just in case.

She pulled back her shower curtain and stepped in, just to realize the moment she turned the faucet that the water coming from the shower now flowed at a comfortable, massaging pressure. 

_ Oh no, he’d changed the shower head, too,  _ she thought. He really did mean to stay.

* * *

Illumi sat patiently, disguised as Hisoka in the Phantom Troupe’s Yorknew City hideout, speaking minimally so as to avoid giving himself away. He couldn’t quite match Hisoka’s comportment and he wouldn’t bother trying. Hisoka had paid in advance and the money served nicely to offset his recent impulsive purchases. While Illumi and his family were fantastically wealthy, he was still very particular about his finances.

He wondered if he had hired him as an apology for grating on his nerves. Hisoka wasn’t very loyal to the group of bandits anyway and could probably think of other methods to slip away to battle their leader. Somehow his younger brother and that trouble-making friend of his were also wrapped up in the band’s antics, but Killua thankfully wasn’t in danger yet. He briefly considered taking advantage of his position to manipulate a troupe member into killing Gon, but out of a modicum of respect for Hisoka, he decided not to. Instead, he continued to sit quietly and behave as a wallflower. This seemed like the only place Hisoka actually seemed to fade into the background.

He couldn’t explain his behavior yesterday. The truth was, he would be as comfortable at the bottom of a well as he would in a 5-star luxury hotel, and he could easily spend days on end without food or water. But Illumi had found himself envisioning how he’d reorganize the place as he sat waiting for her and gotten carried away. By the time he planned to set out to punish her for presumably running away from her own home to avoid him, she’d stumbled in looking and sounding like the world had ended.

It was annoying how easily tears flowed down her cheeks, he thought. He had let her wallow for hours, sitting on his new bed (freshly assembled and made with the help of a Needle person) and engrossing himself in a book. Then a couple of hours later, he realized she still hadn’t moved from that spot or even noticed he was in her home.

_ What a nuisance. _

He had moved her from the ground to his bed, appalled by her ability to seemingly pass out anywhere. In a small way, it irritated him even more that her husband had bothered hiring a Zoldyck assassin to off her, when she was an easy enough target that any thug off the street would do. Her husband really was a bastard.

A dead bastard.

Anyway, back to the task at hand. Illlumi was glad this job was easy, and allowed him some time to think. All he had to do was stand there as Hisoka and look pretty.

Mya smiled when she looked at Hisoka; he’d seen it from afar, in the movie theater. She’d never smile for him like that, would she? The smile she’d flashed in his direction that was different from the kind but measured smile she had when healing his arm as Gittarackur. She had wanted something from him, she looked at him with a hopeful affection. 

The only looks she ever gave him was shock, surprise or anger. 

What if he came to her home as Hisoka, would she react differently? 

As he thought this, Illumi’s disguise was starting to slip without the use of his needles. He didn’t think he’d last too much longer, and he would then end up in an inconvenient situation.

Luckily, Hisoka finally texted him release with the simple words,  **_You can go~ <3_ **

As soon as he had the opportunity to, Illumi slipped out to the night, headed back to the small rundown apartment where his Mya lived.

* * *

“You don’t live here. Stop coming in and out like you live here.” Mya said immediately, not turning around as she watched Illumi enter from the front door. The first sentence started off strong, but her voice got smaller as he advanced and settled in a seat across from her.

“In that case, keep me out to the best of your ability.” 

Mya didn’t say another word. She turned her attention to the book she was holding in her left hand while her right scraped the bottom of a bowl of rice with a spoon. Illumi noticed that she had set a second place at the table, a still steaming bowl of rice with tableware to one side, and in the center of the table, a pot of fragrant curry swimming with high-quality cuts of beef and vegetables sat atop a woven placemat.

“Thank you for the food.” Mya said, rising to deposit her cleared plate in the sink and then walk into her bedroom, closing the door and locking it. She didn’t want to admit it but finding her fridge stocked and her cabinets plentiful with high-quality foods that morning had tugged just slightly, very slightly at her heartstrings. Even if he was a murderer. Even if he was forcing his way into her life. Even if he had done it for himself and made that fact excessively clear, she still had to thank him somehow. She could at least make a meal.

Illumi ate quietly and efficiently, wondering if he’d have to break down the door she just locked to assert dominance or calmly lockpick it to enter. But Mya came back out, wearing the heaviest pair of sweatpants and sweatshirt that she owned and stood in the doorway, giving him a meaningful look. He didn’t know what the look meant and neither did she. 

Something in the air shatters.

Illumi gets up so quickly, the chair he was sitting on crashes to the ground and in a split second, he’s hoisted Mya up so that her legs are wrapped around his waist and he’s tossed her onto the bed, their bed. He watches her hungrily, breathing heavily, and she is too, watching him carefully as he hovers above her, his weight supported by his hands pressed on either side of her head. She remembers the last time he was this close to her, ready to kill her. The only times Illumi has ever been this close to anyone he wasn’t trying to murder, it has been with her. Her eyes are starting to glaze over and her mind is elsewhere. Shifting his weight to one arm, he pulls her sweatpants off in one swift motion, his impassive expression masking the lust underneath. She reflexively draws her legs in but he applies pressure to keep them flat on the bed and parts them with one knee to expose her other center, covered only by the thin layer of her plain underwear. His hand then travels up her sweatshirt and cups a soft, bare breast, stroking the nipple and she shudders at the touch. She lets out a soft whimper, and she’s now tense, as stiff as a board.

She isn’t ready, Illumi realizes. He’s not completely sure he cares about her readiness as desire swells up in the lower half of him.

But he does, as he remembers how she looked at Hisoka with a longing. He knows that if he continues, if he forces her, he’ll never have that. He’ll never have someone want him. He wants someone to want him. He wants her to want him.

He pulls back, leaning his weight back onto his knees, reining himself in. She slowly slides up from below him into a sitting position. They are still facing each other, and there is a tight tension in the air. All they can hear are their hearts pounding.

She wants him to continue, Mya realizes, but only because he stops. She realizes that he’s now relinquished the faintest bit of control to her, and she slowly reaches a hand out to stroke his face softly. It’s late for her but she’s starting to understand. 

The man before her, who is more beautiful than most women that she’s seen, prettier than her, stronger than her, terrifying, controlling and cruel has started to feel something for her. She can feel it in the warmth in his face that radiates to her fingertips. It’s evident in the fact that he decides not to take her when he could easily leave her a broken, shattered mess that it’s something other than lust.

She doesn’t know what to do. He’s too similar to her husband. What happens when he decides she no longer interests him? What happens then? 

In a twisted, sad way, Illumi has already been better to her than her husband. But for how long?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm gonna be honest, I suck at writing smut which is why I avoid it. And this is barely smut, just a little tease. Anyway, enjoy!


	14. Chapter 14

The next couple of months passed with the strange comfort of newly-set routines. Mya settled into the realities of the new life unfolding before her without conflict. She coped with her disappointment in her father by leaning into her premedical studies, following the advice Leorio had kindly imparted to her in her initial phone call. 

“As for your other problem, I’m guessing he never came back right?” He had asked her with a hearty laugh. She smiled, sheepishly on her end of the phone and quickly changed the subject back to comparing the best study materials.

Mya also still managed to wire a monthly allowance to her parents after resuming her job at the bookstore, taking additional shifts in the morning. Quitting her job with the preschoolers was bittersweet, but she was relieved now that she had more time to study during her working hours, moments she wouldn’t have if she were to continue running around with energetic kids.

She still spent parts of her free weekends with Karie, but her friend was starting to pick up on the fact that Mya was now coming up with any excuse to avoid letting her come over to her apartment.

“I can just come drop these off on my way home, though!” Karie exclaimed, referring to an extra batch of cookies she had baked in a bout of boredom on a Friday afternoon and needed to offload.

“Oh no, no, no, I’ll just head over to your place and pick it up on my way back from work,” Mya insisted.

“My place is literally in the opposite direction!”

Mya let out a nervous chuckle. “I knowwwww~ but I do need the extra time walking since all I do is sit and study. Plus it will help me walk off all those extra calories, ya know.”

She didn’t have a good story to explain how her humble abode had started to fill with more and more expensive things, including ultra-plush furniture and new fixtures in her tiny living room and an 100-inch 8K television that cost somewhere around 1,500,000 Jenny, ‘just to stay updated on current events.’ Illumi just seemed to enjoy marking her home as his; for all she knew, he didn’t even enjoy watching television.

The worst case scenario she feared would be Karie actually showing up unannounced to her house, just to have Illumi stare her down in that way of his and Mya having to explain how a man who’d pulled her outside a club in another continent had ended up essentially moving in with her.

While she and Illumi had not yet had a repeat bout of passion close to that of that very first night, it was abundantly clear to both of them that the nature of their relationship had changed. Starting from the day of their almost-tryst, he had stayed an entire week, leaving in the early morning to do God-knows-what and coming back in time for a homemade dinner which they ate together in comfortable silence. They didn’t ask about each other’s days, Mya not wanting to hear any details that would keep her awake at night, and Illumi lacking the social tact to ask her how she spent her time when he wasn’t around.

He did ask her once, fresh out of the shower with hair still dripping wet, peering over her shoulder. She sat cross-legged on the bed, staring with immense focus at a computer screen. She looked up at him, then quickly averted her eyes embarrassed, focusing her gaze back on her laptop, one of the few new items in her home she’d actually been able to purchase for herself.

“What are you working on?” 

His moments of curiosity were always so disarming. His usual, light tone paired with his wide eyes gave him a boyishly cuteness that Mya was starting to grow fond of. 

But not too fond, as she was well aware of what he did every time he stepped out her front door.

“I’m trying to get through this premedical material, so I can take the qualifying exam next year.”

“Oh.” Content with her response, he walked back towards the bathroom. Mya’s eyes fixated on the chiseled muscles of his back and shoulders, accentuated as he raised his arms to dab his long hair with a towel.

In the week they spent together and the few sparse days thereafter, she started to pick up on more of the small quirks that made him more human to her. She noticed he never completely cleared his plate, no matter how much he enjoyed his food, always leaving about a spoonful of leftover food in the lower right hand corner. He also had impeccable table manners, like he’d been raised in long-standing imperial royalty.

She noticed he would sometimes hum a repetitive and somewhat disturbingly off-kilter tune whenever he was doing something mundane like showering or brushing his teeth. This latter fact she only noticed after getting over the initial shock that yes, the infamous Illumi Zoldyck  _ did  _ in fact take his time for oral hygiene.

She also wasn't completely sure she’d ever seen him close his eyes to sleep, as he kept a generous distance between her in bed, turned away from her every time he slept over. Anytime she so much as coughed while laid down to sleep, she could feel him shift in bed to watch her, and she felt like she would asphyxiate suppressing any additional coughs. 

He had started to touch her, whether unintentionally or not, gently and increasingly frequently. While initially she shuddered at the thought of him touching her, ever, she had gotten used to the feel of his fingers, his hands on her. Any time he maneuvered past her in the small kitchen to get to the fridge while she was cooking or washing dishes, his hand would rest for a split second in the small of her back. Or he’d peer behind her while she was reading or watching television or even texting, resting his hand gently on her shoulder. 

This particular night, she laid sideways on the oversized couch ironically engrossed in a slasher film, wrapped tightly in a blanket. She had not seen or heard from Illumi in the past two and a half weeks. He usually did not give her notice when he left or indicate when he would return, so she had never gotten into the habit to expect him. She still always set two plates, two glasses and two sets of silverware when she sat down for dinner, and one of these sets were still at the table, despite having already put away her leftovers after she ate.

Illumi suddenly entered through the front door, using the key Mya had given him - she was unsettled by him coming in and out every time like a thief, and she wanted to avoid a death on her hands if a heroic neighbor decided to stop the purported burglar.

“Hey,” he acknowledged her briefly after noticing that she’d been startled, and walked straight into her bedroom to get to the bathroom before she could respond to his greeting. With his entry came a heavy stench of blood and dirt, but at a glance, he looked relatively clean. Mya wondered how many people one would have to slaughter for only the scent to permeate your skin and be carried around with you. He took a quick, economical shower before he circled back to the living room, wearing a fresh T-shirt and plaid pajamas. The heme-rich metallic scent he’d come in with was replaced with subtle tones of cedarwood and vanilla. 

Despite being in and out, he continued to behave like he owned the place. He could have probably argued that he owned most of the things in it by now.

Mya shifted over to allow him some space to sit on the couch but instead he lay his head in her lap, so that he was looking at the ceiling. He looked more tired than usual, dark circles lining his large eyes.

“Illumi.”

“Yeah?”

“Are you okay?” Mya asked, her fingers now in his hair, scratching ever so softly at his scalp. 

“Yeah.” His eyes closed as he focused on her touch. It was strange to see him be less alert, more vulnerable. A pregnant silence ensued.

“There were… more reinforcements than expected,” he offered. 

Mya hummed in understanding. “But you made it out alright.”

“I suppose.”

“Are you injured?” He shook his head no, still not opening his eyes.

“Can I try something?” Mya asked. He shrugged, so she went ahead and focused some soothing aura into her fingertips before softly tapping at his scalp. He let out a small, content sigh. Mya smiled to herself; her practice had been paying off.

More silence ensued, punctuated by the screams of a character on-screen being slaughtered by the main antagonist. Mya winced, and Illumi turned his head to look at the television.

“Blood doesn’t splatter like that, especially with slices from that angle,” he stated matter-of-factly, knowing fully well that no one asked. Mya grimaced.

Sitting like this, together, there was an odd feeling of intimacy between these two, hunter and previously hunted. It felt right and felt wrong to be this close to each other, Mya truly couldn’t say she knew or understood Illumi.

“Tell me about your family.” Mya asked suddenly, lowering the volume. He turned his gaze back at her, studying her facial expression, trying to glean what the purpose of her question was.

“What do you want to know?”

“Let’s start with your mother and father. Who are they? What are they like?” Mya coaxed him like she was speaking to a preschooler. Her fingers continued to play in his hair and she let the silky strands spill between her fingers. She would never get tired of this.

“They’re assassins.”

“That’s all?”

“It’s enough.”

Mya was not going to let him get away with divulging that little information. If she was going to continue to participate in this poorly defined relationship, she felt that she should know a little bit more about him than the mythos surrounding his family. 

“Any siblings?” 

“Three brothers.” 

This genuinely surprised her, Illumi seemed like he came from a smaller family. “Where are you in the lineup?”

“I’m the oldest. After me, Milluki, Killua, Kalluto.”

_ Killua. So they really were siblings. _

“I… I think I met Killua-”

“At Heavens Arena.” Illumi finished her sentence for her.

“He seems like a nice boy.” Mya commented, thinking back to a couple months ago. “He and his friend seemed to be having a lot of fun-”

He abruptly caught her fingers still entangled in his hair, gripping them tightly. The rest of his body had tensed up slightly against her. He tilted his head up to watch her facial expression, now fraught with concern. 

_ Did I say too much? _

“Killua doesn’t have any friends. Assassins don’t need friends.”

He continued to lock eyes with her, then slowly released his grip on her fingers. He closed his eyes again.

While this seemed like a sore topic she was poorly informed about, Mya couldn’t help but think he was being somewhat of a hypocrite given that he was here with her, this very moment. But it was true that this  _ thing _ they had going on wasn’t truly friend-like so maybe to him it didn’t count.

Mya decided to spare any further conversation, and continued to watch the rest of the slasher film in silence, knowing that whatever she saw on screen was nothing compared to what the man laying in her lap did for a living. Illumi got up a few minutes later, made his way to her room and laid down on her (his?) bed. 

His phone buzzed.

**_I haven’t heard from you in a while. You seem to be making new friends~ </3_ **

_ Assassins don’t have friends. _

Hisoka was being attention-seeking, as always. But it had truly been a while since they’d interacted, Illumi remarked _.  _ A second text followed.

**_I’m playing a little game with Killua and Gon, if you’d like to join~?_ **

**_Don’t do anything you’ll regret,_ ** Illumi replied.

**_I wouldn’t dream to ;) I would however like to extend the same warning to you~_ **

Illumi set down his phone and glanced over at Mya who had spread out on the couch again, facing the television. He was pretty sure she’d fall asleep in that position in the next hour or so and he’d have to carry her to bed.

The more he came here, the more he was around her, the more he felt his sense of control slip away from him. She was less afraid of him for sure which made her kinder but also less malleable and more independent. 

That self-reliance bothered him. She enjoyed his gifts but she didn’t need them. He wasn’t sure she missed him when he was gone, not the way he yearned for her presence when he was alone at night. She made plans for the future without his input, like she knew that this arrangement was only temporary.

He had meant for this to be temporary. He would spend time with her to “get it out of his system” but the longer this dragged on, the more he felt like his attachment would turn permanent and this sense of unease when he was around her would never cease. He wanted her to only think of him the same way he always thought of her.

Frankly, he didn’t know what his endgame was, and at this rate, he wasn’t sure there was one.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All I'm gonna say is two people have gotten too comfortable with each other and one of them is more stressed out about it than the other.
> 
> Anyway enjoy the chapter! I hope everyone is doing well :)


	15. Chapter 15

The tinkle of wind chimes suggesting a customer had just walked in broke the monotony of an otherwise slow day at the bookstore.

“Oh! Mya-san!” 

Mya looked up from the cashier’s desk to see a familiar face. She put aside the review book she had been poring over and smiled.

“Leorio? What brings you here?” Mya asked, leaning her elbows on the counter. He grinned, scratching the back of his head, briefcase in his hand as usual. 

“I’m looking for a study guide that I haven’t been able to find anywhere online. How have you been?”

“Just fine. I’ve gotten through the first, maybe tenth, of what you suggested,” she responded, resting her forehead onto the counter in an exaggerated display of emotional overload. “I don’t know how you do it!”

He chuckled, clearly inflated with the praise. 

“You just have to have drive like me!” Leorio said, puffing out his chest. “Let me get what I came for real quick and we can talk some more.” She nodded, and with that, he turned to browse and Mya went back to studying.

A few minutes afterwards, Leorio had located his item and returned for payment. 

“Thanks again for all your help. I don’t really have anyone to ask about this.” In reality, Mya knew her father could be a resource if she were willing to mend things but she was angry enough to let that smouldering bridge be.

“It’s nothing!” Leorio replied, scratching his head. Mya could tell he was just excited to be able to impart some knowledge to someone else. “Let me know when you pass the exam though! We can celebrate!” 

“Of course!” Mya rang him up, then curiosity hit her. “Leorio, can I ask you an odd question?”

Leorio cocked an eyebrow. “Sure.”

“You said you’d met two Zolydycks before, right?” He nodded slowly in anticipation of the question, now serious.

“Illumi and… who was the other one?” Mya pressed, dropping a receipt in Leorio’s bag.

“Killua Zoldyck.” Somehow she’d figured, and she settled back onto her stool, crossing her arms.

“How did you meet? I’m assuming you weren’t a target.” Mya asked, tone serious.

“I could say that we’re friends.” Leorio continued, laughing nervously at the sudden shift in tone. Mya felt like it was odd to ask, but something about Killua spurred her curiosity. Why was Illumi the way he was, and Killua simply not? 

Luckily for her, Leorio was quite forthcoming with information. “The four of us: Kurapika, Gon, Killua and I met at the Hunter exam. We’re all pretty close, even if we’re on separate paths for now. He’s a bit of a brat, but definitely kinder than his brother Illumi. Good thing you didn’t run into him again!”

Mya smiled again, the act itself a lie of omission, handing him his bag. “I see.” She clasped her hands together. 

“Oh, I also saw one of Gon’s fights at Heaven’s Arena. He has spirit!” She exclaimed. 

“Ah yes, he really does!” Leorio said, grin wide. 

“Anyway, it was nice seeing you, come by again soon!” Mya waved. Leorio nodded, wished her goodbye and left, the sound of wind chimes again announcing his departure. Mya watched him go, wondering why she was so intrigued.

_ Illumi and Killua.  _

Contrary to what Illumi believed, and more importantly, wanted to believe, Killua seemed to have quite a few friends. She kept note of this, and delved back into her books.

* * *

“Who do you take after more, your father or your mother?” Mya probed, as she and Illumi ate. Either because she was getting too comfortable with this arrangement or rather, more uncomfortable with her growing familiarity with the assassin, she found herself asking him more and more questions, forcing conversation into quiet stretches.

Illumi normally received her questions well even if he didn’t usually elaborate.

“In looks or in personality?”

"How about both?”

“Probably my mother. For both,” he responded between bites.

“What about your siblings?”

“Most like Milluki. Maybe then Kalluto.” He stopped. Mya noticed that he neglected to mention Killua.

“Does Killua look more like your dad?”

He paused. “Yes.”

“Ahhh, he must be the special one!” She didn’t realize she was pushing a sore spot that Illumi didn’t even realize he had.

Illumi’s tone was light as usual, but Mya picked up on a slight tensing and relaxing of the muscles of his forearm on the table. She was starting to get better at noticing his tells. Something about Illumi and Killua’s relationship was abnormal, she was sure of it. 

“Will you tell me about Killua? He looks up to you, right?”

Illumi hadn’t considered that question. He knew Killua loved him, of course he did. They were brothers, he had to. Illumi was molding him to become the heir, whether he liked it or not. Aniki knew best. Always.

But did Killua look up to him? 

He found that he couldn’t say yes but couldn’t bring himself to say no. The more he thought about it, the more uncomfortable he was getting. Suddenly the steady ticking of the clock on the wall was just a little too loud, the whir of the spinning overhead fan’s blades just a little too shrill.

“Illumi?” Mya persisted. Even her soft voice was grating now. He continued to stare at his plate.

Everything was about Killua. Killua was the most important thing. Everyone looked to Killua who shined brightly. Illumi, a puppet of darkness, could only serve to accentuate that light.

Before Mya could say anything else, he turned quickly to look at her, or maybe it was through her, tilting his head slightly to the side.

“Don’t ask me any more questions about my family. If you want to know more, you’ll have to ask them… When, and if I allow you to.” His tone was firm and final, punctuated by the clatter of the fork and knife he dropped on the table.

Mya felt as though a physical barrier had just fallen between them, more powerful than the one generated by her fear and hatred when they had first met. She instinctively reached out a hand to touch his forearm, she needed to prove that this barrier wasn’t real.

He recoiled automatically from her, then the realization of what he had just done settled in. Never, since he was a child learning harsh lessons at the hands of his elders, had he ever flinched. Now, to someone like this, he had shown weakness, acting as though her very touch would break him.

It was such a small thing but Illumi snapped. It was too much for him. He felt an odd mixture between anger and shame and powerlessness and it was all too much. This reversal of power was unacceptable. She had to…

The nails of his right hand sharpened to a point, intended to pierce through her heart in one fluid motion, but when he turned, he saw her genuine look of apologetic concern and froze. 

He froze in the middle of a kill. Unacceptable.

He realized at that moment that this, whatever  _ this  _ was could never work. Illumi let out a breath he didn’t realize he was holding and turned to leave. It was obvious, he had to go and never come back.

_ Did he just... _

Mya briefly saw the lust for blood in his pitch-black eyes and her stomach writhed in fear. But there was one thing even more terrifying than the idea that he might have considered killing her for a split second - the idea of him leaving for good.

“Illumi, where are you going?” 

Mya was breaking their unspoken rule to never ask where he was going, for she could feel a finality in his footsteps that filled her with dread. Illumi kept his eyes ahead of him, not turning to look at her, and kept walking.

“Illumi!” She called after him, louder this time. She was answered by the door slamming with a heavy thud. Mya knew that she had crossed a line but she wasn’t sure why or how.

All she could do was wonder if he would ever come back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sigh, this was eventually gonna happen. Illumi's just too much of a weirdo. I hope this chapter didn't disappoint! Enjoy and please comment! <3 I love to know what you guys think.


	16. Chapter 16

Mya’s intuition was better than she gave herself credit for: Illumi was gone for good. 

Two weeks passed and she assumed that he had just taken a longer trip than usual. His missions had been getting more difficult the last few times she had seen him; he had started to return with a few more scattered cuts and bruises, and in a small, possibly morbid way, she appreciated the practice repairing lacerations as long as he didn’t get hurt beyond what she could realistically fix. 

Another two weeks passed without a text or a call or any other indication he would return. It was a little longer than expected, but he was a busy man and she was busy herself. Yet, she got more and more comfortable with ordering takeout from the local family restaurant down the street instead of cooking, thinking that it was silly to cook entire meals for one, and plus, she had to admit that she was a little miffed. He shouldn’t expect to roll into her home after an extended absence and be treated to a home-cooked meal.

Another two weeks passed, and soon, standing in the doorway, waiting for a half-minute with bated breath for Illumi to suddenly materialize became part of her routine on her way home from work. She still slept on the left side of her bed, closest to the door, and turned over expectantly in the morning, as if he would still be laying there. He never would be there by the time she woke up in the morning anyway, but she wasn’t exactly being rational.

Her phone remained generally silent, save for regular calls from Karie and robocallers attempting to steal her information. Once a week, her mother shared a phone call in secret (she had included her new cell phone number in her last monetary disbursement to her mother), and Mya reassured her that she was doing fine but soon this statement started to ring hollow.

Illumi was not coming back, and she was alone again. Hadn’t she wanted that in the first place?

Sometime during the following month, she started to have nightmares. Sometimes Illumi  _ did  _ return, but only to finish his job of many months ago. He’d stab wordlessly through her chest with his bare hand like sharpened knives, then disappear into the night, not even having the courtesy to keep her company as she bled out. Other times, she walked into her home to find him lying perfectly still on her bed, cold and motionless like Sleeping Beauty, and as she walked closer, she’d realize he was pulseless and would try to do chest compressions to no avail until he faded into nothingness, leaving a deep bloody outline on her white sheets.

Mya woke up in a cold sweat every time, unable to sort out her own feelings. Was she trying to remind herself of what he really was? Did she want him dead? He was just a person. A bad person. An awful, terrible person. In fact, barely a person. A monster, a ghost. 

She knew better and she deserved better.

* * *

“Are you bored?” 

Illumi and Hisoka met each other atop the skyscrapers at night, looking out at the Swardani cityscape, having already cast their votes (or lack thereof) for the next chairman of the Hunter Association. Neither could care less of who led the organization, Illumi identifying solely as a Zolydck assassin and Hisoka being averse to any labels just by virtue of being… Hisoka. However, this event served as a good excuse for an encounter and Illumi had a request in mind.

“And yourself?” Hisoka responded to the raven-haired bishounen. Illumi did not directly respond to the question, proceeding to the crux of his request.

“So Hisoka… you probably don’t watch the news.”

Hisoka, perched dangerously close to the edge of the building, turned to him in intrigue.

“This election was held because chairman Netero died. Rumors are that he died alongside the mutant Ants he was fighting and the Association received a lot of land in reward,” Illumi continued in a rather didactic way. 

“Ants?” Hisoka repeated.

“As I thought. A lot has happened around the world while you were busy chasing Chrollo.” Hisoka frowned at Illumi’s condescension. “If you’d stopped to think for a moment, you would have had the chance to fight the chairman or the Ants.”

“That would require stopping to think… Maybe you can become my manager?” Hisoka mused, raising an eyebrow suggestively. 

Illumi was a master of deflection, it was the only way he managed to remain this close to Hisoka. “Gon and Killua also joined the Ant Hunt. Gon’s on the verge of death, and Killua’s gone to speak to our father.”

“What did you say?” Hisoka said, suddenly alarmed.

“At this rate, they’ll both die.” Illumi replied, impassively.

“Both of them?” 

Illumi nodded. “I can’t have that happen.”

Hisoka stood to his feet, having enough of Illumi’s cryptic talk. 

"Illumi, explain clearly.”

Illumi looked faraway into the distance. “There is actually another younger Zoldyck brother. I want to get rid of him.”

Hisoka’s face curled into a devilish half-smile before he burst out into a full-on chuckle. “How cruel, Illumi. I thought you were getting soft this entire time.”

Illumi raised an eyebrow. “How so?”

Hisoka flashed him a shit-eating grin, but did not elaborate. “Anyway, for once I’ll be the one providing the service. Do you pay me this time?” He joked.

“I believe when I explain the terms, you’ll have enough fun that payment will be unnecessary,” Illumi replied, with an oh-so-faint flicker of a smirk.

* * *

Illumi did not disappoint. It appeared that they were going to wreak some havoc and Hisoka was all about bringing the terror. The only thing that really was scary about their conversation was Illumi’s behavior.

_ I have issues, but you’re just as bad. _

Hisoka had said that to him mainly as a joke but truly meant it. In fact, it was probably an understatement. Hisoka wasn’t one to introspect but there were two things in his last conversation with Illumi which made him realize that Illumi clearly had more than a few screws loose.

Disregarding the fact that he was devising a plan to kill his younger sibling (that was run of the mill for him), Hisoka realized Illumi had both a poor understanding of people and worst of all, himself. For starters, his friend truly believed that he was dearest to Killua when it was obvious that Killua disliked him at best and hated him with every fiber of his being at worst. Secondly, he was planning a wedding?

Hisoka almost spat out his drink, in amused surprise. “What? To who exactly?” 

Illumi shrugged, slowly swirling his glass as they sat barside.

“I’m unsure but it was decided the last time I was at the manor. It’s something on the backburner anyway. Mother and Father will prepare someone willing.”

Someone willing. Despite the fact that Hisoka was pure chaos wrapped up in a pretty package, even he was taken aback by this turn of events. That wasn’t the answer he was expecting.

“What happened to-”

He could tell by the look on Illumi’s marble-like stone face and the steady focused glare that he had ventured into off-limits territory. 

“I don’t know what you’re talking about, Hisoka.” Hisoka held his gaze for a moment then sipped his drink. 

_ Hm, in that case, I guess I’ll pick up where I left off. _

* * *

“Mimi, you’re free to stay longer if you want.” Karie said, reassuringly to her friend as Mya got up to leave. It was late evening and Mya had been over to her friend’s place to meet Karie’s new boyfriend of a couple months.

“Oh no, I’m fine!” She waved her hands in protest. Mya felt that she’d overstayed her welcome already, judging by the way Karie had slowly slid from her sitting position on the couch into her boyfriend’s lap over the course of the past hour, and she could tell he was itching to take her to the bedroom the moment she dropped out. Red poorly covered up his small sigh of relief. He was tall, skinny and bespectacled, with a pleasantness that emanated from him, definitely far from Karie’s usual bad-boy inclination, yet they complemented each other well.

“It was nice to meet you, Red!” Mya said, waving, before she headed out into the night. 

Mya was glad that Karie had found someone to occupy her time after she had been neglecting their friendship between studying and Illumi’s visits. Unfortunately, now that her fervor was waning as test time approached and Illumi had clearly ghosted her, she was feeling quite lonely with all the extra time. She silently berated herself for being somewhat envious of Karie and Red’s early relationship honeymooning. She knew she shouldn’t feel this urge to couple up so quickly and plus, she only attracted awful people. The next person she met would probably destroy her at this rate; she needed to keep this fact in mind.

She couldn’t deny that she missed Illumi, no matter what. She missed the man who had intended to kill her, twice. It was laughable.

Despite almost three months having passed, she thrust open her door, with the faintest hope that she’d find him sitting in the kitchen having a snack, or laying on her bed reading a book. Or even sitting so perfectly still and quietly on the living room couch that he might have been replaced with a wax figure, as he sometimes did.

As usual, nothing and no one was here except her. She needed to get a cat or something, this was silly. She also needed to get rid of everything Illumi had left here, even if it meant clearing out her entire apartment. His traces were so loud and were only serving to prolong his memory in her head.

All of a sudden, Mya’s phone buzzed in her pocket. Probably her friend checking to see if she made it home.

Instead looking at the message, her heart skipped a beat.

**_Looks like you’ve been discarded, bunny~,_ ** it read. Despite the phone number not being saved in her phone, she knew it was Hisoka. She paused, her thumbs positioned on the keyboard.

It hurt, but she knew Hisoka was right. What should she say back? The last time she’d seen or spoken to him, Illumi had dragged her out of a movie theater and told her to cut off contact. But she knew that Illumi and Hisoka had some sort of odd relationship, just as poorly defined as her relationship with him was, if not worse. And Illumi wasn’t here to tell her what to do anymore, anyway.

**_Discarded? What do you mean?_ ** She decided to play dumb.

**_I can always swing by to keep you company if you’d like… Now that Illumi has decided he doesn’t care what happens to you~_ **

Those last words stung even worse as they confirmed that he’d really ghosted her for good. Her head was starting to hurt, her throat felt like it was going to close up, her eyes started to sting.

She felt herself starting to slip into sadness, but instead something angry and vengeful surged inside her. Mya wanted her agency back. She was tired of being teased and backed into a corner, she was tired of pining for men who didn’t care about her. She too could stop caring about someone at the drop of a hat.

That was it. She was going to stop caring. Caring was the problem.

**_If you’re really game, let’s meet at a love hotel_ ** , she typed, pondering her decision for a moment, before she decided to press send anyway. She didn’t want to admit that she was hurt. If she meant nothing to him, Illumi would mean nothing to her. Simple as that.

Those words hung in cyberspace and she half-expected to be ignored. Good. She could get back to work and stop worrying about men.

**_Just give me a date and a time~ <3 ;)_ **

She stood perfectly still for a moment. Hisoka was serious. She should have known he’d be serious. Someone like him didn’t believe in bro codes. Plus, if she truly meant nothing to Illumi, there was no harm and no foul.

Mya checked the time on her phone. Maybe she was feeling particularly bold today, or maybe it was lashing out from rejection, but she decided to double down on the offer. If she was going to do this, she needed to make sure she didn’t give herself enough time to chicken out. 

**_Today. Let’s aim for 2-3 hours from now._ **

Her phone rang immediately, and as soon as she answered, she heard Hisoka’s rapturous laugh on the other hand.

“You’re serious about this,” he said, in a pleased tone. “I’ll send you an address. See you there~” 

She made a sound of assent as he cut off on the other line.

**_Oh, and if you don’t show, I’ll hunt you down. Just to make things clear~_ ** he texted a few moments later.

So now she was locked in to this decision. She had to show up. 

_ None of this matters anyway. Might as well have some fun,  _ she thought, as she got ready for her first and supposedly only one night stand.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fitting in some dialogue directly from canon to center this around the Election Chairman Arc for grounding. Also, unfortunately Mya has regrettably slipped into a ho phase out of anger. We'll see how this goes, and warning!!! next chapter is going to be straight on smut, please forgive me \o/


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Soooooooooooo, warning: definitely X-rated and if you aren't into that, you can totally scroll to the bottom and I'll put a brief summary of what happens in this chapter if you wanna skip over it. But yeah this is the first time I've ever written smut (aside from that short blurb in a prior chapter) and I'm not gonna lie, I felt so embarrassed writing it but you guys wanted to know what happens next so here <3
> 
> There are plot elements to this! I promise!

What exactly does a woman wear on her way to go revenge fuck a murderer’s friend? 

Mya stared in the mirror, deciding what she could do to look presentable. Her hair was a curly off-black nest as opposed to Illumi’s silky jet-black mane. Her eyebrows were in disarray, she hadn’t plucked or traced them in weeks, and if she looked very closely, she could see very small, soft, dark hairs growing in between her eyebrows. Her skin was dry and listless, and… was that a new forehead wrinkle?!

No wonder he’d left.

No, there was no time for self-pity. She’d do the best she could, tweezers and makeup brush her weapons of choice.

Sitting in the taxi, her resolve was waning, and she crossed and uncrossed her legs nervously as she neared the rendezvous spot.  _ Fuck, I hope I didn’t tear these fishnets.  _ She hadn’t even realized she owned fishnets until tonight.

By the time she got to the hotel, she was starting to feel less like a HBIC and more like a cheap whore. At least torn fishnets would complete the raunchy look. Why did she feel like she was being booty called and not the other way around? 

She needed to focus. Head up. Chin up. Back straight. Chest out. Hips rocking back and forth. She was in control. 

She entered a small, dimly lit lobby, flooded with a fluorescent pink glow. There was no receptionist, just a kiosk where she assumed she would have to input some information to get a key. The thought of putting in a name into a machine where it would be stored for posterity grossed her out. She looked around for her company for the night, and as if he could sense she had just arrived, she got his message.

**_Room 403~ <3_ **

Mya made her way up the elevator, keeping her eyes lowered, dreading the possibility of running into someone she knew. It was an irrational fear. Once she was before the room, she softly rapped at the door. For a split second, she contemplated what to do if the person who opened the door was not Hisoka. She wondered how quickly she could hightail in these shoes without looking suspicious. The shoes, always the shoes!

To her fortune, Hisoka opened the door, naked from head to toe save for a small towel wrapped around his manhood. His amber eyes glinted once with mischief, and without giving Mya a moment to comprehend what she had gotten herself into, she was spun into the room. 

Hisoka was like a tornado. Before she could catch her breath, she was lying on her back on the plush, circular hotel room bed. The small towel had fallen to the ground revealing something that was not very small at all.

She let out a gasp, and Hisoka was already upon her, his look ravenous. She felt his impressive length resting on her inner thigh, and all her blood started to rush to her face.

“Oh, did you dress up for me?” He crooned. “Too bad I’ll have to ruin your pretty clothes~”

As he said this, her stockings were ripped off and tossed aside, and his hands were now up her skirt, one firmly squeezing on an asscheek, the other stroking the inside of her leg, getting closer and closer to the warm center in between her legs.

“H-Hisoka, wait-” She choked out, flustered. She thought with panic about the condoms she had purchased on her way here.

“Oh? Isn’t this what you came for?” His voice dripped with something sweet and poisonous, as his fingers hooked around her underwear and slowly pulled it down, just grazing her folds.

“I’ve never… ah!” The tip of Hisoka’s tongue made contact with her heat and she tensed as she gasped for breath, no longer able to form words with her mouth. Encouraged that he’d made her silent, he buried his face in her, licking her in rapid, precise strokes, gripping both her thighs firmly for support.

She arched her back in unwilling pleasure, not knowing what to do with her hands aside from grab aimlessly at the sheets besides her. Once she had control enough over them to reach for him, she gripped handfuls of his flaming hair, and he came up for air, looking at her devilishly.

“Hold on there, princess.” Now that she was sufficiently moist, he rose one of her arms and secured it to the bed with a sticky pink substance he generated from a finger.

“Bungee gum always comes in handy~” 

“H-Hisoka, I won’t move too much, I promise!” She bargained, now panicking at the idea of being bound, unsure of what he’d do next.

“This just makes it a little easier, love,“ Hisoka replied, raising her other hand behind her and affixing it to the bed as well, but circling her now slick entrance with his free hand at the same time. Mya trembled and whimpered at his touch, and he entered her slowly with one finger.

“Ah!” She moaned, attempting to draw up her legs, but Hisoka kept her stable with his forearm as he lay on the bed between her spread legs, now pumping slowly back and forth, adding one, then two additional fingers. He was leaning over her now, face to face, a mere couple of inches apart, and his warm breath tickling her face only distracted mildly from the new sensations below.

“Well, aren’t you squirmy? I might have to keep your legs tied down too at this rate.” He let out a throaty chuckle.

Mya moaned with every pump of his fingers, unable to open her eyes as she grew hotter and hotter with pleasure.

“Please Hisoka...” She moaned again louder.

“That’s it, say that again for me.”

“Hiso _ -oh-oh-oh- _ ka…” He was pumping faster and faster inside her just with his fingers and she felt like something was being wound up tighter and tighter in her center. Was she really going to come from just this man’s fingers? Is that how easy she was?

Hisoka stopped abruptly, withdrawing his fingers slowly from her, and then took a long look at her dripping wet vagina. 

“Hm, you’re sufficiently aroused, I would say,” he said. Mya was starting to feel a gentle love-drunk buzz but she was woken up anew when Hisoka positioned himself at her entrance, then thrust into her full throttle. She let out a pained yelp, not expecting the stretch despite the fact that he had taken the time to prepare her. He didn’t pause to let her adjust, and continued to slam into her like the head of his penis and her cervix had a bitter history.

“Please - _ ah _ \- ca - _ ah _ \- can - _ ah _ \- you slow down - _ ahh-  _ it hurts - _ ahhhhh. _ ”

Hisoka no longer had any witty remarks for her, answering her only with grunts or moans as he continued to proceed. As he got closer, his arms wrapped around her upper body and she felt a strange comfort in being crushed by the man rhythmically plowing into her. 

Now that the pain of penetration had started to dull, she also began to rock her hips in time with him, as best she could being bound from the upper body. Hisoka moaned even louder once he realized she was leaning in and reciprocating.

“You feel simply  _ wonderful _ ,” he groaned out. With that last word, he freed her arms from his Hatsu and flipped her over, positioning her in a kneeling position so he could take her from behind. Mya tried to relax so that his entry would be less sharp, but to no avail. She felt a blinding split anew as he forced himself into her so deep she was sure she could feel him in her abdomen, and let her face sink into the mattress, arching her back as he thrust back and forth into her in a frenzy.

He pushed her back further down to deepen his angle into her, rubbing a hand up and down her back under her blouse to massage her, then unhooked her bra, not letting up on his pace. Mya leaned backwards, throwing herself back at him, and he let them reorganize so that she was in a reverse cowgirl position, pulling off her top and tossing it to the side, and then steadying herself by gripping his ankles. 

“And you’d like me to believe that you’ve never done this before?” Hisoka teased. “You dirty, dirty girl,” he said, enjoying the view.

Mya answered with another moan as she raised and lowered herself off of his rock-hard penis. She was getting close, she felt good; she closed her eyes, she wanted this, she wanted him.

_ Illumi. _

Her concentration broke and she stopped, but Hisoka flipped her over again so that he was on top again, hiking her legs onto his shoulders. She braced herself as he went deeper into her, completely immersing her in the cross between pain and pleasure for the first time.

_ It’s Hisoka. I’m here with Hisoka,  _ she reminded herself, grounding herself with the sound of his panting. Mya closed her eyes and let herself get lost in the moment. She was getting wound up again, her nipples were hard, and the sensation of her breasts bouncing with every thrust, while foreign to her, was pleasant. She was full of something, of Hisoka, not empty like her home was, like her heart was.

Then the moment ended once Hisoka tipped over and came inside her, a warm damp sensation coating her insides. It was too intimate, the way he melted inside her, and the way he held onto her so hard she was able to feel the ripple of his orgasm go through his body, worrying her that he’d lose control and her bones would snap under his grip.

It was only after he came that she realized he hadn’t kissed her once that entire time.

He slowly unpeeled himself from Mya who was now rigid, her body still wanting but unsure of what. He left a trail of small wet kisses along her collarbone and up her neck, as if to mark her after the fact, but she was starting to hear an uncomfortable ringing in her ears.

He had come inside her. What if she got pregnant?

Hisoka looked satisfied and he rolled over beside her, pulling her close to him. She lay her arm across his chest absentmindedly, now shell-shocked. Hisoka clearly mistook that gesture for affection.

“I didn’t know that you had that in you, bunny~” His hands ran through her curls. She could feel the dampness start to seep out from between her legs. She suddenly felt a chill run down her spine despite the warmth of Hisoka’s impressive chest.

She let her eyes rest on him. He was like something carved of marble to resemble an ancient god, from every muscle in his body, to that thing between his legs, to his chiseled facial features, to the mischievous grin in his face. Mya knew she should feel lucky that he was her first but she didn’t.

“Thank you, Hisoka,” she said, nevertheless. It seemed like the right thing to say after sex. She wasn’t too sure.

“Too bad Illumi plans to get married. He’s missing out on a treat~”

_ Married? _

The ringing in her ears grew louder and louder and her vision began to blur. She could only vaguely make out Hisoka’s handsome features, his lips mouthing unintelligible words to her.

A few moments passed as they lay together in silence, Mya feeling as though her heart would tire out and stop any moment, it was beating so quickly.

Hisoka nudged her with her elbow. “Mya?”

Mya snapped back into reality.

“Let’s go for another round,” she demanded, looking straight ahead. Hisoka gave her a half-smirk, then raised his arms in an upper-body stretch.

“Your wish is my command~”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For those who didn't read the chapter: They do the deed, and Mya's like oh shit, I'm not sure I regret this or not but then she hears that homeboy Illumi is getting married then she's like fuck it, carpe diem, Hisoka. Hisoka of course, is always dtf.
> 
> For those who actually read the chapter: Tell me if I should never write smut again lmfao. 
> 
> And as usual, general comments keep me going, I appreciate hearing from you all so much!


	18. Chapter 18

Milluki jumped in response to the sharp knock on his bedroom door, frantically shutting down as many open browser windows on his computer as possible, before he yelled out, “Who is it?”

Illumi made his way into his younger sibling’s cave-like quarters without waiting for an answer, adjusting to the smell of stale chips, processed cheese spread and body odor to stand behind him. He had a quite  _ particular _ request.

“Aniki?” Milluki wondered why his older brother was towering over him in the dark without saying a word.

“Milluki, I need one of your magazines,” Illumi spoke bluntly and nonspecifically, but somehow and regrettably so, Milluki knew exactly what he meant.   


“Eh?!”

“I’m getting married, so I might as well be prepared for the wedding night.” Not even a flicker of embarrassment showed on his face, and realizing Illumi was 100% serious, Milluki let out a pained sigh before rising to reach with all his might onto a high shelf above his entertainment station. 

“I only have magazines with women on them, just so you know,” he stated, tossing him a spread with several rather buxom young women displayed on the cover in rather suggestive positions, still encased in plastic wrapping. Milluki didn’t mind being gross, but he wasn’t gross or ballsy enough to give his brother one that had been well-loved. “In all honesty, I suspected you and the magician had something going on, but whatever.” He continued, crossing his arms as he sat back into his seat. 

“I can’t believe you really agreed to let Mom pick a wife for you,” he added. “Why the sudden change of heart?” Illumi had been clearly putting it off for years, and suddenly acquiescing as his mother chided him in the middle of breakfast had shocked the whole family.

“It’s probably time.” Illumi replied, simply. He trusted his mother to pick a quiet, obedient wife, someone who he could learn to love only if he so chose, slowly and carefully; one who wouldn’t draw all these strange reactions out of him.

Milluki raised his eyebrows at his brother’s response. “You realize if you go through with this, you’ll never be free of this place.” Milluki said, turning back to his computer to log back into his most recent MMORPG. 

“You’re one to talk.” Illumi replied. Milluki scoffed, and put his headset back on, effectively ending the conversation. Illumi smiled slightly, and retreated back to his quarters, the magazine now shoved in his pocket. Plus, why would he ever want to leave the Zoldyck manor? Everything he needed was right here, he couldn’t think of a single thing out there worth fighting for.

* * *

Mya sat in her oversized bed, wondering just how many times she could take emergency contraception before inducing a severe hormonal imbalance. At this rate, she probably was already pregnant; she guessed Hisoka’s swimmers were likely as indestructible as he was. 

At the resolution of their first tryst, Mya had immediately gotten up and started redressing, looking forlornly at her ruined stockings, and thankful that at least her skirt and top had remained intact enough for her to make her way home semi-decently.

She was excited to leave hidden by the cover of night, but to her surprise, Hisoka playfully pulled her back into bed by the waist and pressed himself against her securely, requesting her to stay to keep him company. He was somehow still hard - she could feel him from where their bodies made contact as they spooned, and the mere idea of going for a third round terrified her. She’d been confident that she’d survive the second, but that time her orgasm was so powerful that she was almost sure she’d expire if she felt that level of high and then the subsequent crash again in such a short span of time.

Mya had to admit that it did feel nice waking up the next morning to find his arm still draped around her waist. He was warm, and his arm was heavy as he slept, but she felt secure. She nudged him slightly to wake him up, and he looked at her blankly for a moment, as if he had forgotten who she was or where he was, before grinning.

“Good morning, love.”

_ Good morning, love. _ No matter how many times she’d slept beside Illumi and even more so Teiki, no one had greeted her so affectionately upon waking up. And she wasn’t even in her own bed, this was a love hotel, designed for strangers to hook up under the contract of the transfer of money or mutual loneliness.

Did Hisoka feel as lonely as she felt?

Later once she was back in her own home, Mya pulled out her laptop, looking for the nearest cat adoption agency. While she was at it, she thought of putting up Illumi’s abandoned items for sale, then decided against it. The TV was nice anyway, and if she really wanted to prove she was over him, she shouldn’t feel the need to replace anything in her home.

The next time she met with Hisoka, she fought the urge to ask Hisoka the details of Illumi’s impending wedding. It was, after all, none of her damn business. But telling herself that didn’t help the fact that every time she came, Illumi’s name almost fell off her lips and she had to remind herself,  _ yes, I’m here right now, I’m here with Hisoka. _

How had Illumi imprinted on her so powerfully in such a short time? And how could he do that and just leave? Did he know that she was regularly getting sex from Hisoka? Did he care? Who the fuck was he marrying? Was he seeing someone else the entire time he was visiting her?

This very night, Mya was riding Hisoka, facing him, and placed her hands on his chest, channeling her soothing nen into him to relax his muscles.

“You’re such a good girl, bunny~” he placed his hands on her hips firmly, rocking with her. Mya bit her lip, trying to concentrate on him inside her. She could feel his penis twitch inside her twice and then he sped up, faster and faster until they both climaxed, her right before he did, and then she collapsed forward onto his body. He kissed her forehead, and she looked up into his eyes. She noticed that the past few times she saw him, he had started to look at her differently. Maybe it was just the post-orgasm high, what else?

Mya rolled over off of him, heading quickly to the bathroom to wipe herself off. She was playing with fire, and the thought of raising caramel-hued, redheaded children on her lonesome briefly crossed her mind. Regardless, she walked back out into the bedroom, tying her hair up into a bun, and crawled back into bed with her willing partner, nestling against him, not saying a word.

“Who else are you seeing?” Hisoka asked, suddenly. The usual trill in his voice was gone as he asked this, highlighting the seriousness of his tone. She looked up at him in confusion.

“No one. Just you,” she stated matter-of-factly, and laid her head back on his broad chest.

Hisoka said nothing further, but he had seen it and heard it - the way she’d breathily sounded Illumi’s name instead of his. It wasn’t that Hisoka wanted her to love him, he couldn’t care less about attachment or things of the like, but the thought of her thinking of another person, man or woman, while being with him was a blow to his pride.

Especially when the person was someone as unappreciative of carnal pleasures as Illumi.

When Mya left this time, he watched her on her way out, studying her intently. Suddenly he felt like a child playing with a toy a more fortunate kid lent out temporarily, rather than a shiny, abandoned toy he could claim as his.

* * *

“Illumi-kun~, I’ve found the most precious woman for you!” Kikyo Zoldyck’s voice was almost exploding with glee over the phone, he imagined her jumping up and down with excitement.

“Sure, tell me more when I get home.” 

“You’ll meet in two weeks, dearest. Ah, you’ll love her, she’s such a sweetheart, such a promising assassin, demure, from the loveliest family, and was able to dispatch every single one of the butlers we sent after her!”

“Alright, Mom.” He replied patiently enduring her rambling now that she had fed him his necessary information from Milluki’s surveillance feed.

“Play nicely with Killua~!” 

“Mm.” He hung up, now focused on his more personal mission, stopping his younger brother from misusing the otherworldly power of the Zoldyck family’s living dirty secret. His eyes were focused on the smoke rising in the forest, where his brother Killua and the sister he protected, Alluka, possibly lay in a mess of twisted rubble.

“Oh, dear.” Hisoka pondered aloud, looking on besides Illumi from their vantage point among the mountains. Hisoka knelt down for a better view, entertained but surprised by Illumi’s cruelty.

“How excessive. I thought you would ask him first,” about Alluka’s power, he meant. The power that Killua could use to save his precious friend Gon.

“I have a little birdie who brings me information. And after examining that information, there is something that bothered me.”

“Hmm?”

“Killua is hiding rules. If there are rules I don’t know about, it’s pointless to try to negotiate with him. He has an advantage, and would only accede to my demands that favor him. I’ll have to dispose of Alluka before he has the chance to use that advantage.”

Illumi turned to Hisoka. “I need you to take care of the butlers while you look for a chance to separate Alluka from Killua.”

“Okay~” Hisoka sang, delighted by the idea of a good fight. “But by the way, am I allowed to kill Killua?” His hands formed a lewd gesture to imply more than just that.

In an instant, like a reflex, the air was thick with Illumi’s menacing aura, as though the literal floodgates of hell had opened. Illumi meant every word as he seethed, 

“I will kill you. Right here. Right now.”

“Just kidding~” Hisoka “but it looks like you’re oozing bloodlust… is that all right?”

“Oh, damn,” Illumi said, anger now dissipating, realizing he’d revealed his position. He narrowed his eyes at Hisoka in irritation. “You did that intentionally, didn’t you?”

Hisoka smiled weakly.  _ If it's at all possible, I’d like Gon to live. Having more toys is always more fun.. _

Hisoka looked to Illumi, whose face only revealed malice as he watched Killua and Alluka try their best to escape him. 

_ Well, only if it’s possible to do so…  _ Hisoka reconsidered. Illumi was a predator, not unlike himself, and a damn good one. He was especially motivated when it came to those he took a special interest in, which up to now had really only been Killua, and more recently, even if just briefly, the girl who now fell asleep in Hisoka’s bed every few nights.

Illumi’s ‘love’ was violent and heavy, case in point this very moment in which he was hunting down his own siblings. His strong, automatic desire to protect Killua was wholly inconsistent with this last stunt; it was almost like he’d forgotten that there was a very real possibility that both of his siblings might not have survived this attack.

Mya was lucky to have escaped his ‘love’, in Hisoka’s opinion, she just didn’t realize it yet.

Hisoka just was interested in finding out if she would escape Illumi’s hate as well, if he ever found out what she’d been up to. After all, love and hate are sides of the same coin.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope I struck a good balance with Illumi being batshit but also reasonable with his family. Sigh, he disappoints me so. Even Hisoka is shook.


	19. Chapter 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gonna post to prevent from being too political. Let me know how you guys feel about this chapter! <3

Today was the day Mya had prepared for for months: exam day. 

She’d moved up her exam to an earlier date, worrying that the longer she waited, the more likely she’d start to forget information at the same rate she learned it.

The morning was like any other. Mya ate a light breakfast and packed a carb and protein-heavy lunch to eat during exam breaks. She wore comfortable clothing for standardized test-taking, a soft pullover, a pair of yoga pants and sneakers, and took deep, meditative breaths while on the train to the testing center, attempting to calm her nerves. Her mother had called her early this morning to encourage her, and Karie had dropped off a care package last night, telling her she would crush it. She would make them proud.

The morning half of the exam was easier than expected to her joy, and she sped through the multiple-choice questions with ease. With a sigh of relief, she exited out of the testing window on her computer and checked out of the exam hall to take a scheduled 30-minute break at approximately a quarter past noon. She decided to take out her lunch to the plaza outside the testing location for some fresh air, sitting by a fountain.

She took one bite of her sandwich, then looked up as she heard the sounds of screaming people, fleeing past her. Choking on her swallow, she got up to her feet, almost getting trampled by a large man who plowed into her by accident while fleeing with his daughter in his arms.

She circled behind the fountain to hide as the stampede of people fleeing ran by, then gathered up her stuff to escape back into the testing building then froze once she saw him from behind. Illumi, with laser focus, was leading an entire horde of zombie-like victims to some unclear location. 

_ Illumi… these people.. _

She could see the distinct, large yellow-rounded tip needles he wore on his outfit piercing through the heads of most - no, all - of the men and women lumbering behind him, him the Pied Piper of Hamlet with no instrument in hand.

As he passed the fountain behind which she was crouched, he turned straight in her direction, and she dashed back behind the fountain in a panic, making herself as small as possible, clasping her mouth shut to stifle any involuntary sound coming out.

_ He doesn’t care about you, you will not be given any mercy. And if he does care about you, you probably won’t get any mercy after he finds out about Hisoka,  _ she repeated to herself over and over again. Her heart thumped as she stayed as still as a statue, holding her breath, every muscle tensed.

And then he continued to walk as though he hadn’t seen her.

She, in the dumbest possible action she could have taken, turned back from her hiding spot to watch him go, now obscured by the mindless army following him. Deep inside her was an urge to follow too, to ask what he was doing and stop him, and she chided herself. There was no needle in her head, and still she was acting like she was not in control of her thoughts or actions.

_ So this is what he does when he’s not with me…  _ It served as a good reminder of who he truly was.

She watched until the horde was a safe distance away and dashed back into the testing building, shakily trying to sign back into her exam with just a couple minutes to spare. All around her, she could sense the wrong type of stress and anxiety from the other test-takers, hunched over their computers, blissfully unaware of what was happening just a few hundred feet from this little bubble. 

A, B, C, D, or E. Pick only one answer. She couldn’t concentrate. There was a murderous horde outside this very building, led by the one she had been manipulated into caring for. The mouse felt slippery in her hand from her sweaty palms. She couldn’t think. What the hell was he doing? And why did no one else seem to care? Where were the police?

She had to get through this test. Too bad her soothing ability didn’t work on herself.

_ Click. _ The next question appeared on her screen, and she felt sick to her stomach. 100 more to go.

* * *

_ Would it be more fun to kill Alluka, earning Killua’s wrath, or more fun to spare Alluka and save Gon, making Illumi my enemy?  _ Hisoka was crouched out of view, card in hand, watching Illumi in a standoff with Killua and Alluka, surrounded by Needlemen and butlers.

_ Tough call _ , he thought, eyes rolling back into his head with delight.

“It’s against the rules for family members to kill each other, but the thing that will grant your wish,” and with this, Illumi’s lips curled in a terrifying smile, “isn’t family.”

Killua’s jaw clenched as tears came to his eyes.

_ Assuming there’s a secret rule that makes rule 5 not apply to Killua… If my death means no other family will die, that’s acceptable,  _ Illumi thought, a sinister smile on his face.  _ Killua will suffer for the rest of his life, and thus I will live in his heart forever. _

Yes, this was the type of enduring love he wanted, where he was in control and the impact was unyielding. No compromises of power on his end. A love so powerful that it could only be thought of as despair.

“Go ahead then. I’m offering a deal, Kil. My death in exchange for your word that you yourself will make the wish to save Gon.”

_ Alluka lives while Illumi dies, but I don’t earn Killua’s wrath. So if Gon is healed, I neither gain nor lose anything _ , Hisoka ruminated. _ In that case, I will kill Alluka to earn Killua’s wrath, then take out Killua to earn Illumi’s wrath. That’s the best choice,  _ Hisoka grinned, just a trickle of bloodlust escaping as he sharpened his cards with Nen.

Killua, however de-escalated the tension by revealing that he could, in fact, heal Gon without risking the lives of the Zoldycks and countless others, and Illumi backed off with the ominous warning to Killua that he would find out the truth of Alluka’s power.

Hisoka, sensing that there would be no conflict to be had, faded back out of the woods. Now finished with the day’s adventures, he texted his fuck-buddy. It was a good night to relieve stress, and a romp would top off the satisfaction he had from a day filled with murder.

**_Come over tonight. Same place~ <3_ **

* * *

Mya stared at Hisoka’s message blankly, knees hugged to her chest as she sat at the foot of her bed. She was still mourning the exam that she was sure she’d failed. She had gone through the second half of the exam on autopilot, her head elsewhere. The experience was a blur and she was pretty sure half the answers she’d put down were false. So much for medical school.

More importantly, she’d spotted Illumi, and he’d essentially killed all those people.  _ They’re all dead. They had lives, maybe families, dreams, aspirations. And here I am, continuing on, fulfilling my own dreams, as if I weren’t just pining for the man who killed them. I was spared by that monster. I don’t deserve to be spared any more than those people. _

Hisoka was no better. She’d seen the way he fought. Maybe she hadn’t truly seen him in action, but she was well aware of the murderous potential that lay within. Plus, he worked with Illumi. She had to know they were one and the same.

She couldn’t answer Hisoka’s text. She couldn’t go there again, and God forbid she revealed where she lived. It didn’t matter how often she saw Hisoka, she didn’t love him, and she wasn’t achieving her goal of hurting Illumi in any way. There was no revenge to be had and no happiness to be expected in Hisoka’s arms. She was just getting herself deeper and deeper into a twisted mess.

**_No answer, bunny?_ **

Her phone started to ring and she stared at it blankly as it sounded. Hisoka had jokily threatened to come after her if she ignored him; he would probably have to be serious about it now, because she was done, done, done. She placed the ringing phone on her nightstand, silenced, and started to pack a bag for the next day. 

First thing in the morning, she was heading back to her hometown, possibly for good.

* * *

“Illumi, where does Mya live?” Hisoka asked as soon as Illumi responded to his call, then furrowed his brows when he heard the immediate drop of the line on the other end.

_ And he thinks he’s the reasonable one… _ he thought. He paced the room of the love hotel he had already booked in anticipation of his company for the night. He was in the mood and didn’t want to be kept hanging. But he wasn’t going to call her a second time, that would be too desperate, wouldn’t it?

He hopped backwards into bed, and then scrolled through the other phone numbers in his phone.

_ I could call someone else, _ he thought. _ Or I’ll just take care of this myself,  _ he said, with a perverted smile. He conjured an image of Mya’s face contorted in pleasure in his mind and went to work.

* * *

Sam Kuracanto opened the door in the early morning to find his precious daughter kneeling at his doorstep. When he opened the door, she lowered herself into a deep bow, her forehead protected solely by her folded hands on the ground.

“What are you doing, Mya?” 

Mya didn’t move, tears spilling from her eyes. “I-I’m sorry for the last time I came here.”

Her father let out a deep sigh and scratched the back of his head. “Stop being dramatic, it’s not that big a deal.”

“It is!” She croaked out, not moving from her spot. He walked around her to pull the small suitcase he had spotted behind her. 

“It’s not,” he insisted. “Get up.” 

Mya stayed kneeling but raised herself off of the ground to look into her father’s tired but smiling face. He rarely smiled as Mya grew older, but when he did, he was the dear father she’d always loved and tried to please.

“Nothing is that big of a deal, honey. You’re safe here.”


	20. Chapter 20

Illumi, Kikyo, Silva Zoldyck rose as the esteemed guests’ entry was announced by the butlers. Into the lavish sitting room came a tall and thin young woman who seemed to float across the room, followed by a short yet stocky appearing middle-aged man and a tall but equally as stocky middle-aged madame, most likely her parents.

Silva and the older man shook hands in a businesslike manner and the six of them sat down almost in unison, across from each other in opposing Louis XIV-style couches. Illumi and the young lady sat across from each other, Kikyo across from her mother and Silva across from her father.

“As agreed, I would like to present to you my daughter Elys,” the old man said in an unamused, gravelly voice. One would have thought he was suspicious of the union by the way he spoke.

“It’s a delight to meet you all,” she said in a gentle, airy voice, eyes lowered but looking in Illumi’s direction. When she finally made eye contact, he noticed her eyes were a pale glacier-like grey which held none of the quiet passion in Mya’s brown eyes. She looked like something dangerous and ethereal - her ash-blonde hair was plaited into a french braid long enough to sit on and her skin was as pale as his. She looked like she would be cold to the touch, and her face was oval and expressionless, accentuating the frigid air around her. He couldn’t imagine it making the same million contortions Mya’s made when she was excited, angry, sad, or pensive.

_ She’s perfect, _ Illumi thought. His parents had done well. He felt absolutely nothing for her, not a single thing.

“Let’s go ahead and get to know each other, shall we?!” Kikyo said in excitement, clasping her hands together. 

* * *

“There! Food’s ready!” Mya called out from the kitchen, excited to have finally reached the endpoint of slaving over a hot stove for the past four hours. She’d been home for a few days by now, and she wanted to surprise her parents with a carefully prepared dinner. She was quite impressed with her spread, and grinned as her mother and father took their seats with anticipation.

“Wow, you really spoiled us today, honey bun!” Naya said. “I wonder which genius taught you how to cook!” With that jokingly self-aggrandizing remark, she tapped her daughter on the nose with the end of her fork as the latter pushed her seat into the table.

“Somebody’s humble!” Mya teased, mock-rolling her eyes before taking her own seat across from her father. She looked up at him, who was not laughing but had his chin resting on interlocked fingers as he sat.

The mood dampened just a little bit watching him, and she went ahead to scoop dinner onto plates and pour tea and water. Her father continued to nurse the overly-large beer bottle he’d brought to the table with him, Mya noticed. 

“How long are you planning on staying?” He asked, as he ate.

An important question. Mya had just packed up the essentials and appeared on her parents’ doorstep, without a real plan. She still had her job at the bookstore and she still had to wait on her exam results. Even if she was sure she’d failed, she wouldn’t know for sure until she actually got the official paper results in the mail, which would go to her apartment, rather than her home here. 

And did she really want to move here long term? The trip had been an impulsive move to clear her head of Illumi and Hisoka and her conflicted feelings, but even though her father attempted to be nice, she could still feel friction every time she looked at him. Plus, she was starting to be more than a little concerned for him. He was drinking a lot and had quite a few angry outbursts. She didn’t think her mother was in danger, but she wondered if Naya was bothered by the worsening changes she observed in her father just over the few days. 

“I don’t know yet,” she said, finally. “I still have to sort out a few things.”

She didn’t tell her father about her exam because she knew how touchy her father felt about the institution of medicine. And of course, she did not tell her father how she had gotten entangled with not one, but two crazy murderers. Not that he wasn’t familiar with that side of justice.

The rest of dinner went well with Naya recounting a few memories from her quaint childhood for laughs and asking Mya questions she’d already answered during their phone calls, for her father’s benefit. Later that night, Mya retired to her childhood bedroom and crawled into the twin bed she’d grown out of, texting Karie good night and letting her know that she was out of town, safe at her parents’ house. 

Another text from Hisoka read:  **_Where are you, little bunny~? If you don’t answer, I might have to come hunt you down~_ **

After meeting up with Hisoka as many times as she had, she knew he had neither the time or patience to actually go through with something like that. But out of an abundance of caution, she decided to call him. Maybe if she broke their  _ arrangement _ up while she was at a distance, he’d be less inclined to get angry. 

“Hisoka?”

“I miss you, Mya~ Where’d you run off to?” Hisoka sounded playful and teasing as usual, but there was a hint of something else in his voice that gave her pause. She paused, a rock now forming in the pit of her stomach, but went ahead to speak her mind.

“I don’t think we should keep-” She started, but her voice trailed off as she started to hear what sounded like a cacophony of men’s voices yelling and screaming on the ground floor. Her stomach started to turn as she started to fear the worst.

She shoved her phone in her pocket and slowly made her way downstairs by tiptoe, where the voices got increasingly loud. Definitely men, definitely unfriendly. 

She heard her father’s voice, slurred heavily now by drink but he appeared to be pleading with strangers.

“I’ll come up w-with the m-money in … in a week!”

“You said that last week, you stupid bastard!” The large thud of a body falling to the ground ensued, and Mya ran out towards the sound to find multiple strange men in her house, one standing over her father, stomping mercilessly on his back while pointing a gun at directly at his head.

She let out a bloodcurdling scream and, without thinking, ran over to tackle the man assaulting her father before she was caught up and restrained by the two goons he had with him as backup. The man turned to look at her with a sneer, before he opened his eyes wide with recognition as he studied her features.

“Well, well, well, what a surprise! If it isn’t Teiki’s bitch.” He grinned, twirling his gun before placing it in its holster and walking over to her with a wide, nonchalant gait. Mya’s arms were forced behind her back and she struggled ineffectively. Why did her asshole husband always have so many enemies?

“Leave my father alone!” She screamed. 

“Your father, the drunk?” The man mused. “He owes me a shit ton of money, darling,” he said, with a half-smile, revealing sharp, yellowed teeth. Mya reflexively spat in the man’s face once he got too close to her and he replied by pistol whipping so hard in the face, she was almost certain she’d spit out a tooth.

“Mya!” Her father tried to get up, but the pain in his back prevented him from getting to his feet.

“Stay back down there, pops,” the man restraining Mya warned, pointing his gun at his head again. “Or we’ll kill you and carve your pretty daughter’s face up.” He then turned his attention.

“What happened to Teiki, you little bitch?” He demanded, now using the hem of her nightshirt to wipe the spittle off his face. Sam looked away in shame as his daughter was exposed in front of him. “You and him are supposed to be dead.”

“Please leave, I can pay you whatever-” Mya’s voice was muffled as the man who restrained her arms clapped a hand over her mouth. 

“Nope, we’re just gonna take you and sell your body until we get his money back. Plus fuck your husband anyway. He’s screwed me out of so many deals. I bet he’s not even really dead.” 

“Especially if she’s just hiding out here with her old man, huh, boss?” The third man jeered, posted at the front door, gun ready and loaded, in case any far away neighbors heard the commotion and decided to be heroic.

The ringleader spun around on his heels, raising his gun and drew one shot into Mya’s incapacitated father’s leg, handicapping him further. She screamed as she attempted to lunge forward to shield him but instead came a swift chop to the neck, and then, everything faded to black.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ENTER A NEW CHALLENGER!!
> 
> Anyway, brief chapter, but the next one is extra long and I'll probably just post it tomorrow night so no worries right? 
> 
> Also if you guys wanna talk~ I do have tumblr, hisoillusandwich, let's chat about everything and nothing!


	21. Chapter 21

Hisoka was by no means a knight-in-shining armor. If anything, he was the one who put damsels (and everyone else under the sun) in distress. But hearing the same voice that moaned and cried out in pleasure for him scream in terror was… unpleasant to say the least. And now he was doing something highly uncharacteristic of himself, tracing the location of a phone call in the middle of the night.

But that would take a while, and from what it sounded like, he didn’t have a while. He needed somewhere to start if he was going to start searching for her.

“Don’t hang up this time. Where does Mya live?” Hisoka inquired to Illumi over the phone.

“I am in the middle of something important. Don’t trifle with me.” Illumi replied, coolly. He had already slipped away from decadent dinner entrees, fine wines, and his future wife and in-laws in order to respond to this phone call, and was already deeply irritated with the conversation topic. Hisoka had an annoying streak but usually did not press this hard. Illumi sensed something was wrong.

Hisoka’s voice was entirely too serious for his own good. 

“She’s gotten herself in trouble.”

“In that case, it’s none of your business,” Illumi said in extreme calm. Mya was barely even his business. His business was in the dining room, making arrangements for his future.

“Illumi!” For the first time in their friendship, Hisoka actually raised his voice at him, and Illumi cut him off again, letting the phone drop to his side. The panic in Hisoka’s voice made him angry. Mya was his. Hisoka had no right to sound concerned in his stead. 

He made two steps towards the dining room to Elys and her family, his family, then stopped in his tracks. All he could see before him was Mya hiding behind the fountain, thinking foolishly that he hadn’t noticed her. Then he saw the way she had slowly started to smile at him regularly when he came home to her, felt her hands play in his hair and caress his skin, heard her laughter, her tears, her determination. Then he saw her body broken and bruised and soon the mere thought of not being there to prevent it was too much.

Illumi turned on his heels. First, he had to go find his eternally troublesome Mya and ensure her safety. Second, and more importantly, he would have to admit to himself that he was in love. 

He was in love with her, and if love was a game to be won, he wasn’t on the winning side. He would lose all of the inner peace he’d built up until now if he went to her. She was only a handicap from the day they met.

She, who called him a murderer. She who feared him, then hated him, then tolerated him, then… He wasn’t sure exactly what he meant to her.

Despite this, there was no place he wanted to be right now more than by her side, and he set out, skipping out on his guests to do exactly that. 

Illumi was unaware that his most important guest, Elys, had followed him out of the dining room, watching him as he had that conversation in secret, using In to conceal her presence. She had already been suspicious about the union from the moment she stepped into the room, as her enhanced hearing didn’t pick up on a speeding up of his heartbeat, a short sigh, or any of the things that suggested anticipation or attraction to his bride-to-be. She had been warned that this man was… particular, but now judging by his conversation, and the way his heart had played out his internal turmoil in rhythm, she realized it was because his affections were otherwise occupied.

Elys’ mother, whose enhanced sensing abilities were less physical than hers and more metaphysical, had warned her that his heart was guarded in a whisper as they were led to the dining room. Now these suspicions were confirmed.

Such a shame. Elys found her husband-to-be attractive and of course, it didn’t hurt to be a member of such a powerful family. She would take care of this in her own time. She slipped back into the intimate dinner party with a smile. Time for a challenge.

* * *

Mya returned to consciousness gasping for air, as ice-cold water was splashed onto her face. Her arms were still bound helplessly to a chair, and as her eyes started to refocus she realized she was now in a brightly lit room, not unlike a dressing room, with two other young but strung-out-appearing women, and a stern-looking elderly madame with a blinded right eye.

“Wake up bitch, you have customers!” The man who had shot her father jeered as she shivered from the cold. “You, start cleaning her up,” he said, pointing to one of the young women. “And you, you’re on for the public show,” he ordered the other one. He laughed, walking out of the room, with his hands in his pockets.

“Make sure to pay special attention to her face. Wouldn’t want the swelling to turn the regulars off,” he said from just outside the doorway.

_ Is this… a brothel? _

The woman who had been tasked to clean her up pulled out a clean, white towel from a cabinet below one of the vanities, and approached her to dab at her face and hair.

“Please let me go,” Mya pleaded, knowing full well that the woman before her, dabbing absent-mindedly at her face was probably just as hopeless than she was, and likely had been in this position before. She looked at Mya with pity in her eyes, and continued to act as if she didn’t hear her. 

“Please! We can all escape if we work together!”

The other woman who had been tasked to entertain the clients, now seated at the vanity and adjusting a horrendous-looking bubble-gum pink wig on her head, let out a snort.

“How cute,” she whispered in a voice hoarse with years of heavy cigarette and alcohol use. “You think you can escape?” she mocked, her eyes still focused on the mirror as she lost herself in a cloud of hairspray. “Ha!”

“Be nice, Kitty,” the woman preparing Mya said in a soft voice, who had now finished drying off her face, and was now pulling back the new captive’s hair in a braid. Mya wanted to punch her in the face, enraged by these foreign fingers so casually in her hair without her permission as though her body no longer belonged to her. “She’s just scared… we were like this once.”

_ What do you mean you were like this once? _

“Stop touching me! Why are you doing what that bastard says?!” Mya protested, shaking in the chair.

“My, my, darling~ No need to be mad at me, I’m only trying to make this easier for you.” She turned around from behind her, and pointed to the elderly woman, who had not moved from her spot. “If granny here was the one to have to get you ready, she would have pulled all the hair off your head and made you up so poorly, you’d lose customers. Just be a good girl and you can slowly work up to some privileges.”

“Don’t sell her pipe dreams Candy, she’s clearly not cute enough to be a favorite,” the one named Kitty scoffed, before strutting out of the room.

Candy and Mya watched Kitty as she walked out, Mya’s face wet with tears. She wasn’t getting out of this place anytime soon, was she?

Candy, wholly focused on her work, walked over to the foundation drawer and tapped her chin with her finger. “‘I’m having trouble matching your shade, but I think this will do.” 

Mya closed her eyes, weeping softly as Candy approached to add finishing touches.

“Don’t cry. It’ll make your makeup run,” she attempted to console her, giving her a weak, motherly smile.

* * *

Elys strolled through the Zoldyck manor, continuing to observe the perimeter in silence as Kikyo Zoldyck continued to harp and berate her son for deserting his very own engagement party despite it being a full day later. Elys tuned in and out of her rant as she accompanied her soon-to-be mother-in-law on her walk, focusing instead on the growls of the far off beasts hidden in the forest and the merry chirps of birds announcing the late afternoon. 

“Again, once he is back, he will pay very dearly for his absence! Such a rude boy! I didn’t raise him to be like that!” Kikyo insisted, her petticoats literally in a bunch.

“Oh, I absolutely do not mind. Whatever business he had to take care of is fine by me. I will be here to serve him, after all.”

The solitary eye of Kikyo’s visor seemed to explode into a heart at these words. Yes! So pure and obedient a woman! How lucky her son was! How good of a mother she was to find such a gem!

“Thank you very much for staying overnight, darling! I hope the amenities were to your liking.”

“Yes, they were,” Elys reassured her with a practiced smile. Her mother and father had wanted to start a fit due to Illumi’s insolence and call the entire engagement off but she was glad she was able to de-escalate it before it got out of hand. All Illumi needed was a nudge in the right direction, and she could wait patiently until he was back to do so.

She was already part of the family, so what was the rush? All of this - the manor, the renown among assassins and he himself would be hers soon enough.

* * *

Dolled up and doused in cheap perfume, Mya was thrown into a room through a backdoor, not entirely too far off from the love hotel where she’d stayed with Hisoka. She was wearing a bunny suit (how ironic) and once she had gotten to her feet, she attempted to pull the ears off, only to receive an electric shock from the wristlets that had been clasped onto her. She screamed as the shock ran through her.

“Nuh uh uh,” she heard a voice coming from an intercom overhead. “Your client specifically requested this fantasy, you really wouldn’t want to disappoint, would you?”

“Fuck you!” She screamed at no one in particular and immediately got a stronger shock, the current now knocking the air out of her lungs.

“You realize that we can just keep turning this dial up and fry you into a crisp on the spot, don’t you?” A sinister chuckle followed this statement and Mya broke out into a cold sweat. 

“Good, stay quiet. Just comply and you’ll continue to live.”

Mya clenched and unclenched her fists, unsure of what to do next. If she rushed for the door she’d come in through, not only was it probably locked, she’d probably get an incapacitating shock before she got there. If she attacked whatever john they let through the front door, she’d be shocked into compliance as well. She was trapped in this cage of this room, truly like the cottontail she had been made up to resemble. 

The worst part is knowing that someone was overhead, always watching. No matter what came next.

“And the clock starts now!”

She heard a buzz and the door in front of her, directly across from the backdoor through which she had entered, slid directly up into the ceiling, revealing a grinning, extremely overweight naked man whose unmentionables were thankfully kept out of view by his pannus. 

“Why aren’t you precious?” He said, leering as he ambled in, arms outstretched for her.

_ Oh hell no.  _ She backed up reflexively and felt the shockwave go through her body yet again falling to her knees. Instead of the man’s voice telling her to comply from before, a female, computer-generated voice called out instead:

“We do apologize for the resistance. Please be assured that your sweetheart will cease to resist by the end of this session.”

_ Over my dead body, _ Mya thought, getting up to scramble away, and receiving yet another shock that had her falling to the ground, whimpering. She tasted the salt of blood in her mouth, she must have bitten the tip of her tongue as she was electrocuted.

“Why play hard to get? It only makes this more exciting,” the john said with raucous laughter. “I love getting the new ones like you, who still think they can fight.”

He closed in on her as she curled up and covered, encompassing her with his heavy body, his bare flesh against her as she cowered, and then…

She heard the sickening crunch of bones giving way to forceful impact, a woosh of wind, and then metal caving in and twisting, curling around the outline of the man who had just been thrown across the room like a baseball.

“Mya, I’m here.”

Her heart fluttered. She knew that voice. She had to be dreaming.

Illumi. Illumi had come to rescue her.

She was at a loss for words as they met eyes. He hoisted her up in his arms, bunny suit and all, and carried her out of the warehouse, and the entire time, her eyes remained focused on him, as if he would disappear if she looked away and she’d be right back where she started. She didn’t notice the broken bodies littered along the path he took or the blood splattered every which way on the walls, floor and fixtures, or even Candy, who had sheltered in place beneath one of the vanities, shaking, now faced with the fact that she truly was free to escape as Mya had promised.

Mya’s tears were soon free-flowing as she kept her eyes on him as he kept his gaze ahead of him, and once they were sufficiently far enough from the building, he finally looked back at the girl in his arms and shook his head.

“I should be the one crying. You’ve ruined my life.” Illumi deadpanned.

Mya held her breath sharply. He stopped walking as well, looking at her with wide eyes as usual, and suddenly, without warning, Mya began to shake. He was almost concerned, until she finally burst out laughing.

“Did you just… make a joke?!”

She was in a fit of giggles, all her pent-up rage and confusion and fear and disillusionment now seemingly melted away. She buried herself further into him in unbridled joy, still laughing and crying into his chest, wishing she could simply melt and be a part of him forever.

She loved him. Fully and thoroughly.

Illumi still had trouble understanding the volatile emotions of the young woman still wriggling in his arms, only narrowly escaping degradation and entirely too thankful for being with him. There was nothing funny about the situation. He’d had to stealthily leave his family, take a blimp then a car, slice and dice through an entire building, and watch her get fondled by some stranger, whose sweat was probably still on her this very moment. He wrinkled his nose in disgust slightly just thinking about it.

But regardless, he was relieved to hold her. She was still intact, despite being in this ridiculous get-up. He smiled slightly and held her even tighter. 

This felt right, this was right. 

“I missed you,” she whispered, now finally still, with a sigh of contentment.

“I… missed you too.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sigh, they finally admit it to each other.   
> I think this would possibly be a nice place to start wrapping up this story but of course, I'm here to just start more and more shit.   
> As always, please comment and let's chat~ <3 Let me know how you feel about this chapter!
> 
> Stay safe from COVID and let's seek to protect each other's freedoms and liberties moving forward! The world seems like it's crumbling but all transitions are painful. Let's hope for growth!


	22. Chapter 22

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is *lit-rally* just fluffy smut or smutty fluff? Short and sweet. You've been warned.

Sitting in a car with Illumi was a surprisingly bizarre experience. It seemed unfitting that a person so mysterious as him would do something as mundane as driving. The idea of Illumi getting pulled over by some hapless police officer and being handed a hastily-written speeding ticket was ridiculous enough to bring a small smile to her lips.

She looked at him, then out the window at the road they were taking, dark and with no obvious landmarks to ground her; she must have actually been taken quite far from home. Mya wasn’t exactly sure where they were going either but she was reassured as long as they were together. She placed her hand on Illumi’s as it rested on the car’s console, and he withdrew from her sudden gesture for just a moment before deciding to go ahead and interlock fingers with her. He was getting used to a sparing amount of touch, the longer he spent with her but he would still need time.

“Why were you so far away from home in the first place? Before all of this.” Illumi finally asked. Home meant her apartment, but the way he said it almost made it sound like it was his home as well. Mya hesitated for a moment.

“I was running from you,” she finally replied in candor. She had needed to get out of that place that had started to feel less like hers and more like theirs when there wasn’t truly a them. Her hand in his went limp as she said this, but she neglected to pull her hand away.

“You aren’t running now,” he remarked.

“No one can successfully get away from you, can they?” She teased, turning to him, but he didn’t smile.

“I think you may be projecting. It seems rather that I can’t seem to get away from you,” he replied. His eyes left the road ahead for a moment to look at her intently. Those same eyes that had hardened in the face of countless enemies softened when looking at her. Mya finally accepted that she was an awful person, complicit in his evil for not condemning his crimes. She had fallen for those brief moments of vulnerability in his eyes.

She decided to focus on the little good she could do. She had shielded her father from danger, after all. 

Shit, her father. She had to figure out what happened to her father first.

“Illumi, please let me make sure my family is okay.” He agreed rather easily, and they headed towards the suburbs of Yorknew City.

* * *

Miles away, Hisoka sat outside Mya’s family home, tossing her phone that he had retrieved on the floor of the living room up and down in his hand. He was too late, the house was empty and the only thing that suggested Mya having been there was the phone in his hand. He considered briefly that she was probably dead by now.

What a shame. She had been such a fun toy to play with. And he knew Illumi would be disappointed if she died, no matter how much he let on about not caring.

He perked up abruptly, when from his En surveilling the area, he detected two auras, Illumi’s and Mya’s, approaching in a car.

_ He managed to beat me to her, _ Hisoka thought, his emotions somewhere between relieved and annoyed. He set Mya’s cell phone down on the doorstep and decided to leave the scene before being spotted. A disappearing act, fitting of a magician; he wasn’t needed anymore, after all.

* * *

After confirming that her parents were okay (Mya had panicked when not seeing them at home, but she called them and confirmed that they had just spent the night at a hospital but were otherwise safe and sound), she gathered the few things she’d brought with her and let Illumi take her back to her own apartment. She figured the bloodbath after her kidnapping would serve as warning enough to not come after her family. 

Once they had arrived in the middle of the night and set down her belongings, Illumi pried off the shock-generating bands on her wrists with his bare hands, his fingers lingering on her forearms as he inspected the scattered electric burns and bruises.

“They’ll fade over time,” Mya reassured him. He nodded, and rubbed gently over both her wrists with his thumb.

“At this rate, I’ll have to put a needle in you to keep you out of trouble when I’m not around,” he mused out loud. He had meant it to be a joke, but Mya pulled her hand back, furrowing her brow.

“Please don’t turn me into one of your puppets,” she yelped, then sauntered off to the bathroom. She’d forgotten the bunny ears were on still, and Illumi found that, unwittingly, the corner of his lips lifted into a smile. 

It was time. She - no, they - were ready.

Illumi gave her exactly a five-minute head start until he stepped in the shower and positioned himself behind her, kissing her neck softly under the running water. She let out a gasp as she felt his hardness pressing into her lower back. His left arm snaked over her waist so he could rub circles on her clit with the tips of his fingers, while his right hand cupped her right breast from behind. Her body was relaxed and wanting.

This time there was no fear on her end, no need for restraint on his. She would give herself totally and completely to him.

She moaned in pleasure as he played with the nipple of her right breast, then once he felt the swell of her vulva in his hand, he turned her around deftly in the small space and hoisted her up so that her back was against the bathroom tile and her legs wrapped tightly around his midsection. They locked eyes in this position for a couple moments, black into brown ones and back, and Mya, dripping wet in more ways than one, let her hand tenderly caress his face. His eyes closed, as if he wanted nothing else to dampen the feel of her touch on him, the pressure of the heavily running shower and the steam rising.

“I love you, Illumi,” Mya whispered, and his lips crashed onto hers. 

Her arms wrapped around his neck to deepen the kiss as he explored every inch of her mouth. They kissed hungrily as if they could never get enough of each other, like they were fighting for dominance and submitting to each other at the same time. When they finally broke for air, he lifted her up slightly to lower her onto his throbbing, ready shaft. She accommodated to his length like they were designed for each other, their lips meeting and parting repeatedly, and her hands roaming, exploring and memorizing every inch of his body. His hands traveled to her waist and then he was moving inside her, up and down rhythmically as she held on to him for dear life.

“Illu~mi..” she aired out breathily. She couldn’t form words, thoughts, all was just him, his name.

“Yes, Mya,” Stoic as usual, he was not nearly as breathless as her, but with the way he pronounced her name with such tenderness, she thought she would tip over right then and there.

“I love- Ah!” He had sped up, going faster and faster and she kept moaning and crying out his name, the water continued to run, and she continued to scratch deep lines in his back as she and he got closer and closer until at last, she felt her wind-up release and her legs go numb, replaced with a tingling sensation traveling from her toes to her belly button and back. 

She screamed his name as she felt her body go limp and she fell forward into him. He touched his lips to her forehead, carrying her out of the shower and wrapping a towel around the two of them. He was still hard and he carried her low, remaining inside her, as they traveled to her bedroom.

He lay her down gently on the bed, and interlocking his fingers with hers, descended onto her anew. 

“You’re doing so well for me, my Mya,” he said, as he entered her warm core again. Their hips went into a slow rotation together, and she was starting to feel a rise again. Illumi felt it too, finally he started to let out soft grunts as he moved with her, and left small love bites around her breasts, her neck before he grazed her lips again. Then he gripped the headboard, and as he ground into her, his fingers applied such a pressure on the frame that their imprint would be permanent. A reminder every time they lay down to sleep together.

_ His Mya. _ Any talk of a wedding was moot. It had to be; this felt too desperate, too sensual, too devoted to be done with someone to be discarded after use or even a well-loved mistress.

They peaked together, and she felt him paint her walls with warmth, then kissed her a final time on the lips before they drew apart. She was nothing but a flushed and breathless quivering mess.

Mya could feel his warm breath on her forehead as he drew her close to him. He ran a hand through her wet hair and she did through his, and they continued to participate in this never-ending staring contest, unable to stop gazing into each other’s eyes.

“We’re going to catch colds like this,” she whispered, now that the pillow cases were soaked through from their still-damp hair.

“Perhaps,” he agreed, and he placed his chin on top of her head, despite this.

As they drifted off to sleep in each other’s arms, Mya found herself unexpectedly thanking her ex-husband. In being so awful as to hire someone to kill her, he had not only inadvertently sealed his own demise, but brought her a love she could never get from him.

All she hoped was that things would stay this way forever. Maybe forever was presumptuous. She prayed that, at the very least, Illumi would still be by her side when she woke up.


	23. Chapter 23

“I’ll be back soon.”

Mya nodded, standing at the doorway to see Illumi off. Again, she didn’t know where he was going, but he had taken the time to reassure her that he would in fact return, so she didn’t press him. He looked back at her once more, wondering if it was time for him to bring her back to Kukuroo Mountain, to his family, but decided against it. Not now. Not yet. 

He had a mess waiting at home to fix and bringing Mya into the mix would unnecessarily complicate things. But he promised to himself that he would take her home. He was going to get married still, but to Mya. He was already in too deep, and he had confirmed this with himself after spending the entire week by her side to protect her.

Mya closed the short distance between them and tiptoed up to peck him on the lips before sheepishly turning back into the house. Smiling, she slowly closed the door and he was off.

On the other side of the door, Mya ran to the bathroom at breakneck speed and doubled over the toilet to finally reject the vomitus she had been holding in for the past thirty minutes.

She was toast. Her brief fantasy was over, and while she could argue that she’d probably overall had lived a good life - save for the majority of the past two years - it was about to be cut down quickly and swiftly. 

Her period was late and she knew damn well that for a girl such as her who was regular on the dot, there was no possible way that wasn’t bad news. Illumi was going to have three additional deaths on his hands - her, Hisoka, and probably baby Hisoka growing in her womb, if her suspicions were correct. Granted, that was probably a drop in the bucket compared to a whole lifetime of assassination. 

One trip to the local pharmacy later, Mya sat over the toilet, hand shaking as she held a freshly used pregnancy test, waiting for her death sentence to turn up in the shape of two lines. The next five minutes were agonizing as she waited for the test to result. 

And the heavens were kind to her, as the test remained negative. Just to make excessively sure, she took a second, a third and a fourth for good measure, all negative. Maybe it was just the stress, she did have a stressful last couple of months, including a literal kidnapping. She let out a sigh of relief that was short-lived. Mya knew she’d have to tell Illumi the truth, and he’d probably still kill her then but at least now she wouldn’t have a whole gestation pending to further enrage him. 

After disposing of the evidence (or lack thereof), she checked her cellphone, and she hovered over Hisoka’s chat window. Hisoka had not messaged her since that day that he had called her. He had likely moved on to something better. Good for him. As long as he kept his mouth shut long enough so that she could find a way to softly communicate the truth, they might both continue to live.

* * *

Illumi finally turned his cell phone on for the first time in the week once he had arrived at the Testing Gates. 101 missed messages from Kikyo alone. He was going to have a fun time sorting through this mess.

He made it to the manor to find his mother sitting under one of their many gazebos, sharing tea and crumpets with the presumptive bride-to-be. Why was she still here? An entire week had passed.

Kikyo, seeing him approach, stood up and her face twisted into a menacing but restrained smile. Illumi knew that if it weren’t for the fact that she was trying to save face in front of polite company, the butter knife she was twisting in her hand would have come hurtling towards his face. 

“How lovely of you to join me and your  _ wife _ , Illumi,” Kikyo greeted, putting particular emphasis on the word. Illumi didn’t let his irritation show through as he let his mother drag him into a seat next to Elys. Elys looked up at him with a serene, disingenuously affectionate look.

“I’m glad you were able to finish your important business,” she said in that airy, soft-spoken voice of hers. “I’ve been hoping to get a chance to get to know you a little more before the wedding.”

With that, she placed a hand lightly on his hand, smiling with her eyes closed, concealing the grey clouding of her pupils as her Hatsu activated imperceptibly, extracting every discrete sensory memory, above a certain threshold, that Illumi had retained over the past ten days.

_ So this is her,  _ she thought, seeing repeated flashes of one woman’s face through her mind’s eye. In milliseconds, she briefly sorted through the overload of information, intending to comb through it more in depth later.

“Oh, I’m so sorry for being so forward!” Elys whispered apologetically, when Illumi pulled his hand away, interrupting her Hatsu. He stood up and disregarded her, clearing his throat.

“I have a couple of things to discuss, Mom,” he said in a toneless voice. “In private,” he added. At this, Elys’ lips curled anew into a smile. She already knew what he wanted to say.

“Whatever you have to say, you can say it in front of the two of us,” Kikyo insisted in a honeyed voice, idly buttering a crumpet with her twisted knife.

What a nuisance.

“I’m calling the wedding off. You can send her home now,” Illumi said, bluntly, pointing to Elys. To her, he intoned politely and formally, “I apologize for any inconvenience this may have caused. It was a pleasure to meet you. I wish you luck on your future endeavors.”

A short bow to her and he walked off, leaving his mother in a stupor. From afar, he could hear Elys break out into quiet sobs, and his mother jump out of her seat to console her. Unfortunately for her, he remained unmoved and his pace unchanged, as he was not particularly sensitive to tears.

Well, with one exception...

A few minutes later, Illumi retired to his quarters, thinking about how best to proceed. While he had tried to make things sound final, he knew his mother was pushy and once she had an idea in her head, she was quite immovable. As far as Kikyo Zoldyck was concerned, her eldest son was getting wed to a perfect wife that she had hand-selected for him and would produce at least one child for her to dote on by the end of a year’s time. This last part was especially important for her now that her obvious favorite, Kalluto, had left to be part of the Phantom Troupe.

If he chose to present Mya as an alternative, he’d have to have eyes on her every second of the day, lest a reluctant butler slit her throat or she died from a mysterious poisoning.

“Aniki, why exactly are you riling Mom up like that?” Milluki asked his older brother over the phone, not willing to expend the energy to leave his room. “You’re the one who let her pick a wife for you.”

“I changed my mind.”

“That’s too bad, because she’s already moved in here.”

There was a pregnant pause on the phone, and Illumi let out a sigh. 

“What made you change your mind?” Milluki finally asked, in a curious yet timid voice. Milluki didn’t often directly ask Illumi personal questions, only hinted or alluded to his thoughts and waited for confirmation or denial. But Illumi was doing something very bold. Not once had he ever seen his normally filial to a flaw brother oppose his parents’ vision for him. Especially for something so near and dear to Kikyo’s heart. 

“I have someone that I care about.”

There was another pregnant pause, and Milluki burst into laughter.

“What kind of crazy joke is that?! You fell in love in a week? With a stranger? Did you kidnap her?”

Illumi cleared his throat. “Actually Milluki, it turns out your room is not very far from mine.”

He heard a pause again on the phone, but the sudden fear in Milluki’s voice was palpable, loud and clear. “Please don’t kill me.”

“Don’t worry, family is off limits.”

* * *

Elys lay across a couch, in the lavish guestroom the Zoldycks had prepared for her. How silly that her husband had essentially told her to pack her things. She hadn’t even gotten started yet.

She reached idly for the bowl of frozen grapes she’d requested as a snack, and chomped on a few before reviewing her intel. Closing her eyes, she continued to leaf through the images she’d generated from Illumi’s sensory map with her Hatsu, focusing on those involving Mya. Through his perspective, she watched him carry her in his arms, caress her face, hold her hand, and be intimate with her. She memorized the feel of her skin when he touched her, her smell, the sound of her voice. She completely understood why he would call off the wedding, especially after she replayed their intimate scenes over and over again, giggling uncontrollably in her voyeurism. What chemistry! How drole! A shame really. 

A cool, icy hate then filled her veins. Rejection was not for people like her, who were pristine incarnations of the perfect woman. Women like her were to die for; after all, she had eliminated so many men and women through simple seduction, after all. This common woman did not compare to her in any measure, whatsoever. 

She couldn’t wait to destroy them both, without even lifting a finger.

All in due time.

* * *

“And Hisoka wins again, staying true to his reputation of brutality in the ring!” 

Hisoka licked his lips in excitement as he watched his defeated opponent, once cocky and in one whole piece, reach in desperation for his detached limbs, thrown every which way along the arena. At this point, his opponents should know better than to accept a deathmatch from him.

His fervor for blood and battle had been intensifying ever since he’d returned to Heavens Arena from his wild goose chase for Mya, who was Illumi’s and not his.

He threw another nen-sharpened card which pierced directly into the man’s back, effectively ending his pointless struggle. Probably overkill, but who cared? Certainly not Hisoka.

It was good to be back at Heavens Arena. He’d been acting too soft lately, anyway. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mya's dodged a big ass bullet, or has she?   
> My girl Elys is big time crazy, good for her.  
> And Hisoka is back to fighting and murder to get off, what else is new?
> 
> I hope you enjoy~ <3 Thanks so much for the regular commenters, you all truly make my day !! <3


	24. Chapter 24

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW all over this chapter for #yandere, #?abuse, etc.  
> Basically, reminder that like as much as I aim for a little Soft Illumi (TM), Illumi is *not* soft.
> 
> You've been warned!

Mya sat, heart thumping and fidgety on her best friend’s couch, waiting for her to finish logging into the website that was hosting her exam results on her behalf. She couldn’t bear to look at the failing grade herself.

“MIMI, YOU PASSED!” Karie screamed, diving into her on the couch in a hug.

“I.. I passed. I passed? I passed!!!” Mya shrieked once the realization set in, now jumping for joy with her friend.

Karie let out another shriek of joy. “I knew you could do it!! Ugh, you were so worried for no reason,” she said, making a show of shaking her head, but with eyes twinkling in excitement.

“Ah, in just a couple of years I’ll be able to call you Doctor!” She sighed, falling into the couch. “Dr. Kuracanto has such a lovely ring to it~”

Mya hadn’t thought about it before, but her father’s clients stopped calling him Doctor as she grew older. She briefly discarded that thought, still smiling ear to ear. She needed to tell her mother, maybe her father, and - she hesitated at the thought - Illumi.

It was his fault she was worried about not passing in the first place.

She dwelled on this idea all day, and it just so happened that he came to see her that very evening. As usual, Illumi neither told her where he had been or that he was on his way in advance. In fact, she was in the middle of a conversation with her mother on the phone, and sauteing vegetables for dinner, when he walked in. She turned to look at him and smiled, expecting him to go straight to the bathroom to shower, as he usually did, but instead, he came up behind her and started to nibble on her neck and collarbones.

“What are you doing, Illumi? I’m… busy...” she half-whispered, half-moaned, as he nipped and sucked along her neck and along her collarbones.

“Hang up.” A simple response to a simple issue.

“I’m on the phone with my mother-  _ Oh!”  _ In one swift action, Illumi cupped her chin from behind and had her turned and bent over the kitchen table. Her phone fell out of her hand and clattered to the ground.

“Illumi!”

“I’ll buy you a new one,” he immediately retorted, as he lined his already throbbing member into her entrance. Two seconds passed and he plunged right inside her, bottoming out almost instantly. Mya let out something between a cry and a gasp at the stretch, and he started to rut at her mercilessly, nothing like the sensual love-making of the very first time. He was rough and rapid, and her thighs were hitting the edge of the table with every thrust. It hurt. He was hurting her. 

“Illumi, what’s…,” she was struggling to use her words, “gotten into you?” She couldn’t match his pace and gave up, laying limp, her cheek pressed to the cold table. 

“Stop talking. Take this or I won’t be able to stop myself from getting upset.” Mya could hear a very faint tinge of anger in his normally completely even-keel voice, but attributed it to the stress of a recent mission. She’d have to talk to him about taking out his frustration on her. If he’d listen...

Illumi’s thrusts became harder and sloppier, and he pinned Mya’s arms behind her back, keeping her flush against the hard surface. She could feel his fingers dig into the flesh of her wrists as he restrained her. She was starting to become afraid; this wasn’t sexy anymore. He was mad at her specifically.

“Illumi, slow down… i-it hurts!” She pleaded.

“Good. Bear with it.” The atypical seething tone his voice had taken melded with the sizzle of her food burning on the stove. The acrid smell of smoke wafted to her nostrils; combined with her fear and the pounding she was getting, she was starting to get nauseous.

“Ill.. umi… what did I do...?” Her voice came out staccato as he continued to plow into her painfully. He paused, and leaned closer into her so that he could whisper into her ear.

“You fucked Hisoka.”

Her mouth opened and closed, faltering. So this was how she was going to die, in this unflattering position, in her own home, due to something she did out of anger. He raised her upright like a board, his hands dangerously close to her neck as he gripped her shoulders, and continued to slam inside of her over and over again. This went on for too long. 

“Don’t  _ ever _ forget that you’re mine.” The words came out as a low growl.

The fumes coming from the burning food reached her eyes and started to sting, or maybe she was crying.

“I’m sorry, I just-” Mya choked out.

“Don’t say another word.” 

He turned her over again so she could face him, and in his eyes, she saw something that made her feel worse than just afraid. Hurt. She hadn’t even thought he could even manage an expression like that. His deep, dark voidlike eyes were dark but glistening, and his lips were pulled back into a look of anguish. His hands then gripped firmly on her thighs, she winced.

He pressed his lips onto hers again roughly; to her, it felt more like a tackle and Mya felt her head spin as she fell backwards onto the hard surface of the table. Her back was starting to hurt from her angle and the table legs now made an awful screeching sound as they slid far enough into the back of the living room couch, owing to the kitchen’s open design. She considered in fear that one poorly angled thrust could shatter her spine or pelvis. Her vision was starting to blur and maybe that loud beeping sound overhead was her fire alarm was going off now? She wasn’t sure.

Her center was starting to hurt too; everything hurt and she was sure it was by intention. He was so, so angry, she could tell. But she knew that it was either this rough, uncomfortable sex (could she even call it sex or was it violence?) or he’d murder her on the spot. This was awful, this was wrong, but she believed him when he said it was his only way to cope.

One, two, three final pushes and he finally came, an awful, unsatisfying sound. He pulled out and she fell into a bruised, weeping heap on the ground.

“Why Hisoka? Were you trying to hurt me?” He accused, standing over her as he adjusted his clothing with only an edge in his voice to slight for what he had just done.

Dizzy, sore and a little bit nauseous, Mya reluctantly nodded yes. He paused, somewhat surprised by her honesty, watching her pitifully pull up her yoga pants as well, looking positively crestfallen.

There was a pause that hung in the air as Mya searched for words to defend herself. Her stomach continued to turn. He continued to give her a long, hard look and then let out a sigh.

“I suppose it’s my fault,” he acquiesced, finally. “I did leave you behind.”

With that, he moved closer to her, and pulled her up to standing, ignoring the way she reflexively withdrew from him. Her legs shook, and she faltered a bit and he held her steady. A brief thought passed in his head that maybe he’d overdone it. All that came through his mind was the idea that Hisoka had touched her, and he wanted to blur that image. He had done something desperate, maybe thinking if he did this, he’d punish her and remove traces of Hisoka out of her, somehow.

“Illumi, I’m sorry.” She pulled away, still feeling sick to her stomach. The smoke from the burned food was starting to fill the room and she coughed a bit as she walked wearily over to turn off the heat of the fire. She managed to turn off the stove and replaced the lid before she collapsed again, but not before Illumi caught her in his arms.

“I just was so upset, and you weren’t coming back. Please don’t leave again.”

A hypocrite. He  _ literally _ had a wife at home, he remembered. One that he had technically sought out simply because he wanted to make sure to cut Mya out of his head completely. Wasn’t that equivalent?

Hours later, Illumi was in bed with her, sitting against the backboard as she snoozed with her torso strewn across his lap. Illumi stroked her hair, thinking to himself. 

The apartment had stopped smelling like smoke as all the windows had been opened wide, and now the smell was replaced by the lingering odor of the takeout he’d ordered to replace the ruined dinner. Mya had only had a couple of bites before she pushed it away, running to the bathroom to throw it back up immediately. She was comfortable now but earlier she had looked so brutalized that he briefly wondered if he had ruined her future fertility, especially when she had undressed and he noticed the drops of fresh blood on her underwear. 

She’d called it spotting from cervical bruising. It was odd, she was now comforting him when he was the one inflicting pain on her. Love was a strange thing. There was little room for self-preservation.

He reviewed his last conversation with Hisoka that had engendered all of this:

_ “I want to hire you for a job, Illumi~,” Hisoka seemed to sing into the phone. A job. Jobs were good, they meant money and Illumi enjoyed watching his assets increase. _

_ “Who would you like me to eliminate?” _

_ “Me, of course.” To that statement, Hisoka added a laugh for dramatic effect. Illumi could practically hear the magician’s grin stretch from eye to eye. _

_ “Serious inquiries only, Hisoka.” _

_ “I’m as serious as a heart attack, my dear Illumi~ I’ve already wired you the cash for the job. I’ll even put in the contract that you’ll have half my things if I die, even if you’re not the one who kills me. How does that sound?” _

_ “This is extreme, even for you.” _

_ “I just want to have a little fun, Illumi-kun~ Is that so bad?” _

_ “I’d like to remind you that I am  _ very  _ good at my job… Once I agree, your days will essentially be numbered. Are you sure?” _

_ “You sound hesitant, Illumi. Do you need some motivation?” _

Hisoka’s motivation was a picture of Mya fast asleep with hair tousled and splayed under white bed sheets; the fact that she was naked was evidenced by taut nipples poking through the thin fabric.

**_Warmed her up for you while you were off making wedding arrangements. Quite a few times actually. Good choice, Illumi~_ **

Now, the money was just a nice bonus. He was absolutely willing to beat him to death for free.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For those who skipped over: Illumi found out about Hisoka and is really not so happy. Things go from 0 to 100 real freaking quick.  
> If anyone feels like they relate too much to what just happened here, get out of whatever relationship you're in and move on. Seriously.
> 
> Otherwise, stay tuned for the next chapter! Let me know what you think!


	25. Chapter 25

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry I wasn't able to post a chapter yesterday! Lots of stuff happened in real life~
> 
> I think this one is a bit longer than usual, so hopefully that makes up for it? 
> 
> I hope everyone is doing well and enjoys the chapter! <3

Hisoka’s eyes glinted as he stared down his most exciting opponent yet. He felt as though his entire life had culminated to this very moment - facing the brooding and deceptively unimposing young man before him.

Chrollo Lucilfer, leader of the mysterious Genei Ryodan, the Phantom Troupe.

“Finally, my dream is realized,” Hisoka said, with an air of satisfaction, over the roaring crowd surrounding them. “I’ve waited this long - I don’t want a friendly sparring match.”

The dark-haired man in the elaborate overcoat returned the sentiment with a smirk. 

“I know. Being pursued has become annoying. This will be a battle to the death.”

“Okay~” Hisoka agreed to the challenge, bloodlust oozing from every inch of him as he overflowed with delight. 

* * *

Mya awoke the next day, her whole body now sore to match the area between her thighs like she’d been in a fight. Ah yes, she’d basically been in a fight, she remembered quickly. With Illumi. Was it a fight? A fight involved two people, but what really seemed at odds yesterday was Illumi and anger. He knew he didn’t have the right to be angry, but he was. And made her suffer for it.

That wasn’t a  _ completely  _ fair assessment. Even if she hadn’t promised herself to him, she had done it expressly with the intention to hurt him. Not technically cheating, but if you have to argue technicalities... 

Regardless, he had no right to do what he did. Her body was hers, and she could do whatever she wanted with it.

Mya shook her head as though resetting her flurry of thoughts. When she turned over in bed, Illumi was not next to her, but she could hear the sound of the kitchen faucet turning on and off and the clink of ceramic tableware outside her door. She drew the covers back over her as she heard light footsteps coming near, not sure if she wanted to speak to Illumi this morning. At least, not so soon. Now that the fear and guilt had been over with yesterday, all that remained was irritation.

Knowing Mya was no longer asleep, Illumi pulled the covers off of her head and studied her carefully. His eyes traced the bruises in the shape of his fingers that had started to flower, starkly noticeable despite her deep complexion. 

“What, Illumi?” Mya asked, with more edge in her voice than she had intended.

“I made you tea.”

His eyes directed her to a tray that he had just set down with a cup for her. The wafting smell suggested ginger and lemon and when she took a sip, it had been sweetened just the right amount. Mya gave him a long look, then reached for the teacup in a dramatic show of reluctance and brought it to her mouth. As she sipped, he came closer to her, and slowly and deliberately pulled down her pajama shorts, giving her a soft look when she tensed up against him.

“I’m just checking.” In an incredibly clinical manner, Illumi inspected the area. Again, he could see his fingers etched into the skin of her hips and upper thighs. However, the shorts themselves, to his relief, were no longer stained with drops of blood.

“I can take you to a doctor if you would like to,” he said, as he re-dressed her.

“If it were that bad, I’d press charges,” she said, flippantly, staring into her cup of tea.

Another bad joke or was it more of a jab. She looked up to see him expressionless, and she thought for a second that she may just have pushed her luck just a little too far. Instead, Illumi moved forward and brushed his lips on her forehead ever-so-softly, before leaving her to her own devices, sitting in the bedroom. 

It occurred to Mya that this was probably as close to an apology as she would get, these gestures of continued affection and space to be angry with him. These were to serve as assurance that he would never hurt her again, as long as she didn’t hurt him. 

She wasn’t sure she was completely on board with that.

Mya checked the time on the wall clock, around half past noon. Setting her tea aside on the nightstand, she lay back into bed to get some additional sleep on this lazy morning before suddenly shooting up straight like a board once she realized what she was forgetting.

_ Oh crap, I promised to meet at 1 today! _

She scrambled out of bed, rushing to make herself presentable. Once appropriately dressed, she ran out of her bedroom and straight for the door, somewhat surprised that Illumi was still there, sitting in the living room, apparently lost in thought.

“Illumi, I’ll be back in a couple of hours!” She said, flying out of the apartment.

* * *

A block over from Mya’s bookstore was a quaint coffee shop that she had regrettably never frequented during her long studying period ahead of the qualifying exam. Now that she had passed, she had made good on her promise to tell Leorio about her progress, and they had agreed to meet in person to discuss her next steps. He clearly craved having someone to mentor, and she was in dire need of mentorship, having had little formal education past secondary school. 

There was one small problem though - Illumi looming behind her, matching her step for step. Illumi had followed her out of the apartment, insisting that they go together, despite her pleas that it would make the meeting unnecessarily awkward.

“You’re going to scare him off!” She whined.  _ Plus, he’s kind of already met you, I think…  _

“I’m failing to see the issue.”

Mya let out a sigh of frustration as she continued to walk with him two paces behind. Once they arrived about fifty feet away, she about-faced abruptly in a desperate attempt to reason with him one more time. It would be ideal if he and Leorio did not meet each other.

“Illumi, I really need his advice to make arrangements for the upcoming year. It’ll be a short meeting, and it would be better if you were not there.”

Illumi looked at her with a genuine look of confusion. “That’s simple. You’ll be with me, and I’ll take care of you. What else is there to arrange?”

“I…” Mya’s mouth opened then closed as she was at a loss of words, a warmth spreading over her cheeks. She couldn’t argue that it didn’t feel good to hear that from him, but it felt wrong. She had her own plans, and while most included him, medical school likely did not.

Illumi stared at her, unblinking, waiting for her to respond, but the two were interrupted by the sound of Leorio’s voice, having recognized his mentee approach at a distance.

“Mya-san! You’re late!” He joked, with a grin, before he registered who was beside her.

Illumi Zoldyck. An renowned assassin. A Hunter recently classified as a criminal even by the Hunter Association, which tolerated more than it should allow, was standing there in plain sight.

Leorio was not very grey morally. In fact for him, things were very obviously black and white, and Illumi sat firmly and rightfully in the villain category. Leorio considered neither the fact that the villain and his acquaintance seemed to be in conversation, and the ease with which they stood by each other, only about a foot apart as they spoke, before he attacked.

“Mya-san, stand back!” Leorio yelled, as he charged what he cried out as he launched an attack, he announced as a Remote Punch. A portal seemed to open and transmit a charged fist over the distance between them and Illumi, unimpressed, evaded the attack, making sure to keep Mya out of harm’s way by pulling her into him. He seemed to enjoy doing that, Mya remarked, pressed against his hard chest again - in retrospect, there was no way that punch would have hit her even if she had stayed in the same spot. Leorio had not been aiming for her, after all.

When she turned back, Leorio appeared dumbfounded as he watched Illumi tend to Mya, before addressing him with a look.

“Eh??”

“Do that again and I won’t hesitate to kill you,” Illumi said coolly, taking a step forward. Mya held onto his arm in an ineffective gesture of restraint.

“Please stop,” she whispered. He disregarded her, eyes still focused on Leorio.

“Bold of you to show your face in broad daylight after all you’ve done, you murderer!” Leorio’s voice rose in volume, in odd juxtaposition with Illumi’s clear, even-toned voice.

“I’d prefer the term assassin, but to each their own.”

Mya circled around him and approached.

“Leorio, I’m sorry, let me explain and let’s have a seat,” Mya attempted to defuse the situation, but Leorio dug in his heels, appearing to literally fume out of the ears. 

“Isn’t this the man that tried to kill you?”

Something about Illumi’s pride was wounded by the idea of ‘trying’ and not being successful but he remained silent. 

“You associate with murderers and want to be a doctor?” Leorio persisted with his verbal assault, pointing a finger at her accusingly.

That accusation went straight to her heart. Mya almost considered turning to leave, but then...

“Wait a second. Didn’t you tell me you and Killua were friends?” Both Illumi and Leorio looked at her in stunned surprise from the calculating tone she had taken.

“Y-yes…” Leorio replied, glancing at Illumi for any sign of a reaction.

“I’d suggest you stop being a hypocrite then, and let’s have a seat and talk. How does that sound?” Mya smiled sweetly, but there was a sharpness to her voice that gave Leorio pause. She crossed the distance between them and Leorio then walked a few steps ahead.

She kept a sinister eye smile on her face, looking behind her.

“Let’s go.” 

* * *

Elys pored over an extensive, and heavy, presentation of nail polishes of all colors and hues, brought in by a kneeling young butler once she stepped out of the bath. She sat in a shower chair right beside the enormous bathtub, wringing out her long, silky hair as she went through the selection. The butler continued to keep the tray up steady over outstretched arms, avoiding her gaze. Elys lightly tapped her fingers over all of the containers while inspecting each. She then settled on a pearlescent pink and pulled it out to eye it carefully, before setting it back down in its slot. 

“Ah! I can’t decide on what color to use…” she groaned, dramatically laying back in her chair. She tapped her chin lightly. “Hm, Mitsuki, what color do you think my husband likes?”

Mitsuki, still an apprentice and having already learned the hard way that Elys hated servants looking her in the eye, continued to keep her gaze on the floor tiles. She had been kneeling there in a full suit on wet tile and surrounded by steam for the past two hours, while her new mistress read in the bath. Somehow this question was more cruel - there was no way for her to know the answer, and both she and Elys knew it. Mitsuki had never even met Illumi once, and had never been ordered to take care of any of his requests. Regardless, she knew Elys would use this as a way to abuse her further, having borne the brunt of her random cruelty ever since her assignment.

“I-I.. think maybe a color that matches with your eyes, a light gray, perhaps,” Mitsuki offered in a small voice, hoping to be diplomatic.

“Do you know or are you guessing?” Elys retorted, eyes narrowed.

“...”

Elys kicked the tray out of the butler’s arms with precision, causing the entire assortment to shatter on the tile in a somewhat aesthetically pleasing splatter of color.

“What use are you to me, exactly, if you can’t answer a simple question?” 

She stood up, looking every bit like a snake with her hair slicked back, naked and completely hairless otherwise. Vicious, yet strikingly beautiful. 

“You have ten minutes to clean that up.” Elys demanded, walking into the guest room to air dry. She was suddenly in a bad mood, even if her face didn’t show it. It was probably time for her to get some plans in motion. A couple phone calls would do the trick.

“Papa, can you send a couple of men to a particular location?” She asked, once her father answered the phone.

“What for, darling?”

“I just feel…  _ disrespected _ by someone and I’d rather not lift a finger myself.” She wouldn’t admit that her husband-to-be had already decided on someone else. That would be embarrassing, not to mention her parents would probably take her home. That wouldn’t do.

“Do you feel unsafe at the Zoldyck Manor?”

“No, it’s elsewhere.”

Her father paused on the telephone, possibly considering whether or not he should bring his daughter back home anyway, then let out a sigh. “Immediate execution, torture or kidnapping?”

She glanced over to the unfinished needlepoint canvas she had started in boredom last night. She had embroidered the letters of her first name, middle initial and the name Zoldyck, or rather Zoldyc, as it remained unfinished.

“I think… execution would be best.”


	26. Chapter 26

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hii, I'm back and possibly hyper today, so enjoy the chapter! Let's chat on tumblr if you would like as well~ I also wrote a one-shot today if you guys are interested with another lame name, that yall can peruse~

_ Are you sure you know who you’re dealing with?  _

Leorio had asked Mya this in a follow-up phone call from their meeting, and the words stuck with her, especially in light of what had happened once Illumi found out about her time with Hisoka. During the meeting, Leorio would not stop looking at Illumi suspiciously but he managed to hold in his distaste enough to teach Mya about the application process and what to expect in interviews. She also learned, in a truly shocking turn of events, that Leorio was only 19 years old, despite carrying himself like someone in his early 30s. 

Illumi sat intently, paying attention to every word Leorio said but offering nothing further in terms of comment or concern. When they were done, he took Mya’s hand and ushered her out of the door with something that looked like an urgency. Mya looked back at Leorio with embarrassment, but the dark look he had on his face didn’t afford any sympathy. 

Mya could read in his eyes that he considered her possibly the dumbest person alive, to the point it was almost criminal. She was okay with being stupid. For however long this lasted, her life would be full of contradictions.

Illumi had left again in the evening but this time had decided to tell her that he’d be back by very early morning. That was an improvement. She picked up her phone, aiming to check in on Karie before spending the rest of the night researching universities, but as she reached for it, an unfamiliar phone number showed up on the screen. She let it ring a couple of times, before deciding to pick it up. Telemarketers didn’t usually call this late after all.

“Hello?” 

To her shock, a young boy’s voice, somewhere between 12 and 14 came essentially yelling through the phone.

“Whatever needle Aniki put in your head, you need to take it out before it’s too late.” 

“Who is this?” She asked, already knowing the answer.

“Killua. Leorio told me and…,” he paused and took a breath. “I didn’t want to say anything because if you’re stupid, you can be stupid and it’s not my problem and plus I already told Milluki that I’m not coming to your wedding, neither is Alluka, but if you’re gonna just stay in Kukuroo Mountain and live with that jerk than that’s on you! Don’t say I didn’t warn you! Baaaaka!” 

Mya hesitated on the phone, not knowing what to say next. She could still hear the boy breathing into the other end of the phone. 

_ The wedding… The wedding wasn’t off? _

“Killua,” she said, softly. She could sense his breathing stop on the other side, maybe he was gritting his teeth, maybe he was ready to hang up, she couldn’t tell. But first, she wanted him to know that she appreciated his call. “Thank you… for calling ahead and being concerned, even if you don’t know me personally. That’s very kind.”

She heard him scoff on the other side of the phone. She smiled, he was kind of cute, like an older version of the kids she took care of at the school. 

“I don’t know your relationship, I only know Illumi. And while I know about what you guys do -”

“What  _ they  _ do. I’m not an assassin anymore,” he clarified.

“I understand.” She let out a soft chuckle. “It’s true that I don’t… necessarily approve of it. But, I like your brother.”

“It’s either because you’re stupid or he’s controlling you,” Killua insisted. There was no use in trying to convince him otherwise. But her goal was not to convince him right now. Her goal was to assuage his concerns.

“Killua, I’m not getting married to your brother anytime soon.” He hadn’t proposed. But she had a nagging feeling that Killua had some of his facts crossed, and this was confirmed with his next statement.

“You’re lying. Milluki said you had already moved into the house last week.”

Mya took her phone away from her ear for a moment and closed her eyes, massaging both of her temples. What did he mean moved into the house? 

“Killua, I’m not lying. I think you’re talking about someone else.”

“Leorio gave me your phone number. Are you not Elys?” His voice was hesitant with the question.

_ Elys. _

“I.. am not Elys.”   


“What? Then who are you? I don’t understand.”

_ Who am I? That is an excellent question.  _ Her mouth was starting to go dry, and her head was starting to throb with anger.

“My name is Mya. I… I will have to have a talk with your brother, Killua. Thank you again for calling. Have a lovely night!” She hung up the phone before he could explain anything further.

Her heart was racing. Elys, there was an Elys. An actual living, breathing woman was at his family home. Maybe when he left for missions, he really just left to spend time with her. How long?

Why didn’t he tell her about Elys? Was this the final revenge? Was he still paying her back for Hisoka? Or had he intended to keep her to the side, and continue some sort of illegitimate relationship? 

Hadn’t he  _ just  _ said he’d take care of her? And that she’d be with him?

She needed something to grab, something to throw. The mug. The mug from this morning was still on her nightstand and now it was across the room, flung against the wall and broken into pieces. Better the mug than her.

* * *

Hisoka also briefly lay in pieces, in the wake of his battle with Chrollo. Essentially charred to a crisp from compound explosions, he had been unmistakably but not irrevocably dead.

Hisoka’s overwhelming will to live had brought him back into existence through the existence of post-mortem Nen and he was  _ furious. _

The drastic change in emotion was either owing to the fact that he had literally lost his life, or that he hadn’t gotten the high he was expecting from Chrollo’s battle, now that he realized Chrollo had essentially prepared a 100% foolproof plan to end him. Not for a second had Chrollo lost the upper hand, and had possibly only agreed to fight given an absolute win condition. Regardless, his usually happy-go-lucky self was imbued with a rage just as strong as the post-mortem Nen boost flowing through his body.

He was the one being toyed with this time, not the other way around. 

Hisoka hid it well, resisting the urge to crush Machi who had disrespected him enough to offer him some pity, staying behind with his body. 

Pity, what a disgusting thing.

He was tired of being second place. In fighting, in romance.

No more games. He would take every single member of the Phantom Troupe out, and just to kill multiple birds with one stone, he would request Illumi join them too. 

* * *

Illumi returned to Mya’s apartment in the early hours of the morning, still earlier than he had intended. He found her asleep soundly, with eyelids puffier than usual, suggesting that she had yet again been crying, and spotted the shards of the ceramic from the coffee mug across from the bed. He stood, staring at it for a couple of seconds, before continuing towards the bathroom to shower and join her in bed.

He stepped into the bathroom, and then immediately walked back out, instincts blaring that something was not quite right. Scanning the room with Gyo revealed a single, small, disembodied eyeball in the middle of the ceiling, directed towards Mya who was snoring softly. Harmless at first glance, but ominous in its presence.

From what he could see, it looked like he wouldn’t be able to dispel it until he found its conjurer. Concentrating with eyes closed, he used En to scan the perimeter around the apartment for Nen users. There, he picked up on two signatures, posted in a small alleyway far off and headed out to find them. He would have to be fast, as given the eye surveillance, they would likely know he was on his way.

As he approached, he weaved through a rain of silent bullets, continuing to run boldly towards their source. A middle-aged man and woman crouched several feet apart; one had likely materialized the eyeball in Mya’s room, given the hand covering the hole in her own face where her left eye should have been and the other was providing the offense with the silenced bullets coming from a nen-infused gun. Illumi encroached on the man who was shooting first, jumping over the spray of bullets and flipping behind him, before placing him in an unbreakable chokehold. Before the woman could react, she was pinned through the collar of her shirt to the wall behind her with one of Illumi’s yellow-capped needles.

“Who sent you?” Illumi inquired, dispassionately, while his victim choked and sputtered, gasping for air. He loosened pressure on his windpipe just enough to allow him to speak.

“I…” he gasped for air, then in a moment of loyalty, bit into whatever silencing poison he had kept under his tongue for exact moments like this and expired immediately.

Illumi let his body drop to the ground as the woman screamed in anguish.

“Why not just give away the horrible bitch?!” She seemed to yell at the corpse. They appeared to be lovers, Illumi established. It didn’t stop him from crouching before the now trapped and despondent woman.

“Who’s the horrible bitch?” Illumi asked, tilting his head to the side to feign interest.

“T-the madame! We’re here on orders from the Bruskin family!”

As expected. His ‘wife’ was taking things in her own hands. Illumi quickly silenced her as well and dumped the body onto her partner’s in a heap. He’d at least grant them that kindness, now that he knew a little bit about what affection was. 

He made his way back to the apartment. He was relieved to see Mya still sleeping soundly and the eyeball that had been surveilling the room gone once he had re-scanned the room with Gyo.

Illumi finally made his way into the shower before laying down to rest for a couple of hours with her. Asleep, Mya’s arms reached out for him intuitively and he held her close, but he’d gotten enough context clues to know she was upset about something and most likely, it was something he did.

_ How lucky it must be to be able to sleep so heavily,  _ he thought. This place was no longer safe for her, and he’d still have to keep watch all night. 

Maybe it was time to take her to Kukuroo Mountain, especially if Elys was bold enough to already be making attempts on Mya’s life. She would need to move out immediately, first thing in the AM.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another location change! Mya is gonna meet the fam and Elys! Will her problems intensify? (The answer is yes) Stay tuned!!


	27. Chapter 27

“I’m not going.”

Illumi blinked once, then raised his eyebrows. Mya glared at him back, then returned to making breakfast before she reported to work at the bookstore.

The idea of sticking a hypnotic needle in her head was becoming more and more enticing by the minute, but instead he pulled a bottled iced coffee from the fridge beside her and sat down at the kitchen table to drink it. He kept his eyes on her back, noting the agitation in the way she scraped slightly burned eggs off an old frying pan. 

It didn’t matter what she felt. He wasn’t asking her, he was telling her what was going to happen next, and she would have to comply.

“The butlers will arrive in a couple hours to come get us. You should have enough time to pack a few personal items, but don’t worry about clothing or other items. I can buy you anything you want.”

“Sir!” Mya said, dumping the frying pan in the sink.  _ Did you not hear anything I just said?  _ She thought to herself.

He set down the glass bottle gently and folded his hands together, leaning back into his chair, then met her gaze again. “What do you have to say, Mya? I’m listening.”

Somehow, his calm demeanor and his sudden supposed willingness to listen, ran a chill down her spine. He noticed her pause, looking at him with her mouth slightly agape, eating her own words before turning back to wash the pan.

“I can’t be here all the time to keep you safe. It’s easier this way,” Illumi explained, filling the silence.

She didn’t like that she had to take his word for it. He hadn’t even told her about Elys, and she had never seen the intruders nor had she ever felt unsafe, so how was she supposed to believe someone was after her? 

“So your answer is to stuff me in your house to hide me away from enemies I can’t see. The ones sent by your  _ wife. _ Who also lives in the same place.”

“We’re not married, first of all. And it’s big enough that you won’t cross paths,” Illumi said, nonchalantly, as if these were normal things to say.

“I literally live on a different continent, and she still sent people after me.” Mya scoffed. She paused again, then turned the faucet back on to rinse the pan she was cleaning out. “You could have just told her to leave,” she added, in a mutter. 

“I did.”   


“Then why didn’t she go?”

“She probably assumes that you’re temporary.”

_ Temporary.  _ Illumi could be so blunt, sometimes. A lump formed in Mya’s throat as her fingers tightening around the dripping sponge in her hand.

“Am I temporary, Illumi Zoldyck?” She quipped. She had meant it to be cheeky, but there was a hint of uncertainty, a simple dip in the middle of her sentence that betrayed her hurt.

“No.” It was as simple as that. Mya let out a sigh.

“Anyway, how long am I going to be gone for? I can’t give proper notice to my boss, this is way too short notice, and I still have the lease on this place.”   


“Don’t worry about it. I’ll take care of it.”

Illumi’s look was genuine but some reason not at all reassuring.  _ You can’t just take care of everything,  _ she thought. The last time she had let a man take care of everything in her life, he’d sent this very assassin after her. She was starting to get a nagging feeling that she was moving backwards overall as she moved forward with Illumi. 

She walked over to him, and reached for his hand resting on the table. It was cold to the touch, but the coolness was familiar. She interlocked fingers with him and raised his hand to her face.

“Do you love me?”

“Yes,” he said without hesitation. But he didn’t say the words she needed to hear directly. Mya didn’t press him. Instead she squeezed his hand gently.

“I love you too,” she affirmed, before she went to her room to pack.

* * *

“Master Illumi is at the Testing Gate, Miss Elys,” Mitsuki reported, still breathless from having run into the room to report this news as soon as possible. She hated that she had to do something so stupid, she hated that she couldn’t look at her mistress in the eye, she hated the sultry, young woman who rose and headed to her vanity to doll up. 

“Wonderful! Come arrange my hair, Tsuki~”

Mitsuki hesitated, making sure to keep a sufficiently far distance before delivering the second part of her news. Even if Elys had been unnecessarily cruel to her over the short time she’d attended to her, she felt some pity for the woman who looked so excited to doll herself up for a man who’d brought her replacement with him.

“He’s with a woman,” she winced as she said this part, staring at Elys’ perfectly straight back. “They seem... close.”

“Oh, I know,” Elys responded without missing a beat, brushing out her hair without turning to look at Mitsuki. 

Mitsuki continued to stand at a distance, still unable to sense how Elys was feeling and wary for that very reason. Elys whisked around suddenly, and gave her a devious smile.

“Aren’t you excited to see what I’ve got in store to destroy her?” Elys’ gray eyes seemed to spark with excitement. Mitsuki felt as if the room began to grow cold, and she wondered for a moment if Elys was seeping bloodlust. For the first time since she’d met Elys Bruskin, she was grateful that at the very least, for once her loathing wouldn’t be directed at her.

“Would you like your hair up or down, Miss Elys?” Mitsuki asked, finally approaching her to help her prepare.

* * *

“We’re here.”

Mya had looked in awe at the bold, dormant volcano far off in the distance, shrouded in just enough of a ring of smoke to make it look like something out of a fairytale novel. Or rather, a children’s horror storybook. But now, exiting the car, and finally approaching the colossal metal gate that kept out intruders, she suddenly felt very small. The gate was as beautiful as it was huge and heavy, sporting a dragon motif with its many embellishments. Dragons, beings of all-encompassing power and absolute mercilessness. It fit Illumi perfectly.

Mya initially wondered how a gate that massive would open, then noted a smaller, more reasonable gate right next to a security checkpoint. 

_ That must be it.  _ Over-eager, she let go of Illumi’s hand and started to walk towards the small security gate before he pulled her back.

“Hold on, the family hound Mike is in there. He won’t recognize you and I don’t want to have to punish him if he tries to eat you.”

Mya felt the blood rush from her face, before backtracking to stand beside him.

_ How big is this dog? _ She wondered. Illumi was slightly amused by the petrified look on her face, lips drawing into a smile.

“Follow me.”

Illumi let go of Mya’s hand and pushed through the huge front gates with ease, ushering her through. She shuddered as she felt the whooshing sound of the gates slamming behind her. With the heavy, reverberating thud, it occurred to her that she was now trapped; if she ever wanted to leave, it would only be at Illumi’s discretion. Suddenly Killua warning her to escape didn’t seem so extreme. 

Nevertheless, she reached out for Illumi’s hand again, satisfied with the small comfort it brought in the unfamiliar environment. They continued to walk, the butlers that accompanied them in view but out of earshot, and Illumi slowed his pace to speak to her in a lower tone than usual.

“When you meet my mother, don’t eat or drink anything she gives you, unless I’ve inspected it. Don’t take anything from a butler either. Try to avoid speaking to the butlers other than the ones that will be assigned to you since they may be dangerous, at least for the first week. Don’t wander too far from the people assigned to you, I’ll have to kill them if you get hurt and it’s hard to find good replacements.”

Mya looked at him with wide eyes, then looked back down at the road before them. 

_ Yes, this is the world he lives in, where even people who work for them are easily disposable. _

“Welcome back, Master Illumi.” 

Mya saw a girl with a complexion only slightly deeper than hers and coiled hair in pigtails, guarding the path, dressed in a neat, crisp suit like the rest of the butlers. The girl stepped aside, allowing the two to pass, while in a deep bow.

Illumi did not pay her any mind, and continued to walk, dragging her along but Mya’s eyes rested on the girl. Her eyes made contact with hers, and Mya gave her a guarded but warm smile.

To her surprise and happiness, the young girl smiled back. Maybe this place would not be so bleak.

A few paces later, Illumi stopped moving and pulled Mya around to face him, mild irritation on his face.

“You’re already not following my instructions,” he said. She furrowed her brow in response.

“I didn’t do anything…”

“You smiled. That butler could have killed you instantly if she was ordered to, and may have only hesitated because I was there.”

Mya gulped. That young girl, she looked so innocent and kind…

“You are not safe here until you are part of the family, and even then…” Illumi trailed off, then sighed. “Do not become burdensome for me.”

_ You’re the one who dragged me into this hellscape,  _ Mya thought, but nodded anyway. This was going to be a hell of a ride.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not a ton of movement in this chapter but this is where Mya starts to understand the world she's stepping into while being with Illumi. Sad times for her.   
> Please comment! I love to chat~


	28. Chapter 28

Hisoka admired his handiwork. The two Phantom Troupe members who had given their abilities up to Chrollo, and thus been instrumental to his overwhelming defeat, now lay irrevocably dead. Shalnark, originator of the Hatsu Black Voice, sat strung up in a child’s swing, lifeless eyes gazing on his comrade Kortopi, originator of Gallery Fake.

Two less abilities for Chrollo to use. Two more steps towards reversing his defeat.

_ Two down, ten more to go,  _ he thought with a smile.

* * *

Illumi and Mya crossed the Butlers’ quarters, huge enough to be a home in and of itself. Mya was wondering when this endless walk would cease; they were getting closer and closer to the mountain with no end in sight. She considered the possibility that she would be walking until daybreak, and let out a groan - in her head of course.

“We’ve almost arrived so you won’t have to walk too much longer.” Illumi said. He had an uncanny ability to know exactly what she was thinking. “Or would you rather be carried?”

He looked down at her, waiting for a response. The idea of being introduced to his family literally hanging off of him like a sloth on a branch was too over-the-top for her and she immediately flushed, hiding her face in his hands. She was starting to think Illumi enjoyed embarrassing her.

They continued to walk and Mya began to steel herself as she knew they were almost at the end of the journey. She would have to face his family of assassins, his would-be wife, and the butlers that apparently could kill her at the drop of a hat all while hoping that Illumi’s attention and care would be enough to keep her safe. She trusted him now, but he too could be cruel; she knew that very well. 

It was when she laid eyes on the most beautiful woman she’d ever met in her life that she lost all of her resolve.

“Illumi-sama~! Welcome home!” To Mya, Elys Bruskin was like a siren with an imposing, cruel type of beauty that struck fear directly into her heart. She crossed the expanse of the immense lawn before the main mansion with an incredible speed, retaining an inhuman amount of grace as she did so, like she was floating. The effect was accentuated by the billowy, pale blue floor-length tulle dress in which she was clad. She looked like something out of Olympus, like Aphrodite with the sort of Hera, eternally keeping her unfaithful husband away from lesser, mortal women. 

Mya immediately knew her role as the human temptress, cursed to suffer Hera’s wrath for existing long enough to distract her spouse. She knew how this would end, like how all Greek tragedies ended, and it wouldn’t be in her favor.

Elys disregarded Mya’s personnage as well as her hand in Illumi’s, and approached him with a seductive smile. 

“I missed you so very much.” Her hand was traveling towards his face, and Mya, already feeling like she was intruding on a couple’s sacred space, pulled away her hand on instinct. Illumi had other plans, holding her steady.

In a flash, he deflected Elys’ approach by spinning Mya over, so that she was against his chest. Before she could realize what he was doing, he dipped her slightly and caught her lips in an overly dramatic kiss, looking straight at Elys the entire time.

_ Do you understand now? _ Illumi seemed to tell her with his eyes.

Once his lips left hers, Mya was truly shaken to the core, her insides screaming in embarrassment. She wanted to run into the forest and just die there, and it didn’t help that Elys’ mask of perfect serenity seemed to poorly overlie an explosion of anger. However, her brief look of intense fury - also unfairly gorgeous - dissipated as quickly as it appeared and was replaced with a sweet, demure smile. It was as though she had wiped her brain clean in a software reset. Her teeth were gleaming and white in her bright smile. She still did not afford Mya a single glance.

“Oh Illumi, how cruel of you to bring in a paramour so early...” She finally turned to Mya, her head tilted as she spoke with a tight smile, “but I will comply with your wishes.”

Elys switched targets now, placing a cool hand, cooler than Illumi’s, on Mya’s cheek, caressing it softly. Then she cupped her chin abruptly, and brought her face close enough that she could kiss her if she so pleased, staring straight in her eyes. Mya froze at the intimacy, the thought of being inspected so thoroughly by another woman, as if she was considering whether to designate her as a threat or not. Looking up at the taller woman, she felt as though she would be devoured any moment, while Elys continued to move her face back and forth, memorizing every feature. 

“That’s enough, Elys,” Illumi warned her, without physically stepping in. Yet.

“She’s cute, Illumi-sama,” she smiled, retreating with her hands hidden coyishly behind her back. “Welcome to the manor, Miss…?”

Mya reflexively touched where Elys had touched her face gently, still confused about that exchange. Elys’ hands were as soft as they were frigid, and her gaze was almost loving, but she knew that the belle before her had sent people to eliminate her.

“Mya,” She finished Elys’ sentence, unsure if she was terrified or smitten.

Elys’ attendant, Mitsuki had finally caught up and was watching most uncomfortably over at a short distance from the three. Illumi spotted her, and quickly gave her instruction.

“Mitsuki, please escort Elys back to her room.”

Elys turned to Illumi once again with a graceful curtsy before turning around and putting out her hand for Mitsuki to hold. As she walked, or rather danced away, Mya felt her self-perception fall into shambles.

She’d already lost. She was no match for her.

“Illumi, I…” she trailed off, her face dark. Illumi looked at her blankly, waiting patiently for her to finish her sentence. Once the few moments of crippling insecurity had waned a bit, she pleaded to him with glistening eyes. “I want to go home.”

“You’re already here with me.” He said flatly, taking her hand again. “Let’s go inside, I’ll show you my room where you’ll be staying.”

* * *

Illumi’s bedroom was nothing and everything like she expected. At first glance, it was larger than her entire apartment, and everything was impeccably clean and pristine, with not a speck of dust in place. Furniture and decoration was sparse, with the most notable thing being the extravagantly large bed flush to the wall at the right of the room, not unlike the one he’d set up in Mya’s apartment. What  _ did  _ surprise her was the amount of light that entered the room. Across from where she entered, the entire wall was a glass window, overlooking the green before the mansion. She walked over to observe the glass, and saw that it was likely reinforced, although it was unlikely that someone could make it so far into the manor to attack through the window. Other than a large desk on the left of the room and a comfortable appearing dark armchair, there was very little else to the room. No pictures, paintings, or knick-knacks to personalize it. It was truly only a place to rest.

“The butlers will bring in a few things to make things more comfortable for you, but if there is anything else you desire, just let them know and it can be brought in. You can decorate however you like,” Illumi explained.

Mya nodded and walked into the similarly spotless bathroom, admiring the double sink, doublewide mirror and garden wall behind the standing shower, and tracing the marble free-standing tub with her fingertips. She started to feel shame for the times Illumi spent with her in her messy, overcrowded apartment.

“I need to go speak to my father and tell him you have arrived.” Illumi said, from outside the door. “There will be a few butlers that come in and out to bring your things, but you will be safe. Only people I’ve authorized would dare come into this room.”

Mya nodded again, walking out of the bathroom and taking a seat on his oversized bed. She wondered if she’d be in this room more hours of the day than not.

Soon after he left, a butler knocked and came in to drop off her small suitcase. While she attempted to sort her few items and toiletries in the bathroom and the disturbingly empty dresser in the walk-in closet, she started to notice more and more things coming in and out of the room.

First, an elaborate vanity set was brought in and set by the entrance of the bathroom. Then a large loveseat was placed right before the bed, a sizable glass coffee table before it, and another unnecessarily large television was mounted to the wall in almost seconds.

He had warned her to avoid talking to the butlers so she stayed mum, attempting to stay out of the way, as they worked. The last item brought in was a second desk and chair set, much like the first one she’d seen in the room and set side-by-side with it. 

Illumi was so extravagant. She didn’t even have a vanity at home, this seemed extreme.

She sat over at the second desk once the butlers had left and pulled out her laptop. Then she remembered she had to wait for him to request wifi access. She groaned, then got up and sprawled on the bed.

She already felt closed in, caged in this huge but small-feeling environment with the beautiful yet rabid dog, Elys. But she acknowledged that Illumi was trying his best to make her comfortable, she would accept that much.

She flipped onto her stomach and turned on the television. Whatever channels were available on Kukuroo Mountain, she would soon find out.

* * *

Illumi stood face-to-face with his mountain of a father, Silva Zolydck. The blue undertone of the fluorescent lighting only barely illuminating his father’s face mirrored his electric blue eyes focused on him with displeasure, a look not unlike the disdainful one Killua reserved for him. 

This was the man he had tried to please his whole childhood, later accepting a simple transactional relationship. Illumi knew that to Silva, he was more of a prized employee than a cherished son. He was not really sure if his father had ever had any love for him that would survive him not meeting his expectations as an assassin. It was moot for Illumi because he did not crave this parental love or approval of his choices. He really was not even asking for permission. He was just asking for a lack of opposition. 

Their eyes were locked in a stalemate. Silva was already aware of what the issue was, as he received reports of anyone who stepped on his property. A woman. A woman that was not the one his mother had selected for him appeared out of nowhere, and Illumi would again reject the union that had been agreed on for him. Silva sat patiently on his mountain of cushions, waiting for Illumi to speak. 

Illumi finally yielded.

“I’ve previously communicated my wishes to not proceed with the matter of my wedding. I’d like to reassert that today. I have someone that I prefer to be with.”

Silva studied his eldest son’s visage carefully, monitoring for any shift, any tensing of the muscles or crease that would betray an emotion. His son Illumi, the child who had taken particularly well to his teaching, continued to remain as still and blank as a statue, not offering anything to rebut or dissect.

Silva let out a single, derisive laugh. “Since when?”

“For a while now.”

Silva could have asked why exactly had he not brought this up sooner, and why exactly had he gone along with all these arrangements but instead decided to feed his curiosity.

“And you’ve brought her to the manor?”

“Yes.”

“Is she powerful?”

“No.”

“Then she’s not worthy to become a Zoldyck.”

“I can train her.”

Silva rubbed his chin and leaned back into his chair, feigning thought. After a few moments of contemplation, he decided to compromise.

“If you would like to keep her by your side, you may, but an agreement has already been made with the Bruskin family. The two of you will be wed regardless of your reservations,” Silva said. The tone of his voice implied finality and Illumi turned to walk away, knowing immediately that any further conversation was a waste of breath. The ability to defy his father had been trained out of him long ago. He was almost out of the door before he paused, then made one additional statement. 

“If I am not to be the heir, why does it matter who I choose to continue my line with?” Illumi turned to face Silva with these words, and Silva was almost taken aback by the intensity of his glower, like burning black coals boring into him. Silva had never seen such an expression out of his son, and reflexively, he responded in anger.

“Are you challenging me?” His voice came out in a low growl. Illumi kept his hard look for a couple seconds longer, and instead left the room in silence.

_ Always retreat if you are not completely sure you can overpower your enemy.  _

Once Illumi returned to his chambers, he saw Mya settled in, watching an animated show clearly intended for children. He approached slowly, then sat beside her, laying his head in the dip of the small of her back as she lay on her belly. 

“Illumi~, your head is super heavy.” She whined, softly.

“Mm.”

Mya smiled to herself and decided not to move. She did not reach for him, but any time he initiated intimacy in this way, she felt like she had to indulge him. He so rarely had the chance to be soft, especially not in this environment.

This was fine. She was here with Illumi; he wanted her and she wanted him. No matter how alluring his fiancee was, he still chose her. 

She, or rather they, would be fine.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mya can't tell if she's afraid or in love and Illumi is just mad Elys won't get the point.  
> Let the Zoldyck family shenanigans begin!


	29. Chapter 29

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi everyone!!
> 
> So I'll be taking a break from writing this fic for at least this weekend but will be back hopefully soon~ Hope you enjoy this chapter!

They would not be fine, at least in Mya’s opinion, and the disaster that was family dinner confirmed it.

In her small suitcase of belongings, she had packed one dressy outfit, exactly for this occasion. She donned a simple bright yellow and sleeveless shift dress and in a bout of insecurity, decided to straighten her mane. Illumi watched her in curiosity as the flat iron sizzled through her hair, forcing her curls bone straight.

“I’ve never seen you do that before,” he asked, looking into the vanity mirror behind her.

He was right. She hadn’t put a straightener to her head once since she’d met him. She had previously done this regularly when she would go out with Teiki for appearances since he liked her hair straight. And now she was doing it again, maybe to not stand out so much?

The realization disappointed her, but the damage was already done. She worked on a subtle face of makeup knowing that she still couldn’t hold a candle to Illumi’s rightful fiancee. 

“I’m ready, Illumi,” she said, finally rising to head to the lion’s den.

The further Mya followed Illumi throughout the hallways of the mansion, the clammier her hands got and the harder her heart pounded. Illumi took her hand again once they were in front of the door; she felt that the touch was less to reassure her and more a means to counter any questions from his family members and Elys about their relationship, but she appreciated it regardless.

They entered the dining room as a unit to find Elys already seated on the long end of a 12-seat table, and Kikyo Zoldyck on the far end. Mya felt her throat go dry as she saw the red dot of the visor pointing straight at her; it felt like having a sniper rifle pointed directly at her head. She felt herself worming out of Illumi’s grip again, but he held her hand firmly enough that she couldn’t escape.

“Mother, I would like to introduce Mya to you.”

He turned to her, and she bowed quickly in greeting, and looked up to see Kikyo give her an inscrutable half-smile.

“So you’re Illumi’s distraction? How nice…” She let out a small laugh. “Well, I am Illumi’s mother, and I always know what’s best for him.” She turned to Elys, who was positively radiating with serenity and gave her a smile. All the blood seemed to drain from Mya’s face, but she bit her lip and continued to endure. Illumi’s hand on hers was like a leash, there was no way she was getting out of here.

Illumi took a seat at the opposite head of the table, having indicated that Mya sat by his right side, which put her right across from Elys. Elys kept a pseudo-friendly gaze on her and then shifted her chair ever so closely to Illumi, and in response Illumi grabbed Mya by the hips and set her firmly in his lap.

“If you come any closer, this is how we’ll be eating dinner,” Illumi delivered, not embarrassed in the slightest while Mya was ready to combust.

“Illumi!” Kikyo yelled in anger.

Elys’ practiced kind facial expression looked like it would break again, but she shifted back into her original location while Mya scrambled back to her seat, hoping that lightning would strike her through the high ceiling.

“What’s all the commotion? You all can never stay quiet, can you?” An old man scoffed as he filed into the room, followed by a threateningly large man in a shinobi outfit. They both had fair hair like Killua, she noticed.  _ The tall one must be his father and the older one his grandfather,  _ she thought.

Mya could feel a tension in the air as Silva and Illumi acknowledged each other briefly, but she was surprised by the grandfather, Zeno, who sat right next to her.

“So you’re the one who made that boy feel something, huh?” He mused.

The question was asked so matter-of-factly that Mya’s mouth was agape, not knowing what to say. He raised an eyebrow at the dumbfounded girl and let out a sigh.

“I shouldn’t have gotten my hopes up.” The statement was like an arrow to Mya’s heart. “So who’s starting dinner?” He continued, immediately moving on.

“Wait!”

Milluki finally made it in, panting heavily as he took his seat next to Elys who visibly recoiled from him. He made doe eyes at her, as he did every time he crossed paths with her, before addressing his mother.

“Mom, when’s the food coming?”

The fiasco now settled and with all participants present, the butlers began to serve entrees. Before Mya could take a bite, Illumi quickly traded dishes with her. She watched him in anticipation, as he took the first bite of his entree.

“It’s poisoned,” he stated, before proceeding to eat with the same fervor anyway, staring straight at his mother. “Heavily.”

He pushed his own plate closer to her. “Eat mine, it’s safe.”

Mya instead set her fork down, having lost her appetite. Kikyo and Elys smiled in contentment, almost in unison. Illumi gave her a look to direct her to eat, but she pretended not to see it.

“Are the games necessary, Kikyo?” Zeno asked.

“Whatever do you mean?” She crooned, sweetly. He let out a scoff and went back to his dish.

The rest of the dinner, Mya shut her eyes and ears and pretended she was not there. In her head, she was back at home with her parents, or maybe with Karie; people who were safe, caring and who loved her. Not here with Illumi, where food was poisoned, anyone could and would kill her if she wasn’t careful, and where she couldn’t even open the gate if she wanted to leave.

This was a nightmare. She couldn’t last a week. She wasn’t even sure she could last through dinner. 

But the end of dinner eventually came, and everyone filed out, even Elys, who took a moment to harass her one last time, placing a hand on her shoulder and whispering in her ear.

“Make sure you eat next time, you can only live so long without any food or drink.”

Elys suddenly let out a yelp as Illumi’s hand tightened firmly around her wrist. Mya didn’t pay attention to the scene behind her, still spaced out, staring at the window before her. Her eyes glazed over to keep from crying.

“If you touch her again, you’ll be missing the corresponding limb,” Illumi warned, seeping just enough bloodlust for her to know how serious he was. He eventually released her, and she drew back with a yelp, rubbing her bruised forearm.

“Illumi-sama, how can you be so mean to your wife?!” She cried, rushing out of the room dramatically, the tail of her overly long dress billowing behind her. Milluki, who had stayed behind to finish dessert, watched Illumi try to shake Mya out of her dissociation. 

“Don’t you think you’re being a little unfair to Elys?” Milluki spoke up, with no regards to his brother’s crying girlfriend.

“Milluki, you may leave now. Immediately.”

“Alright~” he shrugged, making sure to bring his cake slice with him to finish on the way. 

Now that Milluki was gone, Mya’s eyes spilled over with tears, falling into her untouched meal. Anger, embarrassment and hopelessness ran through her.

“I’ll have something else prepared for you to eat once we return to my quarters,” he promised. “Let’s go back.”

She rose reluctantly, but stood her ground. “Let me go home.”   


“It’s not safe.”   


“Here isn’t safe either. I’d rather die in my own home than here.”

“You’re being unreasonable.”

“Having my meal poisoned is unreasonable!” Mya found herself screaming, and Illumi continued to watch her impassively, waiting patiently for her to finish sobbing. She cried so easily, it was truly tiring for him. He couldn’t really understand why she cried half the time, he just needed it to stop. He would do anything for it to stop.

But it was out of the question for her to leave. Now that she was here, he wouldn’t let her go.

* * *

A knock sounded on Elys’ door and she sauntered over herself to open the door, expecting Illumi to have changed his mind about her, or to at least apologize for earlier. He had been being so unfair to her after all.

She was instead surprised to see Milluki in front of her door, and immediately tried to slam the door shut, but he stopped her with her hand on the door.

“What’s the point of forcing it? Illu-nii doesn’t like you,” he said, bluntly. It seemed like that trait ran in the family. Elys tried to close the door shut again, but he kept the door open, looking intently at her. He was waiting for a response, adamantly so.

Milluki had asked her this question before, on the day Illumi had come back to the manor and dismissed her, and Milluki had watched her wandering in the hallway, still floridly upset from one of his insect drones. He’d come out to speak to her, asking this very question. Now he was asking again, as she held in the pain of her rejection, no longer able to feign perfect acceptance of his choice in the goal of looking superior. Her wrist was sore and throbbing from where Illumi had threatened her with physical harm.

The truth was that Elys was rattled. Now that she was actually here, it would be less easy to harm Mya directly, and she had to suffer the embarrassment of Illumi’s clear and overboard displays of affection in front of her. The fact that he was bold enough to bring Mya here, and based on what she’d seen, touching him, touching her, it was sufficiently obvious that he would never yield. Not to her or even his parents. Even if she became the legitimate wife, even if she “won”, her victory would be worthless. 

Elys’ expression contorted into something vile now, hoping to scare Illumi’s younger brother away but instead her lower lip started to quiver. Genuinely. She held it in. She wasn’t going to cry in front of him.

Milluki let out a sigh, and turned around.

“For what it’s worth, I like you,” Milluki said, under his breath before he left.

Elys acted like she didn’t hear what he said and finally was able to slam the door shut.

_ That slob,  _ she thought, ignoring a very, very tiny flutter in the pit of her stomach. When she looked up, Mitsuki was staring straight at her. Mitsuki who had not said a word, and had a totally impartial look on her face. In fact, she may have been daydreaming.

But Elys considered none of this, and instead flew into a rage and lunged at her, slapping her so viciously that her long nails created a long, coarse red line across her face. The butler fell to the ground on impact, looking at her mistress in shock who, without a second of remorse, huffed loudly and walked past her.

That was the last straw. Mitsuki regretted the five seconds of pity she had for her. As her face continued to sting, she vowed that at the nearest opportunity, she would take her down. 


	30. Chapter 30

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm back~~~~
> 
> I wrote a ton of oneshots in the meantime, so I think I was just taking a break from this particular story bahahaha. But I hope you guys enjoy this one still~

Mya woke up the next morning with a fierce hunger owing to skipped dinner and a refusal to let Illumi bring her anything. To her good fortune, Illumi had not force-fed her the night before, allowing her space, but rather indulged her with freshly made breakfast by her bed in the morning. You catch more flies with honey, after all.

She ate ravenously soon after washing up, stealing glances at Illumi who was working on a laptop while seated on the bed beside her, presumably gathering intel for his next mission.

“Thank you for breakfast,” she said, through bites of egg and toast. 

“Mm,” he responded with eyes glued on the computer screen. Mya, now feeling bad for how difficult she had been all of yesterday, pecked him bashfully on the cheek once before returning to her meal. That got his attention, and his eyes moved to her, watching her eat her food.

“Is it to your liking?”

She nodded.

“Good.” Simple as that. He returned to his work.

Once Mya was done, Illumi set her tray aside and pulled her into his lap. Something about being in his home with her pushed him to become more forward and more comfortable with expressing affection. For Mya, it was odd but refreshing to see him be more passionate about her, about them. Maybe he was making up for her horrible day yesterday? She guessed that she was overthinking it - she doubted Illumi could empathize that well with her.

“You’re awfully touchy, Illumi,” she teased, placing her arms along his shoulders and looking into his eyes. There was something tender about his normally blank, unreadable gaze right now that drew her in. “Especially given that your mom and your fiancee are just outside these walls itching to throw me out, dead or alive.”

The truth was that despite being here with her for less than 24 hours, Illumi was reminded of how little affection he had received growing up in the confines of the manor. To touch freely, to be in contact with another body that loved him in this home where he had only known harm was a kind of

But Mya didn’t need to know that.

“Do you like it?” He asked.

Mya rested her head against his chest. “I love it.”

They stayed like that for quite a while, listening to the sound of birds chirping outside the window. It was still early morning and the sun’s rays streamed in through the large window, bathing them in a soft, warm glow. 

“I’m sorry for yesterday. The adjustment is just hard,” Mya apologized. He said nothing in response to that particular statement, but she knew he was listening. Then, he quickly changed the subject.

“You need to be stronger.” 

Mya perked up, pushing off against his chest to look at him. His eyes were back to their usual emptiness, no longer soft and warm. “You need to learn how to use your Nen more precisely,” he clarified.

She relaxed again once she understood that he had meant physically and not mentally. To tell her to be stronger when she was literally being swallowed whole by this environment he had put her in would have been too much, even for him.

“I have an extended mission coming up soon. It would be easier if you were able to come with me. We have a little bit of time to prepare,” he continued.

Mya grimaced. An extended mission for her to join? She was absolutely useless in a real fight, and even her healing ability was trash. He also should know by now that she didn’t have the heart to injure or kill anyone. 

“Illumi, I can’t-“

“You wouldn’t need to be able to do anything apart from defend yourself.. for now,” he interjected.

For now? A lump formed in her throat at the implication that he’d one day expect more than that from her. But it wasn’t unreasonable for him to want to take her with him. How could he leave her behind in this literal hell? By the time he returned, her body would be rotting.

“How long would it take?”

‘I’m not sure.”

Mya pouted, but placed her head back against his chest. “Okay.” 

Before she could get comfortable again, he nudged her on the shoulder.

“You start training in about an hour,” he said, abruptly. “Get dressed.”

“What!?” 

Illumi repeated himself, slower this time even though he knew that she had absolutely heard him the first time. He then gently eased her off of him so he could get up. “I have some exercises of my own to do as well.” He said, as he got out of bed and engaged in a light stretch.

She couldn’t keep up with him, it didn’t take a genius to figure this out.

“So who am I going to train with?” She inquired, walking over to the closet. She looked through the previously empty dresser for the few things she had brought with her, noticing that at some point, that had also been filled with clothing in her size.  _ He really meant it when he said he’d take care of everything,  _ she thought. 

“I decided to recruit the butler you tried to get friendly with. I figured it was better to get to her first than my mother.” He walked in behind her as she browsed, searching for something to wear as well. 

She turned to look at him, and suddenly overcome with emotion, threw her arms around him. As long as she had him, he who literally thought of everything, she would be safe here. She just needed to trust him.

* * *

Canary sat perched on an outpost, whistling to herself as she waited for her new student. It seemed odd for her to have a student to teach so soon; she was certainly strong and capable, but she was still learning herself. For Illumi to have entrusted this girl to her rather than train her himself or have a more senior person train her, implied any of three things, (1) that the girl had very minimal experience with Nen, (2) that she had specifically requested her, or (3) Illumi trusted her skills in particular. She doubted the third one; Illumi rarely gave her a second glance. It was likely a combination of the first two. 

Canary didn’t mind the extra task. Guarding was a little boring, especially when there were rarely any trespassers that could get that far. Additionally, with Killua off the estate and Gotoh no longer alive, there were very few people she could talk to. She always had Amane, but Amane was often on the other side of the estate under her grandmother’s tutelage. 

The woman Illumi had brought with him smiled kindly at her and not in the fabricated and somewhat sinister way Elys did, so she was intrigued. How could someone who appeared so pleasant end up with an awful person like him?

She looked up and saw the two approach her, the lady looking relatively unsure of herself in a vaguely athletic outfit of a T-shirt and spandex shorts, with running shoes on her feet. Canary smiled but immediately decided to go on easy on her.

Illumi was quick to make specific demands. “Your instructions are to return her in acceptable condition but otherwise she’ll need to work on the basics plus Gyo and In first,” he specified.

Mya absolutely did not like the sound of “acceptable” condition, and gave him a look of protest. “What do you mean by ‘acceptable’ condition?!”

Illumi ignored her and continued to look at Canary. “Is that understood?”

“Sure, Master Illumi,” Canary said, still smiling brightly. 

“I’ll be back in six hours.”

“Six hours!?” Mya exclaimed, a wave of exhaustion already befalling her in advance. 

“Precisely.” And with that he was gone, having run into the woods at top speed, leaving Mya and Canary face-to-face.

“Hello, I..” Mya tried to introduce herself, but Canary immediately got down to business. 

“Start jogging.” 

“To where exactly?” Mya asked, cluelessly.

“ _ Now. _ ” The young butler insisted with a terrifying twinkle of the eye.

And so Mya ended up running further than she had her entire life, with Canary jogging backwards slightly ahead of her, looking all the while like she couldn’t possibly break a sweat. 

All Mya did for the next three hours was run, rest, run, rest and run. Canary’s logic was that running was not only a good full-body workout but good for mental fortitude, endurance and flexibility of thought. You had to know how to run first before you knew how to fight, she imparted. Mya agreed, really just wanting to run away from her in particular.

Midway through their session, Canary brought her a single glass of water as she sat, panting heavily as she sat cross-legged on the grass, trying to catch her breath.

“Thank you so much!” Mya sang out, desperate to have some water to drink, but instead of handing it to her, Canary dropped a leaf into the glass and set it in front of her. Mya looked in confusion and considered drinking it anyway, but Canary tapped her hand with her cane when she tried to touch the glass.

“It’s not for drinking!” Canary insisted.

“But I’m so thirsty…” Mya all but wailed. Canary gave her a look of exasperation.

“Here, just focus your aura on this so we can figure out what Nen type you are. And then you can get a water break or whatever,” she acquiesced, crossing her arms.

Mya let out a long, dramatic sigh, and then placed her hands around the glass, concentrating and waiting for a change. It took a couple moments, but slowly the leaf on the surface began to spin. Canary tapped her chin in thought. 

“Hm, so you’re a Manipulator?”

“Manipulator? Sounds sinister.”

Canary laughed softly, then went on to explain Nen types. It was odd that her father had missed this part of the lesson as he tried to teach her to heal. Maybe he didn’t understand Nen as well as he thought, or had left out important details on purpose.

“That’s enough of a break. Let’s get moving,” Canary stated after her brief didactic, clapping her hands together. “Don’t fall behind!” With that, she took off at that tremendously fast pace of hers.

_ Fuck, _ Mya thought in defeat, but got to her feet, trying to catch up. 

* * *

By the time Illumi returned, Mya was starving, hungry and lay on the floor in starfish position, praying for the sweet release of death.

“She did a better job than I expected for someone starting from scratch.”

Illumi didn’t show it outwardly, but even though Mya looked like she was fighting for her life as she huffed and puffed on the ground, he had a small swell of pride hearing Canary give her praise.

“I.. Illu… Illumi,” she said between pants.

“Yes, Mya?” He crouched beside her, watching her carefully.

“I… can’t move… from this spot.”

“You can,” he said, curtly. “Let’s go back, you smell awful,” he added, walking away. He made it about twenty feet before realizing she really wasn’t moving.

“Mya, get up.”

“I’m...serious, I… can’t!” She reached her hands out for him in desperation.

_ This is how people get rhabdo, _ she thought. Illumi picked her up wordlessly and threw her on his back.

“Thank you!” She let out a sigh of content relief which grinded on Illumi’s nerves.

"Tomorrow if you can’t get up after your session, you’ll remain in that spot for however long it takes to regain your strength,” he warned her in a hard tone. “Even if it takes the entire night.”

Thinking of going through this training again and again made her blood run cold. She took a look back at Canary, who was stifling a laugh.

“See you tomorrow morning, bright and early, Mya-san.”

Mya returned a weak smile, as Illumi carried her back to the mansion.  _ I’ll probably perish before tomorrow morning so no worries,  _ was the thought that ran through her mind. She had been thinking a lot about death since she got here, come to think of it.

Canary watched them go with a warm feeling in her chest. Illumi was her least favorite person on the manor, mainly because of his treatment of Killua who she was especially fond of, but seeing him like this was a significant improvement. 

Mya had been too embarrassed to reveal how they met but Canary could easily narrow it down. Likely during a mission, and given how weak Mya was, she was either a target, a relation to a target or an informant. She wondered which one it was. Falling in love with a target would be excessively dramatic and not like the Zoldycks at all as they were true professionals, but it didn’t hurt to fantasize. She  _ was _ a hopeless romantic after all. 

Regardless of where she came from, Canary hoped she would stay on the manor for good, as it would be nice to have one more friendly face in this unforgiving place. But would that be a good outcome for her? The only other kind person in this family had been Killua, and he had craved freedom from the first day she had met him. She hoped Mya could manage; Illumi would not let her go as easily. 

* * *

“That awful, presumptuous bitch!” Elys hissed, watching Illumi enter the main mansion from her vantage point, Mya riding piggyback. Mitsuki tried to focus on keeping her face blank and respectful as she served her evening tea, but every other minute, she found herself resisting the urge to force Elys’ head through one of the walls. Instead, she stared straight ahead as Elys continued to pace the room. The scratch on her face had turned out to be deeper than expected, leaving an obvious scar that extended from the bridge of her nose to a couple of inches from the corner of her mouth.

Elys was at her wit’s end. How could she force her out? She ran through her intel gleaned from touching Mya’s face but saw nothing of interest except her and Illumi’s interactions. 

But then, what was this? She fell back onto her couch, tracing Mya’s steps as she went to go visit her best friend.

_ Karie _ . Elys could sense her fondness of this energetic, sprite-like creature through the scenes playing through her head, or rather Mya’s eyes.  _ A good enough pawn. She’ll do, _ Elys thought, with renewed malicious hope. 


	31. Chapter 31

Mya crashed to the ground as Canary effortlessly evaded her punch and left her to be defeated by her own forward momentum. 

“You can’t put that much force behind a punch if you’re not sure you’ll hit your target,” she pointed out. Mya rolled up into a sitting position, annoyed by the fact that she had been trying for the past two days to land a single strike on this 16 year-old girl and had yet to be successful.

“What type of insane training do they even put you guys under?” Her frustration was obvious in her words, and Canary smiled as she extended a hand to help her student up.

“It’s nothing compared to what the Zoldycks undergo from birth,” she stated, matter-of-factly. “Now, try again.”

While they both knew this was absolutely an exercise in futility, Mya’s striking form was getting progressively better which was reassuring. After a couple of hours of punches and kicks, Canary encouraged her to concentrate on using Ten throughout her body while attacking so that it became natural to her. Once that became second-nature, she’d be able to advance to more complicated techniques such as Ko, which would actually make her worth something in battle.

“How are you such a natural at teaching?” Mya asked, when they took a break for lunch.

“Oh, Zeno-sama handed me a textbook,” Canary admitted with a sheepish laugh. “I think most of this I knew naturally, but it’s still harder than it looks to teach.” With that, she bit into her sandwich and smiled at her. 

Mya considered this for a moment as she bit into her own meal. The old man that seemed extremely underwhelmed by her was at least helping with her development in some way. Maybe he was kinder than he looked. She needed another ally in the family if she ever wanted to feel completely welcome. Desperately.

* * *

“I’ll have to leave briefly for a mission tomorrow morning,” Illumi alerted her as he got into bed that night. As he spoke, his arm hooked around her waist and he brought her closer to him, resting his chin on her shoulder. “Canary will meet you at the front and you will train with her as usual, and then come right back to this room. Your meals will be brought here and set outside the door at regular meal times. They’ll be taste-tested prior to delivery so they should be free of any poisons.”

He paused there. “Should I just poison train you?” He considered out loud. “No, that will take years, it’s pointless.”

Mya let out a breath she hadn’t realized she’d been holding at the mention of poison training. She didn’t say anything further which Illumi correctly interpreted as apprehension about him leaving.

“It’ll only be one night,” he reassured her.

“Okay.”

Mya didn’t like the idea of Illumi being gone, but over the past week of training, and knowing that she had found a kindred spirit in Canary, she felt a little bit more comfortable that she could be alone at least for a short period of time. She’d have to be anyway - Illumi took his work very seriously.

But that wasn’t the most pressing thing right now. The most immediate issue this very second was the hardness literally pressing into her back as Illumi held her that seemed to be crying for attention.

“Illumi…” Her voice was a soft mewl as he turned her over to face him. 

“It’s been a while,” he whispered against her lips.

He was right; they hadn’t touched each other in that way since he’d ‘punished’ her for being with Hisoka. It already seemed like so long ago.

Hisoka - she hadn’t thought about him in a while. And she wasn’t thinking about him now as Illumi continued to explore her mouth with his tongue. His hand traveled beneath her nightie to knead a breast and tease the corresponding nipple between two fingers. His lips parted from hers to take her mound into his mouth, and she moaned with pleasure at the warm, wet sensation.

“Are you okay with us doing it here?” She said in a breathy voice as he worked her other breast with his hand.  _ In your home, with ears and eyes everywhere... _

“Especially because it’s here,” he responded, diving deep under the sheets to indulge in the pleasures below.

* * *

Illumi left in the early hours of the morning, leaving Mya alone in the large bed, staring at the empty space beside her. She couldn’t immediately fall back asleep before her session today owing to a mix of fear and anxiety. She was alone in this house with people that hated her, and even if Illumi reassured her she was safe, she couldn’t help the nagging feeling that Elys would try especially hard to get to her while he was gone.

To distract herself, she pulled out her laptop and considered crafting a personal statement for her applications. She’d have to convince others that she was worthy of being accepted to an institution of higher learning, just with words on a page and a set of numbers.

Who was she other than a woman who fell in love with her assassin hired by her abusive ex-husband and was holed in with his family and his fiancee? What had she accomplished on her own? What did she have to be proud of?

Nothing could come to mind for her right now and this sent her in an emotional slump. She closed her laptop and decided to indulge in a couple more hours of rest if possible, before she would meet with Canary. That girl knew how to run her ragged.

Her session that morning was grueling as usual but Mya welcomed it as it distracted from her rapidly declining sense of self-worth. Punch, kick, punch, kick, stance, block. Canary’s soft punch at her which, while blocked appropriately, still sent her hurtling about twenty feet where she landed hard on her back.

“Your instructions were to dodge! Don’t block attacks from enemies stronger than you, only evade!” Canary called out, a mild frustration in her voice. 

Mya’s forearms were still sore from the impact but not broken, thankfully. She shook out her arms and let herself lay on the ground for just a few moments longer, closing her eyes before planning her next attack. Footsteps were approaching her, and she planned a cheap sneak attack on Canary, but when she opened her eyes she was looking up at Elys’ sneer.

“Pathetic.” Her gray eyes were so full of distaste that Mya got up quickly in shame, backing away from her towards Canary. Canary moved slightly forward to fill the space in between the two women and gave Elys a courteous bow.

“Hello, Miss Elys, how can I help you?” She said, in an attempt to deflect her contempt for Mya.

Elys gave her a cold smile, and beckoned Mitsuki, who acted as her unwilling shadow, to come closer.

“Please deliver my first message to Mya.”

Mitsuki walked slowly up to Mya, who looked at her in confusion, and drew her hand back rapidly to slap her across the face, but Canary intercepted, her rod blocking her wrist.

“Are you insane?” Canary yelled at her fellow butler, then turned back to Mya in shock. “Why would you just stand there and let someone hit you?”

Mya, frozen in place, could not come up with something to say. Mitsuki withdrew, face blank to conceal her anger at being treated more like a slave than an employee and stepped back.

Elys scoffed, crossing her arms over her chest in irritation. She’d deal with Mitsuki later. “Well, it looks like that message can be delivered at a later date.”

Canary glanced at Mya, whose eyes were still lowered in defeat, still irked by Mya’s helplessness. Then she turned back to Elys with a polite but icy smile.

“Will that be all Miss? We do need to return to our work, if you will.” This time, no bow, but a hard stare traveled from dark grey eyes to pale grey ones.

“I have a second message for you, whore. Please open your ears wide to receive it, if you will.” 

Elys took two steps forward and Mya braced herself, standing behind Canary whose stance was mostly unchanged, save for fingers more tightly clenched around her rod. Mitsuki could no longer hide the contempt on her face as she watched her mistress from behind.

“Sure, you’re safe here with  _ my  _ husband’s protection, but what of your loved ones? How about Karie? Do you care about her?”

_ Karie? How does she know about Karie? _

But there was no time for questions. All at once, Mya’s fear and timidness took an extreme backseat to concern for her friend. She too stepped forward.

“Don’t touch Karie.” This was no longer a plea for mercy for once, but Elys, haughty as she was, did not pick up on Mya’s change in tone. Instead, she let out a high-pitched laugh. 

“ _ **Don’t touch Karie~**_ Oh, now the little mouse can speak!” She raised her hands and shook them in mock terror, cackling all the while.

Mya’s hands balled into fists and she took another step forward. Her jaw clenched and she felt a rush of blood in her ears, a pounding at her temples.

“You can laugh all you want but don’t you dare lay a fucking hand on her.”

“Are you going to stop me?” She sang.

And without thinking, Mya lunged at her, but Canary blocked her, giving her a fierce look to stand down. Mya was in a rage and considered paralyzing her with her Nen to get to Elys, but calmed down once Canary whispered:

“Remember what I just taught you.”

_ Dodge the attack when your enemy is stronger than you. _ Tearing the pretty locks from her scalp would be fighting a losing battle, and Mya would be the only one to get hurt at the end.

But still, she had threatened poor, innocent Karie.

Seeing that Mya would not attack her, Elys smiled and turned her back, motioning for Mitsuki to follow her. She had successfully gotten to her head, even though a full-fledged fight with Mya striking first would have been preferable, allowing her to eliminate her while claiming self-defense. 

But Elys was quick-witted and could work with what she had. She was an excellent tactician after all.

“Oh by the way,” she added, as she was leaving. “You have 24 hours to vacate the premises, only if you value your friend’s life.”

This time, Canary had to knock Mya out to keep her from tackling Elys as she walked off, cackling.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yup, people are relentless out here!


	32. Chapter 32

“I need to leave immediately,” Mya demanded. Something in her had snapped, and all she could think was  _ Karie’s in danger, Karie’s in danger, Karie’s in danger _ . She couldn’t be here anymore.

There was a pause on the phone. Then Illumi’s voice came out clear and even, as usual.

“Stop being ridiculous. And while I previously did not make this clear, you may only call me while I’m working if you are in an emergency.”

“This is an emergency. Please authorize a butler to send me home immediately.”

“No.”

Mya’s fingers tightened around her phone but she tried to keep her voice calm and steady.

“Elys threatened my friend’s life unless I left the manor.”

Illumi didn’t skip a beat before he gave her a cold, uncaring answer. “I don’t see a problem. You don’t need friends.”

He couldn’t care less about a threat to her friend’s life, she realized. She paused on the phone, at a loss of words to say next.

“Is there anything else you need?” Illumi asked, obviously keen on terminating the conversation and getting back to work. Mya gritted her teeth, then decided to double down on her threat to leave.

“I’m going to leave whether you like it or not.”

Another pause on the phone. As expected, Illumi did not back down.

“You’ll be staying exactly where I left you,” he replied coolly and before she could say another word, she heard a click on the phone. He’d terminated the conversation, possibly out of anger at her bold statement. Another reason she needed to leave ASAP; she knew she would pay for that once he came back.

Mya’s heart started to race and she resisted the urge to throw her phone against the wall. She’d need her phone if she made it out. Who could she call for help? She knew none of the butlers would dare to help her, not even Canary. 

She thought frantically, her heart pounding even faster as she pictured assassins already lined up outside her friend’s apartment, waiting to take her out at a moment’s notice. Maybe there was a way out from within that bypassed the gate and the area under surveillance? She contemplated how little she knew about her environment. She needed someone who knew the grounds.

Killua. Killua had lived here, he would be the best to ask. Praying he would pick up, she dialed his unsaved number, throwing a set of clothes into a small backpack as the phone rang.

Killua did not pick up. She dialed a second time.

“Yes?” The young boy sounded clearly annoyed when he spoke, but the fact that he picked up the phone in the first place boded well. 

“Killua? I… this is Mya, again,” she said, nervously. 

“The idiot who likes Illu-nii, right?” This stung particularly given the circumstances, but she reminded herself that he was a child, in the midst of adolescence even. She took a few seconds to compose herself and unsure exactly how to phrase her request, she went straight to the point.

“Killua, is there any way to leave the manor without going through the Testing Gate?”

He paused on the other line, then let out a laugh. “Are you trying to run now? I warned you!” 

_ This is a child, a child,  _ she had to remind herself. She was desperate and could feel a frustrated anger bubble inside.

Mya sucked in a breath, then pleaded once more. “Please… it’s to help a friend.”

A friend. It seemed like that was enough to inject seriousness back in the situation for him. He let out a sigh on the other end of the phone.

“I think… if you can get past Mike, you can probably use the small gate.” He described a back route he himself had never used over the phone, which she drew out on a sheet of paper.

“But Mike attacks almost everyone. It might not be safe to even get close…” Killua trailed off.

“It’s okay, I’ll try my best… I need to save my friend.”

He paused again on the phone. If he hadn’t been convinced before, he knew now that there was truly no needle in her head. Which meant she chose to love his older brother of her own volition and could choose to do otherwise. Suddenly, he was less annoyed by her and felt a sort of sad sympathy.

“Good luck.” He sounded sincere.

“Thank you.” She’d need it.

* * *

Mitsuki headed towards the wing of the mansion that belonged to Illumi, tracing her fingers lightly on the scar tissue across her face. She wasn’t so bold as to enter even the hallway leading up to Illumi’s room - being alive was a priority for her - but she could linger around the halls to monitor for any activity like an escape.

About twenty minutes later, she heard a door swing open and soft footsteps that trailed the opposite way. Likely Mya, her rationality crumbling under the weight of Elys’ threats.. 

She could sound the alarm and alert the butlers that were supposed to be watching her, but decided to turn a blind eye and leave. It wasn’t to help Elys get rid of Mya; Elys could burn for all she cared. If Mya’s body was found somewhere on the manor, Elys would likely pay dearly. On the other hand, if Mya did make it out by some slim miracle, she would probably be better off for it, getting as far away from this evil woman and evil family as she could.

The butlers assigned to monitor Mya would suffer when Illumi returned, and she felt a bit for them. But regardless, all roads that ended with Elys suffering were worth it.

* * *

It took Mya two hours to reach the edge of the forest, aided by the cover of night. Just getting out of the mansion was a terrifying process, and she felt like every bump or creak of the overpoweringly large mansion was someone ready to catch her and drag her back.

_ You’ll be staying exactly where I left you. _

Illumi could be as terrifying as he could be loving. Or maybe it was both at once. He would be furious. She couldn’t think about that now. 

She stared into the forest, fear paralyzing her. Would she be able to see an enemy coming? To hear them? To run fast enough? To fight? 

At this rate, morning would come and Illumi would find her in the forest and then…

Mustering all of her courage, she took her first step into the unknown. A good trek later, she could see the gates from a high point a couple hundred feet away, and she was elated, amazed by her own streak of incredibly good luck. 

And that’s when she heard it - a low growl in the distance accompanied by heavy beast-like footsteps.

It had to be the beast, Mike. Her incredible luck had run out.

Mya took off running without turning back to look at the approaching threat and to her misfortune, she could hear it pick up pace as well. Stumbling over rocks and losing her footing through an unsteady path, she continued to run knowing her life depended on it, too afraid to even let herself scream for it would only waste valuable energy. The entire forest seemed to shake with the sound of its paws hitting the ground and then it leapt, jumping over her and pivoting to corner her, its fangs glistening in the moonlight.

Mauled to death. That was probably an awfully unpleasant way to die. She froze, knowing that darting left or right would encourage the hound to swipe at her.

What to do? Other than freeze up and hope death is swift and painless.

“Mike! Stay.”

She froze, but so did the predator before her. The beast seemed to look up behind her, immediately staying in place, panting. In the dark, she could barely see him, but she could tell the ornery old man was nearby and had saved her life. At least for now...

“Why exactly are you out here?” Illumi’s grandfather half-asked, half-scolded in his typical grumpy voice. He walked to the oversized animal now sitting on its haunches, wagging its tail as if it were waiting for instructions.

“Go on, get!” He ordered, as Mya attempted to come up with a reasonable answer to his question. The beast, now nothing more than an overly large dog, sauntered off.

“I…” She swallowed hard as Zeno’s eyes fell on her. She was busted.

“You…?” He repeated, expectantly, with a raised eyebrow and his hands behind his back as usual in a typical elderly man stance. “My grandson would be more than a little upset if something were to happen to you, you know.”

“I know,” she replied, automatically, then immediately regretted having answered his clearly rhetorical question.

Zeno gave her an amused grin, as though entertained by the sheer boldness of her actions and words.

“You’re trying to escape while Illumi is gone. Tsk, and here I was convinced he’d found someone who actually cared for him,” he said, shaking his head.

He sounded less angry than disappointed, in true parent fashion, making Mya unsure how to proceed next. Would he take her back to the mansion? Would he let Illumi know? The way he was eyeing her was uncomfortable and she felt like she herself was disappointing him.

But time was of the essence.

“I do care for him, but I have someone else that I care for outside these walls.”

“Someone else?”

“A dear friend.”

He let out a single laugh.

“You,” he pointed an accusatory finger at her, “have caused a huge mess and are planning on leaving it all behind.”

He was right. She  _ was _ leaving a huge mess behind. Running away, whatever her reasons were, would not be a good look to this family, even if their initial impressions of her were already poor. But the fact that he said it clearly overwhelmed her with guilt.

“My friend is in danger and Illumi’s fiancee won’t let me breathe for a second in here, for good reason, and…” - her voice came out as a croak when she said this part - “she is truly much better suited for him.”

Zeno’s eyes narrowed as Mya could no longer hold back the tears welling in her eyes. She was so embarrassed, crying in front of this stranger, but all of her feelings were genuine. While she told herself she was leaving to save Karie, she knew, deep down, she was also leaving to save herself and maybe even to save Illumi from himself. She hoped Zeno could understand. 

He said nothing, and her words kept tumbling out to fill the space between them.

“I just thought it might be easier… if I just go and let him live the life he is meant to.”

Pathetic as she was, cheeks tearstained and hair matted with grime, sweat and dirt from tumbling down the mountain, she didn’t want to fight Elys or his mother anymore. Just to protect her friend, and protect herself.

“Hm.” Zeno gave her a long, stern look, then walked right past her. “Fine. Carry on as you please.”

Once he saw the bewildered look on her face as she turned around to face him, he flicked his wrist in a shooing motion. “Leave, if you must. It’s not my responsibility to keep you here.”

_ He’s really not going to stop me,  _ she thought in true shock.

Letting those words hang in the air, he walked off for a little longer, then seemed to disappear, leaving Mya alone to choose her own next steps.

And she did just that, running to the small gate which was no longer guarded by Mike who had run in the opposite direction.

Despite being hidden, Zeno continued to watch her from afar as she made her way outside of the walls of his home. He scratched his head for a moment, wondering if letting her go free was the right decision. It was only by chance he had seen her while making his rounds aboard his dragon. If he hadn’t seen her, she would have certainly been mauled to death with absolute certainty. Despite this, he couldn’t deny that he was impressed that she had made it this far without detection.

One thing that was absolutely certain was that his grandson, who volleyed between cruel indifference, unmatched even among assassins, and extreme swings of emotion, would not have handled her death well, so he knew he had to at least prevent that. However, it wasn’t like Illumi would handle this betrayal any better.

Maybe he should have just stopped her, Zeno considered. Thereafter, he could have spoken to his hard headed grandson about letting those he loved go. If he’d listen...

Regardless, it wasn’t his responsibility to keep her in the manor. 

What a pity.  _ She’ll be right back here soon enough. _

* * *

Karie roused slowly, still perfectly nestled in her boyfriend’s arms, to the sound of someone rapping softly at her front door, then louder, with more urgency, the longer the knock went unanswered.

“Baby, there’s someone at the door,” she murmured softly, rubbing her eyes as she sat up, still groggy with sleep.

“It’s 3am. Go back to bed. Nothing good comes knocking at 3am.” He protested, rolling over to the other direction.

“What if someone needs help?” Karie mused out loud, nudging him with her leg. “Come with me and check.”

Red rolled over in bed again, onto his back, and let out an annoyed sigh.

“Stay here, I’ll go,” he conceded with eyes still closed and stifling a yawn, the knocking still loud and persistent. Karie reached for her phone on the end table to see multiple missed calls from Mya.

“Oh!”

She rose to her feet and ran to the door, opening it to reveal a tearful and disheveled Mya.

“Mimi?!”

Mya wrapped her arms around her immediately, tears rolling down her cheeks.

“I’m so glad you’re safe! I was so worried when you didn’t pick up the phone, and then didn’t knock and I knew you could have been sleeping but-”

“Why wouldn’t I be safe?” she interjected, then trailed off, noting Mya’s awful state and realizing Mya had not brought anything with her. “A-are you okay?” She asked in a hushed tone, now ushering her inside, then motioning to Red, now watching from afar, to go back to bed.

There was too much to explain and too little that Karie would understand without being terrified. Mya opted to say nothing instead.

“I just… I’m being crazy. I just needed to make sure you were okay.”

Karie gave her a confused but loving smile and gave her a hug.

“Where are you coming from?” Karie finally ventured to ask, rubbing circles on Mya’s back. It was obvious she hadn’t come from home.

“It’s a long story.”

Karie nodded and continued to sit with her on the couch, rubbing Mya’s shoulder in support with one hand as Mya struggled to put her thoughts in order, now sitting side-by-side on that oh-so-familiar therapy couch of hers. Her tears were ceasing, which was good. Karie knew better than to continue asking what happened, opting to just be there for her. 

“Can I please stay here tonight?” Mya said in a small voice.

Karie gave her another hug, a long, tender one.

“You can stay as long as you want.” Karie got up to pick up a set of blankets and a pillow for the couch, leaving Mya to sit and think.

Now that she’d reached her goal, Mya’s mind was racing a mile a minute as she considered the consequences of what she had just done. She was far from Kukuroo Mountain, from Illumi and Elys and the Zoldyck family. Most importantly, she was far from what they represented, a total lack of freedom. Restriction. Powerlessness. Loss of control of her future.

She should be glad. She’d been extremely lucky, and while Illumi would be upset, he’d eventually realize this was for the best. Zeno had let her leave; he had probably realized this too. He was older and wiser, after all.

Illumi had to understand. Her heart ached too, but she was damned if she was going to allow a casualty for this already doomed relationship. Removing herself from the equation was the best decision she could have made.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> One step forward, three steps back... Illumi's not gonna be happy.


	33. Chapter 33

Illumi returned to the Zoldyck manor in the late morning, successful but admittedly a bit tired from stalking his target all night. He walked straight to his bedroom, where he knew his Mya would be patiently waiting for his return in the exact place where he left her, however upset with him she may be.

He would hold her and remind her that he was all she truly needed, and while she would resist this notion, she’d eventually come to realize he was right. Obviously.

However, when he entered the room, it took a split second for him to realize she was nowhere to be found. What he did see was a small note addressed to him on the end table on her side of the bed, apologizing for leaving and telling him that she loved him always, but that he was better suited for Elys anyway. He let out a single, sardonic laugh, then immediately tore the note up into shreds and stepped back out of the room as though nothing had happened.

Demeanor calm and with his face as impassive as usual, he walked back out of the room to start his investigation.

“Where is Mya?” He inquired, returning to the entrance of the hallway to address the young male butler who had been tasked to guard the wing.

The butler looked up at the young master who sported an unreadable expression that didn’t account for the cold fury that seemed to ooze from him. Illumi’s gaze pierced through his very skin; he knew instinctively to choose his words carefully if he wanted to continue living.

“N-no one has been in or out of here in the last twelve hours since I’ve been here.”

Illumi’s lips curled into a cruel half-smile at the diplomatic answer he’d received.

“Where. Is. She?” He repeated again, stressing every syllable with slow, deliberate speech. The butler, appropriately, seemed to crack under pressure.

“I-I don’t know-“ The end of his sentence was garbled by the blood now spurting inside and outside his throat, as Illumi, now firmly in a veritable rage, slit his throat with a clean swipe of his nails sharpened into claws.

Illumi headed straight to his brother’s room whose personal surveillance cameras covered the most area in the mansion. He did not bother to give a second glance at the man behind him, succumbing to his fatal injury. The only thing he hated as much as betrayal was incompetence. He had one job, and he’d failed it miserably. He needed to be replaced.

Illumi was usually polite enough to knock or at least announce himself before entering his siblings’ rooms but this time Illumi burst into Milluki’s room without speaking. Milluki turned around in surprise, feeling Illumi’s malcontent before laying eyes on him.

“Aniki?”

“Pull up all the surveillance videos between yesterday and today,” Illumi immediately ordered, not bothering with good mornings.

Milluki did not ask any further questions but quickly and quietly pulled up all the video feeds all over the mansion for Illumi’s perusal. Arms crossed over his chest and balled into fists, Illumi watched Mya slip out of his bedroom, looking around to check if all was clear before disappearing out of view. Illumi was already a controlled person at baseline, but now he was tense enough that his movements became almost robotic, as if any slip of control would cause him to erupt. Milluki eyed him nervously, unsure of what his brother would do next.

“Show me Elys’ location this very moment.” He then asked.

That was a bad sign, but again Milluki avoided asking Illumi what he was thinking. Illumi’s bloodlust was so thick in the air that he feared Illumi might forget their family rule for a second. Once Illumi spotted the enchantress on surveillance, he whisked out of the room, headed straight in her direction.

And Milluki, sensing his older brother’s intent to kill, followed him, now concerned for Elys’ safety.

* * *

Elys was in particularly good spirits this morning, and had decided to treat her in-laws-to-be to personally baked breakfast pastries and a special blend of tea that she had brought with her. Now that Mitsuki had confirmed that Mya was off the premises, she had felt so benevolent that she decided to call off her hitmen. She could be gracious after all; no need to drag another innocent person into this, she figured. All Mya had to do was leave and everything would fall into place.

She was working on her pastries in one of the smaller kitchens, watching her muffins in the oven with glee, while Mitsuki handled the frying of crumpets on the stovetop when she felt overcome with a sudden sense of unease that made her sick to her stomach. 

She looked to Mitsuki, whose facial expression revealed a similar feeling of malaise, and then once Illumi came into view at the entryway, she quickly realized that the awful feeling was emanating from him.

“Ah, Illumi-sama, I hope-“ she greeted, forcing a dazzling smile.

“Where is Mya?”

Elys gave him an extremely convincing puzzled look. “How would I know?”

Mitsuki stifled a small laugh as she continued to work the stove, causing the two to glance at her briefly before resuming their standoff.

“Illu~,” she drew out his name softly. “I have tolerated quite a bit, but it does hurt me to know that you would come to me asking about another woman instead…” Elys lamented, sitting down at the table, and stirring her tea.

The centers of Illumi’s palms started to itch as he continued to watch her sit so casually while inside he was a storm of unpleasant feelings.

“You threatened her while I was gone.”

Elys looked as though she had been physically slighted, placing a hand to her chest.

“How could she say such a thing? What an unkind lie-“

Milluki finally caught up with Illumi’s fast pace to find Elys pinned against the wall and held by the throat off the ground. Illumi kept his eyes locked with Elys’, their faces so close that their noses almost brushed together and she could feel his hostile words on her skin.

“Aniki, stop!” Milluki yelled out to his brother.

Mitsuki continued to occupy herself with the crumpets that were browning nicely, smiling to herself. Meanwhile, all Illumi could hear was a rush of blood in his ears.

“I’ve clearly been gentle with you for far too long,” Illumi seethed as Elys, wide-eyed and choking, squirmed and writhed while attempting desperately to pry his fingers off of her neck. “Enough that you feel bold enough to lie to me.” 

When the light started to fade from behind her eyes, he released his grip, allowing her to gasp for air and wheeze through her bruised windpipe. She fell into a heap onto the ground and Milluki couldn’t help running beside her to check her condition, his hand on her shoulder as she wailed loudly.

Mitsuki set the batch of freshly-made crumpets on the kitchen island and took a seat, ignoring the obvious tension in the room. Then she spoke.

“If you want to know what happened yesterday, Elys instructed me initially to scar her face, similarly to this,” she waved at her own face nonchalantly, “but Mya was well-protected so that did not transpire. But Elys did tell her she had 24 hours to vacate the premises or she’d kill her friend.”

Elys and Milluki watched the servant in shock as she continued to speak candidly and recklessly. The severity of Illumi’s stare straight at Elys only intensified.

“The goal was really to provoke Mya into a fight so she’d be able to defend killing her.” Mitsuki added, now helping herself to a crumpet too charred to serve. “Since that didn’t work, Elys wanted her to die while trying to run away or to kill her outside of these walls. Oh! She also forbade me from letting any of the other butlers know.”

Once she finished speaking, the room got so quiet that one could hear the crunch of the starchy, baked goods as Mitsuki bit into breakfast without a care in the world. Her mind was one track now, she just wanted Elys to know what it was like to have attracted the animosity of someone more powerful than her. Even if she was laying it on excessively thick, and it backfired on her, she wanted someone to be rid of her.

That someone would be Illumi.

“Milluki, step aside,” Illumi said, coolly to which Milluki, knowing full well Elys was not gonna last a second if he moved an inch, shook his head slowly.

“You can move out of the way freely or be forcibly removed, ” he offered. To Illumi’s surprise, Milluki decided instead to fully shield her with his body, while avoiding looking his older brother in his eyes. Illumi reached his hand slowly towards Milluki, initiating a game of chicken that had Milluki broken out into a cold sweat until...

“What’s going on here?” Silva and Zeno had felt the air thick with Illumi’s bloodlust while waiting for Illumi to give report after his mission and had followed the aura to this very location, where they found a scene of Elys cowering, Milluki shielding her and Illumi prepared to go in for the kill, a fearsome expression on his face. 

Silva who had spoken looked between his two sons, then at the disaffected butler munching quietly at the counter. Mitsuki looked back at him, lowered her eyes, and murmured:

“It appears that Master Milluki and Miss Elys have an inappropriate relationship,” before filing out of the room, past Zeno who actually for once looked shocked by something said to him.

_ Inappropriate relationship? _

Milluki looked at Illumi, whose eyes were still piercing daggers at Elys who was meanwhile rubbing her bruised throat, and then a lightbulb went off on his head. The butler had unintentionally just given Elys - and he and Illumi by proxy - a way out of the root of this mess.

Silva spoke first, as though embarrassed that he was going to have to say these words out loud.

“Milluki, are you… coveting your brother’s wife?”

“Y-yes,” Milluki said, equally as embarrassed, to the shock of everyone in the room. “In fact, w-we’ve been together,” he said, shakily taking one of Elys’ hands who looked at him with horror, pulling away and shaking her head frantically. 

Illumi’s confusion overtook his rage at that moment and then it hit him. Most of the tension in Illumi’s body seemed to dissipate as he realized this ridiculous scene was Milluki’s way of offering help. And unfortunately, Milluki really did seem to care about this vile creature he wanted to tear apart; he’d never stood up to him like that before. 

Illumi took one last look at Elys who had clearly gotten the message, appearing stunned and disheveled like she’d aged ten years in the course of minutes. The look of utter defeat itself was barely enough to satiate his anger but enough for now. Milluki would take care of the rest. For now, he needed to find Mya, make sure she was safe, and then swiftly punish her for disobeying him.

Silva let out a long, drawn-out sigh, then looked at Elys and Illumi who was already halfway out the door. When Illumi passed Zeno without a word, Zeno looked sideways at him, wondering if he should talk to him now or later. 

“Clearly neither of you are concerned about your upcoming wedding, so I’ll be happy to sever these ties for you,” Silva decided in exasperation.

To Elys, he shook his head, not even knowing where to start. “Pack your things. I’ll call ahead to your family,” he said, decision final. He gave another look to Milluki and ran his hands through his mane of white-blonde one more time. “I’ll deal with you later.”

* * *

Mya scoped out her apartment building from afar, wondering what were the chances that her apartment was under surveillance. She expected that Illumi would be angry and could possibly come after her - and in that case her apartment would probably be his first stop - but a small part of her hoped that he would take the hint and realize that she wasn’t cut out for life among the Zoldycks. It was still early afternoon by a quick phone check, so it was unlikely he could physically make it to this place in such a short time after his mission. 

She needed to grab just a few things before she went back to hiding out at Karie’s for a while. Just long enough that she was sure Elys wouldn’t send murderers after Karie anyway and to avoid Illumi if he ended up coming to her house. She hoped he wouldn’t be upset by her note. 

She opened the apartment door, using a spare key she kept foolishly under the placemat. She really should have come up with something smarter, but hey, it had worked so far.

The apartment had only been deserted for a little over a week, so everything looked to be in place for the most part. She walked over to her bedroom to grab a few more provisions, turning the corner only to find the last person she expected to see. 

Hisoka. Butt naked and hair dripping wet. In her apartment. Drying his hair off with  _ her _ clean towels.

She looked at him, wide-mouthed, not believing her eyes.

“Oh...” There was a glint in his foxlike, amber eyes when he recognized her. Then his lips spread into a devilish grin.

“I was wondering when you’d be back, bunny.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No notes here just lol, tell me how you guys feel


	34. Chapter 34

“Back? What do you mean back? This is  _ my _ apartment!” Mya barked back at him. Then her eyes unwittingly traveled downwards and she turned red, spinning around. “Put some fucking clothes back on, will you?” 

Beginning a tirade on a naked man in her bedroom was obviously poor form. Instead of pulling on a pair of pants, Hisoka smirked, and walked over to her, wrapping his arms around her shoulders from behind. 

“You’ve seen it all before… I seem to remember you enjoying it when I was naked,” he purred into her ear. Now her face felt like it was on fire and she wriggled out of his grasp like a snake, still averting her eyes.

_ This is sexual harassment! _

“I don’t want to talk to you while you’re naked, Hisoka. Just please, put on some clothes and tell me why you’re here,” she insisted, still facing the wall, arms crossed. 

“I’m here because I missed you, obviously~” Hisoka whispered in a seductive voice, before turning her to face him. To her fortune, he was now fully clothed in.. her clothes?

“Are those my sweatpants?!” She exclaimed, upset at the way the comfortable joggers she often wore to lounge about only reached halfway past his shins and how he was stretching out one of her favorite soft T-shirts. And that obvious bulge.. “Hisoka!” 

He grinned. “You wanted me to wear clothes, so here I am.”

Mya let out an exasperated groan, then went over to her dresser to grab a few more articles of clothing (that Hisoka had hopefully not worn), toiletries, and any important legal documents that she may need in case she couldn’t come back to this apartment. Hisoka watched her carefully as she dumped things in a small backpack and said nothing. She spoke first.

“How did you get in here anyway?” She asked, looking back at him through her bathroom mirror as she secured a new toothbrush and toothpaste from the medicine cabinet. In all her time with Illumi, she had gotten so comfortable with the idea of people just appearing in her home, that the question was asked more out of curiosity than anger at this point. 

“A magician never reveals his tricks,” he said with a flourish. The truth was simply that he had a Hunter License, and reverse phone lookup, but that didn’t sound as impressive. Mya did not press further and zipped up her bag. She had finally accomplished what she had come here for. It was strange that Hisoka was squatting at her apartment in the meantime, but she figured that Illumi had probably told him it was vacant for the time being. She should probably warn him that the lease would expire in a couple of months. 

“Hisoka, I hope you’re aware that-” She started, but Hisoka interrupted her with a question.

“Did you leave Illumi?” He had put two and two together, with the hastily made bag, the fact that she had not been at her apartment in so long, and the nervous way with which her eyes flitted around her surroundings; not worried about him, but as if someone else would jump out of the walls at any second.

“I…” Put that way, it seemed harsh the way she’d gone about it. She truly had just gotten up and left. Even if Elys had pushed her to it, and even if Illumi had not taken her concerns seriously, she had really just decided to make a swift exit out of his life. Leave a mess behind, as Zeno had called it. 

“He’s getting married,” she finally sighed out. “I can’t really say we were ever together when his wife was always around.”

Mya looked up to see Hisoka still watching her, and she realized it had been months since the last time they’d seen each other, hooking up at the love hotel. Today, something about Hisoka felt off to her. He’d always been strong but now that her eyes and spirit was better attuned to Nen, she could feel an effortless surge of power that he hadn’t had before. But in stark contrast to this possibly new strength was a new cautiousness that muted the reckless confidence that had normally accented his every move. Even the way he looked at her now was quiet and careful, like even she could somehow hurt him.

“Hisoka, are you okay?” She asked, taking a step closer to him. He uncrossed his arms, and stood up straight from where he was leaning on the doorway. Then in just a matter of seconds, he crossed the distance between her and pressed his lips to hers.

“What the hell!” She yelled when she finally was able to force space between them, flushed and flustered at the sudden kiss. Then she flinched when she saw his expression, for a moment he looked like a hurt puppy, but this was quickly replaced by his usual brash self.

“I figured we could just start back where we left off.”

Mya, in all manners of anger and upset, pushed past him and was ready to walk out the door when he appeared before her again, blocking her exit with his hand pressed against the door.

“Don’t leave so soon, I still want to talk.” He approached her slowly, like a cat tracks a mouse, and she backed away with abject horror written on her face.

“Hisoka, I have to go…” She said, with her voice wavering softly.

“This is your apartment, remember?” He reminded her. “You look like you aren’t coming back.”

“I…” He had gotten her there.

“Stay. If you’re worried Illumi will come after you, I can protect you,” he assured her.

_ What an odd suggestion, _ Mya thought. Did she need protection from Illumi? She just needed Elys out of her (and her friend’s) hair, and she’d accomplished just that by backing off. And Illumi loved her; he would never hurt her, right? It was true that he hadn’t contacted her in any way the entire day today, and he has to know she’s gone by now. Maybe he was mad enough at her to agree that it was best to break it off.

“I can protect you,” he repeated. “But in exchange, you’ll have to promise to be mine.” Hisoka added, now leaning into her space, twirling a lock of her hair. She wasn’t sure when she had been backed up into this wall, but the only way she could look was forward at him, whose eyes were on her, expecting a response. 

_ Being his… _

She was left confused, unable to pinpoint when exactly Hisoka’s feelings towards her had changed. He never seemed like the type that would entangle feelings of love and lust. Whatever he was offering had to be part of a condition for a game; he had played such games with her before.

Mya took a few moments to think about the compromising position she was in, then decided to take her chances at making him angry.

“I have somewhere to be,” she repeated again, firmly this time, ducking from his grasp and attempting to go around him. But this time, he held by the arm and forced her back into the wall, her back hitting it hard this time.

Fear started to set in as the smile left his face and he spoke to her in a low, menacing tone.

“Illumi and I are playing a game right now. In fact, we have been for a while. And at the end, one of us has to die. We’re quite serious about this, so I suggest you get on the winning team.”

With that, he stepped back from her, and she fell slightly forward, now dizzy from the breaths she had forgotten to take when he trapped her like a prey animal. 

“You wouldn’t… You guys are -”

“What, friends?” Hisoka said, with an inappropriately jovial laugh. “It’s because we’re friends that it has to be this way.” He placed a hand on his hips, his tall stature still menacing despite the relaxed stance and the ill-fitting clothing on him. His smile now did not waver, but Mya felt acutely that if she moved, he would kill her instantly. 

“You may leave now, but my offer still stands.”

Mya said nothing else, but took the opportunity to run away from her own apartment with everything she needed. Hisoka watched her go, his smile fading once again. He’d been visiting here recently, using her apartment as home base, and hoping to run into her, wondering if she had changed her mind. Plus if Illumi had come with her… well, that would just make things easier. He had to prove to himself that he was as powerful as he said he was. It was important, in fact absolutely necessary for him to prove himself. What was he, if not strong?

* * *

Illumi had thought that by the time he entered his bedroom, his anger would have quelled, only to find that the negative emotions flooded him again once he saw the strips of paper on the ground.

He paced the room once then pulled out his phone to call her, every ring seeming to taunt him, reminding him that she had left on a whim. For what - a friend, not even a family member? Was he not her priority? He could very easily get rid of that friend; they were a liability. 

He was going to track her down and drag her back here whether she came willingly or not. Because she was his. She knew that. She’d even said she loved him. Love didn’t have buts, only ands. I love you  _ and _ I will be with you. I love you  _ and _ you are all I need. I love you  _ and _ I’ll make sure you have everything you want. That was the bare minimum. 

Instead she proclaimed she loved him and then ran at the first sign of trouble. She had chosen to say, ‘I love you  _ but _ I have to protect my friend.’ 

Elys was leaving the estate. That obstacle was over with. She was lucky Milluki had saved her. A small part of him considered going after her anyway, but out of respect for Milluki and his puppy love, he would refrain. Illumi wanted so badly to make  _ someone  _ suffer, nevertheless.

“You’re still seeping bloodlust all over the house, Illumi,” Zeno’s voice called out from outside of the door. Illumi did not move but tried to reign in the aura he was releasing, expecting his grandfather to leave once he did so.

“Are you going to chase after that woman?” He asked. “Mya, is it?”

Illumi did not respond, but stayed in the same spot, still listening intently. 

“I met her in the forest that night, when she was running away.”

Illumi finally left his room to face his grandfather face to face, his lips pressed into a hard line. Zeno kept his eyes on his tall grandson, his stance relaxed as usual despite the fact that Illumi was the picture of suppressed anger and a good portion of it was now directed at him.

“Why did you let her leave?” He asked, calmly. 

“She gave me her reasons, and I sought not to interfere. I just ensured that she made it out safely, for your sake."

"You know how I feel about her,” Illumi said calmly, with just a tinge of bitterness in his voice. Zeno gave him a stern look.

“You brought her here entirely too early.”

“She told me she loved me. She should be able to endure everything.”

Zeno let out a derisive snort. “There’s the problem. You push entirely too hard. People get reckless when you push too hard.”

The only thing Illumi thought was reckless of her was disobeying him. Zeno took a long look at his grandson, realizing that he wouldn’t so easily be reasoned with in the state he was in right now. He just hoped Illumi wouldn’t make the same mistakes he’d made when he was younger and more stubborn. He knew intimately what it was like to push someone he loved too hard.

He let out a sigh. “If you must leave tonight, please make sure to come give a report on your mission before you disappear.”

He took a couple steps to leave the wing, heading to his own quarters, then stopped one more time. “Also, stop killing butlers. They’re not that easy to replace.”


	35. Chapter 35

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm clearly having too much fun on tumblr and am starting to put this story on the backburner but I promise I'll keep working and thinking about it hahahaha  
> I hope you guys enjoy this chapter tho!

The next day, Mya headed to the local library to access a computer so she could work on her school applications. Having spent two full nights at Karie’s place, she figured that she should at least let Red, if not Karie, have a reprieve from her during the day time until she figured out where to stay next. Her own apartment was out, both because of Hisoka and because she was avoiding an awful conversation with Illumi and for obvious reasons, it would be the first place he would look.

To her dismay, as she focused on writing her personal statement, she ran into the same problem as she had before - the nagging concern that she wouldn’t have anything to say except that she spent most of her adult life being passed between men. Nothing about her was compelling on its own, she felt, and her test scores could only carry her so far. 

Volunteering at a clinic could be a good start. She shot an email to Leorio for leads, then went back to poring over her personal statement. A couple minutes passed, and she realized she couldn’t focus. 

It had been almost 24 hours since Illumi had attempted to call her and she had been hesitant to pick up the phone, letting it ring multiple times as she watched. While she wasn’t really playing hard to get, it was still disconcerting that he had not sent an additional text or call. Maybe… maybe she expected him to have fought a little harder for her? She berated herself for being so indecisive, but now that she was out here, she was starting to wonder if she had been impulsive. Maybe if she had been more patient with Illumi, he could have helped her and sent butlers to protect Karie? 

No, absolutely not. He made it clear that he didn’t care about anyone else and wouldn’t waste his resources for her whim.

She sighed, she was getting distracted. She needed to get back to work. 

* * *

The moment Illumi set foot outside of Mya’s apartment complex, he knew something was amiss. 

**_Looking for your girlfriend? ;)_ **

Illumi’s needles were immediately at the ready as he entered the enclosed space that he and Mya used to share, to find Hisoka, still clad in the borrowed t-shirt and joggers and eating a sandwich, his eyes glued on the television.

Hisoka dodged swiftly as the pins shattered through the screen with an electric spark that threatened to start a fire, then turned around with a smile.

“Wow, that’s no way to greet a friend, Illumi.”

“Where is she?” Illumi was too angry to address the ridiculous get-up Hisoka had on, the fact that his face was no longer made up with the characteristic star and teardrop tattoo, and his hair was down. He was too comfortable, far too comfortable…

“My, my… calm down, will you, Illumi? This isn’t like you,” Hisoka said, dodging needles left and right as he sauntered over chairs, slid across the counter and used the small kitchen table to block another barrage of piercing needles. “At this rate, the whole place will be destroyed.”

Illumi sharpened his nails and lunged for his throat - he had a contract to fulfill anyway - just grazing Hisoka’s neck so that a few drops of blood dotted the floor. Rolling into a somersault, he sprang up again to pounce for the second time, and Hisoka, thrilled by the prospect of combat, sidestepped him, then yanked him by the arm to throw him into the wall. 

Illumi, not to be outdone, directed the soles of his feet against the surface instead to blunt the impact, leaving a small crater in the wall, and pushed off to swipe at him one more time, more catlike than human. 

“We just had a simple chat earlier, nothing too serious,” Hisoka responded, his voice syrupy sweet, in an attempt to enrage Illumi further. 

“You’re wearing her clothes.” Illumi responded, with a flying kick that Hisoka blocked, which he swiftly followed up in midair with a reverse roundhouse kick that was too fast for him to deflect. Hisoka was sent reeling further than he had expected, and looked at Illumi through narrowed eyes, a fearsome smile now spread on his face as he licked off blood leaking from a split lip.

They continued to exchange blows for blows, strike for strike for the next couple of minutes before Hisoka finally began to resort to using his Hatsu to try to bind Illumi. It took a couple of near misses of Bungee Gum for Illumi, now backed up into a wall, to remember that in this tight space, he was at an obvious disadvantage against Hisoka. 

They paused for a moment but remained in a standoff, Hisoka standing still and relaxed as usual, and Illumi careful yet calm. Illumi decided on how best to retreat. This wasn’t the time or place. Hisoka sensed his hesitation and smiled, attempting to provoke him once more. 

“Do you not want to fight today, dear Illumi? I thought the Zoldycks always delivered on their contracts.”

Illumi’s jaw tensed, but he stood up straight and gave him a small smile in return. “Rest assured. The next time you see me in combat will be your last, when I’m less… distracted.”

Hisoka let out a laugh, shooting out Bungee Gum at him again, but Illumi had already jumped from Mya’s bedroom window, landing on his feet on the roof of a sorry individual’s car.

Not now, but soon.

* * *

Mya, having made no real progress in the past two hours, had been taking a nap before she was awoken by the buzz of her cell phone - a phone call from Karie. That was odd, Karie rarely ever called before texting. Mya picked up quickly, whispering ‘Hello’ in a hushed tone since she was still in the library, hoping that her friend was not actively in danger.

“Have you enjoyed yourself?” She heard Illumi’s voice on the other end of the line.

“Illumi-“

“I’m coming to pick you up this very instant,” he informed her.

Already caught.

“H-How did you get Karie’s phone?” Mya said, her stomach lurching.

“I took it from her, of course. She wouldn’t give me the information I needed and her pesky partner tried to fight me off so I had to knock them both out,” he said, as naturally as describing his day at the office. “But don’t worry, I didn’t kill anyone, I know how you feel about your  _ friends _ . You care about them enough that you can just leave me whenever you feel like it, right Mya?”

There was an edge to his voice that she hadn’t heard in a while, not since Illumi had found out about Hisoka. The edge scared her.

“Milluki is tracing the phone call. I’ll see you soon. Don’t bother trying to run,” he added before he hung up.

It really was soon. He didn’t even have to notify her when he arrived; she could feel the reach of his malaise-inducing aura from inside the library, stepping out to see an expensive-looking black car with tinted windows waiting in front. Illumi stepped out, arms crossed over his chest impatiently, the entire scene drawing an obscene amount of attention. The way Illumi looked at her was almost like a parent furious with their disobedient child and a part of her almost expected him to pull her ear when he reached out for her. But instead, his hand reached out and encircled her wrist, his bloodlust quieting as they made contact.

Even if his Nen was quiet, his irritation with her hadn’t grown quiet evidenced by the way his brow furrowed ever so slightly as he watched her, trying to read her downcast expression.

“Is Karie okay?” Mya demanded to know, her voice shaky. She avoided looking him in the eye as he led her to the car.

“She’ll wake up in a couple of hours,” he confirmed, then adding, “While Elys may have not harmed your friend, if you ever step out of line like that again, I will. Now get in,” he ordered.

She hesitated for a moment, standing before the opened door, soles planted firmly into the ground. She glared at him fiercely for a brief moment, then climbed into the car, him following behind her. Immediately once they were seated, Illumi ordered the chauffeur to drive to the nearest airport. They were going right back to Kukuroo Mountain.

Mya looked outside the tinted windows to the rapidly disappearing library as the chauffeur drove at a barely legal speed onto the main road. She wasn’t sure she knew how to feel at this moment. Karie was safe, while likely a bit shaken for now, but she didn’t know what she’d do once Elys saw her back at the manor. What about school? And finally, what was this mess about Hisoka and Illumi in some sort of strange death pact? 

Illumi pulled her attention away from her racing thoughts by gripping her chin so that she looked at him, roughly planting a kiss on her lips. When she didn’t reciprocate, his hand tightened on her thigh. 

“Illumi,” She winced, withdrawing from his touch.

“I’m trying exceptionally hard to understand you,” Illumi said, in a cool, even voice.

_ To understand her. _ Mya barely understood herself right now. She knew she wanted to be with him but also knew that she wanted to rid herself of this nagging feeling that she was stagnating. To love him and to be free - she was slowly wondering if those things were compatible. Most concerning was that this very moment - the orders, and the small reminders that he was more powerful than her - was starting to give her flashbacks of her ex-husband. 

Immediately to mind came one particular instance, a few months before she decided to run. She and her husband were returning home from a party, and she recalled how Teiki had held her hand and smiled to the other guests and to the cameras before escorting her into their ride home, only to roll up the partition and beat on her mercilessly for supposedly eyeing other men.

She grimaced. While Illumi wasn’t the same, the essence of what he had just done was similar. 

The difference now in her situation was that while she had been able to run from her ex-husband, she couldn’t run from Illumi. Not in a million years.

The phrase _ ‘Until death do we part’ _ came to mind. They weren’t even married, she thought, her fingers curling into fists against the fine leather of the seats. She hated these mixed feelings. She had been so sure about him before.

Illumi watched carefully as the woman he was breaking all his personal rules for squirmed in her seat, but remained unable to read the inner turmoil reflected in her actions. Instead the idea of her leaving his home to spend the night with Hisoka ran through his head briefly, and then he was furious all over again. He wanted so much for her to say with her own lips that she hadn’t cavorted with him, even though Hisoka confirmed they hadn’t. And while Hisoka could lie with abandon when he felt like it, Hisoka would have told him if he had. In fact, he would have rubbed it in.

But instead of questioning her, he remembered what his grandfather, who rarely gave him advice, said and instead decided to keep his questions to himself, looking straight ahead. 

Space to think, space to breathe, space to grow. He was attempting to prune her like his bonsai tree, and while she had started to bend and twist at his whim, he was at risk of wounding her. 

Or maybe he was the one being molded and swayed. He’d just engaged in a fight in which he had unfavorable odds, just because his emotions had overtaken him. He’d considered harming his brother because he was protecting an active threat to the recipient of his affections. And right now, while Illumi was upset with Mya, there was a nagging, underlying worry, almost a fear, that her feelings had changed.

Illumi stole a glance at Mya again, who still appeared lost in thought. Now that he was less upset, he could tell by the way she bit her lower lip and the small line forming between her knit eyebrows that she was truly distressed. About him? Not about him? He wanted to know, he so badly wanted to know everything. 

He shifted in his seat finally, moving closer to the opposite window. Maybe, just for a few moments, he wouldn’t push. 

A minute, then two passed, and suddenly, Mya reached through the short distance between them for his hand and squeezed it gently. She still kept her eyes away from him and out the window, but the small, idle gesture, the simple promise of continued, uncoerced touch was enough for Illumi to feel at ease. 


	36. Chapter 36

“I won’t allow it!” Kikyo’s voice was high-pitched and shrill enough to grate on his nerves, but Silva always indulged his lovely wife regardless.

He shrugged and crossed his arms. “Her family has already been made aware, and with no issue. It turns out she had a couple of other suitors anyway,” he replied, his eyes following Kikyo as she paced back and forth. Then he remembered one additional suitor in the form of his second son and a wave of embarrassment washed over him anew as the recent fiasco came to mind.

“But she was perfect!” Kikyo almost wailed, falling into her husband’s arms with dramatic flourish. “No one else will ever measure up!”

Silva had no strong feelings either way, but acknowledged that his son’s affections had been particularly unyielding when it came to the young woman he had brought himself. It was the first time he’d ever seen his son insist on a desire of his own. It was an interesting, albeit slightly concerning change. 

“Please bring her back, honey,” Kikyo pressed, snuggling closer into his arms while using the coy, seductive voice she reserved for their intimate moments as she lightly palmed the side of his face. “Our son knows not what he needs.”

Silva remembered the look in Illumi’s eyes when he had reminded him that he was not the heir. Illumi had taken to the role of nurturing the proper heir as naturally as a fish takes to water, making sure to expend all his talents and energies into building Killua into an excellent assassin. In some ways, Illumi was more disappointed in Killua’s reluctance to assume his destiny than he and his wife were.

However, the way he had spoken to him, it sounded for a moment that a small tinge of bitterness had seeped into his words. Or maybe Silva was imagining it. His son had stopped having such strong emotions long ago and his barely emotive face betrayed an obvious deficiency in empathy and joie de vivre quite unlike his other son, Killua. 

But yet, this girl…

While Silva knew Elys had to be completely out of the picture given Milluki’s infatuation with her, Silva decided he would have to continue to watch Illumi’s actions and behavior carefully. Illumi had never previously been shown to be influenced by the outside world from his upbringing until now, but Silva couldn’t be too careful, especially when he had a business and a family to preserve. 

* * *

Loud, rhythmic thuds dotted the otherwise late afternoon silence in the thick of the forest surrounding Kukuroo mountain.

“Canary, can I ask a question?” Mya began, turning from the tree she was striking repeatedly, fists strengthened by Ko. She glanced over at the young girl standing leisurely but attentively several feet away who now looked up at her with raised eyebrows.

“Sure, what’s up?” She replied, walking closer.

“What exactly happened when I was gone?” Mya asked, wiping some sweat off her brow.

Canary gave her an odd look. “Master Illumi didn’t tell you?”

She shook her head in response. When they’d returned in the middle of the night, they had gone straight to Illumi’s room with no detours, and somewhat emotionally exhausted still, Mya had fallen asleep almost immediately (after confirming Karie was still alive and breathing, and somehow didn’t remember Illumi knocking her out?). Illumi seemed to purposely keep his distance the entire night, and when she awoke the next morning, he was gone, but with a small note that reminded her that Canary would be training her again this morning and he’d come see her in the evening.

It was almost as if nothing had happened, and she seemed to resume her quiet existence in the frigid castle that was Illumi’s home. But she couldn’t shake the sense that something was different. During her breakfast that morning and meal at lunchtime, there had been whispers amongst the staff, to the point that the fear of poisoning returned to her (but she’d eaten anyway). Even Canary seemed to put a comfortable distance between them despite continuing to be warm and attentive.

“Tell me what?” Mya asked.

Canary gave her a look of embarrassment. “Well, it looks like Elys got kicked out after there was an… event in the house, first of all-”

Mya’s eyes widened in surprise. “What?!”

She should have realized it was too quiet, but the place was huge, so it was possible that she just hadn’t run into her. In fact, she had hoped and prayed Elys would not see her, at least for a while.

Canary let out an awkward chuckle. “It was apparently quite a scene. Supposedly, Milluki and her got kind of close…”

Mya’s head tilted to the right. That didn’t sound right to her, given how insistent Elys was on her disappearance from the mansion, but she had noticed Milluki’s infatuation with her. Maybe she had given in at some point in the 48 hours she was off the manor.

But wouldn’t that be a good thing? Illumi should not have cared about where Elys’ affections were going.

“Hmm, okay,” she accepted, returning to her task. The knuckles of her hand were split and bleeding slightly, but she had focused her Nen on numbing the fingers of her hand so that she couldn’t feel any of the pain. Unfortunately, the drawback was that she had to pay attention to how hard she was punching, before she ended up shattering the bones of her hand beyond repair. She landed another hit, the bark slowly chipping away on the tree’s surface.

“He was upset,” Canary piped up, suddenly. “More upset than I’ve ever seen. We could feel it all over the mountain. Even Tsubone-san joked that the last time he’d had a feeling that strong was probably when he was 2 years old.”

Mya stopped again, turning to look at her, not exactly sure what to say. Canary decided to bite her tongue. She wanted to add that he’d killed a butler, albeit one she didn’t know particularly well, but knew that Mya could easily be overburdened by this information. 

But she was curious.

“Why did you go?” Canary often made sure not to overstep, but the dynamics of the family she served were complicated, as well as each individual. Now with this additional person thrown into the mix, who seemed to be opposite of everything Illumi represented, she ached to know.

“I’m not really sure,” Mya admitted, hitting the tree one more time. This time, the numbing aura had stopped flowing through her hand and she felt the sharp pain of bark cutting flesh, unsure if she had stopped it unintentionally or not. “I think I found an opportunity and an excuse, and went for it.”

Once the words came out, she wished she hadn’t said them. But thankfully, Canary inquired nothing further and continued to watch as Mya kept up her strikes, slowly picking up speed.

* * *

When Illumi came to escort her back from her session, his eyes rested on the cuts and scrapes covering the skin on the back of her hands and her palms, revealing how hard she had worked. Wordlessly, he motioned for her to follow him but Mya hesitated, turning to Canary and bowing to her.

“Thank you so much for all your help today,” she said, in appreciation. She hoped Illumi would follow her lead with some sort of acknowledgement to Canary, but instead he waited patiently for her to finish talking and then led her off. 

Mya noticed that he didn’t reach his hand out for her as he usually did. For a moment, she wondered if it had anything to do with the fact that Elys was no longer in the mansion and thus no one else would be watching, testing their devotion to each other. 

“Illumi,” she said, attempting to catch his attention with a tug of his shirt. He looked at her with a blank expression.

“Yes, Mya?”

“What happened to Elys?” She questioned. He looked away from her, and kept his pace.

“She’s gone,” he replied, simply. It didn’t seem like he would offer more explanation than that, so she tugged on his shirt again, demanding more.

“How did she end up leaving? She was so insistent before, enough to threaten me.”

He stopped, his eyes now stern. “You’re safe now and she won’t be threatening you any longer. Does it matter what happened?” He replied, curtly. He had a way of finalizing discussions that were frustratingly logical, allowing no room for protest. Mya let go of his shirt, knowing that was as much as she would get from him. It all felt so anticlimactic - to think she had almost been eaten alive within the trees, just for the woman to up and leave. 

She continued to walk with him, realizing that he was no longer leading her to his bedroom, but to a separate bedroom in the wing. It was similar to Illumi’s room, and on further inspection, she realized that the same furniture that had been doubled in his room for her arrival had been moved into this one instead. 

“I’ve alloted you your own space since you seem to want to distance yourself from me somewhat,” he said, quickly. This time she could sense the sass apparent in his voice. “I hope you paid attention to the path leading up to here. Now that it seems like you’re used to the place, you will no longer need me to escort you back after your sessions.”

With that comment, he turned almost robotically, and began walking away. Mya could feel herself getting worked up, but immediately this was replaced with a pang of guilt once she realized that she really, truly had hurt him enough for him to withdraw this aggressively.

A chasm was forming between them, getting wider the longer she continued to let him pull away from her. And then where would they be?

“Wait!” She called out for him.

Illumi stopped in his tracks, and let her catch up to him, allowing her to speak. Suddenly words were difficult for her, when before they didn’t even need to talk, they just knew. And now that she was tongue-tied, Illumi’s expressionless eyes on her only seemed to heighten her anxiety.

“Could you please stay with me? At least for tonight?” She said, in a soft voice.

His gaze seemed to soften as he heard those words; he had needed to hear them. He nodded and pressed his lips to her forehead.

“For tonight.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had a crazy day today, but thankfully this chapter was already written and could be dropped, even though I don't usually post this late. I hope you all enjoy!


	37. Chapter 37

Mya woke up the next morning, her face immediately flushing as the soft touches, hungry kisses and passionate embraces of the night before came to mind. She turned over to the empty side of the bed, then sat up. Illumi had been beside her when she fell asleep but just like the morning before, he was nowhere to be found. There was no note this time.

It was still a bit early and daybreak was just starting to announce itself through the large window. The room was cold as usual and she pulled the sheets tighter around her. She was unsure if she was meant to train today as well. Her arms were still sore from the day before. 

She checked her phone briefly to find a text from her friend, sent just minutes ago. It was a picture of her friend’s small hand adorned with an engagement ring.

Glee bringing on a smile from ear to ear, she called her to scream her congratulations.

“When’s the wedding?!” Mya asked excitedly, just to hear Karie announce that she planned to elope. In fact, maybe in the next month even.

“Are you pregnant?!” Mya asked in shock. Karie’s laughter on the phone confirmed no.

“Just selfish,” she joked. “We’ll save the money to travel the world.”

Karie, always carefree. The thought brought a smile to Mya’s face. “Send me lots of postcards,” she said.

“Of course, Mimi.”

A short pause then ensued on the phone as the two struggled to come up with the right next question.

“Where are you now?” Karie asked finally, the wariness in her voice evident.

This was the question Mya dreaded but expected. After all, she had shown up in the middle of the night to her home just a couple of days ago.

Mya quickly said she was at her parents’ house. There was a pause on the phone again, where they both silently acknowledged that she was lying and they both decided not to further discuss it. 

Mya’s life had quickly grown too complicated while Karie’s was simplifying over time. She was starting to wonder if this friendship was sustainable as it was, and she could tell Karie was too. Distance between them could protect them, hopefully. That awkward pause on the phone had been filled with the sound of death knocking on the door of their straining relationship.

Suddenly, Mya felt lonely again but also a bittersweet hope for her friend.

“I love you and I’m so happy for you. Red seems like a good guy, truly.” She said.

“He is. And I love you too, Mimi.” 

There was another short pause on the phone before Karie whispered, “Please stay out of trouble.”

“I will.” Mya reassured her.  _ At least I’ll try. _

The two of them said their goodbyes, and she hung up. She attempted to drift back off to sleep when suddenly she heard commotion outside of the room. 

“This has been going on for long enough, I want her out this very instant!’ Mya sat up quickly, hearing Kikyo’s voice screech from outside the door. She immediately scoured the room for an appropriate hiding place, knowing that the window was probably too high and a fall might injure her legs (she wasn’t  _ that _ practiced in body fortification through Nen).

Then she heard the sound of a loud slap, so loud that it resounded down the halls and even into her bedroom, and she couldn’t help but run outside to spare whatever butler was on the receiving end of Illumi’s mother’s wrath. 

She found herself face to face with Kikyo and staggered backwards, trying but failing to not cower before the tall, imposing woman who seemed to want to rip her limb from limb.

“You think you’ve won, haven’t you, young lady?” She spat venomously, still in hysterics.

Mya shook her head slowly no, which only seemed to anger Kikyo further. She thrust a finger in her face, just to be stopped by Illumi seemingly coming out of nowhere and standing in between her and his mother.

“Stay out of my way, Illumi,” Kikyo seethed. He shook his head no, and in response, she slapped him across the face twice, back and forth, so quickly that it almost seemed like one, loud compact sound. Mya’s mouth hung open, shocked at the severity of Kikyo’s slaps - she was pretty sure one would have sent her reeling. 

However, the third time Kikyo drew her hand back to hit him, Illumi caught her hand, and both she and Mya had never seen such an ominous energy come from him.

“Mother, leave.”

She looked bewildered as she drew her hand back from his grip, but then she let out a high-pitched laugh, looking around her son to glare at Mya, then back up to him.

“I have not accepted her,” she clearly stated to him. “She is absolutely not suitable, not in any way, but continue to play your little games if needed.”

To Mya, she said, “Let’s see how long you last, you little hussy.”

With that, she huffed and stormed out of the room. 

_ It’s way too early for this… _ Mya thought, placing a hand on her chest to calm down her racing heart. Illumi turned to look at her, and his face was oddly sympathetic. 

“She won’t harm you,” he said, in a smaller voice than usual. Mya could see the outlines of Kikyo’s fingers from where she had hit him on both sides of his face, and found herself more upset on his behalf. She let her fingers lightly graze his cheeks to see if they hurt knowing fully that he would never reveal if they did. 

Now she was convinced the slap she’d heard outside was Kikyo hitting him as well. For a moment, she wondered just how harsh his assassin training was or how often his parents had struck him to feel so bold as to continue while he was an adult, all while she held his face in his hands. 

“Mya,” he said, placing his own hands on hers gently to move her off of him.

“Sorry,” she said, having lost herself in thought. He gave her the smallest of smiles, in response to which she flushed and placed her hands behind her. “So.. what is the plan for today?” She said, rocking back and forth on her tiptoes, hoping to change the subject.

“Get dressed. I want to show you something.”

* * *

About a half an hour later, Illumi led her on a short hike to a small meadow hidden in the woods on his family property. They sat beside each other, leaning by a large tree, and watching a few small and large animals come to drink at a small creek, notice the two of them watching, and leave.

“It’s one of the quietest spots in the forest. I thought you would like it.”

Mya smiled. “I do,” she said, squeezing his hand.

For a few moments, neither of them spoke, Mya still thinking about the morning. 

He took her hand and observed the growing calluses on her palms, trailing a finger on them idly, still ruminating on something Mya was unsure of.

“You’ve been doing well,” he decided to say finally, then looked at her, letting her return her hand to her lap. “It’s difficult to learn so late in life.”

She smiled bashfully, and lay her head on his shoulder.

“How old were you when you started training?”

“I don’t remember,” Illumi said. “I’ve been learning since I’ve been conscious, it seems.”

She hummed understanding, and paused before venturing to ask a follow-up question, even though she was sure she didn’t want to hear the answer.

“Illumi, when was your first kill?”

“Age four,” he replied, almost immediately. Taken aback, Mya pulled away slowly and looked at him carefully for any trace of readable emotion. He looked back at her as though he did not understand why she was suddenly so alarmed.

“How…?”

“A mission. My father was supervising. He pointed out the target and I went for it.” He stretched out his previously crossed legs and ran a hand once through his hair before leaning back on his hands. He was no longer looking at her, his eyes focused on some faraway point as he reminisced. “Now that I think of it, it was possibly my easiest kill. No one expects a child to plunge a knife in their chest.”

Illumi observed Mya who, despite not making a sound, looked like she would retch any moment.

“Does hearing that distress you?” He asked, evenly.

Mya thought for a moment. It was more than distressing, it was downright chilling. “Yes, but because it sounds like it must have been terrifying for you,” she said, slowly placing her head back on his shoulder.

He relaxed as she settled against him anew. “If anything, I was more afraid of Father. The idea of killing itself I was used to. We had started with killing animals the year prior. There’s no difference really between a human and an animal’s last breath.”

“...”

Mya’s breathing slowed but she remained close to Illumi, listening to his heart beat steadily as hers beat faster. Another question nagged her again. 

“Were your parents… always that physical?” She asked, Kikyo’s assault still fresh in her mind. 

“Only if I deserved it.” 

Mya didn’t like that answer, and pulled back against him again to give him a meaningful look. Still unable to read any emotions off his face, she felt frustrated. She continued to probe.

“What counts as deserving it?”

“Disobeying,” he said, simply. “Right now, I’m going against Mother’s wishes, so naturally she’ll be angry,” he said, matter-of-factly. Mya’s eyebrows knit together, but she left it at that. She didn’t want to worsen his relationship with his mother, far from it, in fact.

“Is it worth it to push this hard?” She asked.

“Absolutely. It may take a while, but they’ll understand how I feel about you.”

_ How he feels... _

Mya felt her heart beginning to swell, and she pressed her lips to his. He tucked her hair behind her ear and lowered her onto the soft grass as they kissed so that they could drink deeply of each other for the rest of the morning. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No real drama here, but it'll pick up eventually. 
> 
> And I do want to let you guys know that my update schedule is probably going to be moreso on a weekly basis given that work has picked up again haha. 
> 
> I hope you enjoy! <3


	38. Chapter 38

More than a couple of weeks passed and Mya, against her better judgement, began to grow comfortable on the Zoldyck manor.

While she had initially felt alone whenever Illumi was gone on a mission - he had started to leave more frequently now that the number of active threats in his home had lessened - she soon found things and people outside of training that took up her time. 

It should have been her medical school applications taking up the remainder of her energy but those remained incomplete and untouched. Instead, she found herself spending her evenings after dinner playing Go, and then later an odd game called gungi with Illumi’s grandfather.

The first time Zeno approached her on her way back from training to Canary, Mya had expected to be berated for her daring escape, especially because she had left and caused a fuss just to be right back where she started, but instead he’d simply asked her to play a board game. She prepared herself for a scolding during the match, but the only scolding she got was concerning her awful strategy. 

“Do you think before you act?” Zeno said with a scoff, his final move marking his fifth straight win in a row. Mya smiled as they both acknowledged that the answer was no. 

Mya uncovered warmth under Zeno’s cold and gruff exterior over time, and wondered how much of it was age rendering him soft versus his personality in and of itself. He  _ was _ an assassin after all. But over time, she finally settled on the idea that maybe at his core, he was a bit of a tsundere.

Much like Killua.

Killua called again one evening when she retired early to read, and when Mya responded by the third ring, she was just barely able to catch the tiniest sigh of relief in his voice.

“Killua!” She found herself exclaiming, sitting up. “What a surprise...”

“Is  _ he _ around?”

“If by he, you mean Illumi, then no,” she replied, keeping her voice soft and neutral, making sure as usual to tread carefully given their obviously strained relationship. 

“Did you decide not to leave?” Killua asked, a small voice belying his curiosity.

Mya decided not to belabor the details with the young adolescent. “Thanks to you, I was able to help my friend,” she hedged. In fact, Karie had just gotten married a couple of days ago and was already on her world tour, living her best life with Red.

“Okay,” Killua’s voice sounded reassured, but then trailed off, clearly unsure how to end this call.    


“Thank you for checking on me,” Mya said, warmly, in his stead. “There’s no needle in my head yet,” she joked. Maybe it was in poor taste, but Killua said, “Good,” in a voice that did not seem too upset, and hung up. 

The dynamics of this family were so complicated, she knew, but who was she to judge? Her own relationship with her father was messy, and she was promptly reminded of this fact the last they spoke.

“Dad, how much did you know about Nen when you taught me?” She asked in a phone call the next day.

“Why do you ask?” 

“I’ve recently learned that I was a Manipulator, and the more I’ve studied, the more it seems like the healing you taught me is probably an Enhancement technique.”

“Oh.”

_ Oh?  _ Was that really all he had to offer her?

_ Oh _ was the answer she received as a response for years of feeling inadequate. Not a  _ Sorry for misunderstanding you _ , or even a  _ Oh wow, I didn’t know. _

She gave him time to make a comment, and when realizing he had nothing else to say, now angered, she pressed, “Why did you assume I was an Enhancer?”

“Because I’m one, and you’re my daughter.” 

The plain answer gave her pause. As expected, he simply saw her through the same lens he saw himself. Deciding not to belabor the subject, Mya wished him and her mother her warmest regards and hung up. 

_ If you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree... it might just grow up to resent you for making it feel inadequate. _

* * *

In addition to playing board games with Zeno, Mya began to develop a curiosity in gardening. After being surprised to learn Illumi naturally had a green thumb, it occurred to her to spend some time in the manor’s large greenhouse. (When she later overheard from a butler that his mother practically ran an apothecary prior to her marriage, it all made sense, but the idea of him generating life instead of destroying it was… odd.)

On this particular morning, Canary and Mitsuki stood behind Mya watching the door as she tended a row of potted pepper plants, attempting to speed up their growth with pulses of Nen from her fingertips. Canary and Mitsuki gave each other a look, the latter having already warned her that Kikyo often came by to cultivate her own poisonous flora in this greenhouse at random times, and she would be better off planting in an actual plot of grass nursed by sunlight. However, Mya argued that this was also an experiment in Nen usage and a controlled environment was absolutely necessary to properly test her abilities. 

Some of it was partially a need to prove to herself (and maybe to her father) that she wasn’t a useless Nen user when she worked within her affinities, and another was a slight hope that running into Kikyo in her element may soften her views on her. It was worth a try. She never wanted to see Kikyo hit her son again, especially not on her behalf.

Once she’d decided that her plants had been nursed enough for the day, she turned with a smile to Canary and Mitsuki. Since she was already playing with Nen, she walked over to Mitsuki and, requesting permission first, lightly grazed the scar Elys had granted her, her fingers glowing with Nen.

The scar would take a while to fade, if it ever did. Yet, ever since Mitsuki had apologized for trying to hit her, Mya made it a personal goal to try to help her. She was in part to blame for Elys’ anger leading to the assault, after all.

Canary giggled as the three of them left the greenhouse, happy to have avoided any doom in running into the madame of the estate.

“What’s so funny?” Mitsuki asked, blushing slightly as her fingers still lingered to where Mya had touched her. It was funny how after several weeks of abuse, a kind touch could mean so much. Growing up in Meteor City like most of the butlers, kindness was rare and skin-on-skin contact even moreso.

“Mya’s very focused on this healing schtick, while we’re in a house full of assassins. How ironic!”

Canary’s laughter was lighthearted and playful, but Mya’s smile in response was uncomfortable. She however knew that there was more discomfort to be had; she’d accepted the moral injury that came with choosing to be Illumi’s, after all.

Either way, speak of the devil and he will appear.

“Mya,” she heard coming up the lawn from afar. She smiled. Illumi had a way of always appearing either right on time or when least expected. 

Canary and Mitsuki stopped and bowed, Canary’s smile on her face still as she lowered into her gesture, and Mitsuki averting her eyes, both embarrassed about her crumpet antics and surprised she was still alive thereafter.

Mya continued to walk between them, and she and Illumi met each other halfway. Now that she was close to him, she noticed the absence of the smell of copper pennies on his skin. She figured his target was either a very easy kill or he’d traveled for some alternate reason.

“Were you well while I was gone?” He asked, inflectionless but Mya could detect the subtle note of care in his voice. She nodded.

“Were you?” She asked. He nodded as well. Then cutting straight to the chase, he took her hand to lead her back to his wing.

“We need to talk. We’ll need to leave for our mission tonight.”

* * *

“So let me get this straight,” Mya said, her eyes trailing Illumi as he packed a few legal-appearing documents and an impressive amount of cash in a satchel, then stored them so that they were well-concealed in his pants.

“We’re joining a group of infamous thieves who want to kill Hisoka on a boat as large as a small citadel that aims to travel to a supposedly uncharted part of the world where every creature, even microscopic, is extremely dangerous?”

He gave her a flat look. “Yes.” 

“And Hisoka  _ actually _ hired you to kill him?”

“Yes.”

Mya’s face grew ashen. “Illumi, none of this makes any sense,” she began to protest, but he gave her another flat look.

“Things do not always have to make sense.”

“But-”

Illumi moved closer to her, now that he had adjusted his hidden weapons and most importantly his needles on his person, and now stood before her so that she had to look up to him to meet him eye to eye.

“Trust me,” he said, simply. She held his gaze for a few moments, her own eyebrows furrowed, then looked away.

“It’s not that I don’t trust you, it’s that this doesn’t sound safe,” she insisted.

“I’ll keep you safe,” Illumi assured.

Mya wanted to insist that she wasn’t concerned for herself, but for him, but she was distracted by him suddenly taking her hand and slipping a thin piece of metal over her ring finger.

“Illumi…,” she whispered his name in a mild shock. The band was a bright and unembellished shiny silver, but unmistakably a wedding band. It was simple, utilitarian and undeniably expensive-looking, unlike the bulky monstrosity she had worn before, so gaudy that it looked cheap (she had pawned that ring off the second she ran from Yorknew City).

“It will be easier if we present ourselves as married,” Illumi explained, raising his own hand to show a matching ring on his finger.

“O-of course,” Mya didn’t know why her voice sounded the way it did, as if she was suddenly choking, but she quickly decided to quell whatever feeling was rising in her throat by clearing it.

Illumi, still watching her carefully, pulled out another small round item out of his pocket and handed it to her. It had a small hexagram etched onto it. 

“Keep this on you at all times in case we separate. I can use it to call or locate you if need be.” 

Why would they separate,  was her first question, but she nodded, and stored it in her clothing as well. As she slipped the transmitter in her pocket, she was again acutely aware of the ring on her finger - it felt heavier than it looked.


	39. Chapter 39

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I hope you guys like this hastily written chapter.  
> Yeah, my life is going wild and also I've given myself the ultimate challenge to write a plot on the clusterfuck that is the Black Whale so we see how this goes.  
> I'll need a minute to update next chapter since I should probably do myself a favor and plot well in advance before writing.  
> Thank you all for still reading! I love your comments, however long or short <3333

The gravity of what Mya had agreed to (somewhat) only set in once she had physically boarded the monster of a sea vessel called the Black Whale.

She stayed close to Illumi while he flashed a pair of passes to a man who looked like he’d rather be anywhere else than at the checkpoint station (she was pretty sure he hadn’t even given them a glance), and while he walked assuredly through what seemed to be more and more…  _ disagreeable  _ surroundings. As they continued to venture deeper into the belly of the ship, eventually she felt that if she didn’t physically hold on to him, she might be snatched away just judging by the unsavory characters that started to litter to crowd the narrowing and darkening hallways and corridors.

“You never really seem to hide,” she whispered, finally, holding lightly on his sleeve as she both attempted to avoid eye contact and scan the passing environment. “For an assassin, you walk around in plain sight quite a bit.”

“What do I have to fear?” He replied, flatly, without looking at her.

_ Right. _

She held onto him a little bit tighter. He may not know what fear was, but she did.

* * *

In less than 24 hours since she’d left the manor with Illumi, Mya found herself, thankfully with Illumi by her side, face-to-face with the Phantom Troupe.

She couldn’t exactly say that she was underwhelmed _per se_ , but what she saw before her was not at all what she expected. From what Illumi had imparted to her, in addition to what she could query in a quick online search, this group of criminals had ravaged through Yorknew City during the Southernpiece Auction, and were not to be messed with. 

However, from her vantage point, she could only see three or four of the members being capable of committing such atrocities (notably the man with no eyebrows, the living mummy, and actual Frankenstein). Moreover, the man sitting at the head of the large table, commanding the attention of the group, did not look particularly powerful. If anything, he looked more appropriate in a boy band than leading a group of criminals, including her favorite assassin. 

But now the longer she looked at the man Illumi had previously identified as Chrollo Lucilfer, the more familiar he was starting to look. And it seemed that he was attempting to match her face to a previous context as well, as his eyes darted from Illumi to hers, lingering just a couple of seconds too long before sitting back in his chair.

“Illumi, please introduce yourself to the group and then give us your thoughts on where you think Hisoka is and what he’s doing.”

“Hello, I’m Illumi. The oldest son of the Zoldyck family. My younger brothers are Killua and Kalluto. On Hisoka’s request, I have joined the spiders.” 

The stone-faced leader continued to listen, no obvious emotion on his face.

“I had a give-and-take relationship with him previously, but it seemed one of us was going to kill the other in the end. So now we’re here to make that a reality,” Illumi said, nonchalantly describing killing his only friend. “Hisoka contracted me to kill him. He gave me a prenup where if he dies, I still collect my reward. Both he and I are very serious about this. That is why I don’t know his location.”

Mya watched Illumi carefully, remarking that Hisoka had used almost those exact words - “taking this very seriously.”

How like Hisoka to put a ransom on his own head for fun…

She looked around the room to see how the rest of the group were receiving Illumi’s monologue, only to find the pink-haired woman’s intimidating glare fixed on her. 

“Why exactly are you here?” She spoke up once they had met eyes. She turned to the leader again, whose calm grey eyes were fixated on Mya again. “Danchou, is there a reason we have an eavesdropper in our midst?”

“Excellent question,” he responded, and now the entire table was looking at her. “Why exactly is a dead mafioso’s wife tagging along with you, Illumi?” To her, he smiled a smile that didn’t reach his eyes.

“Nice to make your acquaintance,  _ Mrs. Miliard. _ ”

Mya was pretty sure her heart stopped that very moment. She was never going to be able to rid herself of this moniker it seemed, and she didn’t know how he knew. All of the parties and large events she’d accompanied her late husband to had blurred together...

Illumi however seemed unfazed by this targeted line of questioning, and he’d most likely prepared for it. 

“I’ve taken a liking to Ms. _ Kuracanto _ actually,” he corrected with a nonchalance, and while she desperately attempted to keep her face straight, he added, “But more importantly, it appears like Hisoka has as well. She’ll make excellent bait.”

Mya gave him a confused look, and he turned to her, hand outstretched.

“Hand me your phone. I’ll use it to call Hisoka.”

At this point, she would do anything to deflect attention on her, and all but threw the phone at him.

He dialed the phone number and put it on speaker phone in the middle of the table, and the rest of the Troupe looked on in interest, save for Machi who continued to glare, arms crossed over her chest.

When the phone continued to ring for the fifth time, and Mya had been devastated enough in terms of embarrassment, Illumi returned the phone to her.

“I didn’t expect him to be foolish enough to pick up right now given the circumstances, but it is worth a try regardless,” he stated in front of the group.

Chrollo smiled yet again, that almost mocking, sardonic smirk.

“Well,  _ Mrs. Miliard,  _ it seems that you are quite the siren.” A lump formed in her throat, but further discussion was interrupted by a group of mafia members who seemed to take issue with where they were sitting. 

Grateful to fade again into the background, she watched Illumi again, noticing that while his expression was unflappable as usual as he stared at Chrollo, he was unconsciously fiddling with the band on his left ring finger, twirling it with his thumb.

* * *

Once the group had dispersed for their respective searches, Mya again trailed off after Illumi who had already started moving, joined by the beautiful, kimono-clad young boy named Kalluto. He did not say a word once Mya caught up and walked beside him, and Mya realized if she waited for the older Zoldyck to give her a proper introduction, she’d be waiting until the end of time.

“Kalluto, is it?” She said, with a smile, leaning in to meet him at eye level. 

His pink eyes looked her over with just a hint of curiosity and he looked away immediately, feigning disinterest.

“Yes.”

“Your brother Illumi has told me a little about you,” she continued, looking over Kalluto’s head to Illumi, who seemed to be staring off into space. 

She let out a small sigh, and renewed her smile again.

“How old are you, Kalluto?”

“10.”

Just like his brother, conversation was like pulling teeth if he was not in the mood for it, it seemed. 

“I’m about Illumi’s age,” she continued. “We’re friends.”

At that she noticed Illumi’s head turned to give her a look, but he said nothing. That word again. For a split second, a chill seemed to run down Mya’s spine. She stood up straight and decided to lean into the quiet awkwardness, realizing she was not marking any points with Kalluto or Illumi this way. 

“Illumi, where are we going?” She asked finally, and he stopped in his tracks.

“I think it’s best if we part here for now,” he said, abruptly. Mya looked at him in confusion, and he moved past Kalluto to her, and handed her back her boarding pass.

“Kalluto and I will have to go ahead and start our search. Locate your room in the Tier 3 deck. I’ll come see you tonight.”

Mya’s heart started to race. Alone? She was going to go alone?

If Illumi noticed her concern, he seemed to be unaffected by it. 

“If you have any trouble passing any of the checkpoints, you can always use this to bribe. At least up to the 3rd deck, it should work,” he added, breaking the wad of cash he had tucked away earlier.

Kalluto’s eyes continued to watch her as she reluctantly took the money, and Mya was unsure if this small boy was sensing her fear and losing even more respect for her.

“You’ve received training. You can defend yourself,” Illumi finally reassured her while Mya tried to reduce the urge to shake like a leaf when she remembered the eyes on her as she had traveled down with him. 

“Mya.”

She looked back up at him, having spaced out for a moment, right into those wide dark eyes. He let out a sigh, but his look was soft.

“I trust you.” 

To Kalluto, he motioned to follow him, leaving Mya to fend for herself. 

* * *

The two Zoldyck assassins turned Troupe members walked side by side in silence, both not necessarily avoiding conversation but with a dearth of things to say. That was, until Kalluto spoke up suddenly.

“She’s not very strong.” They were now a good distance away and Kalluto was polite enough to know to hold his opinions to not hurt the young woman's feelings.

Illumi didn’t immediately respond, but shrugged. “You are correct. She’s not.”

“She’ll probably die.” Kalluto mused. There was a pause that hung between them.

“She won’t... I won’t allow her to.” Illumi said, finally. She had a responsibility to him to waste neither his time or the small capability to care he had left.


	40. Chapter 40

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this took so long!!! Life is catching up to me and I've had some trouble with working out what to do next, I think I'm just afraid of this arc hahahaha but I think I have a storyline and we shall continue <3, let me know how you guys feel about this chapter! <3

“Mrs. Zoldyck, huh?” The man at the deck before her took a long, hard look at her ticket, his eyes then flitting to her, then back at the ticket again.

“Y-yes,” Mya replied, her heart thumping. For obvious reasons, it felt unnatural to respond to that name, and unfortunately, it appeared that the officer had picked up on her discomfort as well.

“You’re hesitating at the sound of your own name, it seems,” the man replied astutely, his eyes narrowing as he watched her. 

“It’s a new name for me,” she replied quickly. “I’m a newlywed after all!” She let out a small laugh meant to soften the tension in the air but unfortunately, it failed to appease the security officer. He raised his eyebrows at her instead.

“What an odd place to honeymoon,” he quipped. Nevertheless - and to Mya’s fortune - he let her through. Even though he had a suspicion that the name was fake, there was no way this timid-appearing girl was entangled with  _ that  _ family. 

“Welcome to Tier 3.”

Mya made a small bow and scurried past the checkpoint before the man could change his mind.

* * *

Mya, for the nth time in her life, cursed her awful sense of direction. She had been wandering for the past thirty minutes and had yet to find anything that even vaguely resembled living quarters, and now she was too afraid to ask anyone. She was already reeling from the fact that she had made it this far without anyone approaching her. Thankfully, there were fewer people on this deck, unlike the fifth and fourth decks from where she had ascended. 

Her hand tightened around the transmitter in her pocket for a moment, then she released it from her grip. She didn’t need  _ him _ ; at least, not yet.

She continued to wander, keeping to herself, until she came across a large building resembling a clinic to her right. At least, she believed that it was a sort of hospital based on the red cross hanging above the door. It looked like it had been newly-built and she could see people dressed in neat nursing uniforms come in and out of the glass doors, carrying large boxes of medical supplies. 

She didn’t want to disturb anyone’s work but it seemed like an appropriate place to ask for directions, so she stopped and tried to catch the attention of a young woman who looked about her age. The woman, however, paid no mind to her approaching, seemingly lost in thought as she counted and recounted the number of boxes of what looked like gauze dressings.

“Um, excuse me?” Mya said to the lady who was now biting her lip as if concerned that something was missing. She jumped as though she were startled, took a good look at her, and then immediately concluding that Mya had nothing important to say, sauntered back into the building, calling out a familiar name as she disappeared inside the building.

“Leorio-san! It looks like we’re short a couple boxes!” 

_ Leorio? Couldn’t be,  _ Mya thought, but she wandered in anyway to see if anyone else would be helpful at a concierge desk, only to be surprised to see Leorio Paladiknight addressing the young woman who ignored Mya outside the building with a sour expression.

“Leorio?!” She exclaimed, running over and waving. How desperate and eager she was to see a friendly face on this hellship. She noted that he wasn’t wearing his usual crisp suit nor carrying a briefcase, but was instead donning a white uniform not unsimilar to the rest of the medical staff but regardless he was still recognizable.

Leorio turned at the sound of her voice, only to look absolutely flabbergasted to see her on the ship as well and as his attention shifted to her, the rude woman asking for his help grimaced for a split second, then crossed her arms in frustration. Whatever issue Leorio was supposed to solve for her would have to wait, after all.

“Mya-san, what the hell are you doing on this ship?” He inquired, before his jaw dropped immediately. “Wait, don’t tell me…  _ he’s _ on the ship?”

Mya wasn’t a great liar, and her nervous laughter gave it away. Leorio wouldn’t have believed her anyway if she had lied. He made a sound of irritation, then pulled her away from the other woman to speak to her more privately.

“Who is he tracking on the ship?” He demanded to know immediately in a hushed tone.

An excellent and obvious question. Thinking quickly, Mya decided to go with the last excuse she’d gone with.

“No one. We’re, er… honeymooning?” She said, immediately feeling a flush of embarrassment as the words came out. The embarrassment only intensified when Leorio’s face got so ghostly white for a split second that it looked like all the blood had drained from his face, only to later get so red from second-hand discomfort that he had to turn around on his heels to take a moment to compose himself.

“WHY would you tell me that, for heaven’s sake?!” He said as he spun back around to face her, startling her.

Mya furrowed her brow, now upset at being yelled at. “You asked! Also, please don’t yell at me, I actually was hoping you or anyone could help me with something. I’ve just boarded and Illumi and I separated, and I’ve been wandering around trying to see if I could find this place...”

With that, she produced the pass with her room location and Leorio pored over it carefully over his glasses. Mya stifled a laugh at the action - as usual, Leorio always managed to look ten years older than he actually was.

“Oh, it’s not too far off,” he responded. “I can show you where it is -” he looked over to the young woman, who still appeared to be waiting on him for instruction, and waved her off.

“I’m going to just escort her for a moment, I’ll be back to let you know how the rest of the things will be arranged.” 

To Mya, he said, “Follow me,” and she trailed close behind him, ignoring the annoyed stare boring into her back. 

* * *

The longer Mya walked with Leorio, the more she realized she had been way off the mark direction-wise. The ship was large enough that they seemed to be traveling through different zones, much like an actual city, and as they crossed a new zone, Leorio pointed out the most important structures - the Central Police Station, the Royal Army office (that would be a question for later), and finally the Observation Deck, which looked nothing short of an enclosed tourist town. Being on this ship, you could forget that you were no longer on regular soil. 

“Thank you so much for helping, Leorio. It looked like you were busy back there.” Mya said finally, no longer absorbed with taking in the surroundings and focusing on her mentor/friend.

Leorio let out a soft chuckle and scratched his head. “No problem, but the truth was I needed an excuse to take a break, we’ve been setting up the Medical Ward for the past day and a half and there’s been more than a few catastrophes.”

Mya’s eyes widened in surprise. “Catastrophes?” She repeated.

Leorio looked around briefly to make sure that none of the surrounding sightseeing passengers were paying attention.

“We’ve had some staffing issues that I can’t go into detail about, and some missing supplies,” he said, finally with a sigh. “When I accepted this job, I knew it would be difficult but I didn’t expect it to be like this.”

Mya remembered that Leorio technically wasn’t a physician yet, even if he had the confidence and physical appearance of one. “You asked me what I was doing on the ship… what exactly are you doing? Is it like an extracurricular?” She inquired.

“Oh, uh... It’s a little complicated to get into right now, haha,” Leorio diverted. Mya gave him a look, tilting her head sideways, then decided to not press a little further. They continued to walk in silence, and Mya was able to get a glimpse of the setting sun through the huge glass surrounding the portion of the ship housing the resort town. It was getting late.

They finally made it to the General Passenger area, right before the strip of corridors that led to standard and first-class cabins. 

“And here is where I will leave you, Mya-san,” Leorio said, politely. “I do need to head back to help my poor assistant.” 

Mya nodded in understanding. “Thanks again!” 

Leorio paused now and looked like he had something additional to say, but before he could speak, Mya spoke first.

“If you ever need help with staffing, I know I just told you I was here on -” and she decided to use a different word as she saw Leorio physically cringe, “ _ vacation,  _ but I am willing to work if you will allow me. You know I need the experience.”

Leorio gave her an unintentionally patronizing small smile in response. 

“I’m serious!” She insisted, pulling him close to whisper, “I’ve worked on a Hatsu that might come in handy.” 

In response, Leorio raised his eyebrow in mild surprise, but then furrowed his brow, taking a definitive stance. He cleared his throat.

“Mya-san, if we need you, I can let you know, but at least as of now, likely no. I will see you around!” With that, he turned to leave, but then he turned one more time, and gave her a hard look, before saying a final word.

“Before I go, I feel like I should at least warn you: this isn’t a cruise ship, whatever you’ve been told. This is a serious voyage and the politics on here are very strange and complicated.”

Mya felt her throat go dry but again, she nodded. She was well aware of this, but it sounded worse coming from him. 

“Be safe.” And with that, he was gone, leaving her alone to find the first-class cabin she would call home for who knew how long.

* * *

Hours into the late evening, Illumi finally showed up as promised with Kalluto by his side. The cabin turned out to be a suite with double rooms, and Kalluto gave her the briefest look of acknowledgement before heading into the unoccupied room that he would claim as his. Mya, however, stopped him with a call of his name before the door could close behind his small frame.

“Kalluto, would you like this snack?”

She had picked up a pack of biscuits at the Observation Deck and held it out towards him. Kalluto looked at her, then Illumi and back at the snack, then walked over and hesitantly grabbed it before attempting to disappear for a second time into the room.

_ A good first step,  _ she thought, a smile spreading on her face. Eventually, she’d get him to talk to her, she would make it a personal goal. It’s not like she had better to do. 

“Mya,” Illumi said, softly behind her. Mya had almost forgotten he was there, her attention so focused on getting the small boy to speak to her. 

“Mm, Illumi?” 

Illumi’s face was unreadable as usual, but he reached out for her, interlacing his fingers with hers before pulling her into the other room and closing the door. 

“I’m proud of you for staying out of trouble,” he said, finally, pressing his lips to the back of her hand softly. “I expected you to call me and you did not.”

Mya’s eyes narrowed for a split second and she pulled her hand away with irritation.

“You didn’t have to just abandon me on this ship! Do you know how nervous and scared I was?!” She exclaimed.  _ If not for Leorio, I’d probably still be wandering… _

“It was simply a small test. You appeared to be nervous and I wanted you to face your fears,” Illumi replied, drawing away from her now that she was angry without so much as a shift in expression. Mya watched as he calmly undressed for sleep, holding in the irritation slowly rising in her at his still manner. 

A test? She was not a child.

But she followed him like one. How was she any different from Kalluto being directed every which way and trying her best to keep close to him if he didn’t send her away? Why was she even on this boat?

She momentarily considered starting an argument, but decided to hold off on it, especially when Illumi, now stripped to his undergarments, walked back over and drew her into his arms. 

When he kissed her, she returned the action with the same fervor, but Leorio’s warning ran through her mind once again. 

_ Be safe. _

She wasn’t a Zoldyck, and this wasn’t a honeymoon on a cruise ship. She had to be careful. Illumi’s first priority was his mission (or missions, she wasn’t quite sure), and the fact remained - if she were to get in trouble while on her own, she would have to fend for herself.


	41. Chapter 41

Before her eyes even opened, Mya’s arm reached out for Illumi in the space beside her the next morning. As she had anticipated, that side of the bed was empty and cold suggesting that he had been long gone. She sat up slowly and hugged her knees to her chest for a brief moment but before she could start to feel sorry for herself, her stomach grumbled loudly.

_ Already? _ She thought as she got out of bed. Grabbing her phone, she noted that it was a few minutes past ten in the morning. 

Moving to the compact but surprisingly complete kitchen, she opened the small refrigerator to find it stocked with nothing but a couple of complimentary bottles of water. Mya pulled out a bottle of water and took a couple of sips before letting out a small sigh. Given that she had all this unfilled time, she might as well find some food. Illumi was old enough to get his own food of course, but she’d be remiss if Kalluto didn’t have a proper meal, and she suspected that Illumi probably could go a full day without noticing hunger and expect the same of the little boy.

Quickly washing up, she shoved a couple of loose bills into her pocket, locked the door and set off for the Observation Deck.

* * *

Mya set her headphones at a volume low enough that she could still hear her surroundings as she returned to the bustling tourist town. Before heading out, she’d found a small flyer stuffed in one of the small cabinets with recommendations of places to get food and a breakfast cafe had caught her eye.

As she walked, she thought briefly that she might send a message to her best friend and pulled out her phone then paused, remembering that Karie was probably enjoying herself with her new husband. Their marriage was real, after all. Her phone slipped back into her pocket. 

For a brief moment, Mya admitted to herself that she wished that at the very least Illumi would tell her where he was going and when he’d be back. And really, if he needed to trap her on this boat with him to go to god-knows-where, it would be nice if he were at least around, or even took her with him…

But did she really want to see what he did for a living? She should be careful what she wished for.

There was a brief pause in her music, and the combined roar of competing voices, laughter and yells filled her ears again prompting to realize her music was probably louder than she thought. She pulled out her earphones as she squeezed past a large crowd gathered around what looked like a street performer in radiant clothes and make-up, doing magic tricks for tips.

Watching him, her mind’s eye flitted to Hisoka's ever-grinning face for a moment and she quickly banished the image from her mind, as she continued to walk through the throngs of people. She still hoped for his sake he would remain hidden. 

_ I suggest you get on the winning team…,  _ he had told her, his golden eyes always with their mischievous sparkle even when he wasn’t smiling.

As she sat “outdoors” at a single table, eating a still-steaming omelet and staring out into the dome, it occurred to her that at this rate, the only team she was reliably on was Team Mya. 

* * *

While Bonolenov, Shizuku and Chrollo were all members of the same troupe, it was rare that they formed a unit, and this was sufficiently clear by the conversation between them - or rather, the lack thereof.

Once Chrollo revealed to Shizuku that he no longer could tell fortunes, the implication behind the statement hung heavy in that air. He couldn’t care less that the eccentric blue-haired youth who had unwittingly gifted him the ability was dead but her vanished ability spoke volumes. Machi’s warning rang true: Hisoka really did intend to whittle down as many abilities as he could before coming after him.

He was not afraid of Hisoka, of course. However, being caught defenseless and Hatsu-less was clearly unfavorable, especially when a literal mad clown was coming after him. He’d considered for a moment borrowing Machi’s Nen Threads, but leaving her defenseless the way he had Shalnark and Kortopi would be low, even for him. 

_ Just take whatever that girl has, if anything _ .  _ If she’s going to be around here, she needs to be useful,  _ Machi had suggested. 

It wasn’t an awful idea, but he was not sure if she had anything of note to be siphoned. He knew her husband had not been a Nen user; no one at that party where he had first met her was particularly powerful. It hadn’t been a wasted night regardless as he had been able to coax information he needed out of the forthcoming and clearly emotionally neglected wife among many others, as well as make out with a few spare treasures. Chrollo hadn’t expected to meet Mya again, especially after the way her husband had almost seemed to all but drag her out for simply politely answering his questions. 

Small world.

Illumi had referred to her as a sort of honey trap for Hisoka but Chrollo had already figured out a better use for her. How fortunate was he that the man he was hesitant to trust came equipped with his own handicap.

* * *

“16,450 Jenny, please!” 

Mya nodded and rummaged through her bag for cash, counting out the crisp bills before handing it to the young man behind the counter. She reached over to collect her bagged groceries only to jump once she heard a loud, blaring siren go off overhead.

Mya and the cashier looked at each other for a split second of shared surprise and then she broke away with her groceries in hand to look outside the shop. From what she could see, many of the other day-trippers also had stopped in their tracks, waiting for further instruction as they heard the sirens continued to wail overhead.

_ “Attention! This is a message from the Kakin Royal Army requesting that all passengers on Tier 3 return to their lodgings immediately!”  _

_ “Attention! The Observation Deck will be closing down effective immediately until further notice. All patrons must return to their lodgings immediately!” _

_ “Attention-”  _ Soon, there was a collective shift from generalized confusion to a quick haste as the populace began to wrap up sales and recreational activities in preparation for an exodus out of the vista area. Mya shifted with the crowd, equally as confused, noting the sudden influx of several men and women in military attire appearing to surround the general entrance.

_ “Attention! This is a message from the Kakin Royal Army -” _

Several bodies pushed past her as they flooded out of the town, now frantic once the soldiers started to close in, portending the threat of violence. She continued to move out, still trying to figure out what could have possibly happened to disrupt the peace when she felt a hand on her shoulder, causing her to jump for the second time in the past fifteen minutes.

“Miss, you dropped something.” A middle-aged gentleman pointed to a small bag of onions that had fallen out of her bag and was starting to roll away from here in the opposite direction as the rest of the people stampeded through . She quickly thanked the man, and hopped a few steps to grab it, intending to blend back into the masses. But when she looked up, she could see a segment of the Royal Army, about twenty or so soldiers, start to run back into the town towards two figures that she could barely make out in the distance.

Illumi and Kalluto.

* * *

“Raise your hands and turn around, slowly! Did you not hear the emergency announcement?”

Illumi brought his hands up in a feigned surrender, his younger brother following suit before turning, wide-eyed but expressionless as usual, towards the men pointing the dangerous ends of their weapons at him. 

The man who had taken it upon himself to bark orders appeared briefly disconcerted by the blank expression on Illumi’s face, and even more so the casual way in which the kimono-clad young boy yawned slightly before addressing the small army confronting them.

“I was sleeping and didn’t notice,” Kalluto piped up.

The man tensed slightly. “Where’s your ID ticket?”

“It’s in my inside pocket,” Illumi replied, keeping his hands up. The man ran the information on his ticket, then looked at the card with surprise once seeing the result. That explained the attitude of invincibility… somewhat.

“Pardon me… but why is a VVIP like yourself doing in a place like this…?” The officer asked, now policing his tone. Behind him, the soldiers took this as a cue to lower their guns and Illumi and Kalluto lowered their hands to their sides as well.

“Business,” Illumi said, and the man in front of him, despite holding a loaded gun, felt a chill run down his spine, particularly given the sense that the man before him’s voidless eyes were looking through, not at him.

The truth was, Illumi actually  _ was _ looking past him, instead at a young woman hundreds of feet away who appeared to be watching the situation with extreme concern, her feet stuck in place and loaded paper bags at her side. Kalluto also glanced intermittently, wondering what she was doing.

Illumi’s eyes connected with Mya’s and conveyed one word:

_ Leave. _

The man before him spoke again, and Illumi was forced to shift his attention.

“Again, I apologize… although this ID may have been a free pass for you to go anywhere aboard this ship up until now, due to quasi-martial law, the passageway connecting tiers 2 and 3 are under surveillance, and thus you will no longer be able to freely travel between the two. It will likely stay that way until we reach the new continent.”

Illumi’s eyes darted back through, not at him, again at Mya who continued to watch. Did she understand the meaning of ‘leave’? He noticed a soldier standing at the gate start to make their way towards her. She wouldn’t be stupid, would she?

_ Go back and wait for me. _

“Please allow me to escort you back to the upper deck,” the officer before Illumi and Kalluto proposed.

“I’m fine here,” Illumi said, quickly to the officer’s surprise. 

“But-”

“I told you, didn’t I? I’m on business. I’m staying here.”

Before the officer could protest further, two additional men approached, one tall and imposing with unnatural facial features approximating that of a dragon, and the other with a somehow natural-appearing black rimmed eye which matched the cow spots adorning a hat, jacket and pant ensemble. Both awful to look at.

“He’s a hunter as well,” the dragon-man stated, without introduction, his eyes on Illumi. 

“I see.” The officer recognized that he was out of his depth, falling back to let the newcomers, and likely his superiors, discuss.

“The spiders… are they here on board?” The man dressed in the cow-like outfit asked. Illumi recognized him as Mizaistom Nana, a Double-Star Crime Hunter.

“Yes. All of them,” Illumi answered, naturally.

“Brother!” Kalluto exclaimed.

“Whoops, what can I say? I’m an honest person so I always end up answering anything I’m asked.” He shrugged in Kalluto’s direction. Now turning to the rest of the audience, he raised his hand and continued nonchalantly, “Sorry, but I’ll have to decline any further comment. As long as I’m on business, I have a duty of confidentiality to protect.”

“Understood, but with that announcement, everyone’s been placed on alert in their rooms. IDs are able to be scanned for their residence unit number and those without one will be apprehended and restrained.”

Illumi’s eyes narrowed just slightly. This posed a problem as he had only registered Mya for Tier 3 in order to have access to both decks, but this issue was resolved quickly when Mizaistom continued.

“If you two log your residential unit number in your IDs to a room in the central police station, you’ll be able to remain on deck 3,” he offered. Not getting into the details of assassin work was the best recourse for now, the decorated Hunter told himself. He had too many other issues to manage while on this ship.

Illumi pondered for a moment, noticing Mya get escorted out by military personnel, her eyes still on him and Kalluto, but her mouth appropriately shut.

A mild shift in plans, Illumi recognized. But he could work with it.

“Very well. But if possible, I’d like a solitary cell with a shower.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, since this isn't that juicy of a chapter and is mostly set up I hope to have something posted again by next week! Thanks for sticking with the story! <3


	42. Chapter 42

“You’ve got quite the nice set-up for being a Tier 3 passenger,” one of the armed individuals pointed out, grinning at Mya as though engaging her in small talk would change the fact that strangers were in her personal space and turning over everything in sight. She didn’t respond, and continued to watch stoically as the soldiers completed their search.

After another five to ten minutes, they came to the conclusion that she hadn’t been hiding any stowaway and left her in the wake of the mess they had made of her lodgings, off to shake down the next group of passengers.

Mya watched calmly as the door clicked closed, then took a seat at the small dining table in the middle of the kitchen. For the next few minutes she remained completely still, alone in the suite, attempting to stay calm and steady her breathing. The overhead alarm seemed to want to foil her peace, and it almost seemed as if the announcements grew louder each time.

She counted backwards from ten to one.

There was a stowaway in possession of a dangerous weapon on the loose per the alarm.

She counted forwards from one to ten.

People had been murdered on this boat, and Illumi was getting arrested. 

Her breath hitched in her throat.

But of course he was being arrested - he was an assassin walking around in plain sight, and people had turned up dead. As she settled on this thought, a wave of nausea flooded over her but then passed, and suddenly all of this was funny.  Her conscience mocked her.

_ Oh, now that he isn’t around to hypnotize you with his dick, you remember what he does for a living? Did you forget what happened on your exam day? How about the very first time you met? _

And with that last thought, it wasn’t funny anymore. Plus, now was not the time to perseverate on how poorly she chose who to give her heart to. A cold sweat started to bead on her forehead and then she got up abruptly and paced the room, unsure what to do next.

Would Illumi be okay? She wanted to call him to make sure but it occurred to her that she could end up incriminating him even further (if that was even possible). What if they asked her questions? She wasn’t even sure what she would be like under pressure. She knew intrinsically that she would never say anything to set him up for failure, but would that change if she was tortured? Would she grit her teeth and bear any suffering on his behalf or would she sing like a canary? 

Now that she thought of it, she should revise her use of that phrase. The only Canary she knew was loyal.

Mya sat back down and let out a deep breath. Alone.  _ Again _ .

She stared at the bags of groceries she had yet to put away. The only thing on her mind this morning had been to attempt to win Kalluto over with curry. Now, by evening, she had to figure out how murder trials worked in the middle of the ocean. What a joke.

She put the food away, having lost her gusto for dinner, and rearranged the turned-over furniture. Then she paced the room a couple more times before laying in bed for the rest of the night. It was only several hours later as she lay awake, her eyes refusing to close on behalf of a racing mind, that her phone buzzed a single time.

She scrambled to the phone so fast one would have thought her life depended on it.

**_Stop worrying._ **

She read Illumi's text while standing, ignoring the command and preferring instead to hear his voice. As she called, the rings started then stopped abruptly, making it clear that he had declined it.

Still persistent, she texted,  **_Are you okay? What happened? Can you talk on the phone?_ **

**_No, I’m working. There is no issue._ **

_ I’m working. _ Instead of Illumi’s voice, Teiki’s was saying those words in her head, and much more.

_ Don’t worry your stupid little head. Mind your own business. You wouldn’t understand anyway. _

They were morphing into the same person, it occurred to her. She smiled to herself bitterly, then sat back on her bed, promptly turning to fall asleep.

* * *

“Brother?” 

Illumi looked up from his phone to Kalluto who had been trying to get his attention for the past minute and a half in the dark. 

“What do we do now?” He asked, in a soft voice.

Illumi laid back into the single government-issued bed, less comfortable than the one he shared with Mya but acceptable nonetheless, and put his phone to his side. He looked across in the dark to Kalluto who lay in a second bed across from him.

“We continue to search as planned. We’re not under arrest, as you heard earlier.”

Kalluto frowned.

“But what about-”

Illumi yawned loudly and stretched his arms out, interrupting him. “Sleep. It’s late and you’re still growing.”

Kalluto may have grumbled something about not being listened to under his breath, but Illumi missed it, instead wondering why his phone had grown quiet.

* * *

The next morning, Mya’s phone rang again and given that she was still upset, she picked up the phone prepared to give a smart answer, only to realize that the man on the other end was Leorio.

“Oh, what’s up?” She asked, dialing back the sass.

“Mya-san? Ah! I called to check in, it looks like Tier 3 is on lockdown. Are you okay?” 

She hummed in assent. “Everything is fine, thank you for calling.” She set aside the feeling that she was lying with that statement.  There was a brief pause on the phone, and then Leorio cut to the chase, clearing his throat.

“Er, so about our conversation a couple days ago?” 

Leorio couldn’t see her eyebrows rise in intrigue. “About the clinic?”

“Yeah, um, do you still want to work at the clinic? We can offer you shadowing hours and maybe a little bit of pay...” He sounded somewhere between embarrassed and hopeful. “It, uh… turns out after the lockdown a few more of our technicians and assistants got a little rattled and now that I think about it, we probably do need a couple of people,” he laughed, sheepishly into the phone. He had spent all that time trying to sound cool, and now was very quickly backtracking.

The bratty part of Mya wanted to play hard to get but really this was what she wanted, especially since after her conversation with Illumi, again something was shifting inside of her and she needed a distraction.

“When do I start?” She said, cheerfully.

Leorio laughed again nervously, making her anxious herself.

“So, there’s a catch.”

“Which is?”

“You said you had a useful Nen ability right? I brought it up and my teacher wants to see it.”

“Oh.” Now that Leorio wanted her to display her talents for someone important, her bashfulness was acting up. “It’s really not that impressive…”

“Well, it’s too late, you have an interview at 1.”

_ 1? _

She glanced over at the time on her phone, and then yelped. “Leorio, it’s 12:20!”

“Yeah, I know, I’m on my way, actually.”

_ Talk about short notice,  _ Mya thought, in a panic, rushing to find something presentable to wear to an impromptu interview.

“Meet me at the entrance to the deck, the guards will let you through,” he said. “See you in about fifteen minutes!”

She heard the click of the line dropping and quickly washed her face, combed her hair into an acceptable condition and slipped into the most professional thing she had brought onto the boat. 

As she rushed out of the room, she accidentally hit her hand on the side of the table in her excitement. She yelped and quickly shook it out, her opposite fingers tracing the ring she now wore. Mya looked down at it for a brief moment, then slipped it off and placed it on the middle of the table before she left. It could draw attention, and in all honesty, it was already proving to be more trouble than it was worth.

* * *

“Your name is Mya Kuracanto, correct?”

Mya sat with her back as straight as possible in her chair, across from the green-haired woman (dog?) whose plaque read Cheadle Yorkshire with various other accolades, and nodded.

“Yes, Dr. Yorkshire.”

Cheadle leaned in ever so slightly and smiled. “Your father is a bit of a crook, isn’t he?” Her smile remained steady despite her blunt statement, studying Mya’s face as her expression froze. Satisfied now with the shocked look on the young woman’s face, she crossed her arms and set them in her lap.  “Let’s hope for your sake that you are less unscrupulous.”

This already was not going well and Leorio’s expression sitting in the corner of the room said it all. What if she got up and left right now? How bad would that be?

Cheadle continued before Mya could come up with additional reasons to try to leave.

“Leorio tells me you want to be a doctor. I took the liberty of researching your background and it turns out you’ve already taken the qualifying exam. You did remarkably well,” she stated, matter-of-factly. Mya wasn’t sure if she could take the praise wholeheartedly after Cheadle’s first comment and the way her eyes were focused on her, Mya felt as though her interviewer was trying to sniff out her very emotions.

“I studied diligently. I really wanted to do well,” she responded, unsure of what else to say.

Cheadle nodded slowly, sifting through a stack of papers and pulling out her exam report to present to her. “With a score like this, you should have applied immediately. However, I pulled up every medical school application in Yorbia, where presumably you are from, and came up empty. What is the delay?”

Mya was at a loss for words, but she knew the answer and was smart enough to keep it to herself. The answer was Illumi. The delay was Illumi. He was her distraction.

The silence hung between them for a few moments further and Cheadle then shook her head. “Don’t waste your potential.”

It would have been more tolerable if she had just hit her in the face. Mya found herself wincing despite trying to keep her face neutral. Cheadle gave her a hard look then let out a sigh.

“Anyway, you’re already on this boat instead of enrolled in school for whatever reason.” She returned Mya’s score report to the stack and returned her attention back to Mya. “Leorio said you had a Nen ability that could be useful. Would you care to demonstrate?”

Despite Cheadle’s harsh words, Mya felt the need to prove herself, maybe because it seemed like the physician was vocalizing everything she had been thinking about herself lately. Mya swallowed hard, then placed her hand on the desk before her. 

“I have a decent healing ability,” she said, her voice wavering more than she wanted. Cheadle watched as Mya braced herself, numbing the length of her forearm, before delivering a shift chop that audibly snapped her forearm clearly in half.

Leorio’s eyes grew wide, but Cheadle remained unflappable as Mya pointed out the obvious new deformity with her arm raised.

“This will take approximately two to three minutes to heal fully because it’s a clean break. My healing ability is limited to small areas and it drains a bit of my energy.”

“I see,” Cheadle said, coolly. 

Mya placed her forearm on the table and started to set the bones with her other hand.  “Now, even though it’s a slow ability, in the meantime, I can’t feel anything in my arm due to my other ability,” she clarified as she worked. Once done, she turned to Leorio with a hand outstretched. 

“Can I use you to demonstrate? I promise I won’t break anything.”

Leorio looked wary but walked over anyway. Mya rose to her feet to stand right before him.

“Raise your right arm up to shoulder height for me please?” She directed, helping to position him correctly. “Great, keep it there.”  She then rotated behind him, and wrapped her fingers around his wrist, and almost instantly, Leorio’s arm dropped to his side as though it were made of lead.

“Mya-san! What did you just do?” He said in a mild panic. 

“Don’t worry, I’ll fix it. But you can still feel me touching you right here, right?” she said, stroking the back of his hand with one finger. 

“Yes, but-”

Mya turned to Cheadle again. “So I’m able to manipulate nerves, and I can specify if I want to turn off or excite the motor nerves versus the sensory ones. My limitation is that I have to be able to physically touch the person.”

“Here, Leorio -” she grabbed his hand again, then hiked up the sleeve of his shirt before she forced a pulse of energy into his arm forcing the muscles of his arm to contract sharply.

“Ow!” He yelped, but he was able to draw back his arm suggesting he had regained motion back in his arm. Mya flashed him a wide grin, then turned back to Cheadle, her face expectant. She had been developing this ability for a while working with Canary and now, finally being able to present her fully realized Hatsu, she was a bit prideful to say the least. 

Cheadle’s neutral expression transitioned into a small, reassuring smile. She was pleased.

“I can work with this. Welcome to the team,” she concluded.


	43. Chapter 43

A day and a half into working with Cheadle Yorkshire, Mya realized the comment she’d launched at her about not wasting her potential was not meant as a jab - Cheadle truly lived and worked by the idea that all potential needed to be maximized. Thus, Mya and Leorio were sitting in their third lecture of the day, this one on the treatment of acute respiratory illnesses in the field.

It occurred to her that only she and Leorio seemed to be getting these lectures; the rest of the staff were out tending to the patients in the sick bay while they were instructed. When Cheadle turned to write on the whiteboard, Mya leaned in close to Leorio.

“Is this… how it’s been for the past week?” She whispered.

Leorio nodded, his eyes not leaving the board as he scribbled notes down. Mya drew back into her chair, rebuked by his focus. Leorio was a serious student and seemed to know all the answers and even seek more while Mya satisfied herself with just watching and gave up on trying to take any notes. She had a lot to learn before even getting to a point where she would be able to understand the information being delivered to her.

Once Cheadle had released them, she returned back to the section of the clinic dedicated to smaller injuries. She had expected the clinic to be focused on first aid - mostly falls, slips and bruises sustained by people in the Observation Deck, but it seemed like every hour or so, there was a soldier on the brink of death coming in, and all hands would be on deck (no pun intended) to keep that person alive. Tier 3 was now approaching 72 hours of lockdown after all (although now it was more of a curfew), which meant that the random attacks were probably still happening. 

On her third day of work, sitting at a nursing station during some downtime and lost in thought, Mya looked up to see Leorio watching her.

“I know what you’re thinking Leorio, but it’s not Illumi,” she snapped immediately, then realized what she was saying.

“I didn’t say anything,” he said, a small smile on his face. He sat down next to her and stretched his arms out on the table, letting out a yawn. Unlike Mya who went to sleep the moment she got home, having no idea where Illumi was and deciding not to ask, Leorio spent the hours of the night studying and some days more than others it was noticeable. “I’ve been at the autopsies with Gel, it’s clearly not assassin work.”

Mya’s cheeks warmed in embarrassment and then shame. At a loss of what to say to deflect from how quickly she got defensive, she instead looked away from him.

“There are a lot of soldiers on this ship,” she finally spoke up. “You would think we’re going to invade once we arrive.”

“In some ways, we are,” he replied seriously, fatigue tainting his voice just slightly. Mya frowned.

“There’s something going on in the higher tiers, too, isn’t there?”

Leorio rose from his slump over the table, resting his head on his right hand facing her. “Yeah, but our goal here is to focus on taking care of the sick.”

She nodded, but in her head remarked quickly that the people they treated came in much more often due to injury than sickness. Case in point - the two heard the alarm of a new trauma patient coming in and jumped back into action, running towards the trauma bay.

The patient in question was a man likely in his early thirties dressed like a bodyguard, spread along the stretcher and groaning with his eyes closed. Once his clothes were removed, revealed were multiple stab wounds and bruises to match. By the way his breathing was starting to slow and get erratic, all could tell they could probably lose this person soon. 

“Go call Cheadle,” Leorio ordered as he got his gloves on but Mya was already running to her office. Once the two women returned to bedside, Leorio had already thoroughly scanned the patient’s body.

“13-14 stab wounds in total affecting spleen and bowel aside from a few rib fractures,” he reported and Cheadle took this information in, watching the patient’s displayed vitals carefully. Around them, nurses hurriedly set up vascular access and started administering pain medications to the now practically screaming patient. Cheadle was rumored to have the ability to smell impending death up to two weeks in advance (perhaps it was a Hatsu) and seemed to have sniffed demise on this man too.

“We’re operating,” she decided. “Mya, have him sedated in the next fifteen minutes while we set up. Leorio, come with me.”

Leorio nodded and disposed of his soiled gloves, following her out. “Also, once we’re done, Kurapika is here to speak to you. He came with the patient,” Mya overheard.

While they left, Mya slipped on her own pair of gloves, approaching the now slightly quieter patient. The nurses had done a great job and even though they were trying to conserve pain meds for the long journey, he looked comfortable, if not a bit tired. Placing her hand on his shoulder, she let her Nen flow through him and relax his muscles even further, turning off pain signals and slowing his breathing just enough to make his rib fractures more comfortable.

“We’re taking you to surgery, sir. Dr. Yorkshire will take good care of you,” she reassured, in as soothing of a voice she could muster, lulling him into a deeper sleep.

He moaned something unintelligible as he fell deeper into unconsciousness. She leaned closer to hear the man speak.

“The H-Hai… Hai.. lee are getting stronger,” he choked out before he finally succumbed to sleep.

* * *

“Great job today!” Mya said, waving to the rest of the crew as she finally headed out. It was a little later than usual, about 7pm as she made her way back to the cabin she now called home. The words the man had uttered before she fully sedated him nagged her a bit, but she wasn’t exactly sure who or what a Hailee was, so she tried to banish it from her mind. Once he woke up post-surgery, Cheadle would likely give him the cross-examination of a lifetime anyway, if the military police didn’t get to him first. It was none of her business.

What was her business was determining whether or not Illumi would be there when she came back. He hadn’t contacted her since the night of his ‘arrest’ and Mya was bent on not breaking the silence first. It was going on 72 hours and he was ignoring her. So be it.  It wasn’t like he spent time with her that often on land anyway.

As she traveled towards the cabins, she acknowledged the guards standing at their usual posts and the sparse numbers of people who were traveling from the Vista Area right before curfew. Every once in a while someone gave her a look, as she was still clad in a white medical uniform (her clothes had gotten soiled earlier during a trauma) and if the stare lingered too long, she would nod politely and continue on her way.

She may have made a wrong turn (the last few days she had had an escort on her way back) and after a couple more minutes of walking, the surroundings started to seem unfamiliar, the presence of the military police diminishing significantly. In fact, she was pretty sure she hadn’t seen either a guard or another civilian for the past minute. The moment she decided to turn back and retrace her steps, almost like clockwork, a couple of slightly inebriated men who were standing by the side of a building she hadn’t noticed previously called out for her. One put out his cigarette and approached when she made as though she didn’t hear him.

“Hey, I’m talking to you, bitch. You look lost!”

She tensed just minimally, reminded herself of her training and turned around with a polite smile and bow. “I made a wrong turn, unfortunately. My mistake.”

“Yeah, you did,” the man said, approaching her with both hands in his pockets and a delighted sneer on his face. “We’ve got our own curfew in these parts.”

“I understand, and I will be leaving,” Mya insisted but as she turned around, she felt him take a swipe at her hair, which he narrowly missed as she ducked. She whipped around, prepared to defend herself, only to look in shock at the second man now a third of the way between her and her attacker, seemingly intervening. The man who had swiped at her wore a matching level of shock in his expression as he looked back at his companion in surprise.

“We should be polite to our medical professionals.” The tall man between them now smiled at her with his eyes and his lips despite the firm grip tightening around the other man’s wrist. Something about the way he looked at her was unsettlingly familiar, but she knew very well that she had never seen this man in her life. Was it the timbre in his voice or the way his head tilted down towards just so as he loomed over her? She found herself backing away and bowed in thanks before turning to leave.

“Have a wonderful night!” he sang after her and Mya walked just a little bit faster. Thankfully, she didn’t see the man’s forced grin press into a hard line of calm discontent as he watched her go.

* * *

Once Mya returned to her quarters, she took off her shoes and let out a deep sigh as she set her bag down, evidently still a little bit alarmed by her walk home. Despite being stronger, she still could sense the power gap between her and the second man almost immediately and it frustrated her just a little bit. If he had meant her harm, she wasn't sure she would have made it unscathed.

When would she  _ truly _ be independent? The idea was starting to get more and more foreign as time went on.

“Where have you been, Mya?”

Illumi’s voice suddenly clear in the open was startling and she rose to see him watching her, his body leaned against the kitchen counter with his arms crossed. The sight irritated her slightly, the idea that he had been waiting impatiently for her to return home. 

“Making myself useful,” she said, curtly. She looked around briefly, then her eyes settled on him again. He had no reaction to her statement, but his arms uncrossed and he moved closer to the table.

“Where’s Kalluto?” She asked, attempting to keep the atmosphere light. He did not exactly seem upset but it occurred to her to not actively argue with him. They could talk about the tension between them like adults.

“He’s running errands,” he said, running a hand through his hair. He let out a sigh, then abruptly pointed out,  “You’re not wearing the ring I gave you."

Taken aback by the blunt nature of the comment, Mya replied with a meager, “Oh.” 

The statement surprised her primarily because she really had simply forgotten about it in all her activities over the past few days that she had set it down, and secondarily because it seemed like he had wanted to bring it up almost immediately but was searching for the proper words to use. She looked at her hand reflexively as though to confirm his statement before looking back at him.

“I only took it off to work so I wouldn’t lose it,” she said, quickly. That was partially a lie and she knew he could sense the waver in her voice.

Illumi frowned, then moved closer to her with an outstretched hand. “I’ll take it back then if it’s too much trouble.”

_ Too much trouble… This is too much trouble, it’s true. I’m too much trouble. _

She moved closer to the table, her heart quickening for a split second when she didn’t immediately find it on the surface, then searched under the table to find that it had rolled off and nestled along one of its four legs.  She palmed it in her hand for a moment, then handed it to him reluctantly. His gaze intensified for a moment and then his fingers curled tight around it.

“You’re angry.” Illumi said again, a statement rather than a question.

Her eyebrows furrowed. “I’m not.”

“You’re lying.”

She clenched her jaw and then walked away from him, undressing in her bedroom and stepping into the shower. She showered quickly, without interruption, and when she came out, she noticed he was sitting on the bed, her ring placed on the end table nearest to her side of the bed.

“Why are you upset, Mya?” He asked again. 

“I’m not upset, just busy.”

Mya focused on changing into comfortable clothing and starting dinner in the kitchen. She did not exactly sell the idea of not being upset well with the way she not-so-delicately set down a cutting board and got to work.

Illumi’s eyes were unwavering but he allowed her to continue in silence for at least a minute before he spoke again.

Finally, he asked, “What did I do wrong?”

Mya’s knife clattered as she released it from her hand, and ran her hands through her curls, rubbing her temples. Whatever had been stirring inside her for days was now reaching a breaking point, and looking at him now, genuinely waiting for a response to explain herself, explain everything she had been feeling since she’d stepped on this boat was overwhelming.

This wasn’t working.

“I think… this is a mistake,” she finally choked out, not looking at him.

Illumi continued to look at her blankly, and so she decided to continue to fill the silence, now looking him in the eyes.

“All of this is just a lot,” she said, her voice starting to crack as tears started to well up in her eyes. “I just spent a lot of time thinking about us and it just is too much.”

_ Too much and not enough.  _

“Then stop thinking about it,” Illumi replied, nonchalantly. Deciding that this had solved the issue, he disappeared into the bedroom and Mya stood planted in shock. Just moments later, she overheard him in a phone call with someone else.

He was done with her. His brilliant response to her lack of security in their relationship was to stop thinking. Turn your brain off, and you’ll be fine. 

She wanted to scream and raise hell. She wasn’t sure why she didn’t or why she instead took the knife back in her hands and continued to chop vegetables. But as time passed in quiet silence, her anger simmered and she realized he was only asking her to adopt the methods that kept him sane all this time. 

Awful, maladaptive methods of course, but what had worked for him, nonetheless. 

Illumi came back to her a few moments later and leaned in to kiss her forehead. She tensed ever so slightly at his touch, and he pulled back, frowning.

“Tell me what to fix and I’ll fix it so that you won’t worry anymore.”

She wasn’t exactly sure where to start, there were so many things, but when she looked into his eyes, he actually seemed earnest. It was clear that he wanted her still and that was enough.

And despite her unease and dissonance, she wanted him still. She let herself lean into his chest and his arms wrapped around her instinctively.

It was enough, at least for now.


	44. Chapter 44

“Have you found Hisoka yet?”

“No.”

There was a short pause on the other end of the line, and then Illumi’s grandfather let out his signature sigh of exasperation in response to the young man's flat reply. 

“There is a finite space on this boat. How does he manage to be so elusive?”

Illumi let a pause settle between them, with neither an explanation nor an excuse to offer. Regardless of how formidable an opponent the magician was, he was a Zoldyck and they had a standard to meet. The more time Hisoka spent alive, the more incompetent he appeared.

“I have some indication of where he is,” Illumi stated. “I will be able to complete my mission shortly.”

In response, Zeno let out another huff of displeasure that fortunately implied he was willing to let go of the matter for now. Illumi prepared to hang up the phone, as he was technically still in the middle of an argument, however Zeno decided to speak yet again. The next question caught Illumi by surprise, something that was rare for him.

“Why didn’t you leave her on the manor?”

Her meaning Mya, of course. It was an excellent question with an answer as embarrassingly simple as it was selfish - Illumi had run the numbers quite early on prior to this mission and recognized that there was a very real chance this mission would be his last. And so, self-serving as he was, he decided he would bring her along.

Lovers should not be apart, wasn’t that true? Sure, he may have left her for weeks on end before, but that had been back when he always knew he could return at will. This was different. There were quite a few things he had to accomplish.

Plus, she had escaped from the manor once… the thought remained fresh in his mind. On this boat, and eventually on the Dark Continent, there would be nowhere to go if ever she changed her mind again. The very idea reassured him.

Despite all the reasons running through his head, Illumi responded only in silence to which Zeno sucked his teeth.

“You’re a fool,” Zeno admonished clearly as though he could hear the very thoughts in his grandson’s head. “I hope you’re able to do your work and protect her at the same time.”

Could he protect her? 

The question weighed on his mind until later in the evening, where just moments after their argument, the young woman in question gazed down at him, her hands placed gently on his chest to support her straddle. The same large, brown eyes that had just burned so furiously into him just an hour earlier were now imbued with a glow so soft, it was hard to believe that they’d once ever looked at him with fear, rage, contempt... 

Mya let out the softest of sighs as she continued to slowly rock back and forth atop him, then paused briefly to lean forward and press a warm palm on his cheek. Illumi’s hands shifted in turn from where they rested on the small of her back to around her waist. There was something new and frankly kind of unnerving for Illumi to relinquish control like this, to have her control their pace as their bodies moved together. In fact, rolling her on top of him as they kissed had originally only been intended to feign surrender to her whims. 

To give her some sense of control. To move one step back in order to move two steps forward. 

However, once again, he felt himself losing ground that he was unsure to ever regain, and that simple fact made him  _ uneasy _ .

Yet Mya continued to gaze into Illumi’s wide, round and ever-intense dark eyes, and then her lips pulled into a small, embarrassed smile as she continued to caress his face. 

Suddenly, there was no question in Illumi’s mind that he could or would keep her safe. Protection was the bare minimum he could offer. He had once told her that her life belonged to him, after all.  He knew something or another about responsibility even if he wasn’t sure he understood love.

Mya noticed Illumi’s demeanor shift acutely and her smile faded. Illumi had been acting odd - he was usually quietly assertive when they were intimate, but tonight, he was even more silent and passive than usual - if not for the steady rise and fall of his chest, she may have worried that he had stopped breathing. 

Her other hand traveled upwards to cup his face. He tensed, then relaxed again under her touch.

“Illumi?” 

Illumi’s hands gripped her waist tighter and she could feel the firm part of him that was inside her seemed to twitch back into life, as if  _ that  _ were the problem.

“Yes, Mya?”

“I’m sorry about earlier.”

“Mm.” He acknowledged without further comment. Mya let out a sigh and pulled herself off of him to lay instead by his side. He turned to face her, anticipation in his expression as he waited for her to keep speaking. For a moment, Mya watched him warily, wondering if she messed up by apologizing first. After all, her feelings  _ were _ valid regardless. He was, by every definition, a bad person, and the fact that he loved her did not change that.

For a moment, it occurred to her to ask what if he ever saw himself doing something else or being something else. Maybe with her.

Instead, she decided to keep silly questions to herself and content herself with the moment now.

There would be plenty of worry to be had in the morning.

* * *

“Hey, could you grab me one of the heated blankets?” A nurse called over from afar, while carrying one too many things in his arms, to where Mya and Leorio sat reading a textbook chapter Cheadle had assigned.

“I got it!” Mya rose first before Leorio could even look up, desperately needing a break. In the past hour of unexpected downtime, she had been attempting to concentrate only to have her mind continue to drift to the two notable things that had happened this morning: (1) the fact that Illumi had actually remained with her until she woke up, and (2) that he had insisted on slipping the ring back on her finger.

_ Don’t take it off again. Please _ , he had said. It had to mean something, she thought.

She traveled to the utility room to grab a couple of warm blankets from the heater, and quickly returned to her seat, only to spot a young man (or maybe a young woman, she was unsure) with blonde hair and a somewhat stern expression clad in a black suit at the entrance. Mya saw them search the ward quickly, their eyes softening for a split second once they settled on Leorio.

“Leorio!” 

Leorio unburied himself from his reading quickly.

“Kurapika? Is everything okay?!” He exclaimed.

He got up to meet him but Kurapika had already rushed over. “I came for some more info on that mafia member. I have to speak with Cheadle again.”

Mya looked curiously at the newcomer, only to be distracted again by yet another individual appearing at the entrance. When she recognized him, her stomach turned for a split second and to her misfortune, they met eyes. The tall man who had prevented his colleague from assaulting her just yesterday had now shown up at the clinic. What were the odds?

He grinned at her and took a seat in the waiting area, crossing his legs leisurely. Mya shook off a chill and went off to drop off the blankets she’d collected for the nurse. She thought for a split second that maybe she’d avoid dealing with this person, then remembered the staff member triaging the patients in the waiting area was on break and Leorio was busy in conversation with Kurapika.

The job of at least triaging this man would fall to her, and from her brief look he didn’t look terribly injured. She could probably patch him up and send him on his way without incident.

Mya kept a polite tone as she approached him, greeting him and asking him what his complaint was. 

“An injury, of course,” he said, briefly, with a smile that didn’t quite match how severely damaged his left arm looked, the bloodstain on the poorly wrapped cloth darkening even as they spoke. She had barely noticed it at first glance; he must have been incredibly tolerant to pain as he didn’t cradle his arm as most people did when injured in that way.

“Oh, sir, come right this way!” Moving quickly, she led him to a small triage room, and drew the curtain before taking his vitals quickly. The man said very little but the amused look on his face continued to unsettle her. Despite this however, she sat across from him, and took his forearm into her hands to inspect the wound a little more carefully. 

“Do you remember how it happened?” She asked, quickly taking down the makeshift dressing. The man seemed distracted, evidenced by his pause in answering her question but still watched her carefully. It was getting a little creepy. 

The injury, when uncovered, turned out to be pretty remarkable. A long, deep-looking vertical gash ran along the length of his forearm with very sharp margins.

“A fight, of course,” he exclaimed, with cheery affect. Mya got up quickly to grab a suture kit for stitches so that her unsettled facial expression would not be too obvious. He offered nothing additional and Mya decided not to pry or make idle small talk when she sat back down. The mafia vibes were strong with this one. Working quickly, she numbed his arm discreetly with her Nen so she wouldn’t have to use an anesthetic before starting the stitches.

And that’s when she noticed something was odd about this man. The nerves she sensed interspersed in the flesh were different, almost like there were fewer or the wiring was off…

She took another quick glance at his face, then got to work with stitching. Taking a longer look at the wound, it seemed oddly well-marginated and positioned for a bar or gang fight, but what did she know?  When she was done, she pulsed some more Nen into him to speed up healing.

“All done, sir,” she reported. He nodded, inspecting his arm and spreading the fingers of his left hand out before looking at her. He didn’t say thank you and almost looked disappointed.

“What brings you onto the boat, Mya?” He asked quickly, getting to his feet. Mya, of course, tensed immediately, and he pointed to her name tag in response to her obvious discomfort. “I prefer to call people by their given names,” he explained. _It's not odd that I know your name..._ his eyes seemed to communicate.

Mya gave a weak laugh, still recognizing that her name still fell off his tongue with just a little too much familiarity for her comfort. “Well, haha, I’m here to work in the clinic,” she fibbed, as she walked the patient out of the triage area back into the hallway.

“I see.” The pensive tone he now adopted was worse than the unnatural smiling. Mya walked a little faster, hoping he would follow her pace, so that he would leave the premises even quicker. They made it to the door and before she could bow and wave him off, he turned to face her abruptly.

With an eye smile that was unnervingly familiar, he leaned in to say one final thing, forcing Mya to step back automatically, looking around to see if anyone was witnessing this situation. Unfortunately, no one was, and it seemed like this person was completely aware of that fact.

“I would like to thank you for all your help today, even after first meeting under unsavory circumstances, Mya,” he crooned, the timbre of his voice now disturbingly different. He turned on his heels and took a couple steps forward, while Mya was still trying to figure out what exactly disturbed her about the way he said her name.

Then, without turning to look at her, he gave her final words that confirmed the unease underlying the entire encounter. 

“I will spare you this one time out of kindness. However, the next time I see you, I will not hesitate to kill you.”  He accented his words with a small chuckle while Mya’s heart stopped.

“Please send my regards to Illumi.”

And with that he was off, leaving Mya’s head spinning. 

Her head started to pound as the man walked off without giving her a second look. Her legs remained frozen in place and a lead weight seemed like it had just dropped in her stomach, the sensation not lifting even after he was no longer in view. 

She suddenly felt like she couldn’t breathe, and for moments, she continued to stand there, unsure of what to do or where to go next. She didn’t know how long she lingered, staring at the space before her where her life had just been threatened, but the young man from earlier, Kurapika, brushed by her just slightly before making his exit. He waved briefly on his way out - Leorio might have mentioned her in their conversation - but she could barely register the action, let alone respond.

Then, like a curse slowly lifting, she finally snapped out of it, and she shakily brought out her phone to type a short message, her heart thumping in her chest.

**_I think I just ran into Hisoka._ **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this update was so late... I'm still having trouble figuring out exactly how I want this to go since there are so many moving parts. Thanks for still reading and I hope you enjoyed the chapter! Please comment! <3


	45. Chapter 45

**_Bold of you to bring your favorite toy on your road trip, Illumi-chan~ <3 _ **

**_Better be careful! You wouldn’t want to lose it on your way~_ **

Hisoka slipped his phone into his pocket, the mischievous smile that graced his features whenever he poked and prodded at others starting to fade. It looked quite out of place with the persona he was borrowing anyway.

He couldn’t help the mild irritation that arose within him when he’d confirmed that it really was Mya in the flesh, wandering around in stupid, stupid ignorance into dangerous parts as if she were begging to be killed. Even if choosing to be with Illumi itself was a suicidal action, this was a bit excessive, wasn’t it?

Illumi whose only form of affection was twisted and oppressive, who only idolized strength and precision, who only knew either to neglect or to smother… Hisoka was well aware of Mya’s awful judgement - she had been willing to have sex with him after all after all he had done - but again, he was so  _ annoyed _ .

Annoyed enough to snap her pretty little neck. Yes, he absolutely would and not for a moment would remorse cross through his mind.

Hisoka looked in the wide mirror before him, wondering what it would mean to peel off even more layers of Texture Surprise, to reveal his grotesque disfigurement to everyone he encountered proudly. At least he’d look as repulsive and deranged as he was inside, right? 

He let out a soft chuckle as he continued to watch himself in the mirror. Vanity, again. That wasn’t what he had come for - no, the pursuit of limitless power and a satisfying revenge had drawn him to the Boss of the Heil-Ly family, Morena Prudo and her ability  _ Etude of Love _ .

“You’re here again, Hisoka,” the scarred beauty stated from behind him, and he watched her approach from the large mirror. He turned so that he leaned on the bathroom counter and pulled her towards him into an embrace.

His eyes fell on her again, marked and marred, but still exquisite, still as tremendously powerful as she was terrible. Was he anything like her?

Maybe he was everything like her; both searching to right a wrong inflicted on them, both willing to destroy anything and everything in their path. In a perfect symbiosis, he would use her to grow unstoppable and she would have him as her sword to bring reckoning to the imperial family who had wronged her and then to everyone and everything, if only temporarily. Hisoka's allegiances were fickle after all, but he also sensed that in this way too, she was like him.

Morena pulled back just slightly, her eyes smiling at him despite the cold disgust permeating her tone.

“How many times do I have to tell you that I have very little interest in men?” Her contemptuous, deliberate words did not match the tender way in which she caressed the side of his face, but of course, Hisoka knew this was meaningless. This was a woman whose every kindness was a farce, and clearly so.

“Especially men like you,” she added, and with that she pressed her lips to his. This kiss was no different from the very first, the one that had first “infected” him with the ability to level up with every kill. But it was something, and so their tongues danced together and so melded their bodies and limbs in a macabre performance of intimacy.

* * *

There was something incredibly infantilizing about being escorted home by a ten year old.

_ Aniki said to come get you, _ Kalluto stated upon his arrival to the clinic as if it were the most natural thing to be tasked as bodyguard for a grown woman when you were just shy of 5 feet tall.

Especially when the threat was someone as inclined to violence as Hisoka. Mya had of course resisted, demanding Illumi come pick her up herself if he was actually concerned about her in any way, to no avail.

**_I’m on my way to find Hisoka. Don’t worry._ **

That phrase again.  _ Do not worry. _ How could she not? She found herself gritting her teeth at the paternalistic dismissal.

A small part of her wondered if she had been too hasty in letting him know what happened as she kept pace with Kalluto. The idea that Illumi was already going off to fight, and maybe kill Hisoka as per their  _ arrangement _ . She shuddered at the thought.

But then, one thing didn’t make sense.

“How does Illumi already know where to look for Hisoka?”

Kalluto gave her a confused look, and realizing that Mya was just as confused, pointed at the ring on her finger. “That.”

“Huh?”

Kalluto let out a sigh and kept walking. “It’s one of Milluki’s gadgets. It records where you are and who you’re talking to.”

_ It's… what? _

Maybe it was the look of shock on her face or the fact that Mya stopped in her tracks, but Kalluto must have felt compelled to say something additional and his inquiry was cruel in its innocence: 

“What did you think it was?”

_ Yeah Mya, what did you think it was? _

* * *

While the numbers in Eighth Queen Oito’s security detail had been dwindling, Kurapika, cool-headed as ever, managed to assess the resolve of those remaining while awakening their Nen. His partner Bill looked on with more reticence, but still accepted that this was probably the best strategy. At this point, they would need all the help they would get.

Tasked to protect the infant prince Woble in order to meet his personal goal of retrieving his clan’s eyes from Fourth Prince Tserriednich, Kurapika’s only option was to stay calm. They were at a disadvantage from the beginning.

What he did have as an advantage was intel. While the princes battled it out between themselves, there was a much larger war occurring on the lower decks, the outcome of which would influence this succession war. 

Ironically, he would need more sets of eyes. Leorio seemed to trust this Mya person, and thus he would speak to her tomorrow, if only to ask her what she knew. He’d seen the fear on her face as he walked out and whoever that person was who had walked in at around the time he had visited, he had to be mafia just based on her reaction as he left. 

Kurapika needed all the information he could get.

* * *

Illumi did not return that night, and while Mya briefly had a moment of concern that Hisoka had succeeded in killing him instead, she quickly dispelled the thought ( _how ridiculous!_ ), considering that a day filled with work at the clinic would help keep her mind occupied.

She could hear Kalluto’s soft footsteps pacing outside of her room while she got dressed in the morning, and with the rhythmic pace, she wondered if he was performing some sort of intricate dance out of boredom. Now dressed in her uniform, she considered that Hisoka was not actively seeking her out and had intended to spook her out instead, so what exactly was the worry? If she kept out of Heil-Ly territory, and they didn’t run into each other, he wouldn’t kill her. Right?

It was surprising how a night of sleep could change one’s mind. Or maybe this was simply an intense denial that anything was wrong. It wouldn’t be out of character for her to just ignore the apparent danger of a situation if it didn’t suit her desires, would it?

Planning on resuming life as usual, Mya left her bedroom only to find Kalluto standing in front of the exit, his pink eyes large and expressionless.

Surprised, she gave him an inquisitive look. “Kalluto?”  _ What are you doing? _ was implied in the soft voice with which she spoke to him. 

“You can’t go,” he said, his tone as firm as his stance.

Mya gave him an incredulous look, then let out a small laugh. Her first thought was that maybe the young boy was actually worried about her after all and was being sweet and protective. Another tsundere in the family, like Killua and Zeno, and sometimes Illumi. 

“I’ll be fine, Kalluto, thank you,” she said, with a smile as she reached past him to turn the door handle, only for him to press the door shut. 

Just a little unsettled, she turned the handle anyway and eked the door just a little bit open before Kalluto slammed it shut again. The sound was surprisingly loud and the excessive force with which he had performed the action was apparent by the fact that Mya felt as though her arm was being pulled out of the socket from holding so firmly on the knob.

“You can’t go,” he repeated, impassively. 

Mya tried to ignore the new throbbing pain in her shoulder, partially due to embarrassment, as she gave the child a confused look.

“Kalluto, are you serious?”

He nodded, and Mya couldn’t help to laugh again, more nervous this time. “Don’t be silly,” she whispered, reaching for the door again, but Kalluto positioned his palm on the door just as quickly.

When Mya gave him once again a look of incredulity, he shrugged his shoulders. 

“Aniki said you can’t leave this place until he comes back.”

Now upset enough that her heart was starting to race, Mya let out a scoff, but then swallowed her irritation, bending over slightly so that she was at eye level with him.

“Kalluto, I have a job, I think he’ll understand,” she bargained.

Kalluto raised an eyebrow, then shook his head once slowly.

“Aniki is scary when he’s mad.”

“ _ Aniki _ shouldn’t have told you to keep me in here,” she retorted before covering her mouth, and letting out a sigh. “What I mean is, we can talk when he gets back and I’ll make sure he doesn’t get mad at you, okay?”

By the manner in which Kalluto stayed put, moving not an inch and watching carefully, Mya realized this was a lost cause. The child would not budge.

Was she prepared to incapacitate him? Her hands warmed for a moment but when she saw the young boy tense ever so slightly, as though he knew what she was going to do, she relaxed her Nen, almost ashamed that she’d considered fighting this child.

Instead, wordlessly, she returned to her room and grabbed her cellphone.

**_You told your little brother to keep me here as a captive?_ **

She stared at her phone in anger for the next few minutes to no answer then set it down to cover her face with her hands. What excuse would she come up with now?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for the late update! the succession arc is so confusing and i'm still trying to figure out exactly which direction i'd like everything to go which is probably why this chapter is very exposition heavy~
> 
> anyway I hope you enjoyed the chapter and I'm very thankful for all those following thus far <333 let me know what you think!


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